Story Help men, sex and emotions

[SemiColon]

I am writing a story about a man's first time and don't want to over emotionalize my male charecter, which is hard, as I like to do that anyway. I imagine there would be some performance anxiety, but I don't know really how big of a deal it is for a guy emotionally. Any insight would be appreciated.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

I am writing a story about a man's first time and don't want to over emotionalize my male charecter, which is hard, as I like to do that anyway. I imagine there would be some performance anxiety, but I don't know really how big of a deal it is for a guy emotionally. Any insight would be appreciated.

For me the overwhelming emotion was surprise. I know that sounds pathetic to women but I suspect that it would be a fairly common response. All the other things like attachment, accomplishment, masterfulness, etc. come later. The first time is about surprise.

"Damn, it that what it's supposed to be like!"

 

[Guest]

For me the overwhelming emotion was surprise. I know that sounds pathetic to women but I suspect that it would be a fairly common response. All the other things like attachment, accomplishment, masterfulness, etc. come later. The first time is about surprise.

"Damn, it that what it's supposed to be like!"

That's very sweet, somehow.

And it does make sense.

(When does the wide-ass grin start?)

 

[dr_mabeuse]

How old is he? That's critical.

And then, what's his relationship with the girl?

If she's a pick-up at a beer party, performance anxiety's not much of a factor and his main emotion's going to be one of triumph. If she's someone he cares about, then it's a whole other ball game entirely: awkwardness, performance anxiety, post-performance embarrassment, the works. And if she's a virgin too, then he's got her guilt to deal with as well.

First time's not what it's cracked up to be.

 

[SemiColon]

He's young twenties/ late teens isolated and unsophisticated, she's older, experienced and married to someone else. It's more forbidden love than frat party at this point.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

He's young twenties/ late teens isolated and unsophisticated, she's older, experienced and married to someone else. It's more forbidden love than frat party at this point.

I think surprise is appropriate in this case. In fact, I'd imagine that the entire seduction completely astonishes him.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

He's young twenties/ late teens isolated and unsophisticated, she's older, experienced and married to someone else. It's more forbidden love than frat party at this point.

Ah, okay. I expect he's going to be a bit in awe of her, then, being an older, experienced woman and being forbidden fruit. He's going to be aware of his own inexperience. He's unsophisticated and isolated, so probably shy and uncertain, so he's going to be fairly passive and awestruck.

He's going to be very grateful and overwhelmed. I think gratitude is a very common male emotion towards sex when it's freely given. Deep down inside, we're not quite convinced that women really want it, and for someone like him, a horny young man of his age, being taken in hand by an older woman and basically seduced, he's just going to be almost worshipful towards her, and deeply moved over how wonderful it is. I wouldn't be surprised if he falls instantly in love with her.

 

[TheeGoatPig]

the last time I had sex was the first time in twelve years, and seemed about the same as my first time ever. I was surprised that it was happening. I was in total disbelief that is was really happening from the first moment she showed me her bra next to the bar, even up to the end as I was slipping inside of her. It was the farthest thing from my reality that I could understand. I'm still surprised that it happened seven months later. It seemed like a dream that I never woke up from, even as I woke up to her still being there, naked, and wanting more.

 

[Liar]

I assume she knows how inexperienced he is? And that he knows that she knows?

If he thinks that she is expecting an equal, reasonably experienced lover, (or for that matter, a sex god), there could be performance anxiety on an epic scale.

For a young, virgin man, there's a whole lot of myth surrounding the technical aspect of sex. The right way to fuck, the right way to eat pussy, the right moment for penetration, the right places to touch and kiss for the right amount of time. And the guy would likely believe that he can't actually ask the woman what to do and how, that that is something that is universally understood...except by him. And he'll dread that he might lose face and be humiliated if he a) is forced to ask, or b) fail to satisfy.

Then of course, if the woman sense this, and are able to rid him of those fears, she'll be downright worshipped.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

I assume she knows how inexperienced he is? And that he knows that she knows?

If he thinks that she is expecting an equal, reasonably experienced lover, (or for that matter, a sex god), there could be performance anxiety on an epic scale.

For a young, virgin man, there's a whole lot of myth surrounding the technical aspect of sex. The right way to fuck, the right way to eat pussy, the right moment for penetration, the right places to touch and kiss for the right amount of time. And the guy would likely believe that he can't actually ask the woman what to do and how, that that is something that is universally understood...except by him. And he'll dread that he might lose face and be humiliated if he a) is forced to ask, or b) fail to satisfy.

Then of course, if the woman sense this, and are able to rid him of those fears, she'll be downright worshipped.

And deservedly so.

 

[tickledkitty]

Y'all are making me want to go out and find some young stud and "take him in hand."

 

[sirsemega]

Mechanics are an issue. My first time was very similar to Biluxi Blues, the Mathew Broderick film. I didn't know where to put my hands, how to rest my weight on her, if I was crushing her, etc. The emotions? Just wanted to get it over with quite frankly and get that virgin thing checked off my list. Took a few more times before I became comfortable.
Definitely in need of positive reinforcement from her!
The virgins are fragile and need to be encouraged!

 

[keeblercrumb]

Rocket? No... just glad to see ya!

Well, I would be happy to tell you all about it if you would tell me how it feels to deep throat a cock....

Oh wait! We had that thread!!

Nevermind.



(sorry, that was an inside joke and a cheap shot, my favorite kind)

Actually, the first time I tried to have sex, I was like the 10th guy in line for whore in our dorm in Iowa. Call it performance anxiety if you will, for some odd reason I could not get hard.

A few weeks later, however, there was this really ugly woman with whom I had no problems but I don't think you would want to write about that either.


-KC

 

[Zeb_Carter]

My first was my high school sweetheart, she was slightly older than me by three months. It was after a long courtship...a lot of necking and petting then finally we were both naked in the backseat of the car and bingo I was in and it felt fantastic. She was extremely wet and I was rock hard. It was a whole lot better than jerkin' the gergin'.

Now the next girl was the one where I had the difficulty, that's when I had the performance anxiety but together we over came that. She was also an older woman and more experienced than I. But she helped me over come those anxieties.

I still think of these two ladies often.

 

[SemiColon]

Thanks, everyone for your input. I wanted him to fall for her and this helps me see what she needs to do to make that happen.

 

[john-the-author]

For me the overwhelming emotion was surprise. I know that sounds pathetic to women but I suspect that it would be a fairly common response. All the other things like attachment, accomplishment, masterfulness, etc. come later. The first time is about surprise.

"Damn, it that what it's supposed to be like!"

I would like to lend my support to VM's POV here, because the first time that I actually got to do something with my erection with someone else was quite a surprise for me, too. I was 15 and a woman who was 16 came over and was VERY flirtatious (even grabbing my cock when we hugged, which was a major thrill and is still burned into my brain almost 40 years later).

Surprise, nervousness, and not being able to cum, damnit. It took a while.

 

[john-the-author]

Y'all are making me want to go out and find some young stud and "take him in hand."

It's certainly a bid for immortality, TK. I think it's a safe bet that nobody forgets their first.

 

[Iamcanadian28]

It's certainly a bid for immortality, TK. I think it's a safe bet that nobody forgets their first.

That is certainly true. I know I was 19 myself the first time and I think shock and awe is an appropriate emotion. She was only slightly more experienced at the time, so I wasn't getting much help or feedback from that direction. Frankly it was scary as hell being the guy and supposedly knowing what I'm doing and not really having a clue. She expected me to lead and take care of things and I was so concerned with trying to get and maintain an erection that it was less than exciting.

Thankfully, she was a great girl (now my wife) and it got quickly better and better. The first time was emotionally very draining and the whole condom thing wasn't helpful either. I hate those damn things. I think for your character though, having an experienced partner to learn with, he would be extremely greatful and eager to please. Worship would be an understatement. Hope that helps.

 

[SlickTony]

Check out my Winter Holidays entry for last year, "'Twas the Night Before Christmas." It's a first-time story. It was generally well-received.

 

[xssve]

I always thought of it in terms of emotional conflict - on the one hand is biological urge to poke something - it's what we do, and on the other is the urge to make emotional/social connections, to relate, to belong. It can create a lot of tension, as, in a sense, you are trying to satisfy two conflicting urges at once as the former is a very short term goal, the latter a long term one.

This is, of course, generally at it's most intense during puberty, and is subsequently sublimated into various strategies as we get older.

This is the most reductionist way of looking at it, but in fiction, I tend to reduce everything to motivation, and this help me visualize and conceptualize the characters behavior before, during and after - i.e., where the point of balance falls between the biological urge and the need for social stability helps define the relationship between the characters, i.e, the complexity is generated in how the biological urge is socially sublimated.

Hope that helps.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

TK

In your case lets hope the law requires you to send a detail ahead to warn people.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Oh! I think any sort of emotional response is possible, depending on the circumstances of the encounter and your partner's personality.

 

[xssve]

The potential emotional responses can range the gamut: from complete power exchange (pussywhipped), which is way of monopolizing attention by maintaining proximity, to a strong rejection reaction once the deed is done - i.e., if you feel guilty about it, guilt is pain, and one tends to reject that which causes pain - you got what you wanted, now she's a slut. How the relationship affects social status is also a factor, i.e., how her reputation affects yours.

Falling in love is probably somewhere in the middle, and can lead to pleasure or pain according to it's various degrees and levels of reciprocality.

Again, these emotions tend to be sublimated as we mature, and form the basis of many interesting role playing exercises.

 

[elsol]

Take a deep breath and go back in the annals of your life to THAT moment!

Thought? Emotion?

As her clothing comes off, he becomes match head that has just been struck... it's burning and that's pretty much it.

Before... maybe.

After.... After the AFTER, maybe.

During... THE FIRST TIME... yeah right!?!

------

Of course, it could just be me.

 

[tickledkitty]

TK

In your case lets hope the law requires you to send a detail ahead to warn people.

*yawn*

Are ya jealous, Jim?