Resources for BDSM on Men

[Pleasantnoodles]

So I have a question... duh. There are TONS and TONS of info on things to do to women as far as bondage and punishment, but I am having the hardest time finding anything on men. Anyone know where I can figure out some fun stuff to do for the gents?

 

[CutieMouse]

Substitute the pronoun "him" for "her" while reading up on fun stuff to do.

 

[Pleasantnoodles]

Reply-erator

I mean things more focused toward men, like taking advantage of the distinct traits we have. For instance certain activities can be applied to the female breast, while the male chest area is much much flatter (except the moob crowd).

 

[rosco rathbone]

So I have a question... duh. There are TONS and TONS of info on things to do to women as far as bondage and punishment, but I am having the hardest time finding anything on men. Anyone know where I can figure out some fun stuff to do for the gents?

Look a little harder.

 

[CutieMouse]

google - .11 seconds returned 1,040,000 hits for "cock & ball torture", which is the first thing that comes to mind when one is interested in taking advantage of the "distinct traits" men have.

For the most part, bondage is bondage, regardless of gender. Homburg usually has some excellent advice on rope sorts of things; his rope thread is linked in his signature.

If you're interested in mental aspects of things (humiliation, mindf*cks, etc), those tend to be fine tuned to the couple, but (IMO) there isn't *that* much difference between the two [male/female] - just a question of triggers.

 

[midwestyankee]

google - .11 seconds returned 1,040,000 hits for "cock & ball torture", which is the first thing that comes to mind when one is interested in taking advantage of the "distinct traits" men have.

Wouldn't it be kinder but equally effective torture to simply take away the remote control?

*admits to squirming every time he runs into mention of c&bt*

 

[rosco rathbone]

Here's a good one: pout and sulk, but refuse to tell us what is on your f@#$ing mind.

 

[CutieMouse]

Here's a good one: pout and sulk, but refuse to tell us what is on your f@#$ing mind.

Wow you're in as good of a mood as I am today.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Wow you're in as good of a mood as I am today.

Heh.

Pours you a wine.

 

[Netzach]

I personally disagree with "it's just the same as with girls just switch pronouns." IME, nothing is further from the truth, and it kind of burns my ass that the "default norm" of SM is M/f or F/f always assuming femme hetero bottom. Every instructional picture of anything, practically is some guy working over some petite cute woman and I'm supposed to just imagine myself into that world and get hot off it. Wha?

I find that working with men and working with women are almost always vastly different experiences, and the difference can have a sameness in it. Not to pigeonhole men and women too much in the discussions, but it *does* matter.

I've really learned most important stuff about working on men from gay men and their SM educational materials, and from talking to the men I'm working with.

 

[Netzach]

*admits to squirming every time he runs into mention of c&bt*

Know what? That's never stopped me from seeing anyone.

I like CBT ok, as one option on a large buffet that doesn't really feature it heavily.

Yet CBT is the automatic default switch setting for any discussion I ever come across on men being worked over. "Oh you could hurt his balls!"

Well, no crap. So? It's one of myriad things I can hurt.

I've yet to see M/f defined pratically, in terms of "you could put clamps on her pussy lips! Wow!"

 

[CutieMouse]

I personally disagree with "it's just the same as with girls just switch pronouns." IME, nothing is further from the truth, and it kind of burns my ass that the "default norm" of SM is M/f or F/f always assuming femme hetero bottom. Every instructional picture of anything, practically is some guy working over some petite cute woman and I'm supposed to just imagine myself into that world and get hot off it. Wha?

I find that working with men and working with women are almost always vastly different experiences, and the difference can have a sameness in it. Not to pigeonhole men and women too much in the discussions, but it *does* matter.

I've really learned most important stuff about working on men from gay men and their SM educational materials, and from talking to the men I'm working with.

Hmm... maybe I don't see the difference as much because a lot of the good nitty gritty reading I've done has been from a gay/leather/top perspective, so I just flipped the pronouns - it didn't give me hiccups so I didn't stop to think about it giving hiccups.

(And again - not so much the smartness thing of me to post on asstasticly bad days.)

 

[Netzach]

How is it different?

The male archetypes are different. It's not to say if you have a pussy you can't participate in them - a lot of butch women do - they're just different. It's not necessarily written in a book at all that this difference is marked, it's observable in M/m relationships and F/m relationships, that there's another flavor. It's nuanced, and it's not something we're universally locked into, but there are certain avenues of expression that are more male/masculine and more female/feminine.

"Good boy" and "Good girl" are just mentally worlds apart, I think. The role of vulnerability is different. The expectations are different. The headspace is different.

The things that men on average will find humiliating and attractive in humiliation are light years away from the things women on average will find attractive in humiliation. I know some people of either gender won't play that way at all, it's just my main interest so I think of that aspect.

MOST women are amenable to erotic embarrassment, but not degradation. MOST men don't find anything short of degradation to even touch on humiliation. Of course there are exceptions, that's what negotiations are for - but there are patterns. We're raised with similar sets of messages.

I've found a lot of men who crave, desperately, strong negative reinforcement. Setting up lose-lose situations that make them feel "ditzy." Surprises and mysteries.

I've found more women to crave positive reinforcement and very strong boundaries that will be enforced consistently and predictably.

Moerover, if you're a newbie female Dominant with as much or more hetero wiring than I've got, you may not be really hot for the "dependent little one" model of D/s applied to men and butches. In fact, it may dry up your panties in the blink of an eye. But it's very very very prominent in the D/s materials to come out of the hetero world.

So much so that if it's not your bag even IN a M/f relationship, you have a tough time of it.

In my much more avidly switching years, I was VERY much a "I hold his door pull his chair, hold his jacket and want to be his butler" kind of person. A boi, really.

Not remotely accounted for, in fact a lot of the things I've read hold forth on how any male D who doesn't pull the chair and hold the door is an uncouth asshole.

 

[Netzach]

Hmm... maybe I don't see the difference as much because a lot of the good nitty gritty reading I've done has been from a gay/leather/top perspective, so I just flipped the pronouns - it didn't give me hiccups so I didn't stop to think about it giving hiccups.

(And again - not so much the smartness thing of me to post on asstasticly bad days.)

I'm not offended in any way, I've just been reading "hey, you too can flip the pronouns" since I fumbled my way into the scene and found immediately "hey, this doesn't freakin' work that well all the time."

In terms of communication with a partner, likes and dislikes, learning one another - the values there are universal, I agree on that. When you start getting into the mechanics of psychological play and headspace it's not one size fits all genders or all anyone.

 

[lilylicious]

Every instructional picture of anything, practically is some guy working over some petite cute woman and I'm supposed to just imagine myself into that world and get hot off it. Wha?

Amen!

"Oh you could hurt his balls!"

Well, no crap. So? It's one of myriad things I can hurt.

You ROCK Netzach! This made me giggle.

*admits to squirming every time he runs into mention of c&bt*

As stereotypical as CBT is for male submission, it's still fun to see that just mentioning it makes you guys squirm.

 

[Homburg]

Know what? That's never stopped me from seeing anyone.

I like CBT ok, as one option on a large buffet that doesn't really feature it heavily.

Yet CBT is the automatic default switch setting for any discussion I ever come across on men being worked over. "Oh you could hurt his balls!"

Well, no crap. So? It's one of myriad things I can hurt.

I've yet to see M/f defined pratically, in terms of "you could put clamps on her pussy lips! Wow!"

Why is this strange? Men are pretty cock-aware. You learn to be from the myriad physical insults that day to day life offers up to the family jewels. Most guys out there have been kicked, whacked, or otherwise physically insulted in that area. It is universal guy experience. And the idea that male submissives would willingly accept such activity is stone cold mind-boggling to a lot of non-submissive guys.

Is it stereotyping to boil male submission down to this? Sure. Surprising? Nope. Look at it from the non-submissive guy's perspective. Pegging might be weird, and uncomfortable to contemplate due to gender role hang-ups, but letting someone step on the boys?

So I don't think that it is somehow oversimplifying the essence of msub play to CBT alone, it just looms very, very large in the male psyche.

 

[Netzach]

Why is this strange? Men are pretty cock-aware. You learn to be from the myriad physical insults that day to day life offers up to the family jewels. Most guys out there have been kicked, whacked, or otherwise physically insulted in that area. It is universal guy experience. And the idea that male submissives would willingly accept such activity is stone cold mind-boggling to a lot of non-submissive guys.

Is it stereotyping to boil male submission down to this? Sure. Surprising? Nope. Look at it from the non-submissive guy's perspective. Pegging might be weird, and uncomfortable to contemplate due to gender role hang-ups, but letting someone step on the boys?

So I don't think that it is somehow oversimplifying the essence of msub play to CBT alone, it just looms very, very large in the male psyche.

And what, other than pushing a somewhat interesting button, am I supposed to get out of it?

 

[Homburg]

And what, other than pushing a somewhat interesting button, am I supposed to get out of it?

I don't know. I was replying to the tone of surprise in your post there, and giving some explanations why guys have a strong reaction to the subject.

I have no idea what would motivate you to do it. Could be a myriad of reasons. Same concept behind me doing nipple torture or any other sort of play that doesn't involve explicit sexual gratification for me. In my case, I like the noises they make when I do these things.