Cruel and Unusual Naming?

[SweetErika]

We just got word that a couple we know had a baby. They decided to name her Persephone Elektra. The last name (which this couple chose to use - it's the mother's, not the father's) has A LOT of potential for twisting and namecalling, too.

I thought these people were fairly reasonable, but I now I'm sure they've gone off the deep end. The father was teased mercilessly into his 20s for his appearance and personality, and I have a hard time believing these parents didn't consider the potential for abuse when choosing names for their kid. When I add that to the idea that they very likely chose "Persephone" as an affront to his religious family/upbringing, I'm really floored. It's like they named their daughter to make a statement and didn't care how their choice would affect her.

Or maybe I'm weird for thinking about how names are likely to affect children and just being really judgmental about this?

If you have (or plan to have) kids, did you consider how the names you gave them would come across throughout their lives, including whether or not the names could make them especially prone to teasing? Or did you not think about it and/or care what impact the names might have on your kids?

Do you know people who have given their kids really unusual (and perhaps cruel) names?

What do you think about this issue in general? Is it the parents' responsibility to consider how their kids' potential names will be interpreted and affect them down the road? Or is it the kid's responsibility to just deal with whatever name they've been given?

 

[CutieMouse]

All the children have very classic, traditional first names. Their middle names are also pretty traditional, but 2 of the 5 have middle names after an author's last name and the youngest one's middle name is uncommon.

They have plenty of options for nicknames, they can use their middle names if they go through a "I wanna be different" phase, their full names will fit in perfectly if they decide to be a lawyer/artist/CEO/musician/doctor/whatever.

The only thing I insisted on was not naming any of them after family members/friends. My ex-husband was named after some people who turned out to do some rather horrible things later in life, and it always made me uncomfortable to hear his family talk about him being named after so-and-so [the alcoholic, wife beating, child molesting, ended up in jail] distant relation. (Yes, I know it was a weird thing to put my foot down about.)

 

[unregistered]

 

[Eilan]

I kinda like Persephone, but I don't think I like it well enough to use it for one of my children.

All four of my girls have nine-letter first names. We didn't start out intending to do that; my oldest is named after my ex's best friend, and #2 is the name that I wanted for #1. They just happened to be nine letters, though #2's name has a shorter variation that's probably more common than the one I used.

When my third daughter came along, I picked out a name I'd always liked that just happened to have nine letters. My choice caused a little bit of trouble in my family, apparently, as I have a cousin with the same name, but the last names aren't the same, my cousin is 14 years older than my daughter, and our families are neither geographically nor emotionally close, so I didn't see a problem with using the name myself.

When I was pregnant with my youngest, I decided that she would have a nine-letter first name as well. Just because. I got tons of suggestions from family and friends once I made my plans known!

I was definitely mindful of first, middle, and last names and how they'd "flow" with each other. Their names aren't super-trendy; one, in fact, has been fairly popular for centuries.

That said, I've seen some really unusual names lately (and not only from celebrities). Perhaps it will be the girls named Amy, Jessica, Elizabeth, etc who will be subject to teasing in the future. We can't know for sure.

My mom's a medical transcriptionist, and she used to keep a list of unusual first names that she ran across while doing her job. Some of them are really out there!

 

[fire_breeze]

I'm going to go off topic here a little... my apologies .

I'd like to speak as the possessor of said name. I have a very unusual given name - at least, in the Western world. It does not help that those unfamiliar with both the name and the culture assume that I am a 'he' . However, I really like my name - now. It's a reflection of my background, of my heritage, and what it represents. Before I accepted it, I did go through a very extensive period of teasing, mispronunciation and nickname generating. And it hurt. My parents constantly told me why they chose the name they did for me, and hearing it reiterated over and over helped me adopt some of the positive attributes of it. Now, I think it's a great conversation starter, people are curious about it, and I think it reflects me. I should add though that all of my middle names are known and somewhat traditional, and if I ever chose to I could have used them

I really think it depends on why the parents give a child an unusual name. If it's a reflection of their culture, of who they are, fine but proceed with caution. A name lasts a lifetime, but so does the emotional association of that name.

Just my side-tracked .02 cents.

 

[jm_kaye]

Persephone Elektra? Jeezus. Why don't they just call her Hey Lookit Me I Have A Classical Education and be done with it?

My parents gave me a weird, stupid name because they thought it was "elegant." It isn't. The instant I turned 18, I changed it to a plain, simple name. The best gift a parent can give to their child is an ordinary name.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I think it depends a lot on how the kid in question handles having an unusual name. Some will get bullied mercilessy and become miserable, unpopular kids. Others will turn that on its head and treat their name as unique and special. A good friend I went to school with had a very unusual name (for the UK anyway) and she loved having such a special name. She was a very flamboyant, outgoing person and went on to study Drama and Performing Arts at college. She swore her unusual, memorable name got her more auditions and meant that she was noticed and remembered by casting people. Now she works in London's West End in various musicals and is making a name for herself in more ways than one.

Of course, nobody can look into the eyes of a new born child and know how well they'll handle being Christened Persephone Elektra. I suppose they can always change it to Sarah Smith on their 18th birthday.

I think it's a shame when people use kids to make statements like that though. That child will probably always have a more fractious relationship with the disapproving side of the family than if the name had been more ordinary because the name is a constant reminder of the mother's rebellion, just as kids who strongly resemble an absent and hated biological father can suffer for that resemblance.

I think the whole celebrities giving kids stupid names thing is just silly however. Click me for a giggle.

 

[peachydreams]

My name is unusual but pretty so I'm cool with it, however I did name my children very common names to prevent all the mispronounciation and confusion I've had.

On another note, my daughter is now a school teacher and she runs across some really strange names, and parents who get offensive if you mispronounce the child's name.
The strangest to me so far was a very short seemingly simple name. Le-a.......until they were INFORMED by the mother that the dash is NOT silent. The child is called "Ledasha"!

 

[Eilan]

On another note, my daughter is now a school teacher and she runs across some really strange names, and parents who get offensive if you mispronounce the child's name.

My third daughter just finished kindergarten, and at the beginning of the school year, her teacher semi-jokingly thanked me for giving my little one an easy-to-remember name.

It wasn't that the other names were all that unusual, but a lot of them sounded alike: Caden, Jayden, Kaylin, Brayden, Makayla, Caleb, etc. I think she had trouble keeping them straight at first!

One of the other kindergarten classes had a little boy named Macon. No, it doesn't rhyme with bacon: it's pronounced "Mason."

 

[Firebrain]

I have an unusual name and I've actually always really liked having it. It has made me memorable at interviews and with friends, that kind of thing. I was never teased about it (but then I was about my red hair, so maybe they were too busy focusing on that? Heh).

I gave my daughter unusual but classical name - I wanted her to feel as unique as me. I think there's a big difference between a classic name chosen for the beauty of it (for which I would qualify Persephone) and one which sounds made up, for shock/status factor (which is how I would describe Elektra. Ugh).

I think names should be considered responsibly but equally, I feel it's sad that we are afraid to use certain names for the sake of conformity. I see no problem in picking an unusual name unless it is obviously silly e.g. Anette Curtain, Moon Unit, Zowie Bowie...

 

[MisterSir]

Well, I had the piss taken out of me for having a name that's simply outdated - a middle name, natch - and I dislike the trend of naming one's children something this...you call it unusual, I call it bloody stupid. When did Madison and Danica replace Mary and Daisy?

 

[silverwhisper]

you know, "persephone elektra" isn't a name i would ever think was hung on a kid by a loving parent. an unusual first name i can understand--but in conjunction with an unusual middle name, that to me is guaranteeing a childhood filled with name mockery. seriously, it reminds me of the old song a man named sue.

and honestly, i think that a lot of parents lately have decided to demonstrate their "creativity" at the expense of common sense or courtesy to the kid.

ed

 

[jessymil1980]

I have a friend that has a daughter named Susie Unious Lila Thomas, or SLUT. One named Brian Igor Gore, BIG. His sisters name is Patsy Izzy Gore, PIG.
I will be naming my own childern Luke Paul and Samanta Leia.

 

[Eilan]

and honestly, i think that a lot of parents lately have decided to demonstrate their "creativity" at the expense of common sense or courtesy to the kid.

When I was in college I had a summer job doing clerical work at a medical facility. One of my job responsibilities was breaking down a woman's prenatal chart after her delivery and putting those records on her regular medical chart (this was before electronic medical records, obviously). One of the components of the prenatal chart was a questionnaire that covered medical history, prior pregnancies, etc. . .

I'll never forget this one woman who'd just delivered her seventh or eighth child. She'd listed the names of her other children on the questionnaire, and they all had fairly normal, typical names, but every single name was spelled "wrong." And not just unique spelling "wrong," either--they were I-never-mastered-the-language-I-was-brought-up-writing-and-speaking wrong. When I saw how she'd (mis)spelled other words on the questionnaire, I wondered if she had some kind of learning disability or something, and I felt a little bit bad for her, but I felt worse for her kids.

 

[unregistered]

 

[sugaredwalls]

Been teaching a few years, haven't had anything too outrageous. Mostly different spellings, pronunciations and capitalization where it doesn't belong. And yes, parents get all huffy when you pronounce or spell their child's name wrong.

I've seen:

stacEE

Kevihn

Circe (but they pronounced "surk" instead of "sur-se" like it's supoposed to )

And last but not least, obvious car racing fans, named their kid Nascar. What an awkward name to say, just doesn't roll off the tongue well for someone's name.

 

[SweetErika]

Ugh. My internet has been spotty since I started this thread, so my apologies in advance for the two long multiquote-filled posts that follow!

The only thing I insisted on was not naming any of them after family members/friends. My ex-husband was named after some people who turned out to do some rather horrible things later in life, and it always made me uncomfortable to hear his family talk about him being named after so-and-so [the alcoholic, wife beating, child molesting, ended up in jail] distant relation. (Yes, I know it was a weird thing to put my foot down about.)

That's a good point. I know I can't give our kid the same name as people who have treated me badly or disgraced family members, but I've never considered the histories of relatives in relation to naming.

We already have a name picked out for our future child, and it is a combo of family names that could work for a girl or boy. But the family members are/were amazing people that any child should be proud to be named after and resemble.

My husband's first and middle names together are the name of a Russian tyrant. His parents didn't make that connection until he brought it to their attention after he saw it in his history book.

A close friend's pediatrician actually warned them about the name they were considering for their soon-to-be-born daughter. The initials for this name: R.A.T. The pediatrician felt strongly enough to advise them to consider something different in the best interests of the child. (They did change the middle name).

Oh, my! It'd really suck to have initials that spelled out RAT, BAD, ICK, etc., and IIRC, kids pick up on those details pretty easily. Good on the pediatrician for making them aware of it!

I think Persephone is a beautiful name, but the history of this name could certainly prompt teasing. Even kids with no knowledge of Greek myths may tease a "Persephone Elektra" just because it's so far outside the norm.

Right. And I wonder what Persephone will feel when she learns the popular meaning of her name. What kid wants their name to be associated with destruction and hell?

The other thing is, like I said, the chosen last name is pretty bad, too. I can come up with tons of insults using it in no time flat. I'm sure it's going to be morphed into words like stub, stubby, bots, butts, bust, slob, knob... The father's original last name is a really nice one, but he decided to take his wife's name when he told his family he was poly and bi and most of them reacted poorly.

All four of my girls have nine-letter first names.

And they're lovely names!

IMO, you did a great job choosing names for your girls!

I really think it depends on why the parents give a child an unusual name. If it's a reflection of their culture, of who they are, fine but proceed with caution. A name lasts a lifetime, but so does the emotional association of that name.

Agreed.

In this particular case, the name is not a reflection of the parents' culture or heritage. They're both Americans of primarily mixed Northern European descent and don't have any strong family ties or traditions, AFAIK. That, and the complete lack of caution, are what make this choice so confusing to me.

Persephone Elektra? Jeezus. Why don't they just call her Hey Lookit Me I Have A Classical Education and be done with it?

My parents gave me a weird, stupid name because they thought it was "elegant." It isn't. The instant I turned 18, I changed it to a plain, simple name. The best gift a parent can give to their child is an ordinary name.

Interesting.

My mom did something similar, though I think my grandma supported her in legally changing it at 16. I still find it so weird that my mom was called Dorothy growing up, though I'm not really sure why.

How did your parents feel about you changing your name? I like to think I'd be fine with it from the start, but considering we've put a lot of thought into naming and our chosen names have such strong family ties, I can see where I might feel hurt.

 

[SweetErika]

On another note, my daughter is now a school teacher and she runs across some really strange names, and parents who get offensive if you mispronounce the child's name.
The strangest to me so far was a very short seemingly simple name. Le-a.......until they were INFORMED by the mother that the dash is NOT silent. The child is called "Ledasha"!

WTF? What kind of an idiot puts punctuation in a name like Lea in the first place, nevermind a superfluous dash that's supposed to be pronounced AND thinks "Ledasha" is a good name?

One of the other kindergarten classes had a little boy named Macon. No, it doesn't rhyme with bacon: it's pronounced "Mason."

The least they could have done was spell it "Maçon" so people might have some clue as to how it's supposed to be pronounced!

But then poor Macon would probably be teased for having a "sissy French" name, or something like that.

you know, "persephone elektra" isn't a name i would ever think was hung on a kid by a loving parent. an unusual first name i can understand--but in conjunction with an unusual middle name, that to me is guaranteeing a childhood filled with name mockery. seriously, it reminds me of the old song a man named sue.

and honestly, i think that a lot of parents lately have decided to demonstrate their "creativity" at the expense of common sense or courtesy to the kid.

ed

You really couldn't have described my feelings on this issue more perfectly or been any more eloquent, Ed!

I have a friend that has a daughter named Susie Unious Lila Thomas, or SLUT. One named Brian Igor Gore, BIG. His sisters name is Patsy Izzy Gore, PIG.

And your friend did this on purpose?

Seattle got a new trolley a couple of years ago. It was a huge project and the city officials were so damn proud of it. There was a big hoopla when the media and public realized the new multimillion dollar South Lake Union Trolley would commonly be referred to as "The SLUT." And it is - people often say, "When I was riding The SLUT the other day..." I can't imagine parents not recognizing their daughter's initials spelled out something like that and then failing to take out a name or rearrange the names.

And last but not least, obvious car racing fans, named their kid Nascar. What an awkward name to say, just doesn't roll off the tongue well for someone's name.

LMAO

That'd be really funny if there wasn't an innocent child involved!

 

[PhunkyPhuck]

"Wayne Carr"

 

[Firebrain]

Right. And I wonder what Persephone will feel when she learns the popular meaning of her name. What kid wants their name to be associated with destruction and hell?

There are tons of names in popular use that have bad connotations. My own name, in the legend it came from, was from someone thought to have eaten her own baby(!). My opinion? I actually thought it was pretty cool to have a name from a legend, instead of one that just means "cliff" or "bush". I don't think my parents were cruel.

Sure, Persephone Elektra is overkill and perhaps not in the best taste. But it's better than Persephone Hellbeast Wednesday Purple or Pursefonny.

 

[KarennaC]

My parents gave me a very run-of-the-mill first name. They thought it sounded pretty. Unfortunately, it seems like half the other parents of girls born near the time I was also thought it sounded pretty. I never went to school where there weren't at least two or three other girls with the same name; that included the elementary school I attended that had a total student body of about 120.

Both of my daughters have fairly common first names. Actually, my younger daughter's is so common I cringe, but we didn't choose the name because it was popular. It's a female variation of my father's name. It's almost never spelled correctly, because there are at least seven other ways to spell that name and people usually go with the easiest one. Both my daughters are named after family members; my older child's first name was her father's grandmother's middle name, and that child's middle name is my mother's first name (if that isn't clear as mud...). My younger daughter's first name is the aforementioned variation of my dad's first name, and her middle name is my ex-husband's mother's first name. I wasn't thrilled about the idea of using family names; I wanted to choose something because I liked it, not because I was trying to please family members. But my ex-husband bullied me into the family name thing. At least he gave me some say in what the names were.

 

[unregistered]

 

[SummerStar]

I'm in the same boat as Karenna. I have a painfully common name, and I've hated it as long as I can remember because it's so plain. And even with my common name people still found a way to make fun.

My friend, who has a daughter named Clover, and a soon-to-be Willow, put it best when she got flack about 'Clover'. If children are going to make fun of another children the name really doesn't matter. If it's not the name, then it'll be something else, and if the child is going to be generally well liked, having a different name won't stop that.

 

[Firebrain]

I loooove the name Clover. If we were to have a second child - and we aren't - that would have been our chosen girl's name.

I remember it from What Katy Did.

 

[SummerStar]

I was skeptical about it when they told me that's what they were naming her, but it really grew on me...and it really fits her perfectly.