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Sexual humor for all!!

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X_fallenangel_X

Fallen from Darkness
Joined
Oct 25, 2007
Posts
1,911
Okay, so I have seen alot of av's with really funny sexual humor, whether it be a guy lifting a barbell with no hands ;) so other ones, and i find them really amusing. So i decided to start a thread for sexual humor where people can come to just chill out and have a good laugh. I put it in the amateur picture thread because its going to be all funny pictures.

Please no really degrading or racist pictures, it supposed to be fun, not a place to offend people.

Anyways, I will start:

http://content.pyzam.com/funnypics/misc/DontSaySex.jpg​
 
Old AV

This is an old AV i used for awhile.

Removed by moderator, in violation with the forum rules
 
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LOL very nice.I have to admit it took me a while to figure it out but when I did it was funny.
 
a few...

Removed by moderator, in violation with the forum rules
 
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LMAO! Juan you've always had the best jokes and hilarious stuff.Ihope you will post more if you have them.:)
 
X_fallenangel_X said:
LMAO! Juan you've always had the best jokes and hilarious stuff.Ihope you will post more if you have them.:)
Click to expand...

i have a lot, but it's scattered all over all my hard drives. here's a couple while i search for more

Removed by moderator, in violation with the forum rules
 
Last edited by a moderator:
X_fallenangel_X said:
Okay, so I have seen alot of av's with really funny sexual humor, whether it be a guy lifting a barbell with no hands ;) so other ones, and i find them really amusing. So i decided to start a thread for sexual humor where people can come to just chill out and have a good laugh. I put it in the amateur picture thread because its going to be all funny pictures.

Please no really degrading or racist pictures, it supposed to be fun, not a place to offend people.

Anyways, I will start:

http://content.pyzam.com/funnypics/misc/DontSaySex.jpg​
Click to expand...

ROFLMAO!
 
Guy goes to the doctor. Doctor says to him, "You've got to stop masturbating." Guy replies, "Well, why doc???" Doctor says, "Well... I'm trying to examine you."
 
Bless, you Fallen. I love this thread. It's a very warm welcome place to be. :) I love humor as much as I love sex so you combined my two favorite things :cattail::cattail:
 
There's a woman who's had an awful accident, which has left her in a coma in a rehab facility for months, connected to all sorts of tubes and monitors. One day, a nurse comes in to give her a sponge bath. He notices that every time he touches her private parts, her heart rate spikes dramatically on the monitor.

He reports this to the doctor, who summons the woman's husband for a conference. The doc explains what happened and says to him, "I'm going to come right to the point, even though it's a bit unorthodox. I want you to go in there now and have oral sex with your wife. We think it will help to bring her out of the coma." The husband says, "Sure, of course. Anything to help," goes into her room and closess the door behind him.

A few minutes later, the woman codes, the staff comes running with a crash cart, but despite their best efforts they are unable to revive her.

The doctor and the husband are both devastated. The doctor says, "I can't imagine what went wrong. She seemed to be doing so well." The husband replies, "I don't know either, doc. I did just what you said."

"Maybe she choked."
 
Allready loving this thread :)

A blue-bottle fly was buzzing down the river and a salmon swimming in the
river below saw him and thought "If I wait for the blue bottle to fly down
river I can jump up and eat him for my lunch".

Unbeknownst to the salmon a big bear was sitting on the river bank and he
also saw the blue bottle; he thought "If I wait for the blue bottle to
fly down river, the salmon will jump up to eat him and I can reach out my
paw and catch the salmon for my dinner".

Unbeknownst to the big bear a hunter was on the opposite bank of the river
and he also saw the blue bottle; he thought "If I wait for the blue bottle
to fly down river, the salmon will jump up to eat him, the bear will reach
out his paw and catch him and I will roll over and shoot the bear as a
trophy".

Unbeknownst to the hunter a mouse was sitting beside him and he also saw
the blue bottle; he thought "If I wait for the blue bottle to fly down
river, the salmon will jump up to eat him, the bear will reach out his paw
and catch him, the hunter will roll over and shoot the bear and I will
grab the sandwich that falls out of his pocket".

Unbeknownst to the mouse a pussy cat was hiding in the bushes and he also
saw the blue bottle; he thought "If I wait for the blue bottle to fly down
river, the salmon will jump up to eat him, the bear will reach out his
paw and catch him, the hunter will roll over and shoot the bear, the mouse
will grab the sandwich from the hunter's pocket and I will jump on the
mouse".

So the blue bottle flew down river; the salmon leaped up and caught the
fly; the big bear reached out his paw and caught the salmon; the hunter
rolled over and shot the bear; the mouse grabbed the sandwich from the
hunter's pocket; and the cat jumped, missed and fell into the river.

The moral of the story being that the longer the foreplay lasts, the wetter the pussy gets ;)
 
Guy's got this kid who's way smarter than he is. So he decides he's going to teach the kid a lesson. Gives the kid $5.00 and tells him to go downtown and get him $5.00 of what's what.

So the kid goes down town and walks into the hardware store. "I'd like $5.00 of what's what, please." The clerk laughs and tells the kid to get the fuck out of there. So he goes next door to the drugstore, pulls out the $5.00 and says he'd like some what's what. The pharmacist laughs and tells the kid to go across the street.

So the kid goes over there and knocks on the door, and it's a brothel. The madam answers the door, and the kid's got this big ol' bush staring him right in the face. "What's that?" the kid says. "What's what?" the madam replies. "Oh! I'd like $5.00 worth, please!!!"
 
A man college student runs into a pharmacy and goes to the counter. "HELP HELP, I'm about to have sex, but my condoms don't fit anymore, which ones should I buy?"

The pharmacist looks at him, "there's a woman on aisle 4, see her, she'll tell you."

The student goes to aisle 4 and the woman pulls his pants down, strokes him a bit and gets him hard. "Magnum!" she calls out. The student strolls to the counter smirking, gets his condoms and leaves.

10 minutes later a 16 year old comes busting in. "HELP HELP I NEED CONDOMS QUICK, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO GET!"

The pharmacist looks at him, "see the woman in aisle 4, she'll help you".

The kid goes to aisle 4. She pulls down his pants, jerks him twice, gets him hard, "CLEAN UP IN AISLE 4!"
 
LMAO!!! I dunno why the pictures were removed but I think it has to do with attachments, since mine wasn't removed and it was used through a img link. So Juan, if you have more pictures, try to put them through the img insert.

Im soo glad everybody has been contributing, this is the best way to start a day :) with a laugh.

Here's my contribution:
http://www.staticnoise.net/myspace/funny-banana-vs-vibrator-sex-toon.gif
 
A policeman is driving his late-night beat. It's about 11:45 as comes upon the local make out spot. He sees a car parked under a tree in the corner of the area and decides to head over and make sure that there are no "shinanigans" afoot. He walks to the car, taps on the glass, and young man in the driver's seat rolls down the window. The cop is surprised to see the young man is quietly reading a magazine while a girl in the passenger seat sits silently knitting. Obviously, this isn't exactly how he expected to find them.

"Evenin' kids," says the cop. "What are you all up to tonight?"

"Well, officer," says the boy, "I'm in the middle of reading this magazine and my girlfriend is knitting."

"Uh huh..." says the cop. "And, if you don't mind my asking, how old are you kids?"

"I'm 18, sir," says the boy, looking at his wristwatch, "and her too in about 10 minutes."
 
Always cracks me up

How do they know what you use them for ? :devil::devil:
 
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Don't you just hate double standards? How come when Roy Orbison drove all night, crept in her room and made love to her, it was called romantic, but when I did it it was classed as rape :)
 
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