Ways to have fun working retail....

[SEVERUSMAX]

...and not get fired.

1. Use foreign accents as much as possible.
2. Flirt in less obvious ways with all of your opposite sex colleagues (or same sex, if you prefer, but that's riskier).
3. Jokingly refer to all of your quarreling colleagues as "children". And tell them to "behave". When they're rough-housing too much, that is.
4. When ringing up a colleague, ask him for ID.
5. When ringing up a colleague, check his money to see if it's real.
6. Speculate in your mind as to the origin of your customer's names.
7. Ask one's colleagues really obscure questions about things that they have no idea about. Works best with the airheads.
8. Remind them that they have registers to run. That really messes with the lazy ones.
9. When a customer jokes that they just printed their money, ask a co-worker for the number of the Secret Service. Of course, with a grin to indicate that you're joking. Unless you really want to scare the customer and risk getting fired.
10. Tell the most gossipy colleagues that you know that you find certain co-workers of the opposite sex very attractive, and then wait to see if they are shy around you.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

11. Give each of your colleagues nicknames. For instance, I twisted the last name of one of them into a name which rhymes with "wizenheimer", because that's what he is. I call one of my female supervisors "Hyde Park", because her high-pitched, blue-blooded Yankee accent reminds me of the Roosevelts. And I refer to one of my female colleagues as "Beelzebub", because she's evil incarnate and her name happens to have a lot of Bs in it.

 

[slyc_willie]

*snerk*

These also work well in a restaurant environment. Especially #s 3 and 7, which I enjoy on a daily basis. I really love messing with the kids' minds.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

LOL. I also like acting totally nonchalant about the way that I am excluded by my mostly juvenile colleagues. I don't need their party crowd and their drama, anyway. It's mildly amusing, in fact. I wonder if they even think about what I think of them. Probably not.

 

[slyc_willie]

LOL. I also like acting totally nonchalant about the way that I am excluded by my mostly juvenile colleagues. I don't need their party crowd and their drama, anyway. It's mildly amusing, in fact. I wonder if they even think about what I think of them. Probably not.

I've found that, for whatever reasons, they really do care about what I think of them. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I'm one short step away from full-fledged management (which I don't want to be), or maybe they actually value my opinion. Perhaps I possess a certain amount of charisma, who knows.

Not long ago, they hosted a surprise birthday party for me, and more than half the staff turned out to wish me well and buy me drinks. I don't think they'll ever know just how much that gesture touched me.

I sure as hell won't tell 'em.

 

[cloudy]

12. Make up some piece of obscure equipment - my personal favorite was the "rack stretcher." Tell one of your employees you can't find it, and send them on a hunt throughout the store for it.

While they are gone looking for it, call the other anchor store in the mall, and tell the manager on duty what you're doing. When the associate reports back to you, say, "oh, I let XXXX borrow it. Run down there and get it for me." Send them to the store you just called.

(yes, I've done this)

 

[Guest]

I've found that, for whatever reasons, they really do care about what I think of them. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I'm one short step away from full-fledged management (which I don't want to be), or maybe they actually value my opinion. Perhaps I possess a certain amount of charisma, who knows.

Not long ago, they hosted a surprise birthday party for me, and more than half the staff turned out to wish me well and buy me drinks. I don't think they'll ever know just how much that gesture touched me.

I sure as hell won't tell 'em.

Can I touch you?

 

[unregistered]

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Anyone's who's actually done retail work knows there is no way to make it enjoyable.

 

[CeriseNoire]

Anyone's who's actually done retail work knows there is no way to make it enjoyable.

I have to agree, but at least it can be made bearable.

 

[unregistered]

Favorite retail story...

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

I worked at Dick's Sporting Goods while in college. I actually liked retail; it was a good fit for me at that age.

Given the name of the store, something funny happens at least weekly...sometimes much more often. Some customer will announce, "I love Dick's." Whenever a snobby woman, or a soccer mom-type, or old lady would shout how much they love dicks in the store, it took everything in me to keep a straight face.

My first retail job in a hardware store was similar. We'd have to struggle to keep professional when people asked "can you help me with my nipples?" or "I need a better screw then what I have."

 

[Guest]

Dicks, nipples, and screws.

What's not to love?

I had a private lesson student once whose name was Ho.

He'd enter the music store and before he made his way back to me one of the ladies up front would invariably say, "Oh, hi, Ho!"

I swear I bit holes into my lower lip.

 

[TheeGoatPig]

I loved working retail so long as I wasn't behind a register all day (my knees can't take standing in one place for too long, they need to move and flex). Working at Bradley's was my favorite job ever. If I could have that job back at the money I am making now? I would go back in a heartbeat.

 

[Emperor_Nero]

Dicks, nipples, and screws.

What's not to love?

I had a private lesson student once whose name was Ho.

He'd enter the music store and before he made his way back to me one of the ladies up front would invariably say, "Oh, hi, Ho!"

I swear I bit holes into my lower lip.

I suppose if he was a good student, after that point it was off to work he'd go

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

I'm presently working retail, which is how I got those ideas. I am not just making this up.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

SEVERUS

Psychiatric work is what's fun. After the client leaves we laugh our asses off making fun of them and their silly problems.

 

[glynndah]

I liked working retail, even at Christmas. I used to work my shift on Christmas Eve and then volunteer to help wrap gifts.

Of course it's a lot more fun when you can smile and answer people who complain about the long wait to have their purchases gift-wrapped with "You waited 364 days to buy this present and now you're complaining about an additional 30 minutes?!?"