New to the dom and sub scene

[sexyskibunnysub]

I am with a man that I love and trust. I have not felt the desire (though, slight curiosity) to do the bdsm thing in the past. Which this man, I naturally want to be submissive to him. I want to be tied up. I want him to collar me. I want him to pull my hair. The thought really turns me on. I am not sure why he brings this out in me....Maybe one of you have some insight on why....
I brought up the subject with him. We are doing long-distance right now, but we talk about it and it both gets us going. We like the dom/sub thing, tying me up, some ass slapping and hair pulling. I don't want serious pain and he does not want to hurt me. Do you have any ideas on stuff to try for a new couple? I know we also want to make love and what many of you have dubbed "vanilla sex". Do you still make love with your partner?

 

[camelotak]

I'm fairly new to this also. I have always had the dark desires but until recently didn't really have an outlet. I am married and had talked to my wife about the things I wanted but she just never seemed to embrace being submissive. Recently I started an online relationship with someone that allowed me to play around with that darker side. Strange thing is that at the same time my wife made a commitment to me that she wanted to play and give herself to me more. We talked and she encouraged me to continue with my online liason. My wife is just starting and so I go slow with her whereas my online lets me play a lot harder (so to speak). Anyways, short story long is that even with the interest my wife has shown we still end up probably about 20/80. About 20% of our play time is the play and about 80% is "vanilla" and I am just fine with that. In the end there is still alot to be said to just make slow, gentle, passionate love to someone and then just curl up in each others arms and go to sleep.

 

[Zoots_owner]

Kink is a little like, oh... religion/philosophy? Everyone has their own personal perspective, feelings and preferences, and it's an incredibly personal topic, so the thinking person will find their own way, regardless of the opinions of others.

Don't like pain? No problem, some people think that BDSM is monolithic, but many don't. If what you like is bondage and D/s, you needn't ever go beyond those. Want it to be romantic? It can be that, too. It can be whatever you make of it.

And, yes, one can still do all those perfectly vanilla things, too. Kink is an addition, but it only becomes a replacement when/if you want it to.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Kink is a little like, oh... religion/philosophy? Everyone has their own personal perspective, feelings and preferences, and it's an incredibly personal topic, so the thinking person will find their own way, regardless of the opinions of others.

Don't like pain? No problem, some people think that BDSM is monolithic, but many don't. If what you like is bondage and D/s, you needn't ever go beyond those. Want it to be romantic? It can be that, too. It can be whatever you make of it.

And, yes, one can still do all those perfectly vanilla things, too. Kink is an addition, but it only becomes a replacement when/if you want it to.

What an excellent response!

To the OP...

I've always said there's no rulebook that must be followed in BDSM, it is totally up to the you to make it what you want it to be for you and your partner or partners. As long as everyone involved is in agreement anything is possible.

As for sex, if it were not a part of what Daddy and I did together I wouldn't be a happy camper at all... just saying.

 

[Hisscarlett]

there is no right or wrong in BDSM - there are many who might say that if you don't do it their way you are not a "true sub/Dom" but that is plain daft - just as there is no right or wrong in vanilla relationships there is no right or wrong in a BDSM one either - barring obviously the fact it is important to be consensual and safe

i live a 24/7 TPE relationship with my Master - i am owned, collared and marked as His - but that is our choice and isn't right for everyone - i have friends who do things that make me cringe and vice versa - we are purely monogamous and again that isn't right for everyone - Master is always my Master but at times He is soft and sweet with me - that is His choice

the initials of BDSM mean many things and not everyone is a Sadist/masochist - not everyone is into D/s and not everyone is into bondage - and some live 24/7 while others enjoy play sessions

i suggest you read Jay Wiseman's book - SM 101 - www.jaywiseman.com - it is very very basic and is great for beginners

whatever you decide i wish you well on your exciting journey