Mini-Rant

[quietwoman187]

Mini-Rant

OK, I’m about to go into a mini-rant. Apologies for using up the space on the board. But, I’m in a ‘grr – arrgh’ mode. I’ll admit I’m not as ‘active’ on lit as I used to be. As such, I don’t tend to post ads or respond to ads anymore, as I don’t want to raise expectations. However, I’m never averse to a side of fun. So, if anyone outside the 1-line or 2-word jockeys contacts me, I’ll chat or attempt to explain why I won’t, even if it’s terse However, what annoys me are the ones who do contact me, but suddenly disappear mid-conversation. For instance, after we’ve chatted a bit, I’ll typically indicate I’m going to get my toy and ask what I should do with it when suddenly they disappear. Now, I could understand if I said something such as ‘what a miniature flaccid cock you have,’ if I totally belittled the person or went off on a mini-rant . . . * ahem *

However, it’s a bit downletting to say the least. Perhaps it’s payback for my bitchy ways. Let’s be honest, I’m not the kindest of people and perhaps they’re taking my saying ‘I love/am looking for a man with imagination’ or ‘I’ll need detailed direction as I have a short attention span ’ as bitchy as opposed to flirty. And, perhaps, on reconsideration from the male perspective, they are. But, I’d prefer the person indicate that and sign off as opposed to pulling the disappearing act immediately. I might not respond to a lot of people, but when I commit, I commit. So it’s a bit upsetting that others don’t have that same ‘work ethic.’ I have no doubt people I communicated with in the past will indicate what I did wrong. So, feel free, just do so kindly I’m partially posting as I wouldn’t mind a bit of a verbal shoulder rub with some hot cocoa on the side. I’m wondering if between this and the other, I should just stop responding to people altogether and merely enjoy the fun of the boards. Then again, there’s no fun in that

OK. * Rant turned off *

Thx for listening

 

[VFaulkon]

I guess even erotic chatters can be so inconsiderate...

Even in my limited experience, I find that there are a surprising number of people that, whether it's regular conversation, something...steamier, RL sex, or even just standing in a small doorway, completely blocking the way for everyone else but not thinking, "Oh, I might be occupying physical space, so people can't just walk through me", are completely oblivious to other people. I never thought I'd hear about 'em in a sex talk scenario - were I in the middle of one, even if the other person wasn't my type, I'd at least say, "Sorry, but I gotta go."

Sorry you have to deal with assholes when you're trying to have your fun. Hopefully you'll have better luck with the future. After all, a true gentlemen will not only be polite, but can be good with words.

Very good.

 

[dirtygeekgirl]

There's no excuse for disappearing mid-conversation, but it can be awkward to extract yourself from a conversation if it just isn't doing it for you. Men might feel a little emasculated saying, "You're just not turning me on, sorry." Even in my chats, I've come across this situation and invented a phone call or something to stop talking.

That said, life and lit would be a lot better if people could just be a little blunter and more honest.

 

[Plinth]

There's no excuse for disappearing mid-conversation, but it can be awkward to extract yourself from a conversation if it just isn't doing it for you.

This is very true -- sometimes it isn't even their fault, no lack of imagination, etc, but something just doesn't click. That said, I try not to disappear without at least a goodbye -- the exception is when my computer crashes, or when the person I'm chatting with has taken an unusually long time to reply, and I'm getting offline anyway.

 

[kaycee217]

Well, as an explanation, maybe the guy was "finished?"

Online is an easy place for someone to get away with not having your work ethic or saying things they know they'll never have to back up.

Still, sorry to hear about your frustrations.

 

[SweetErika]

Do these guys indicate they're into having an actual conversation before any cybersex begins? That is, do they pretend they want a mutual chat and satisfaction, or do you not talk about your goals in that sense? Do you vet them to see if they're willing to do their best to participate and turn you on, rather than just sit back and jack off?

It sounds like you're hooking up with lazy people primarily; as soon as they're asked to put some effort into it, they disappear, right?

That, or maybe some of them are taking the 'I'm going to get my toy' line as an intention on your part to ditch them, and they don't want to make an effort if you might not actually come back with the toy.

It might have something to do with the demographic you're targeting or tend to hook up with, too. I don't know what that might be, but perhaps it's something you could look at and avoid or try to mitigate in the future if you see a pattern.

Would it be at all possible to find and vet a couple of regular/standby partners (in the sense that, 'hey, if we both happen to be online and looking for fun at the same time, we can hook up with the knowledge that we'll both be more likely to end the session happily'), or is that not an option for you? That's what I'd likely do in your situation; the security of having reliable partners while still having the ability to take a chance on new people if I felt like it seems like the best of both worlds!

Perhaps you could also institute some new minimum standards, like your partner having a webcam. That wouldn't prevent them from logging off in the middle of your chat, but it might weed out some of the pure wankers and make others think twice about disappearing. Another standard I'd personally consider for those I met on sites like Lit would be post count & quality. If I had a choice between a potential partner with very few and/or low-quality posts and one who had clearly put effort into participating in discussions on a wide variety of subjects over time, I'd almost certainly choose the latter.

 

[quietwoman187]

You’re right. Typically, I do a better job of vetting them. However, since the people I normally interact with aren’t as active on lit anymore or are tending towards just normal conversation now, I decided to slightly reduce the layers I instituted previously, so I could get to know a few more people. In doing so, I discovered why I had so many levels in the first place. In addition to avoiding the obvious, 1-line, no punctuation, go from 0-to-60 jockeys, I’m more skittish of those who lack a lit past or who might be a wee bit younger than me. If they have a limited number of posts, that indicates to me they might not be as dedicated to the environment. Also, if a person has blatantly not read my profile, that intimates a bit of disinterest, as well. And, yes, I tend to prefer to PM a few times with the person as a normal getting-to-know-you period.

I was wary of the ones I’m referencing as they lacked a lit history and the typical thoughtful responses, but they were still better than the usual, so I figured I’d take a chance. We PMd back and forth quite a bit while discussing our interests before entering into the erotic arena. However, I did notice that one person had started to drop all attempts at punctuation or capitalization after a bit, despite indicating his interest otherwise, which was a warning sign. So, it’s possible the person figured out the basics of polite PMing, and just wanted to see how far he would get.

Even so, it’s a bit discouraging as vetting does take a lot of energy; but, obviously, there’s a reason for it. I won’t pretend to be an original member of the cult of Aphrodite, so if someone isn’t interested, I don’t mind when the person indicates it. It’s more when they don’t So, I don’t want to hear any guys complaining about the difficulties of meeting a lit woman Even though I probably sound like one of them right now

So thanks for all of the thoughtful responses (VF, DGG, Plinth, KC, SE) and for dealing with my mini-rant

 

[TheOne007]

I'm not sure, but one thing that really grinds my gears in chatting is people who take too much time between messages. To me, I think that the person is talking to someone else, or faking completely.

If i'm cybering or having phone, i'm into it, 100% until the end, otherwise, what's the point?

So not to be harsh but probably most guys that your talking too, are probably fantasizing too quickly, getting off, and leaving. Which I agree...is a total bitch.

 

[philos]

simple reason

couldn't it simply be that the computer crashed or the network isn't available? I know if I'm using my iphone this is bound to happen. The other, perhaps less innocent answer, is that the person is no longer alone. A SO, spouse or child may have entered and caused them to suddenly turn off the site. Again I've been guilty here as well since my 5-year old can turn up at the most awkward of times. I will usually give a quick got to go note but I know my departure at times can be abrupt. So even though it wasn't me who offended you sorry from all of us who have made a quick departure.

 

[quietwoman187]

Philos and TheOne. Thanks for your suggestions in addition to SweetErika, Kaycee, etc. I do appreciate all the comments from everyone. Even if it doesn't seem that way, I greatly do.

To TO, I have to admit that my big peeve is the 10-minutes PM delay. After all, if you're lucky enough to interact with someone (which applies to both sides of the equation), I do feel checking e-mail, posting on the boards, or chatting with others is slightly disrespectful. At the same time, people probably don't think it's that noticeable.

And, Philos (I heart the Greek love), someone did suggest the idea of a PC crash or sudden appearance of family. With the crash, I'm assuming the person would've PMd sometime within 24-hrs indicating that. And, while I now believe a 2nd party probably appeared, if someone's knocking on your door, you have time to PM 'someone at the door.' I have chatted with people in the past who were kind enough to indicate ahead of time interruptions might occur.

For me, PM etiquette should be similar to a phone call. You wouldn't hang up on a friend or suddenly walk out on an actual person in - well, you know. So, I think I was more peeved as I was starting to get into it. But, as SE suggested, it's just a learning experience. I hate stringent vetting as I might miss out on an interesting person, but then again it'll prevent me from posting mini-rants

So, thanks all for your shoulder rubs, mint-flavored advice and suggestions served with a side of hot fudge

 

[RawHumor]

There's no excuse for disappearing mid-conversation, but it can be awkward to extract yourself from a conversation if it just isn't doing it for you. Men might feel a little emasculated saying, "You're just not turning me on, sorry." Even in my chats, I've come across this situation and invented a phone call or something to stop talking.

That said, life and lit would be a lot better if people could just be a little blunter and more honest.

It can also be awkward if something comes up IRL unexpectedly in the midst of a hot conversation.

 

[pedicur8her]

I find that most online communication tends to be quite rude and insensitive, as there are no real consequences to one's actions when the only thing facing you is your monitor.

Consider all the abuse that happens on a typical dating site or bulletin board, if you need some examples. Both men and women behave in ways that they would never consider in a face-to-face situation, because they have little or nothing invested in their online experience. Besides, nothing will happen if they are rude or insensitive, as there are plenty of other people and sites online.

On the other hand, it might simply be a case of a significant other walking in and them not wanting to be caught in flagrante delicto...

 

[orgamimime]

You had me at "terse!"

Mini-Rant

OK, I’m about to go into a mini-rant. Apologies for using up the space on the board. But, I’m in a ‘grr – arrgh’ mode. I’ll admit I’m not as ‘active’ on lit as I used to be. As such, I don’t tend to post ads or respond to ads anymore, as I don’t want to raise expectations. However, I’m never averse to a side of fun. So, if anyone outside the 1-line or 2-word jockeys contacts me, I’ll chat or attempt to explain why I won’t, even if it’s terse However, what annoys me are the ones who do contact me, but suddenly disappear mid-conversation. For instance, after we’ve chatted a bit, I’ll typically indicate I’m going to get my toy and ask what I should do with it when suddenly they disappear. Now, I could understand if I said something such as ‘what a miniature flaccid cock you have,’ if I totally belittled the person or went off on a mini-rant . . . * ahem *

However, it’s a bit downletting to say the least. Perhaps it’s payback for my bitchy ways. Let’s be honest, I’m not the kindest of people and perhaps they’re taking my saying ‘I love/am looking for a man with imagination’ or ‘I’ll need detailed direction as I have a short attention span ’ as bitchy as opposed to flirty. And, perhaps, on reconsideration from the male perspective, they are. But, I’d prefer the person indicate that and sign off as opposed to pulling the disappearing act immediately. I might not respond to a lot of people, but when I commit, I commit. So it’s a bit upsetting that others don’t have that same ‘work ethic.’ I have no doubt people I communicated with in the past will indicate what I did wrong. So, feel free, just do so kindly I’m partially posting as I wouldn’t mind a bit of a verbal shoulder rub with some hot cocoa on the side. I’m wondering if between this and the other, I should just stop responding to people altogether and merely enjoy the fun of the boards. Then again, there’s no fun in that

OK. * Rant turned off *

Thx for listening

 

[quietwoman187]

Lol. Sometimes lit is very, very good to me and sometimes it isn't And when it's good, it's very good indeed, and when it's bad it's well . . .

 

[bisolom]

Mini-Rant

OK, I’m about to go into a mini-rant. Apologies for using up the space on the board. But, I’m in a ‘grr – arrgh’ mode. I’ll admit I’m not as ‘active’ on lit as I used to be. As such, I don’t tend to post ads or respond to ads anymore, as I don’t want to raise expectations. However, I’m never averse to a side of fun. So, if anyone outside the 1-line or 2-word jockeys contacts me, I’ll chat or attempt to explain why I won’t, even if it’s terse However, what annoys me are the ones who do contact me, but suddenly disappear mid-conversation. For instance, after we’ve chatted a bit, I’ll typically indicate I’m going to get my toy and ask what I should do with it when suddenly they disappear. Now, I could understand if I said something such as ‘what a miniature flaccid cock you have,’ if I totally belittled the person or went off on a mini-rant . . . * ahem *

However, it’s a bit downletting to say the least. Perhaps it’s payback for my bitchy ways. Let’s be honest, I’m not the kindest of people and perhaps they’re taking my saying ‘I love/am looking for a man with imagination’ or ‘I’ll need detailed direction as I have a short attention span ’ as bitchy as opposed to flirty. And, perhaps, on reconsideration from the male perspective, they are. But, I’d prefer the person indicate that and sign off as opposed to pulling the disappearing act immediately. I might not respond to a lot of people, but when I commit, I commit. So it’s a bit upsetting that others don’t have that same ‘work ethic.’ I have no doubt people I communicated with in the past will indicate what I did wrong. So, feel free, just do so kindly I’m partially posting as I wouldn’t mind a bit of a verbal shoulder rub with some hot cocoa on the side. I’m wondering if between this and the other, I should just stop responding to people altogether and merely enjoy the fun of the boards. Then again, there’s no fun in that

OK. * Rant turned off *

Thx for listening

I think you may just be too much woman for some. Or maybe they suffer from premature ejaculation. *he says as he reaches for towel to clean up the mess*

 

[quietwoman187]

I think you may just be too much woman for some. Or maybe they suffer from premature ejaculation. *he says as he reaches for towel to clean up the mess*

Lol. I highly doubt that. I think I'm just too impatient and a wee bit greedy. Like a child, I want it all and I want it now. When I don't get it or it's the wrong toy, temper tantrums abound These things tend to happen on lit, I just think other people have either adjusted to it or handle it a wee bit better

And don't clean it up. I always like it a bit messy

 

[bisolom]

And don't clean it up. I always like it a bit messy [/QUOTE]


Now cut that out or else I'm gonna,,,,
damn! Not again!