Is confession really good for the soul?

[pink]

How much of your sexual lifestyle do you tell your friends?

 

[Recidiva]

I think that you can confess to those involved. I think confession is so good for the soul that I just don't do anything needing to be confessed to begin with, because NOT having to confess is even better.

But there's oversharing too. I generally consider other people's sex lives to be their private affair. If they share, cool, I'll share.

But I don't think I have to tell everyone everything. If they're not sleeping with me, it's probably none of their damned business, especially if they'd be shocked.

 

[bioweb]

.....

 

[Homburg]

It depends on the friend. Most of my good friends know I'm poly, and most of those knows that I'm into power. Not a one of them was shocked to hear it either. Then again, most of my friends are tabletop gamers, and are, as a crowd, tough to shock.

 

[MisterSir]

How much of your sexual lifestyle do you tell your friends?

Good question.

I don't have a sexual lifestyle anyway, I'm still a virgin (this is what comes of being an introverted, non-religious, non-drinker interested in studying hard for the past two years. Not that I regret it, noooooooo), but I've had entertaining discussions on porn with friends often - it's how I discovered somebody I didn't expect it of was into squirting - and two of them know I'm rather more kinked than the average person, albeit only one of those two knows the extent thereof. I've promised to tell the both of them when it finally happens however, so...yeah.

 

[bethpage]

Very little unless it relates to them.

Most of my friends have known me for 5-20 years, but even though sex is usually a topic of conversation, *my* sex life isn't.

How kinked or vanilla or what I'm interested in or who I'm doing what with isn't usually their business.

It just makes everything easier. I've had this policy since I first hit my teens, and its only when I break from it that I have problems, in general.

That being said, most people who don't know me assume I'm plain vanilla, and most of my friends really have no idea how kinky I could be. I've had a naval piercing for 11+ years, and people are still surprised when they see it. Not sure if that says more about them or me, though.　：Ｐ

 

[pink]

Thanks for replying everyone.


i've got a gf who i have known for many, many years. Most of that time, we were out of touch. Now we're back in touch, and hanging out on weekends partying. We are closer than ever.

i don't want her to look at me differently or change our closeness. Not sure if that would happen, if i told her about the D/s but i'm not sure i'm willing to take the chance.

i was extremely curious what everyone else felt on the topic.

 

[rinka]

I have struggled with this question quite a bit. I have a really close group of girlfriends but still didn't tell anyone of them much about my thoughts and explorations at first. Mainly because I was so confused myself about it and found it really hard to explain to someone else. Also I wasn't really at peace with some aspects of my desires and needs. Even though I knew for certain that my friends wouldn't judge me or treat me differently, but most likely find it interesting.

Eventually I decided to tell one of them anyway, and it felt so good. Talking about it to someone who knows me so well also made some things fall in place.

When I was about to take the trip to visit my PYL for the first time last month, I also felt the need to explain a little more about our relationship. And even more so to confess I also have a lovely girlfriend/sister... But it wasn't as easy. I told one other friend about the D/s nature of my relationship with my PYL, but didn't get further.

Long and winding, but the thing is that not telling makes me feel guilty. Both towards my friends because I am not honest about a huge part of my life with them. But also towards my Pyls for hiding my feelings for them in some ways.

All this depends on the closeness to this particular group of friends, I have other close and old friends I don't think I could ever tell. I know they don't want and couldn't handle the information. But these five girlfriends I need to share with and I plan to do so more very soon. Preferably when we're not surrounded by all the nosy kids, lol.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Is confession really good for the soul?

Well that depends on what you wanna confess and to who!



None of my friends know about my submissive side and the BDSM aspect in my relationship with A. And I think it's better that way. Some things should just stay unspoken.

If I had some subbie friend IRL, I would tell her, but I don't have one. My friends wouldn't get this, so they know nuthing. My likes and needs would just freak them out. lol

 

[BiBunny]

All my friends know I'm dating a married couple. They all know I'm kinky and aren't terribly surprised by this turn of events. Some know more about how deeply the ownership thing goes than others. That's because some of them are interested in it and some aren't. None of them are judgmental about it at all. People just tend to be self-absorbed and are more interested in their own relationships than yours, LOL.

My family, on the other hand...none of their business.

 

[ZRT]

My closest friends, my inner circle as it were, know that I'm a sadist, but then they knew the kind of guy I was before getting that particular glimpse into my world. That's three people.

They don't know the details and they don't want to know, any more than I want to know the details of their sex lives. (Two of the three are an engaged couple, which puts me in the position of having the mental image of a man I consider a brother and a woman I consider a sister having sex. Yeah, I don't like to think about that.)

Some others know that I'm into the kinky, but they think it's like rope and tickling and overblown dramatic 'who's your daddy' stuff because they don't understand the, y'know, 'LIFESTYLE'. It's not a distinction I'm going to explain because it's none of their damned business anyway.

 

[be_ignited]

Most of my close friends know I'm kinky to some degree. I run a writing workshop and invited some of the members to come to the New England fetish flea with my Boyfriend and me. They had a good time, but went more for the novelty of it, I think.

Many of my girlfriends do some kink-inspired explorations--a bit of bondage, a bit of role-playing, a bit of the slap and tickle, but again, it's more for novelty. They think it's weird that the Boyfriend and I never switch roles. Most are ok with the sex and even if I show off bruises from a time well spent. Cross over into submission in other aspects, and all bets are off though. Usually it's just uncomfortable, but I did have one friend who, after telling her my Boyfriend picks out my clothes sometimes (something I always considered pretty tame), turned to me and said "I don't think I like him any more".

 

[Tawny_Temptress]

I have known for a long time that the things I want, sexually, is too much for my friends to handle. If they think anyone is really kinky they assume it goes all the way to swinging or something. If any of them has ever role played with their partners, they never mentioned it to me.

 

[ZRT]

The reason my friends know is because in our younger days, we did discuss our tastes to an extent. Also, being as how these are the people that I spend a great deal of my free time with, it's much more convenient if my current squeeze doesn't have to grab a long-sleeve shirt to cover where master gave her a black and blue version of the celtic circle tattoo around her bicep before they came over.

 

[Netzach]

Depends on the friend entirely.

 

[chelleb]

Like some have said, it depends entirely on the friend. I know who I can tell what too, and how they're react to it. I have one friend that I could tell anything too and she wouldn't bat an eye. Probably the only non-judgemental friend that I have actually. On the other hand, I have another friend that would probably think I went off the deep end, and the rest I could hint at stuff and that's about it.

But to answer the OP's question, there is degree of cleansing that comes from telling someone, when you feel the need to share.

 

[ZRT]

I don't get that cleansing feeling myself, but then I don't feel at all guilty about my sexuality. It's me, it's what I am. I don't distribute the knowledge about it widely simply because it's not their business, and there are potential social, career, and familial consequences that I'd rather not face for no good reason.

 

[katt_g]

this is an interesting question for me, especially since i have grown into my quirks as i got older.

i have always, in general, gotten along better with guys than girls (and i don't mean that at all in a sexual way...though...ok in that way too).
so, the short answer to this? i tell most of my guy friends (without details) and none of my girlfriends.

my girlfriends think that when he pulls my hair or smacks me on the ass...that is kinky!!

 

[Tawny_Temptress]

my girlfriends think that when he pulls my hair or smacks me on the ass...that is kinky!!

That is my problem in talking about sex and I havent done a whole lot of BDSM stuff but the women I know wouldnt get it and the males I know would take me telling them as an invitation.

 

[CutieMouse]

I keep most things close to the vest, but sometimes it just.bleeds.through.

Which can be [usually is] annoying as hell, depending on the situation.

 

[ZRT]

I keep most things close to the vest, but sometimes it just.bleeds.through.

Which can be [usually is] annoying as hell, depending on the situation.

On the dom side, it's easy enough to turn it into a joke. "Oh hell yeah, baby. Whips, chains, the whole nine yards." It makes you sound playful but not (gasp) serious.

 

[bowtie4u]

That is my problem in talking about sex and I havent done a whole lot of BDSM stuff but the women I know wouldnt get it and the males I know would take me telling them as an invitation.

I am sure not all men would think that way

 

[FurryFury]

How much of your sexual lifestyle do you tell your friends?

Very little. I have to REALLY trust them and then also think they give a damn to go into details.

 

[graceanne]

My friends know I like kinky sex (they say it's sick), but they don't know a lot of the details.

On the other hand when they have questions about stuff, they call me. "What's this?"

Funny, considering I have the least amount of sexual experience of all of us.

 

[Tawny_Temptress]

I kind of wish I could "confess' but a zillion different pieces of lingerie before sex and a skirt with no undies is kinky to my friends.