Why i don't like nice guys

[SinfulSailor]

Yes but will he take me to a party and charge his buddies a quarter each for me to blow them and will he let me take my teddy bear with me? Or better yet will he have something far more twisted in his own mind?

Now you're talkin'.

Or to do (and make you do) those things he has in his own mind and then one day after you've completely forgotten about it, rent your mouth out for a quarter a pop?

Taking your fantasy away from you and making it his own. Changing you from a participant to just a prop in the situation. Taking away your control-by-suggestion and then coming back in his own time and his own way and owning your fantasy, your innermost needs and self.

To me, that is full ownership. Owning the outside *and* the inside.

 

[Netzach]

Now you're talkin'.

Or to do (and make you do) those things he has in his own mind and then one day after you've completely forgotten about it, rent your mouth out for a quarter a pop?

Taking your fantasy away from you and making it his own. Changing you from a participant to just a prop in the situation. Taking away your control-by-suggestion and then coming back in his own time and his own way and owning your fantasy, your innermost needs and self.

To me, that is full ownership. Owning the outside *and* the inside.

Yes.

This is the tack I take with people who come to me with a pre-conceived idea of where they "need" to be. It happens on my schedule, and according to what I want. I've sorted myself out from a lot of incompatible bottoms this way, as I have no patience with the impatient.

 

[ataxia.girl]

Taking your fantasy away from you and making it his own. Changing you from a participant to just a prop in the situation. Taking away your control-by-suggestion and then coming back in his own time and his own way and owning your fantasy, your innermost needs and self.

This is why i know i shouldn't share my fantasies easily actually. i have because lots of men are lazy and want to know just so they don't have to think but it rarely works for them to just be my fantasy fulfillment device. i went down that road for awhile and it was fun in a very vanilla, roll the sex party dice, sort of way.

 

[Netzach]

This is why i know i shouldn't share my fantasies easily actually. i have because lots of men are lazy and want to know just so they don't have to think but it rarely works for them to just be my fantasy fulfillment device. i went down that road for awhile and it was fun in a very vanilla, roll the sex party dice, sort of way.

The smart not nice guy sees them as a key or a hint or a flavor, not as a paint-by-numbers.

 

[ataxia.girl]

This is the tack I take with people who come to me with a pre-conceived idea of where they "need" to be. It happens on my schedule, and according to what I want. I've sorted myself out from a lot of incompatible bottoms this way, as I have no patience with the impatient.

This is the kind of talking that gets me all angry and frustrated and excited. Being tied up isn't loss of control that is. Its intolerable and irresistable all at once.

 

[ataxia.girl]

The smart not nice guy sees them as a key or a hint or a flavor, not as a paint-by-numbers.

*sigh* okay i concede. No more quasi wannabe lazy stupid Jackass sociopaths, just really smart, twisted, nice guys who are a little fucked up.

 

[Netzach]

*sigh* okay i concede. No more quasi wannabe lazy stupid Jackass sociopaths, just really smart, twisted, nice guys who are a little fucked up.

How about smart guys who are a lot fucked up?

 

[ataxia.girl]

How about smart guys who are a lot fucked up?

Smart, nice and a lot fucked up. Got it. Yes i think that is exactly what i need.

 

[madetotakeit]

Smart goes without saying.

*EG, know that you are single, but you're just too darn far away. *

 

[BiBunny]

How about smart guys who are a lot fucked up?

These are my downfall. I feel the need to rescue them, and it usually all goes to hell in a handbasket. I live for that ride, though.

 

[ataxia.girl]

These are my downfall. I feel the need to rescue them, and it usually all goes to hell in a handbasket. I live for that ride, though.

my problem is i think they are the only ones crazy enough to rescue me and well it just doesn't seem like it works out. i do end up getting fucked in the ass a lot though so its not a total loss.

 

[BiBunny]

my problem is i think they are the only ones crazy enough to rescue me and well it just doesn't seem like it works out. i do end up getting fucked in the ass a lot though so its not a total loss.

And there's your problem right there. As long as you live your life believing you need someone to rescue you, you're always going to be in that same boat.

Figure out what you want. Be happy with yourself first. Don't worry about relationships. These things happen when you least expect them once you're happy with your own company.

 

[ataxia.girl]

And there's your problem right there. As long as you live your life believing you need someone to rescue you, you're always going to be in that same boat.

Figure out what you want. Be happy with yourself first. Don't worry about relationships. These things happen when you least expect them once you're happy with your own company.

Yeah, well i tried that for more than a decade. Got tired of it. i'm reasonably comfortable with my level of discomfort with myself. Does that count?

 

[BiBunny]

Yeah, well i tried that for more than a decade. Got tired of it. i'm reasonably comfortable with my level of discomfort with myself. Does that count?

If you keep making the same mistake over and over, then no.

 

[ataxia.girl]

If you keep making the same mistake over and over, then no.

Well yes Uncle Jackass was a mistake that's true but he's the first one i would consider an actual mistake. i'm working on redeeming myself from that one. i woulda been here carrying on before now if the others had really been mistakes.

 

[ataxia.girl]

If you keep making the same mistake over and over, then no.

More seriously though...

i'm not a walking series of mistakes, in fact kinda the opposite. Its interesting because i actually have a rather unstable sister (much like myself) who is several years younger, single, and still figuring herself out. i didn't spend all that figuring out time, built the life and am living it. i think we both look at each other and think "i want that" but neither of us are willing to give up what we have for what the other has got. i want her freedom, she wants the little cocoon of love and stability i have around me keeping my crazy ass more or less safe.

i have seen some other people post similar sentiments, ITW specifically. You can choose stability, grandkids, and growing old together but you are going to miss out on some of the ride.

A lot of this is me coming to terms with the fact that doing the right thing, doing what i was supposed to do didn't fill up the hole inside me and now i want to look for ways to fill up the hole the way i would have looked if i had felt free to. Does it make a lot of sense. Nope, it doesn't. my hole inside doesn't go away but i also don't get to stop trying to fill it, is just how it is, i accept it. What i want is to practice a little free will, a little agency to pursue my own happiness in my own way. i want the pursuit i think i missed.

i would, however, like to survive the process i think, despite my best efforts not to, because some day i am going to swing on that porch swing with all my little grandchildren around me and quite possibly feel full, or they might drive me as crazy as their parents

Some of us are broken because we were abused when we were children and some of us are just born broken. i fought that for a long time, kept looking for the thing that was going to fix it and its just not out there. The problem is i am human and i can't actually stop looking, i can't, its not possible, even though i know i am still going to be fucked up me after every attempt. i will at least have another experience though and i think that counts for something.

 

[ataxia.girl]

Figure out what you want. Be happy with yourself first. Don't worry about relationships. These things happen when you least expect them once you're happy with your own company.

Oh and this is insanely good advice for people who have their whole lives in front of them. i wish you were around to tell me that when i was 24 instead of 34. yeah yeah i know my life isn't over but its committed and that can feel like the same thing sometimes.

 

[SinfulSailor]

my problem is i think they are the only ones crazy enough to rescue me and well it just doesn't seem like it works out. i do end up getting fucked in the ass a lot though so its not a total loss.

Most of the time, rescues work with a hand out. And the rescuee has to grab on to that and do their part.

 

[SinfulSailor]

The smart not nice guy sees them as a key or a hint or a flavor, not as a paint-by-numbers.

Right. "Key" is good. Something with which to open the submissive. "Flavor" is good. Added spice.

Moreover, something most people don't seem to understand is that the competent dominant needs to understand his submissive as completely as possible. Often, better than she understands herself. So to fail to discover these innermost thoughts and feelings is negligently counter productive.

Similarly, to limit what is revealed to the dominant is self (and relationship) destructive.

When you run into a paint-by-the-numbers kinda guy, then that just tells you he's not up on the level we're talking about here. For whatever reason(s).

Doesn't make him a bad person. Just a person who can't lead you over the edge. (So to speak.) Beyond the limitations of average. (If you will.)

 

[unfoundiamond]

I am this way

I have come to see with my own actions I not only want the bad boy, I want to be so beautiful and worthy to him that be will love me above all else, like the whole hope for honor among theives, what we dont realize is it doesnt exist.


We are like toys or trinkets, once the novelty has worn off and we can no longer be used the love goes away and the malice returns.

 

[Snoozebutton2]

Oh and this is insanely good advice for people who have their whole lives in front of them. i wish you were around to tell me that when i was 24 instead of 34. yeah yeah i know my life isn't over but its committed and that can feel like the same thing sometimes.

Geez I'll be 39 in sept don't say that as I still believe in the pot of gold at end of rainbow. Just that damn journey is taking a long time to find her.

 

[jockdom]

No, he can't.

Power is the willingness to bear the consequences of the action. A nice guy has an inherent limit of the power he can achieve.

Somebody's been reading way too much Nietzche and Plato!

 

[EmpressFi]

Oh and this is insanely good advice for people who have their whole lives in front of them. i wish you were around to tell me that when i was 24 instead of 34. yeah yeah i know my life isn't over but its committed and that can feel like the same thing sometimes.

Geez I'll be 39 in sept don't say that as I still believe in the pot of gold at end of rainbow. Just that damn journey is taking a long time to find her.

I second that. I'm 39 now. When I was 24.. hell when I was 34, I was still wandering around trying to figure out what I wanted to do ... every day that you're alive is a chance to change. Stop fixating on a number and thinking of how that number limits you. That's the quickest way to get old. Only your MIND limits you, not the number of years you've been on the planet

 

[SinfulSailor]

No, he can't.

Power is the willingness to bear the consequences of the action. A nice guy has an inherent limit of the power he can achieve.

You know, you might have something there. I'm going to give some thought to this concept of willingness (or ability (physical, emotional, strength of character and so on)) to deal with the consequences of the acceptance, assumption and exercise of power. This is an interesting concept and we might find something of an epiphany here.

However, upon contemplation it seems clear to me that the above states it exactly backwards.

Assuming there is a correlation between the possessing power and being able to deal with the consequences of the exercise of that power, then it appears obvious to me that it is the irresponsible person (the "bad boy" if you will) whose power is definitionally limited. Whereas the responsible ("good guy" if you will) enjoys far more power because he will own up to and deal with the consequences of the exercise of his power.

 

[jockdom]

By the power of Greyskull? The Force? Charlie Manson?
Is this some sort of Jedi Thing?