Any other switches in here?

[WCHSP]

I find a lot of BDSM stuff really fucking boring. What, you want me to let you tie me down? Fuck no. Nor am I going to lie still while you hurt me. Want to hurt me? You're going to have to fucking earn it, and if you're too slow, guess who's going to be the one getting tortured tonight?

I like pain. Giving, receiving, whatever. But what I like most about the pain is the fear and the futile attempts to get away. I love it when a woman is squirming under me, trying to get out but unable, moaning and losing control. I love it just as much when she's got me in the same position, and I want a woman with whom I can do both. I also don't want to know, at the start of the evening, which of us it's going to be, I just want it to happen and be hot, both of us trying as hard as we can the entire time.

Anyone else like that?

 

[BiBunny]

Sometimes.

 

[Asterexvan]

Sometimes.

Same here lol.

 

[BiBunny]

that would be BDSM without the D/s.... which i've done before and had much fun. (actually the degree you described sounds more like some kind of mutual rape)

...but there is definitley something to be said for the D/s aspect as well.

I kinda feel like because i've done what you're talking about (to a lesser extreme) before, and that is exists at all... we switches end up carrying it as a cross, with non-switchy types labeling us as into that all the time, one and all.

It hurts some of us quite a bit.

Not to throw cold water on your steamy kink.

Its like Netzach said about how snuff shouldnt fall under the label of bdsm just cuz its out here on the borderlands with us.... i similarly feel there ought to be a different label for that brand of switching than for someone who is ok with submitting but also has fun Dominating.

It's very different practices.

I'd say 99% of the time, the play I enjoy is just pure S&M. For me, S&M is for fun (and it is VERY fun). But I can be quite dominant if I'm in the mood. The same goes for being submissive. It does, however, require the right person, the right mood, the right circumstances, the right phases of the moon, etc. Does that make me any less of a BDSM practitioner than the switch who runs around submitting to or trying to dominate any old Tom, Dick, and Harry? I don't think so.

I think you're venturing dangerously close to that "only people who do things a certain way (i.e., my way) are 'real'" idea. I know from your posts that you believe you're a different brand of switch, and that's all right, I suppose. But just because I prefer S&M to any sort of power exchange 9 times out of 10 doesn't make my experience less valid than yours, and it doesn't make you look bad, either.

As a side note, I've found that if you're up front with people about what you want from the very start, they generally don't "look down" on you for being a switch. On the other hand, I've gotten to the point that the only people I play with are other switches because they get it. That way, I don't have to compose a 5-page essay about who I am and what I want from the other person.

 

[Netzach]

I find a lot of BDSM stuff really fucking boring. What, you want me to let you tie me down? Fuck no. Nor am I going to lie still while you hurt me. Want to hurt me? You're going to have to fucking earn it, and if you're too slow, guess who's going to be the one getting tortured tonight?

I like pain. Giving, receiving, whatever. But what I like most about the pain is the fear and the futile attempts to get away. I love it when a woman is squirming under me, trying to get out but unable, moaning and losing control. I love it just as much when she's got me in the same position, and I want a woman with whom I can do both. I also don't want to know, at the start of the evening, which of us it's going to be, I just want it to happen and be hot, both of us trying as hard as we can the entire time.

Anyone else like that?

Not really. If I want that kind of headache I'll date guys I have to explain all this crap to.

 

[midwestyankee]

Not really. If I want that kind of headache I'll date guys I have to explain all this crap to.

Cue the patented CutieMouse/BiBunny snort.

 

[HotheadKali]

I find a lot of BDSM stuff really fucking boring. What, you want me to let you tie me down? Fuck no. Nor am I going to lie still while you hurt me. Want to hurt me? You're going to have to fucking earn it, and if you're too slow, guess who's going to be the one getting tortured tonight?

I like pain. Giving, receiving, whatever. But what I like most about the pain is the fear and the futile attempts to get away. I love it when a woman is squirming under me, trying to get out but unable, moaning and losing control. I love it just as much when she's got me in the same position, and I want a woman with whom I can do both. I also don't want to know, at the start of the evening, which of us it's going to be, I just want it to happen and be hot, both of us trying as hard as we can the entire time.

Anyone else like that?

My god, you sound like my kind of person. Exactly.

 

[Puman]

I find a lot of BDSM stuff really fucking boring. What, you want me to let you tie me down? Fuck no. Nor am I going to lie still while you hurt me. Want to hurt me? You're going to have to fucking earn it, and if you're too slow, guess who's going to be the one getting tortured tonight?

I like pain. Giving, receiving, whatever. But what I like most about the pain is the fear and the futile attempts to get away. I love it when a woman is squirming under me, trying to get out but unable, moaning and losing control. I love it just as much when she's got me in the same position, and I want a woman with whom I can do both. I also don't want to know, at the start of the evening, which of us it's going to be, I just want it to happen and be hot, both of us trying as hard as we can the entire time.

Anyone else like that?

Alas... I am already taken....

 

[WCHSP]

My god, you sound like my kind of person. Exactly.

And you've got "Kali" in your username, so I'd almost certainly fuck you. Tell me more.

@Stag of Oberon
I know what you mean about fetish delineation. I'm a UofT sociologist, and one of my interests is boundary work... I mean, what I've been working with mainly is about the distinction of science from non-science, but the principles apply in other things as well. In fact, fetishes are nice and easy because you've got a very simple test: propose a fantasy and see who says it turns them on.

Just as a (somewhat) unrelated example, look at FemDom/Msub as a whole, then CBT, then ballbusting. Guys into ballbusting are often squicked by CBT, which is kind of bizarre but true... they enjoy genital pain, but want the dom to leave their cock the fuck alone. So there's actually an entirely different fetish for guys who like to have their genitals hurt, and guys who just like to have their balls hurt, and neither of those is necessarily related to guys who simply like being hurt in general (sometimes guys into FemDom as a whole want their genitals left alone, and often guys into ballbusting find any kind of pain that doesn't involve genitals to be entirely unerotic).

 

[HotheadKali]

And you've got "Kali" in your username, so I'd almost certainly fuck you. Tell me more.

I am not a religious person, but she is close to my heart as a goddess in the great wide world of stories of "higher beings". She is rampant, and I can relate.

What else shall I tell you?

 

[da_scribe]

As a fairly new fan of the bdsm approach, I sometimes wonder how much more aggressive I should be. I am the male and my lover is a big physical woman, not in the BBW sense, but in the athletic sense, though we are both in our 50's. She loves being tied and spanked and penetrated roughly and with fairly large objects, but she is very passive while I tie her. Sometimes, I think she would like it rougher in the early stages but she submits so ealiy to the bondage thatit never really comes up, you know? Any wisdom or advice? I have really loved being introduced to this on a regular basis (I've had sporadic experiences but nothing approaching a regular use of bondage and pain) and I would appreciate any information you guys and gals might have to offer.

 

[BiBunny]

As a fairly new fan of the bdsm approach, I sometimes wonder how much more aggressive I should be. I am the male and my lover is a big physical woman, not in the BBW sense, but in the athletic sense, though we are both in our 50's. She loves being tied and spanked and penetrated roughly and with fairly large objects, but she is very passive while I tie her. Sometimes, I think she would like it rougher in the early stages but she submits so ealiy to the bondage thatit never really comes up, you know? Any wisdom or advice? I have really loved being introduced to this on a regular basis (I've had sporadic experiences but nothing approaching a regular use of bondage and pain) and I would appreciate any information you guys and gals might have to offer.

Ummm...ask her?

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Ummm...ask her?

heh heh. There's that.


At those rare times when I am being tied, it is often a very meditative activity for me and I am quite still and peaceful. For some, it can be a moment of real surrender, so what you're reading there might be a very tranquil meditative state, or a state of total peace, trust, and surrender. Or she may be processing fear, or she may be getting off so intensely she can't move.

but yes. Ask her.

bj

 

[WCHSP]

I am not a religious person, but she is close to my heart as a goddess in the great wide world of stories of "higher beings". She is rampant, and I can relate.

What else shall I tell you?

Haha, sounds about right. I don't believe that the gods have much in the way of external reality, but I enjoy venerating them anyway... Kali, Pan and Dionysus particularly.

What else... well we're around the same age, similar sexual tastes... physique? I'm 5'10 and skinny/flexible for a guy. About 150 lbs.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

im more the meditative type when being tied myself. once i trust someone enough to let them in the first place it just doesnt occur to me to be fearful, and to me the fun is not in the process of being tied up, but what happens once the ropes are on.

So there's a period of setting up where i'm neither in the heat of things, nor really in that uncertain stage of anticipation. Theoretically i know that something is going to happen, so theres none of the doubt that puts the kick in anticipation. Just obedience and trust.

This reminds me of one time in particular though that i was being tied up; She asked me if i was comfortable. i think She was expecting me to be in a more fearful headspace, or at least in more of a subby frame of mind.

Instead i gave an honest answer;
"kindof... its a little awkward on my back, if you could just..."

i still remember the look on Her face.

Her prefered method of punishment (in so far as i got to experience) was stonewalling. She left me lying there half tied up.

i wish She would have just beat me.

She never did really explain to me precisely what had upset Her so, though in retrospect i can speculate of course, but hindsight is shiny.

LOL!

Yup.

I was allowing myself to be tied once, long ago, by someone who needed the practice. Halfway through he asked me the same question. Let's see... I'm suspended spreadeagled, nearly on tiptoes, astride a pole, halfway through a shibari breast tie. He says, without really thinking about it, "Are you comfortable?" with genuine concern. I cracked up.

He realized what he'd asked, and cracked up too.

Perhaps asking for a mint julep at that point did take it a bit too far, but i'm nothing if not SAMmy.

bj