Can submissives have limits?

[piggy0]

I think MrsLaMere expressed it very well. In general, people that say "no limits" is always a red flag. Everyone will have at least a few things they think is out of bounds and that's natural.

 

[Celticlight]

That's one of the things I discuss early on with any potential sub. They should know that while there is a power dynamic at play, they are still an important, contributing member of the relationship; expressing their wants/needs, including hard/soft limits, is something that I expect from them. I also let them know that it is okay if those limits change over time, which is why I incorporate check-ins/evaluations as well, just to see where they are and whether certain limits need to be adjusted/expanded.

The relationship does not work otherwise.

This sounds completely right to me - in my mind any Dom/me would be providing an enabling space for a sub both to articulate things that they find deeply, intensely fulfilling and also to feel comfortable when the opposite is true and they feel uncomfortable or unfulfilled.

It’s not about a dominant person having absolute, unfettered dominion over the other. It’s a dynamic - and that word, pretty much by definition, implies an ebb and flow between two people (and one which, as Ms KittySurprise says, may evolve over time between the two).

 

[cockslut59]

One of my subs asked me this question earlier today and my response was Yes absolutely. Submissives have just as much right to boundaries and preferences as dominants. Healthy dynamics are built on mutual respect and clear communication of each person’s needs and limits.

What do you all think?

I couldn’t agree more, submissive have every right to create limits. Sexual experiences in any relationship must have boundaries. Don’t leave your wishes up to someone else, where’s the fun in that?

 

[Oralexplorer]

One of my subs asked me this question earlier today and my response was Yes absolutely. Submissives have just as much right to boundaries and preferences as dominants. Healthy dynamics are built on mutual respect and clear communication of each person’s needs and limits.

What do you all think?

It's an absolute must IMHO, there is no such thing as anything or no limit, I feel it would be unsafe for the sub and Dom if none was established.

 

[HappyToBeAlive]

As a sub, if a dom would not ask me my limits (and reject the idea of me telling them none), I would not pursue that relationship…

I am not only expecting that he/she shares their limits with me and that they ask my limits, but also that they do their absolute fing best to enforce such limits even if I agree or beg to be broking during a scene… I know myself and during a scene I usually don’t think to straight… I need to trust in my owner to keep me safe…

 

[RoseAnnadoes]

As a sub myself sometimes I feel limitless when I am in ecstasy. So I think that is the role of the Domme to know my red lines and dont get over them, I feel the Dom/me have responsibility of the sub

I agree. It's why limits and hard lines need to be discussed before anything begins.

 

[RoseAnnadoes]

Personally, if the Dom/Domme tells their sub that they aren't allowed limits, I would question if they are truly a Dom/Domme or if they are just using that as a cover for abuse. And that abuse can be mental/emotional as well. If one of my hard limits is not wanting to be called degrading names and my so called Dom does it anyway because I'm "not allowed limits" that is emotional abuse.

 

[kellyt1994]

One of my subs asked me this question earlier today and my response was Yes absolutely. Submissives have just as much right to boundaries and preferences as dominants. Healthy dynamics are built on mutual respect and clear communication of each person’s needs and limits.

What do you all think?

I always liked to say I was no limit but it wasn't really true. I always wanted assurance that I could end it and leave anytime I wanted. And I would make it subtly clear that some few things were certain to trigger that. Like, even a suggestion of scat cannot be taken back. I'm out and I'll never respond to a message. But the fewer limits the hotter it is. Being "forced" to do stuff that I really don't like is a huge turn on.

 

[RoseAnnadoes]

I always liked to say I was no limit but it wasn't really true. I always wanted assurance that I could end it and leave anytime I wanted. And I would make it subtly clear that some few things were certain to trigger that. Like, even a suggestion of scat cannot be taken back. I'm out and I'll never respond to a message. But the fewer limits the hotter it is. Being "forced" to do stuff that I really don't like is a huge turn on.

I think this is where "soft limits" and "hard limits" comes in. Your soft limits are the ones that if you are pushed past, can be a turn on. A hard limit is an absolute NO. It's something that you refuse to even consider. And if forced is a complete turn off and reason to stop.

 

[MagicFlute]

Honesty, trust and communication are the basis of any dynamic. Limits are important for both sides of the coin. There is a reason we have the concept of a "safe word" that can be respectfully communicated, trusting that it will, in turn, be respected. We need to be honest with each other to ensure maximum satisfaction from the encounter.