Meeting-Up with a Submissive for First Time

[ZalisTyln]

A girl I know to be a submissive has arranged a meet with me later this week. I am inexperienced playing the role of the dom.

I told her to come with no panties to my apartment and I want to be prepared to dish out punishment if she comes wearing them. I don't want to start with anything to strong - it won't be our first sexual encounter but it will be our first time in the sub/dom roles.

What is something I can do that doesn't come off too strong but still sends the message that I'm in charge if she comes wearing them? All I can come up with is spanking but that seems a bit strong to me already. I'm looking for something that doesn't involve BDSM or toys - not yet anyways.

 

[flowerpetals]

Make her get down on all fours and cut them off of her.

 

[working_girl]

Um... reality check?

If this woman has never met you before she'd have to be mad and suicidal to rock up to your door with no knickers on. For her safety and security, I really think a first meet should be somewhere public. It'll put her much more at ease to have a drink and a little breathing space.

 

[Never2B]

If this woman has never met you before she'd have to be mad and suicidal to rock up to your door with no knickers on. For her safety and security, I really think a first meet should be somewhere public. It'll put her much more at ease to have a drink and a little breathing space.

Just what I was thinking reading the post... also other way round for your safty's sake: the criminal stats don't only list men Of course, things can turn out bad for one or the other side after a few meetings still, but a first meet in a cafe or the like gives you the chance for a feel for the girl and her the same for you... Or have you already met her before?

 

[mrboom]

If this woman has never met you before she'd have to be mad and suicidal to rock up to your door with no knickers on. For her safety and security, I really think a first meet should be somewhere public. It'll put her much more at ease to have a drink and a little breathing space.

From my reading of it, I think her already knows the girl.

Maybe some mild humiliation would be best if you have not ben dom with her before, and she is wear knickers.

 

[cloud_leopard]

The original post said it was not their first sexual encounter, just the first one with the sub/dom roles.

I personally like the cutting the panties off idea.

 

[wicked woman]

Question: why are you going to punish her for doing what you told her to? I'd change the wording of whatever you do. If you want to spank her, as a Dom you can do it...but don't muddy it by telling her it's a punishment.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I like the idea of you cutting her panties off of her. I would add stuffing them in her mouth and having her kneel before you while you firmly reminded her that you are to be obeyed.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

If this woman has never met you before[1] she'd have to be mad and suicidal to rock up to your door with no knickers on. For her safety and security, I really think a first meet should be somewhere public. It'll put her much more at ease to have a drink and a little breathing space.

Just what I was thinking reading the post... also other way round for your safty's sake: the criminal stats don't only list men Of course, things can turn out bad for one or the other side after a few meetings still, but a first meet[1] in a cafe or the like gives you the chance for a feel for the girl and her the same for you... Or have you already met her before?[1]

Can y'all not read? Or do you just read the first line and rush into a response? Please note the bolded [1] portion of the original post below.

Question: why are you going to punish her for doing what you told her to[2]? I'd change the wording of whatever you do. If you want to spank her, as a Dom you can do it...but don't muddy it by telling her it's a punishment.

"Come with no panties;" "if she comes wearing them;" How is this "doing what [he] told her to [do]?" Note the bolded [2] portion of the original post, please.

A girl I know to be a submissive has arranged a meet with me later this week. I am inexperienced playing the role of the dom.

I told her to come with no panties to my apartment and I want to be prepared to dish out punishment if she comes wearing them[2]. I don't want to start with anything too strong - it won't be our first sexual encounter[1] but it will be our first time in the sub/dom roles.

What is something I can do that doesn't come off too strong but still sends the message that I'm in charge if she comes wearing them? All I can come up with is spanking but that seems a bit strong to me already. I'm looking for something that doesn't involve BDSM or toys - not yet anyways.

Zalis, the first thing that concerns me is your use of the phrase "playing the role of the dom." If you're not going to be dominant in this meeting (or series of them), you're already in trouble, particularly since you say that you "know [her] to be a submissive." That implies that she is experienced in the culture, and may have certain expectations or at least hopes about what will come out of this meeting.

The two of you need to talk about a number of topics before this meeting:
The range of her experience vs. your lack of experience
Her expectations and desires for this meeting (and future ones?)
Your expectations/desires
What form(s) will your dominance and her submission take?

The second thing that concerns me is your saying, in regard to punishing her if she shows up wearing panties, "All I can come up with is spanking but that seems a bit strong to me already. I'm looking for something that doesn't involve BDSM or toys - not yet anyways."

To begin with, if she's an experienced submissive, odds are she will show up pantie-less, unless she's a SAMMY (Smart-Assed Masochist, who disobeys in order to be punished, because that's what she gets off on; in which case, your punishing her is her end goal and desire and pleasure - fail). Therefore, you're considering a possibility which has a relatively low likelihood of occurring. Again, this is why you need to talk with her ahead of time about what she would like to have come out of this meeting, what you would like to have come out of it, and how the two of you can collaborate to do your best to ensure those outcomes.

Thirdly, I'm concerned about a certain disconnect in regard to your post. You say you expect to "punish" her if she's disobedient; then you say you're looking for "something that doesn't involve BDSM or toys." Ummm... (A) your meeting is intended for y'all to "do" dominance and submission - the DS in BDSM. (B) You sound as if you intend to find an excuse for punishment, but then say that even spanking "seems a bit strong to me." Are you intending for this punishment to be mental (e.g., mindfuck/humiliation)?

I think you need to do a lot of reading...

Many of us have said it a myriad of times here in regard to a plethora of inquiries concerning both new and established relationships: The key to success is to

communicate, CoMmUnIcAtE, COMMUNICATE!

 

[Never2B]

The original post said it was not their first sexual encounter, just the first one with the sub/dom roles.

I personally like the cutting the panties off idea.

Ooops, overread this part, sorry... yeah, then I think flowerpetal's idea really nice

 

[BiBunny]

I just wondering, why wouldn't she not wear panties if that's what she's supposed to do? It seems like you're worrying about something minor and possibly looking for an excuse to "punish" or whatever. I don't think it's going to work.

I mean, he tells me not to wear panties, I don't wear panties. I don't run around trying to figure out a way to get around it or wear the damn things, anyway, to see what he'll do. This kind of thing blows my mind.

Maybe this is why I don't get punishment threads. I do what I'm told, or at least I make every effort to, so no real reason to punish. I guess I blindly assume that most people do the same.

 

[Bandit58]

I just wondering, why wouldn't she not wear panties if that's what she's supposed to do? It seems like you're worrying about something minor and possibly looking for an excuse to "punish" or whatever. I don't think it's going to work.

I mean, he tells me not to wear panties, I don't wear panties. I don't run around trying to figure out a way to get around it or wear the damn things, anyway, to see what he'll do. This kind of thing blows my mind.

Maybe this is why I don't get punishment threads. I do what I'm told, or at least I make every effort to, so no real reason to punish. I guess I blindly assume that most people do the same.

Mine too. I'm not a brat. Although Sir and I joke around and tease each other a lot, once He tells me that's enough then it is.

As for punishment, I've only been punished less than a handful of times in 5 years. Spanking is used in play, but my punishment is usually a few cuts with a crop with NO warmup (not fun) and He bought a thick leather strap last year. Only two cuts with it and I was a blubbering wreck
I've no desire to feel that strap again!

 

[wicked woman]

"Come with no panties;" "if she comes wearing them;" How is this "doing what [he] told her to [do]?" Note the bolded [2] portion of the original post, please.

oh my lord, you seem to be one of the few people who can actually read the opening post

 

[midwestyankee]

A girl I know to be a submissive has arranged a meet with me later this week. I am inexperienced playing the role of the dom.

I told her to come with no panties to my apartment and I want to be prepared to dish out punishment if she comes wearing them. I don't want to start with anything to strong - it won't be our first sexual encounter but it will be our first time in the sub/dom roles.

What is something I can do that doesn't come off too strong but still sends the message that I'm in charge if she comes wearing them? All I can come up with is spanking but that seems a bit strong to me already. I'm looking for something that doesn't involve BDSM or toys - not yet anyways.

Based on what I've read here and your subsequent posts on the subject, I'd say the most punishing thing you could do in this situation would be to be there when she arrives.

You're not ready to be a Dominant, you're clearly more interested in the surface actions of a Dom than the inner realities of being a Dominant, and will no doubt confuse the hell out of your friend the submissive.

You've a long journey ahead of you if you wish to transform yourself into being a Dominant and if you treasure your friendship with this woman, hold off until you know what you're doing.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Based on what I've read here and your subsequent posts on the subject, I'd say the most punishing thing you could do in this situation would be to be there when she arrives.

And I thought I was being a bit hard!

You're not ready to be a Dominant, you're clearly more interested in the surface actions of a Dom than the inner realities of being a Dominant, and will no doubt confuse the hell out of your friend the submissive.

You've a long journey ahead of you if you wish to transform yourself into being a Dominant and if you treasure your friendship with this woman, hold off until you know what you're doing.

That's sort of what I said in "speaking" to him above, but a tad more ... blunt, and easier to understand the underlying point. Thanks for clearing that up, MWY. Sometimes in trying to be nice (it's hard for me), I write a little obtusely.

 

[LadyKiki]

I just wondering, why wouldn't she not wear panties if that's what she's supposed to do? It seems like you're worrying about something minor and possibly looking for an excuse to "punish" or whatever. I don't think it's going to work.

I mean, he tells me not to wear panties, I don't wear panties. I don't run around trying to figure out a way to get around it or wear the damn things, anyway, to see what he'll do. This kind of thing blows my mind.

Maybe this is why I don't get punishment threads. I do what I'm told, or at least I make every effort to, so no real reason to punish. I guess I blindly assume that most people do the same.

I'm an incorrigible brat...I would wear them. If there's a button I just GOTTA push it.

 

[Kalliope]

...will no doubt confuse the hell out of your friend the submissive.

VERY true, and not just confuse but probably frustrate. You don't necessarily have to be wrathful or punishing to be a good Dom, but you do have to be The One In Charge, and if you're uncertain like this she'll definitely pick up on it. (Note: by "uncertain" I mean that you sound like you're not sure you even want to dominate her, not that you don't know what to do; one is just a matter of getting ideas, and learning what turns each of you on, the other is a much bigger issue.) I've been the sub in a situation very similar to that before, and I was left feeling both guilty (because I felt like I was pushing him outside his comfort zone, and I don't enjoy that AT ALL - being pushed, yes, but not doing the pushing), and unfulfilled, because my needs weren't being met...and then even more guilty for being selfish. So unless it's your intention to make her feel that way, I'd wait until you've done some soul-searching first.

 

[Homburg]

Based on what I've read here and your subsequent posts on the subject, I'd say the most punishing thing you could do in this situation would be to be there when she arrives.

Once again, MWY, you post what I was thinking before I get to the thread. The difference here is that this made me laugh my hindparts off. Good show!

 

[midwestyankee]

And I thought I was being a bit hard!

That's sort of what I said in "speaking" to him above, but a tad more ... blunt, and easier to understand the underlying point. Thanks for clearing that up, MWY. Sometimes in trying to be nice (it's hard for me), I write a little obtusely.

Once again, MWY, you post what I was thinking before I get to the thread. The difference here is that this made me laugh my hindparts off. Good show!

Thanks, guys. Sometimes ya just have to don the old umpire's hat and call 'em like you see 'em.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'm with Sir Winston because he can and does read first, he is wise, and he said what I was going to.

Catalina

 

[ZalisTyln]

Alright well thanks all for the replies. I did a terrible job explaining my situation in my original post.

Let me clarify. Both the girl and I are young and inexperienced in Dom/Sub roles. No we aren't going to live the lifestyle, it was just a gimmick she has brought up a few times to have some fun sex. What I was hoping for was someone to give me some ideas to play around with if she disobeyed this first order, because I think she's the kind of girl that would do that hoping for punishment.

I guess people around here take their sex real serious haha. Anyways sorry, I probably used the wrong terms and whatnot.

 

[midwestyankee]

Alright well thanks all for the replies. I did a terrible job explaining my situation in my original post.

Let me clarify. Both the girl and I are young and inexperienced in Dom/Sub roles. No we aren't going to live the lifestyle, it was just a gimmick she has brought up a few times to have some fun sex. What I was hoping for was someone to give me some ideas to play around with if she disobeyed this first order, because I think she's the kind of girl that would do that hoping for punishment.

I guess people around here take their sex real serious haha. Anyways sorry, I probably used the wrong terms and whatnot.

You're right: we do take it seriously.

What you're interested in is toying with kinky sex practices. That's a whole different thing from practicing bdsm. Enjoy yourselves with anything kinky that comes to mind. Want to try some pain: spank her ass until it glows. Want her to feel the discomfort of being restricted: tie her hands to a bed post (take care to keep her circulation going and to be able to untie or cut off the restraint in a moment if needed). Want to exercise power: get her horny as can be and then make her beg to be used in any way you desire.

And then do it.

 

[Windflower]

I think the primary misunderstanding, as a result of your inexperience -aka lack of understanding and awareness- is in direct relation with any assumption that all, or most people here, would define their BDSM to focus mainly upon, and or be defined by, or reliant upon sex. That aside...

I think you should do what I know would happen to many if they were to purposely disobey. Just tell her to get dressed and then get real busy with doing nothing more than ignoring her. Regardless, if it's real punishment you're trying to accomplish, do not reward poor behavior etc.

If you're both content to just act out the roles, so be it. Nothing wrong with that either, as long as it's what you both are willing to settle for. In that case, make her sniff the panties, tell her she smells like a raunchy little slut and then you might make her wear her panties on her head the entire evening, or as already suggested use them as a gag to silence her whining. Maybe even make her keep them on and refuse her requests to use the potty. Let her piss them and wear them. Cold wet panties can feel so humiliating. So I have been told, anyway.

I'm curious now, what are you going to do if she shows up without panties, as instructed?

Alright well thanks all for the replies. I did a terrible job explaining my situation in my original post.

Let me clarify. Both the girl and I are young and inexperienced in Dom/Sub roles. No we aren't going to live the lifestyle, it was just a gimmick she has brought up a few times to have some fun sex. What I was hoping for was someone to give me some ideas to play around with if she disobeyed this first order, because I think she's the kind of girl that would do that hoping for punishment.

I guess people around here take their sex real serious haha. Anyways sorry, I probably used the wrong terms and whatnot.

 

[shycoyote]

Sounds like she`s bringing it up playfully in hopes that you will be into it.
She also sounds like she knows what she wants, sort of topping from the bottom. I used to do that... when with a vanilla partner, to get some thrill.
I also would suggest you read. Check for Lit stories, there should be some on a dom`s formative experiences.
For your comfort you might think up a couple `punishments`and then have her choose... that way she might feel some humiliation over having to choose what you`re going to do to her.
In doing that you`ll be able to gauge from her reaction what stuff turns her on....
Being an exhibitionist who enjoys humiliation - I`d suggest one of her punishments be that youre going to post a picture of her tits or snatch here on lit.

 

[Dommoser]

I have to say...

We all live and learn and the reprocussions of a failed attempt is not the result as a train crash. Have fun and go with it. You will gain confidence the next time. If she knows you are new, she should understand. Have you ever been out on a date and said the wrong thing and did not go out again? If so you lived through it and you will live through this.

I believe that you should take her back to her place and make her model clothes for you.

The way you can have fun with her finding out her limits is getting 2 decks of cards, one red and one black. The red are punishment cards and the black is reward cards. Tell her she needs to take 20 of each and write on the face side the the twenty things she likes on the black and he twenty things she dislikes on the faces of the reds. Every outfit you like she draws from the black and every one you dislike she draws from the red. This way you can feel comfortable with what she has chosen for you to do.

Anyways, have fun!