New Master with new sub......help

[Master_of_lucy]

Hi folks

I am new to this so please cut me some slack if I ask a dumb question in the wrong place. I have met a divorced lady who is 42, she has a long supressed desire to be submissive and has asked me to be her Domm.

She lives several hundred miles away at the other end of the country, but we speak every day. I have set her a couple of tasks, keeping an online diary. I have also sent her shopping with no bra or panties, which she found very hard to do but did comply. Admitting afterwards she found the whole thing very erotic. She always supplies me with photo evidence.

So my question is, where do I go next with her training. I am at a total loss for ideas. She is not into needless humiliation but does enjoy erotic experiences. I think she would enjoy some pain but due to a previous abusive husband I must tread carefuly in this area.

So I would be grateful for any ideas, suggestions for training.

thanks for reading this far.

Master_of_lucy

 

[FurryFury]

Dear Master of Lucy,

You don't sound like you are "mastering" her but rather being her "provider" of kinky fun. Perhaps you don't have any desires you would like to see her carry out, or this role of master just isn't for you. This is a possibility you need to really open yourself up to.

It's okay to acknowledge this isn't what you are into or that by providing someone else with their online fantasy pleasure you are actually serving your own submissive tendencies. Just because someone wants to have a master and thinks you are a good candidate doesn't mean that you, in your heart of hearts are the perfect fit.

If you do wish to continue, I would highly recommend a BDSM inventory (these can be found in the BDSM library at the top of this forum) of interest for both of you. Do you both have interests that overlap? What is on the hard limits list for both of you? What is on the soft limits list? That should give you a place to start with further ideas, should you decide that you want to continue the D/s sort of relationship.

You might also find this thread interesting:

Tasks assigned and accepted:

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=388631

I have some other thread that may be of interest on temp play and figging.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

You might find this book helpful. There is also a complimentary book for 'Bottoming.'

For suggestions on online task setting and so on, you'll get a lot of ideas from reading stories in the BDSM section or chatting in the Erotic Chatroom here with like-minded people.

You can also get her to do the grunt work and make some suggestions as to things she could do for you. What you do with her suggestions is up to you.

 

[licker4450]

It sounds like some internal reflection is necessary. I found that people in this lifestyle, regardless of what they are, are tapping into a deep internal calling. The desire to serve within a sub/slave is something that comes from a deep level. By the same token, the need to dominate is something more than an ego driven need to control. Knowing the difference between the two is what separates the true Doms/Masters from the abusers.

As was also suggested, read all that you can. The BDSM world is a multi-layered one which has different facets to it. Understanding it will help you determine where you fit in.

Good luck in your search.

 

[akittenone]

kitten knows that all Doms/Masters have to start somewhere, the need to control is in them but not always something that All can embrace,
kittens suggestion is to read all Y/you can, look at what is being said, disregard the bits not relevent to Your situation and learn.
The internet is a wonderful thing but as with everything not all will apply to You.
Maybe look at books and writings aimed at Doms/Masters, hopefully written by them as well and Your lady can read the ones written by sub/slaves, then a discussion on what Y/you are B/both looking for when Y/you have more information will help Y/you both understand how to proceed.

>^..^<

 

[licker4450]

Oh by the way, keep asking questions. The answers that you get will be one of your greatest learning tools.

 

[incubus666]

A couple of things I have found to be useful when breaking in new subs on line. In this case you need to emphasize that honesty is the most important part of your on line experience. Honesty from you and from her to you. I used to require my new girl to mentally ask my permission before eating or drinking anything. Then waiting for a count of five before actually eating/drinking. Ash her every time you talk to her of she followed the rules every time. Should she say yes every time without failing I would strongly supect she is not being honest.

This does two things I believe. Her honestly is tested and her willingness to accept your displeasure is reveled. When she admits failure admonish her gently and reminder her this is what you require from her and this is what she should to please you.

When you are satisfied with her progress then add the requirement that she must ask your permission when she needs to pee. The same rules applies. If she is unwilling/incapable of complying then you may conclude she is mostly interested in wild monkey fucking wth some kink thrown in or what ever.

The problen with BDSM is there is no right way to do it. Conversely there is no really wrong way to do it. Except there are about a million wrong ways to do it. Now that I have clarified that should you have questions PM me. Then when I answer you ask someone else then do what feels right to you and your submissive.

Read the books others have recommended.

Mike S.

 

[Big Poppa]

The problen with BDSM is there is no right way to do it. Conversely there is no really wrong way to do it. Except there are about a million wrong ways to do it. Now that I have clarified that should you have questions PM me. Then when I answer you ask someone else then do what feels right to you and your submissive.

Read the books others have recommended.

Mike S.

I disagree, I don't view it as a problem. I think the openess of BDSM is a wonderful thing. Its like internet porn, theres something for everyone. You don't have to do the same thing as the Joneses or the Smiths. You can make it your own. If you want her to ask yoru permission for something everytime then great, you can have that. Its beautiful. it allows such freedom in the kind of lifestyle you want.

As for what to have her do, theres tons of ideas on this site alone. Someone suggested to have their pyl go into a bath and body works and smell all the products of a certain scent, the person then told of how after this was done for a while, they instantly thought of their PYL whenever they smelled the scent in the real world.