Wife wants to date other men

[gambler100]

Wife wants me to agree for her to date other men ,
She says she loves me and wants us to stay together
but wants me to allow her .
She says its a stage she is going through.
Does any one have advise they can give me on this

 

[britdad]

Honestly? You don't want other peoples advice, only you know the answer. All you will get on here are peoples personal opinions on how they would feel if they were in your position. Only you know if it's something you want in your life/marriage.

Ask yourself this though, if she really loves you.....what is she needing from elsewhere?

 

[OralFuxation]

I'm with dad on this one, what is it she's needing from else where for this "stage" she's going through, can't you give her it - if you talk about it?

And if not - do you really think you can put up with sharing your partner? Personally I couldn't, but as dad said only you know your answer - plenty of people have that type of relationship.

 

[DICKBUTTONS]

If this is something you can handle it could be very enjoyable if it is something you're into.....did she say if you do not go along with it she is leaving??

 

[clutch1]

You're not married to lilprincess878 are you?

 

[Cratchit]

Yeah, i dont think coming on here for advice is wise. I mean, what stage is it that she could possibly be going through? I do think that it takes a lot of gall and nerve to ask you this. Why cant she be just happy with you?
You cant always have your cake and eat it too. trust me, i know this all too well. Sometimes, what you have is much better than what you could have. I would tell her no, that it wont just be a stage but a way of life that could end with you on the outside

 

[presch]

Wife wants me to agree for her to date other men ,
She says she loves me and wants us to stay together
but wants me to allow her .
She says its a stage she is going through.
Does any one have advise they can give me on this

try watching the end of "chasing amy"
thats why i say no

 

[kangaroosman]

It's a genuine question and deserves a balanced opinion. So I'll take opposite tack of you other guys who have already answered.

I think she has paid you a very high respect and honour. I think she has demonstrated her true love for you.

Look at this way....what if she DIDN'T ask? Eg, she very well COULD have just cheated, but she did not. She has paid you a great respect by asking you openly and honestly. Appreciate and love her for that.

Secondly, since she has invited you to be part of this new and interesting development in your marriage, why not go with the flow and make the most of it. It can be a totally erotic experience for you both when she shares the details on her return from a date!

Nothing about her new direction makes you a pussy or cuckold. Actually your consent freely given is a mark of your manhood and sexual security within.

It is so very easy to see what she can get from others that she cannot get from you - and in no way am I criticising you.

The simple fact is that you cannot give her the newness of seduction. Only a new person can. You cannot give her that excitement of the first kiss - you've already done that. You cannot give her the anxiety of "will he call me tomorrow", because you are now married. You cannot allow her to explore your hidden mysteries any further - you both know each other fully.

All people have different seduction and sexual techniques. After you willingly consent to her dating other guys, you will have a vastly more interesting wife and you will get the benefit of her rejuvenated energy and excitement. She will radiate, and you will be the beneficiary of that.

The smart thing to do is to not only consent, but to whole-hearted consent and to fully share her every moment she spends with others.

Generally those that advocate control and to say "NO!" to the idea are actually insecure about their own sexual prowess. NO! does not solve the issue of desire - rather it increases it.

Not flaming anyone here, just saying the fact is that Prohibition 80 years ago did not prevent alcohol, it just created a higher priced, lower quality, black market for it.

Telling her NO! is only going to drive her needs underground and lead her to hide things from you. Her heart is set on being a slut. The question is, is she going to be a cheating slut behind your back, or your sexy slut you share.

So go with it, enjoy it, share it with her. You have a lot to gain from it.

 

[achingyearning]

this one is easy... tell her no

why the heck would you come on a forum like this to ask for marriage advice?

If you're trying to be provocative then come out and let the readers know. You're really willing to listen to the opinions of people (many of whom are on here for erotic fun) that you don't know and of whom you have no idea of their agendas?

 

[DICKBUTTONS]

You're not married to lilprincess878 are you?

Now that was funny!!

 

[A_ria]

Gambler:

While I cannot really identify with your wife's current "phase," I think it's a good sign that she is willing to discuss it with you. It shows that she's at least considering your thoughts and feelings in this, which, as *cough* other posters have shown, does not always happen.

But I think Kanga's take on this is ridiculous. You shouldn't say "yes" for the sole reason that you don't think you can keep her otherwise.

We can't tell you what you feel, Gambler. If you don't like the idea of your wife with other men, you need to skip the cowardice and face up to it. If she truly loves and respects you, she will honour the vows she made you. If she sneaks out like Kanga suggests she will, it's a clear sign that she's not willing to honour those vows after all.

If the idea of her with other partners truly does not bother you, then that's your decision. But don't be bullied or shamed into it. You have a right to expect fidelity in your marriage--SHE is the one asking YOU to change the terms of the contract. If you really want to stick to the original promises you made each other, you need to tell her that.

You might ask her what exactly she's looking for in other men. Is it all about variety, or is she seeking something specific that she feels you can't or won't give her? Don't be afraid to ask, because the answer is important. If she's just restless, I'd worry that it might become more than a phase, whereas if there's something she wants (more oral, roleplay, spicy or "kinky" sex), you can try to help her fulfil that desire within the bounds of your relationship.

Maybe she just wants to feel like she's dirty or living on the edge. If that's the case, you could try spicing things up by exploring different fantasies like bondage, anal sex, or "semi-public" sex where there's a small possibility you might be "caught."

Basically, you need to keep the discussion open, and tell your wife what you're thinking and feeling. If you can say, "I feel like this means I'm not enough for you," or "I feel like if we do x, then z might happen," she'll be a lot more receptive to what you say. We women like to know how you get to your conclusions, and using the words "I feel" makes your words nonthreatening and not so accusational.

So talk to her! Keep two things in mind, though: One, she cared enough to ask you about it, and two, it's not selfish or bad to expect her to do what she said she would do.

Ria

 

[havingfun3]

I love the fact the all the people that told you that you shouldnt ask this type of advice on here needed to give thier advise anyways.

Now getting to your question, just by you asking on here tells me that you really dont like the idea. You and her should do A LOT of talking while going though this. And in the end, you will have the answer you need....weather its what you want or not, I dont know!

 

[SpecialKay62]

Different POV

Sort of....As a woman, married 20 years I CAN understand the stage she's going through. Like men, women too, want to know they still have "it" they're still desireable and attractive to other men. Frankly, a lot of the opinions given here are somewhat immature. Her feelings may or may not be a reflection on you. But I suspect that it is just a "stage" and once she gets it out of her system, she'll come to her senses. I know it's not conventional to want to date in a monogamous relationship, but you must admit her honesty is respectable.

Not knowing anything about you or her, on the face of it, if she thinks she wants this, let her try it out. Understand that women can be just as detached sexually as men. Talk to her, she's opened up to you and put herself in a very vulnerable position. Try to put your feelings aside and help her see where she is.

Personally, I'd rather be poked in the eye with a stick than date again. But I do like going out with my girlfriends, flirting with men and feeling like I'm still an attractive woman. Maybe that's what she thinks she'll get from dating.

Good luck to you!

 

[gambler100]

thank you

thanks every one for the advise
you can private msg. me any time

 

[njgirl0863]

You're not married to lilprincess878 are you?

Damn Clutch you read my mind... LOL.

I just read a very interesting book about this; it is only about men cheating but I think some of the studies done would apply to either a man or woman who wants to cheat.

First, a large percentage of the time it isn't about sex, it is about something else that is lacking in the marriage (communication, affirmation, appreciation, etc...). When men were asked several questions in a "blind and confidential" survey more often than not the following things applied:

1) the other woman was not prettier or more sexy

2) the person felt under or unappreciated

3) the other woman was not better or more talented in bed

4) cheating was linked to something other than sexual dissatisfaction

5) lack of communication

6) spouse doesn't share the same values or interests

7) the number one reason was emotional dissatisfaction

 

[A_Kefka]

Sexual satisfaction is somethign most people learn to give themselves fairly early. So in a relationship that is great in all areas except that most people will just live with a sex life that isn't quite what they hoped. Its usually some kind of emotional connection that they feel is lacking that leads them to cheat.

 

[pleaz_me]

You're not married to lilprincess878 are you?

~Laughing hysterically~

You have NO idea how badly I needed that laugh tonight. Thank you very much!

 

[jeremiah1982]

I think the important stuff's been said, the fact that she has asked you first is very important, it shows she cares, I'd certainly be asking what she is looking for in other men as already suggested, what her intentions are for your own piece of mind, it may never even happen mate. If you have your own reservations being honest about them is a very good idea.

 

[clutch1]

Now that was funny!!

Thanks

Damn Clutch you read my mind... LOL.

I just read a very interesting book about this; it is only about men cheating but I think some of the studies done would apply to either a man or woman who wants to cheat.

First, a large percentage of the time it isn't about sex, it is about something else that is lacking in the marriage (communication, affirmation, appreciation, etc...). When men were asked several questions in a "blind and confidential" survey more often than not the following things applied:

1) the other woman was not prettier or more sexy

2) the person felt under or unappreciated

3) the other woman was not better or more talented in bed

4) cheating was linked to something other than sexual dissatisfaction

5) lack of communication

6) spouse doesn't share the same values or interests

7) the number one reason was emotional dissatisfaction

Once the communication stops everything else justs falls apart,I would say.

~Laughing hysterically~

You have NO idea how badly I needed that laugh tonight. Thank you very much!

I'm glad I could cheer you up.

 

[InertiaCreeps]

Seriously, this is one of those things that can't just be undone. You may think it sounds kinda hot, be unsure if you really are OK with it but you could let her do it, end up hating that she did it, and then end up wanting to leave in the end. By this point, the genie is out of the bottle. I'd think hard and long before allowing her to do this. I suggest talking to her and seeing what it is she's missing in your relationship and seeing if there's anything you can do to improve it that doesn't involve this. I may not be the best source of advice on this one though because when it comes to any girlfriends, sexually, I personally do NOT share well with others at all.

 

[fgarvb1]

I've been through to much bullshit with wifes and girlfriends in my life.

I'd have to tell her there is a stage called divorce and she can read about in in just about any paper.

 

[SweetErika]

Ask yourself this though, if she really loves you.....what is she needing from elsewhere?

Alternately, you could ask yourself: If you really love her, have a generous heart and solid relationship, then what is there to fear? Why wouldn't you want her to be as happy as possible? And, if she really loves and is committed to you, why wouldn't she go get whatever it is she might need from other people AND happily be with you?

Of course you shouldn't agree to this out of fear or go through with it without a rock-solid relationship and TONS of honest communication, trust, firm agreements, considering the worst-case scenarios, etc. If you have all of that, though, there's really no reason to be afraid of her running off with someone else or whatever because this will just end up making her a happier person and better spouse.

Recognize that she may very well have some needs you simply can not meet, either at this time or ever. Just like you can't ever be her mother, best girlfriend, child or multiple lovers, there might be some things she needs sexually or romance-wise that someone else can meet (period or) more effectively than you can. I'm sure you accept this basic premise everyday when it comes to nonsexual things - you don't question whether she should get her need for mental stimulation met at work, or girlfriend time with her best friends, or familial connections with family members, right? Well, this is pretty much the same thing with a twist or two.

As someone who has asked for her husband's support in exploring and getting needs met by other people, I can only suggest that you proceed with intelligence, generosity and love. If you truly talk it out, seek to understand her perspective and decide it's worth a try--even on a limited basis--go with that. If you do the same and decide it's just not something you can deal with after plenty of thought and effort and attempts to find compromise, don't agree to it.

If you do say no, realize she may not want to be in the relationship anymore - not because she wants to force you into anything, but because she can't force herself to be unfulfilled or unhappy long term. In that scenario, at least you can both have a chance at happiness separately, rather than being miserable together.

 

[subwannabe]

I was very surprised that out of all of these responses, no one said anything about what popped into my mind. Is it possible she has already found someone and is cheating on you this very moment and now she has decided to bring this up, maybe to put her mind at rest?

 

[Eilan]

I was very surprised that out of all of these responses, no one said anything about what popped into my mind. Is it possible she has already found someone and is cheating on you this very moment and now she has decided to bring this up, maybe to put her mind at rest?

Yeah, really. My husband's ex-wife had mentioned opening up their relationship. She really didn't want him to see other people, however; she was already cheating and figured she could continue what she was already doing without the guilt. For the last two or three years of the marriage, my husband was his ex's "safety net," but he eventually got tired of that role.

My husband is actually pretty turned on by the fantasy/reality of his SO being with other people, but not at the expense of the relationship.

 

[dad001]

Together

Hi. Do it together ie. swinging, Take her out as a surprise to a swingers party or meet and greet, share it all with her. Go with her to watch and participate and let her have whoever she chooses. It may come full circle and you might get to enjoy some your fantasies as well.

If she insist on doing it on her own tell her you will be looking and finding your own playmates as well and if she says that will not work tell her what does not work for her does not work for you. If she loves you she will understand you have the same feelings as she does and she will stay home. If she does not I would not waste another day. I would tell her not to let the door hit her in the ass on the way out and never look back.

There are way to many good wonderful women out there and you will find one that is true to you in all of life.

Kinda hard core but you are talking about your life and your feeling neither of which you should ever sacrifice. Good luck, and have fun in all you do.

Dad