It's Stupid But

[aNoYoNoMoUs]

When my girl first told me she was bi, i think i had the stereotypical male response

sweet, when's your girlfriends coming over

see, told you it was stereotypical
and may seem naive/foolish

but i was joking
partially

truth was it excited me, something new and interesting
but then quickly it turned to fear,
I have a need to be wanted and I think I always thought if I could be good enough I could be the best (sad i know), but I could never replace another girl

not physically, emotionally or anything

what if she fancied other girls, or wouldn't a bi-sexual guy be perfect for her ?
(especially since she is interested in threesomes etc)

sorry to rant/fret but otherwise these thoughts just run around in my head

thanks for reading this, any advice would be welcomed

 

[Bandit58]

No you can't replace another woman, but who says you need to?

I'm bi and married to a straight man. He allows me to explore with other women, and I have a regular lady who I play with. He is not involved with her sexually.

HE is the one I love and want to spend the rest of my life with. She is a lovely friend with benefits, but just that, a friend. I've got no desire to have a relationship with a woman other than as a friend with benefits.

My husband and I have also had a few FFM threesomes. It is a wonderful way to have a lot of sexual fun, but your primary relationship with your girl should be absolutely rock solid before you bring in another person, and where everybody stands should be talked about up front before anything sexual happens.

My best advice? TALK TO HER. Find out what she wants, and tell her if you're feeling insecure. Communicate

 

[SweetErika]

No you can't replace another woman, but who says you need to?

I'm bi and married to a straight man. He allows me to explore with other women, and I have a regular lady who I play with. He is not involved with her sexually.

HE is the one I love and want to spend the rest of my life with. She is a lovely friend with benefits, but just that, a friend. I've got no desire to have a relationship with a woman other than as a friend with benefits.

My husband and I have also had a few FFM threesomes. It is a wonderful way to have a lot of sexual fun, but your primary relationship with your girl should be absolutely rock solid before you bring in another person, and where everybody stands should be talked about up front before anything sexual happens.

My best advice? TALK TO HER. Find out what she wants, and tell her if you're feeling insecure. Communicate

Great post, Bandit!

I'd like to add my own experience: When the primary relationship is completely solid and people are totally committed to each other, secure in themselves and making that relationship work, no other people or relationships (no matter how deep, from friendship to sex to a loving, committed relationship) pose a threat.

Even having a very deep, loving relationship with someone else doesn't make me love or commit to my husband any less. In fact, I've found it renews my happiness and commitment to him because I'm getting more than what I need and his generosity in encouraging me to do that makes me love and appreciate him all the more. He's so good to me in this, and many other, ways that I have no desire to focus on someone else more or leave him!

I agree, you should talk to your girlfriend about your feelings so she has a chance to reassure you and make sure you feel needed and wanted. And know that her being who she is and with other people won't make her love, need or want the unique person you are any less. When it comes down to it, one really has nothing to do with the other - they just coalesce when we decide to work out the logistics together.

 

[ivantheterrible]

my wife is bi curious but she never went through with it. and like the typical guy, i thought, great! 3 some potential. but as i got to learn more about this it is more than likely she would find someone as a lover who is not interested in you.
i know someone who exclusively dates only bi women just for the fact he has potential 3 somes. and has had many. but he is a smooth talker, can bullshit a woman out of her panties in 3.2 seconds. how he does it i don't know. but i was told he is hung like a horse and the women know it and become curious about his dick size, so, he got the nickname, goldenrod.
one friend dated him for years before she split with him. she said the relationship was pure lust for him because of the size of his cock. she's bisexual and had a lover for years. she split with him because she wanted a guy who was father material . now she is a mother with a man who , as i was told has a really small cock, and she no longer has a girlfriend.
life. sex. relationships. go figure.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Is there a particular reason why you posted this in the BDSM forum? It isn't a problem except this is a BDSM specific forum as such, and you might reach a wider/larger group who could give you insight and great advice in the GLBT forum , some of whom might have been through similar experiences to what you are referring. If you wish for me to transfer the thread over there, let me know.

Catalina

 

[Fuckette]

When my girl first told me she was bi, i think i had the stereotypical male response

sweet, when's your girlfriends coming over

see, told you it was stereotypical
and may seem naive/foolish

but i was joking
partially

truth was it excited me, something new and interesting
but then quickly it turned to fear,
I have a need to be wanted and I think I always thought if I could be good enough I could be the best (sad i know), but I could never replace another girl

not physically, emotionally or anything

what if she fancied other girls, or wouldn't a bi-sexual guy be perfect for her ?
(especially since she is interested in threesomes etc)

sorry to rant/fret but otherwise these thoughts just run around in my head

thanks for reading this, any advice would be welcomed

Dump the lesbo!

 

[HotheadKali]

Speaking from personal experience...

I'm bi as well. This seems to deter people of both genders because they assume that they'll never be able to satisfy me. For me, this is not the case; I like both genders (and really, any in between) but I personally don't need both at the same time. I've been in three very happy and monogamous relationships in which the person I was with was the only person I was doing anything with at the time.

So yeah, just like everyone else above has said--talk to her. "Bi" is such a stereotype-charged word (like any other descriptive term, really) that it might be hard to understand at first, but it means different things to different people. Ask her what she wants.

 

[Tyr51]

Bi doesn't mean you need both. It doesn't mean you need more than one person, either.

Bi means you have the capacity to be sexually excited by either gender. Straight folk are attracted to many people as well. I'm no more inclined to cheat than my bi friends.

I agree with the "talk" advice.

And don't underestimate yourself. *hugs* So... she's bi! She is capable of finding great people attractice regardless of their gender! She chose you and is with you. That's pretty good.

 

[aNoYoNoMoUs]

Thanks everyone

Thanks you guys, I know talking to her is the best thing to do, I just need to vent every now and then and don't want to make things awkward, I do love her and want everything to work out so badly (cheesy i know)

thanks Tyr51 that means a lot

erm, I didn't know there was a GLBT forum.. might be more approp. there, thanks catalina could you bump it?