An honest question about trangender

[Guest]

Hello, and thank you so much for reading this! I am not doing research for a story, or anything that would give me a leg up in life.

I am honestly fasinated in the amazing strength I guess in individuals that are transgender. I would love for you to tell me about yourself. Nothing "personal" or "dirty" just about yourself.

I am a straight 25 year old woman. I have nothing to hide so I will be happy to tell you anything about myself.

Thank you so much for reading this!

 

[Gi_Venus]

Hello, and thank you so much for reading this! I am not doing research for a story, or anything that would give me a leg up in life.

I am honestly fasinated in the amazing strength I guess in individuals that are transgender. I would love for you to tell me about yourself. Nothing "personal" or "dirty" just about yourself.

I am a straight 25 year old woman. I have nothing to hide so I will be happy to tell you anything about myself.

Thank you so much for reading this!

Hello Lydea, I am not so certain there is strength in the transgendered individual. It is more about having the courage just to be yourself, that is an issue that everyone faces who does not match up to the ideal of the environment in which they find themselves in. For most, just expressing it in public becomes a battle of fear and the desire for validation from those around us. External validation is a mistake for all of us, it means we are defining ourselves and our worth by those around us and not accepting ourselves and creating our own self defined value system by which to gauge ourselves as we should.

Me? I am rife with fear and anxiety. I have a seven year old child who has recently been told his daddy wants to be a girl, I used to consider myself a lesbian, now I am not so certain, the shifting of definition of self has shifted boundaries of what is allowable in a relationship for me. I have not had an intimate relationship with anyone since beginning my transition. Being transexual means more difficulty in finding relationships... I was shocked when talking to a post op friend of 26 years to find that she has never had a date. What a wonderful person she is. I cannot comprehend that no one would bond with her in all that time.
...
The dance of intimacy with men usually means exposing yourself to being objectified and feeling lonely, women well, I have many wonderful women friends, but have not had any in a close intimate relationship, not a hint. The one transexual chat room I hang out in is filled with lonely people who find solace in each others company mostly all seeking that special someone. Over all we are all women, desiring the same thing as other women that being closeness, intimacy and love. The dynamic is that there are men circling waiting for that vulnerable one in that lonely moment, to use us for their gratification and no desire for a real long term relationship. Tears in the night.
Dark ruminations. Too much? Lol *hug* this is part of the world of this transexual. Actually many of the people I have found in the chat room have become wonderful loving friends.

 

[Guest]

Increadible

That was so beautiful! I am in aw of your words.

 

[Etoile]

A good friend of mine committed suicide a couple of months ago. She had a lot of problems, but being transgender wasn't one of them. I didn't even know she was transgender for a very long time...she just was who she was. Being transgender didn't make her more or less strong...it was the physical and mental challenges she faced as a deafblind woman with PTSD that made her strong. Unfortunately she wasn't quite strong enough - but that wasn't because she was transgender.

 

[Guest]

Touched

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, of course no words can ever comfort something like that. Thank you for sharing such a personal experience.

 

[Stefani]

To tell you a little about myself...

I realized that i was 'different' when i was young. Primarily through my dreams. Half the time i dreamt i was a boy. Half the time i dreamt i was a girl. Not a transsexual. A girl. With breasts and a vagina.

Which confused me, and led me to want to dress like a girl.

I may have fetishized women's clothes for a short period time. And by that, i mean i found them sexually arousing. For me, that was a phase that didn't last long. I was more interested in getting fully dressed as a woman, going out into public, and relating to other people that way, developing relationships with people who considered me a woman, and treated me that way.

I started going out dressed right out of college and have been going out ever since. I've always been bisexual. I've lived with and dated both men and women. My longer relationships have all been with men, one for 6 years, another for 5 years. The longest i've ever been with a woman is about 4 years.

When i was young i flirted with the sex industry. It's difficult not to when men are offering you $$$ for sex. For me, it wasn't all about the money. It was more an affirmation that the man perceived me as a woman and was willing to pay for the pleasure of using me as one. Thankfully that was just a phase.

Nowadays i find that when men come on to me in a strictly sexual fashion it's a major turnoff. I feel they're objectifying me, using me to fullfill their little fantasy, rather than seeing me and treating me as a person. So i blow them off.

I've been told by my friends that they see me as a "strong" person. They think i'm brave for living the way i do. Personally, i don't know that i've had a choice. I've just considered it a matter of being true to myself. This is who i am, and i've been lucky because the vast majority of people that know me treat me well and respect me.

I've dealt with some prejudice over the years, but not a lot. I've also had a couple of frightening, dangerous experiences, but i escaped and survived. The thing is, when i was young i was so nervous, so afraid i'd be beaten up or ridiculed - and ultimately that's never happened. Yet the fear is sometimes still there. Fear that some redneck will end up dragging me behind his pickup truck.

The irony to dealing with straight men, is that over the years i've met and had 1000's come on to me. But strictly when no one is looking. When their buddies are around and they realize they've just made a pass at a TS - at someone who looks like a woman but still happens to have a penis - they go from wanting to pick me up - to wanting to beat me up. Primarily because they're afraid their buddies will accuse them of being "gay."

Lately i've been gravitating away from men and more toward relationships with women. Simply because i find women more willing to integrate me into their life, introduce me to their friends and families - where most men seem to want to get me into bed - but are scared to death to let their friends or co-workers see them with me. You get tired of being treated like that.

Overall, in the 20 years since i've been out and about i've seen a lot of positive changes in the world. People seem more educated at transgendered issues. More interested, more concerned, more open minded.

All of which gives me great hope for the future that one day we'll be treated just like any other 'normal' person.

 

[Etoile]

Great to see you again, Stefani.

 

[Stefani]

Thanks hon!

You've got an amazing memory considering how sporadically i pop in and out of here.

BTW, just took a look at your recent pix. You're looking beautiful as ever!

*hugs*