How common is getting outed?

[JustaNobody]

I went to a local munch for the first time yesterday, and one of the folks running it made a comment which made me stop to think. Apparently most of the folks around in my profession, teaching, avoid the local munches and public events because of the risk of being outed. I'm already pretty aware how far-reaching the consequences could be, but I'm wondering how often it actually happens.

I've read a few folks' posts here about being outed to family members or in other personal contexts, but I'm wondering if anyone has any knowledge about being outed professionally. How common is it? Do I need to be paranoid to avoid risking my career?

 

[CutieMouse]

Discretion is always wise; however, think of it this way - if someone sees you at a munch and "outs" you professionally, they also "out" themselves.

 

[ultramarineblue]

What CM said.

Also going to a munch doesn't necessarily mean you are into it. It just means you have an interest and that you're open minded.

 

[CutieMouse]

Although I will say the very few times I attended a munch, chit chat did not revolve around the normal cocktail party sorts of things... like what you did for a living. Apparently it can be considered a bit intrusive and rude to ask the generic "where do you live/did you grow up here/what do you do for a living" sorts of things - because of the risk of being "outted".

 

[ultramarineblue]

I noticed that as well. The ones I've gone to people do talk a little about work and stuff but in very general terms. Anything specific to people is volunteered and not asked. In individual conversation, more specific things may come up but it was always prefaced by "if you don't mind me asking" and/or "only if you feel comfortable telling."

 

[Harmony_1985]

I went to a local munch for the first time yesterday, and one of the folks running it made a comment which made me stop to think. Apparently most of the folks around in my profession, teaching, avoid the local munches and public events because of the risk of being outed. I'm already pretty aware how far-reaching the consequences could be, but I'm wondering how often it actually happens.

I've read a few folks' posts here about being outed to family members or in other personal contexts, but I'm wondering if anyone has any knowledge about being outed professionally. How common is it? Do I need to be paranoid to avoid risking my career?

Munches should be vanilla events anyway unless behind closed doors, so unless people are involved with/interested in the lifestyle, they wouldn't know what it was, so the chances of you being outed because you attended a munch are slim to none imo.

 

[FurryFury]

I've never heard of anyone being outed but many do fear this.

At our local munch the rule is that if you see someone outside a munch, play party or demo, you don't know them, period. That way, after hellos you don't have to explain HOW you know them.

Having move often I find a lot of those "generic" questions distasteful to begin with. I rarely ask them.

 

[HarlotMinx]

Oh it happens, I once had a comsci class I walked into and instantly recognized the teacher from the local scene... I got forwarded this earlier (please keep in mind this is a hate site so feel free to roll your eyes at it). So yes, unfortunately it IS something that happens but I don't see what people benefit from outing you and often the only people who can are IN the community.

 

[FurryFury]

But were you outed at work? Did it cost you a job?

 

[Harmony_1985]

At our local munch the rule is that if you see someone outside a munch, play party or demo, you don't know them, period. That way, after hellos you don't have to explain HOW you know them.

Thats what Sir said to me.

Give them eye contact or a nod, then the next time you're at munch, say hi.

 

[JustaNobody]

Thanks for the responses, folks. I'm less worried now. Of course, there's still just the matter of finding free time to manage to go again, but that's another question entirely.

 

[Valleyl81]

*****

 

[VelvetDarkness]

A compromise is to attend a munch a little further away so that you're not networking in the same catchment area as your place of work. There is always a small risk that someone might cause you a problem but at least you'll be able to say that you did all that you could reasonably do to keep your private life separate from your profession. I used to be a nurse and know of medical professionals who do this.

 

[lilylicious]

Great thread! Very reassuring for someone like me who has avoided the local scene because I've had the same question as the OP.

 

[Harmony_1985]

I think alot of people have this worry and is why they don't attend munches but the truth is they're very low key events.

There isn't a huge neon glowing sign sat over your table reading "KINKY PEOPLE HERE" lol

 

[Gunny_G]

Funny was a Munch group I used to attend, had those bread boards brought out with fresh wheat bread and a big ol knife. At the end of the night the boards would all mysteriously be missing. Seriously it only happened a few times before the assistant manager who booked the room passed the message on to leave them@!

That was back in 99' and the group members were very open, and work came up occassionally. I was sort of suprised by the cross section of the group. There were some there who needed a ride, others who had limos. ( ok not really but $$ )

From those munch group meetings, connections were made to "private" clubs and parties which were the highlight of our Semi Public activities.


Now we have 3 small children and pray for sleep mostly, and once in awile we get some alone time. She still serves me and I still hold her high on a pedistal , but the more physical side of our relationship had faded some. We both want it back but haven't found the balance with a family yet. We've not given up, just taken a break.

 

[FurryFury]

If you are really worried about your local scene, go to one nearby but not in your particular city.

 

[Tawny_Temptress]

I am confused! Why is being interested in BDSM a problem as far as work and school? I mean we all have sex lives we don't bring to work. Why is this different?

 

[CutieMouse]

I am confused! Why is being interested in BDSM a problem as far as work and school? I mean we all have sex lives we don't bring to work. Why is this different?

Because there are people in the world who presume that if one is a "pervert", one is incapable of containing said perversions to one's personal life.

 

[Tawny_Temptress]

Because there are people in the world who presume that if one is a "pervert", one is incapable of containing said perversions to one's personal life.

That make sense! I mean, respectable people like Doctors, presidents and priest would never bring sexual practices to work. (sorry for the sarcasm)

I have roleplayed rape, used ropes, light spanking etc. I have had conversations with someone about blindfolds, gags, leashed, being whipped with a belt (ass and pussy), mild cock torture, being fucked by items laying around the room, etc etc and do not actually thing that sort of thing is kinky at all. I just dont understand why anyone would have an opinion about my sex life that wasnt involved in it.

 

[elleanor]

Because people like to judge others to make themselves feel better, T_T. It's one of those facts of life, that you hopefully can learn to ignore when it happens to you. :/

 

[ZRT]

This is how serious it is for teachers with regards to sexuality:

Teacher fired for youthful porn career

To summarize the link, a woman overcame growing up with an alcoholic father, having bipolar, and being dead broke enough that she went into porn briefly, then went on to enlist in the Army, went on to college, and became a teacher. When some students got hold of one of her old videos, the school district cut her loose, albeit at least paying off the duration of her contract.

Pretty disgusting story, but it's what teachers have to watch out for.

 

[Tawny_Temptress]

Because people like to judge others to make themselves feel better, T_T. It's one of those facts of life, that you hopefully can learn to ignore when it happens to you. :/

Narrow mindedness is hard for me to understand, especially when it is none of thier business.

Wouldnt it be common sense to realize than people who explore thier "kinky" side, in a controlled manner, with consenting adults with the same ideas and wouldnt want to do it, publically around/with people who are not into it? Rhetorical question. I live in the south east and know how people are.

 

[00Syd]

Its impossible to be outed if your open about it to begin with.

 

[Tawny_Temptress]

This is how serious it is for teachers with regards to sexuality:

Teacher fired for youthful porn career

To summarize the link, a woman overcame growing up with an alcoholic father, having bipolar, and being dead broke enough that she went into porn briefly, then went on to enlist in the Army, went on to college, and became a teacher. When some students got hold of one of her old videos, the school district cut her loose, albeit at least paying off the duration of her contract.

Pretty disgusting story, but it's what teachers have to watch out for.

The school should be more conserned with how a teen got her porn video than her past activities.