Newbies

[myinnerslut]

BDSM is like a woman's virginity in this way; you can't really explain what it feels like to someone who's never experienced it. I am a TPE (total power exchange) slave to my Master, which means we never take our M/s hats off and go back to being equals for a while. Despite that, we laugh together, cry together and have just as multifaceted a relationship as other vanilla (non-kinky) couples. There are always bounds of respect that remain in place - as you might find between a boss and an employee. Even if they meet up outside work, the status of their positions at work will remain in place to a degree.

It doesn't limit or stifle us as a couple is what I'm saying. In fact, because we make a point of communicating frankly about everything I'd say we're closer as a couple than many vanilla people who never discuss the deep issues. My Master knows he has a responsibility for my welfare and happiness when it comes to making decisions on my behalf. He wants to know what's really going on with me and my thoughts and feelings are as much a part of his property as my pussy is. By the same token, I support him wholeheartedly in his choices - even the ones I disagree with - because I acknowledge that I yielded those rights to him willingly.

None of this is relevant to you now, I understand that. I have no other reliable source to draw on than my own experience so there it is.

well said. i occasionally run into those who think its all leather and whips and chains all the time. i wish they would realize what you just explained so well.

 

[Harmony_1985]

well said. i occasionally run into those who think its all leather and whips and chains all the time. i wish they would realize what you just explained so well.

So true. And its mostly men who think its all leather and whips I've found.

 

[flutterbyebye]

Hello, another Newbie here!

i have been lurking for awhile but only very recently decided to take the plunge and i am so glad i did. i am confused sometimes and often scared by the intensity of my emotions but feel so "at home" here, i hope you are fortunate to have a similar experience.

Everyone here (with a few exceptions i'm sure) is more than willing to offer sound advice and for a bunch of "daunting deviants" they seem pretty swell to me! lol!

Good luck, be safe and have fun.

 

[Harmony_1985]

Everyone here (with a few exceptions i'm sure) is more than willing to offer sound advice and for a bunch of "daunting deviants" they seem pretty swell to me! lol!

Just cos we're deviants, doesn't mean we're not nice.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Just cos we're deviants, doesn't mean we're not nice.

Speak for yourself, Harm-on-knees

I dunno why, but that pun on your name just came to me and made me smile; had to share it.

I'm evil, wicked, mean and nasty. And those are my good points!

 

[Keroin]

I'm evil, wicked, mean and nasty. And those are my good points!

And you know where to place commas, which may have nothing to do with the above but is nevertheless appreciated.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

.....

 

[ultramarineblue]

bumping this because there's some good stuff to read here.

Also, I've been thinking about the outlet for the need for submission when you are without a partner.

 

[LilyBart]

And you know where to place commas, which may have nothing to do with the above but is nevertheless appreciated.

And those commas make for an awfully sweet and redeeming quality.

And I must say, that I am finding my ability to enforce proper punctuation has been declining lately. I find that I must now go research things that used to be instinct. As in, the quotes go before, or after, the the parentheses. I used to know that rule until I started hanging around forums...



We need a growling emoticon, btw.

~LB

 

[katt_g]

Surely I can't be the only one here? Who else is just making the first, tentative steps towards self discovery? Who else has yet to discover what they can endure and what they can enjoy?

oh, i can so identify with this and appreciate when i hear i am not the only one!

We were all new to this at one time... just some of us a few weeks/months/years/decades before others.

On the side, have no shame about who/what you are and what you do. Strengthen yourself with the knowledge that for almost all of us, this is hardwired within us, a part of us, and we can no more change it for the world's approval than we can change the color of our eyes.

i lurk around feeling so inexperienced, but need to remember that everyone was once in my shoes. (thank you for that reminder, sir winston)

Thanks. I'm planning to go to a munch next month but as I'll be going alone I can't promise not to chicken out.

mylaceratedheart, i am curious. have you gone or decided to follow through? i keep thinking about it, but feel like that same solo chicken!
thank you for posting and making me feel less solo!

 

[ultramarineblue]

mylaceratedheart, i am curious. have you gone or decided to follow through? i keep thinking about it, but feel like that same solo chicken!
thank you for posting and making me feel less solo!

I know your question wasn't aimed at me but I decided to go to a munch last month for the first time. I went alone. I came really close to chickening out but I'm glad I didn't. I had talked to one of the people that goes for a while before I went though. It made it easier to go. The ladies meet by themselves once a month too and I went to that one first. Meeting a few of the ladies before meeting the entire group definitely made things easier for me.

The last thing is that if you're interested in going, you have nothing to lose. I wish I had started going back last July when I first wanted to go. It is scary to go alone but you can do it. Just get in contact with the group and tell them that you are new to this and they will make you feel welcome.

 

[katt_g]

I know your question wasn't aimed at me but I decided to go to a munch last month for the first time. I went alone. I came really close to chickening out but I'm glad I didn't. I had talked to one of the people that goes for a while before I went though. It made it easier to go. The ladies meet by themselves once a month too and I went to that one first. Meeting a few of the ladies before meeting the entire group definitely made things easier for me.

The last thing is that if you're interested in going, you have nothing to lose. I wish I had started going back last July when I first wanted to go. It is scary to go alone but you can do it. Just get in contact with the group and tell them that you are new to this and they will make you feel welcome.

always happy for any help! it is so odd to feel in this position at this time in my life...i have spent so many years wondering what was missing.

so, now i will direct you a question!
how did you go about finding your local group and who to contact? (yes. i am really, really new!)

 

[ultramarineblue]

always happy for any help! it is so odd to feel in this position at this time in my life...i have spent so many years wondering what was missing.

so, now i will direct you a question!
how did you go about finding your local group and who to contact? (yes. i am really, really new!)

I actually found it through a post on here once before. CutieMouse has links to a post someone else made about munch groups. You can also google it. I actually ended up finding it again through a person I met on Fetlife. We talked about it for a while and I decided to go.

I'm sorry....that wasn't much help.

 

[CutieMouse]

Evil_Geoff was always the one with the best information on how to find a local munch.

 

[ultramarineblue]

Evil_Geoff was always the one with the best information on how to find a local munch.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I was hoping you would post this. I've been trying to find it and wasn't having much luck.

 

[katt_g]

Evil_Geoff was always the one with the best information on how to find a local munch.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I was hoping you would post this. I've been trying to find it and wasn't having much luck.

thank you for help, both of you!

 

[CutieMouse]

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I was hoping you would post this. I've been trying to find it and wasn't having much luck.

Lit's search function can be a b**h.

Click on "search this forum"

Click "Advanced Search" - that will bring you to a page to drill down specifics.

I used "munch" for my keyword and "Evil_Geoff" for user name.

Be sure to tick off the bullet for "posts" at the bottom of the page, or it will show results by thread and you'll end up with every.freaking.thread.ever.posted.

Think about the keyword/poster nick before you submit an advanced search - the system makes you wait 30 seconds between searches [which can be maddening].

The annoying thing I've not been able to solve is that it defaults to 500 posts. So if I want to search posts of wickedness that go waywayway back in the BDSM forum's history, it's a bit of a struggle.

 

[ultramarineblue]

Lit's search function can be a b**h.

Click on "search this forum"

Click "Advanced Search" - that will bring you to a page to drill down specifics.

I used "munch" for my keyword and "Evil_Geoff" for user name.

Be sure to tick off the bullet for "posts" at the bottom of the page, or it will show results by thread and you'll end up with every.freaking.thread.ever.posted.

Think about the keyword/poster nick before you submit an advanced search - the system makes you wait 30 seconds between searches [which can be maddening].

The annoying thing I've not been able to solve is that it defaults to 500 posts. So if I want to search posts of wickedness that go waywayway back in the BDSM forum's history, it's a bit of a struggle.

Yeah, I can usually search pretty well but haven't been able to figure out how to manipulate Lit's search to my advantage.

I was wanting to try searching the forum to find threads about the need to submit and how that affects you if you don't have that outlet. Of course every thread comes up. Go figure, submission in each BDSM thread. Who would have thought?

The tip about the poster nick is good though. I was just about to try that when you posted the link.

 

[Harmony_1985]

Speak for yourself, Harm-on-knees

LOL! I just spotted this post!

And yes, submission is harmful on my knees, Sir understands I struggle with kneeling cos of issues I have with my knees, so we work around it lol.

Kneeling for too long = Harmony not being able to walk for about an hour. Not good times I can assure you.

 

[00Syd]

bumping this because there's some good stuff to read here.

Also, I've been thinking about the outlet for the need for submission when you are without a partner.

I think about this a lot too. I'm currently without a partner, but have a few play partners which helps tide me over. Unfortunately, they are all at home in NYC while I'm stuck up here in Boston for school. So, that sucks. I've got no outlet here.

And I've found that having a number of play partners, a few of whom are currently in poly-type relationships of their own, brings with it its own problems. I'm not super, super good at separating sex from emotions, and so I've found myself becoming a little more attached to some people then I should. This is a fun problem to deal with.

 

[Arkhilokhus]

Maybe this is the right thread for this.

I feel very conflicted as I start to accept the submissive part of me. It's hard, because I left my ex-wife because she was too controlling. And yet, I also have this itch that I strongly believe a Domme could scratch, but probably not anyone else. So there's a tension there that's a little hard to navigate sometimes, especially when I hear people talk about TPE and surrendering control in a very deep way. Because I've been in that kind of situation, in a way, and it broke me for a long time.

Possibly this issue is just harder to navigate when you're single, and you don't have the experience of a D/s relationship to draw on?

 

[fitluvrsherry]

I don't see it so hard to reconcile my submission with feminism. Feminism has allowed me to realize that I have desires, too, and to go for what I want. What I want just happens to be being used and humiliated by a man.

Amen Sister!

 

[ZRT]

Maybe this is the right thread for this.

I feel very conflicted as I start to accept the submissive part of me. It's hard, because I left my ex-wife because she was too controlling. And yet, I also have this itch that I strongly believe a Domme could scratch, but probably not anyone else. So there's a tension there that's a little hard to navigate sometimes, especially when I hear people talk about TPE and surrendering control in a very deep way. Because I've been in that kind of situation, in a way, and it broke me for a long time.

Possibly this issue is just harder to navigate when you're single, and you don't have the experience of a D/s relationship to draw on?

The ability to be frank about where and what control you're surrendering is a big help. You're the one handing over the keys here, and you're only giving away as much or as little as you feel comfortable with.

 

[ultramarineblue]

I think about this a lot too. I'm currently without a partner, but have a few play partners which helps tide me over. Unfortunately, they are all at home in NYC while I'm stuck up here in Boston for school. So, that sucks. I've got no outlet here.

And I've found that having a number of play partners, a few of whom are currently in poly-type relationships of their own, brings with it its own problems. I'm not super, super good at separating sex from emotions, and so I've found myself becoming a little more attached to some people then I should. This is a fun problem to deal with.

I really identify with the difficulty of separating sex from emotions. I'm not really sure that I can do that at all.

I think everything has a set of problems. There doesn't seem to be a perfect solution for anything. I guess it just takes figuring out what you can handle and what you can't.

 

[ultramarineblue]

Maybe this is the right thread for this.

I feel very conflicted as I start to accept the submissive part of me. It's hard, because I left my ex-wife because she was too controlling. And yet, I also have this itch that I strongly believe a Domme could scratch, but probably not anyone else. So there's a tension there that's a little hard to navigate sometimes, especially when I hear people talk about TPE and surrendering control in a very deep way. Because I've been in that kind of situation, in a way, and it broke me for a long time.

Possibly this issue is just harder to navigate when you're single, and you don't have the experience of a D/s relationship to draw on?

It's hard to learn to stop fighting yourself on accepting your submissive nature. I will think I have accepted it and then something else will pop up and I'm fighting it again.

The ability to be frank about where and what control you're surrendering is a big help. You're the one handing over the keys here, and you're only giving away as much or as little as you feel comfortable with.

Thank you for stating this. It can't be stated enough.