Ladies: Rape fantasy questions

[Wildcard Ky]

As a guy, I think I have my own ideas of what women call rape fantasies, but can some of you ladies explain your version of it.

Here's some background: I've been talking to someone (female) that says she has rape fantasies and thinks there may be something wrong with her for thinking such things. She freely admits that she's sub and likes rough sex. I think she's simply blurring the lines between those sub and rough tendencies and transposing them onto a rape type of situation. The being taken without any control and rough sex associated with it could transfer from one to another.

Am I completely wrong in thinking like this? If so, what would your version of the so called rape fantasy be?

Thanks in advance

 

[CrimsonMaiden]

I'll come back and answer this later. I don't have time right now but I wanted you to know that I will answer.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

As a guy, I think I have my own ideas of what women call rape fantasies, but can some of you ladies explain your version of it.

Here's some background: I've been talking to someone (female) that says she has rape fantasies and thinks there may be something wrong with her for thinking such things. She freely admits that she's sub and likes rough sex. I think she's simply blurring the lines between those sub and rough tendencies and transposing them onto a rape type of situation. The being taken without any control and rough sex associated with it could transfer from one to another.

Am I completely wrong in thinking like this? If so, what would your version of the so called rape fantasy be?

Thanks in advance

If you can find a book written over 20 years ago entitled Endless Rapture in a library somewhere, it will correct your ideas. No, it isn't anything like what you imagine, according to the author.

 

[SlickTony]

When I was coming up, I had it dinned into me that in dating relationships, the girl "sets the standard" for what, if anything, goes on sexually. Of course, when "the standard" was that sex was always points scored for the man and lost by the woman, that skewed things more than somewhat...the fact that a woman might want to was somehow not considered important. (Yes, I'm dating myself). The "standard," in reality, was something that was set up by someone else, i.e., a patriarchy that treated women as commodities. Rape fantasies are a psychological mechanism for a woman to absolve herself of the sin of desire, by denying responsibility. When you have a standard imposed upon you, you don't really have responsibility--you only have accountability. Which, without true responsibility, doesn't mean a whole hell of a lot. Yes, I know we're supposed to have progressed "beyond that" but you can't undo 2K+ years in just 50 or so.

 

[Stella_Omega]

If you can find a book written over 20 years ago entitled Endless Rapture in a library somewhere, it will correct your ideas. No, it isn't anything like what you imagine, according to the author.

Thanks a fucking lot, that's a hard book to find!

I can't even access reviews of the book, they are all under academic lock and key.

 

[fieryjen]

I've had plenty of rape fantasies, though I don't really think that psychologically, I tick the way Tony described. Don't get me wrong, I do believe that may be true for some women, but I'm not one of them.

I'm still trying to figure out the fantasies I have, though I don't really have a problem admitting that I have them. My mind has always liked to go to extremes. In fact, I don't like to admit it but when I masturbate, not only does my mind wander down that path every single time, but I actually can't manage to orgasm unless I fantasize about being raped.

A year or so ago a simple Dom/sub fantasy would do it for me. Lately though, it seems as though these types of fantasies have gotten too tame for me, or maybe I've gotten too used to them. It's gotten to the point where it has to be completely non-consent in some form or fashion, not always by direct force though.

This anything like what you're looking for?

 

[shereads]

I can't speak for your friend, but I suspect that a lot of us worry that rape fantasies mean there's something wrong with us - until we find out how common such fantasies are.

In our fantasies, it's the man's sexual desire that has him out of control, so in a sense he is powerless to stop what's happening. The rape fantasy is about passion gone wild. Real rapists are motivated by hatred for women - not passion or desire for one particular woman. My take on the rape fantasy is that the "victim" isn't really powerless at all - just unaware of, or uncomfortable with the power of her own sexual allure. She's forced to accept what she secretly desires, and both parties understand that dynamic. It's a contest that both contestants win.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

In Endless Rapture Ms. Hazen states that a fantasy rape is having Robert Redford refuse to accept "no" for an answer. It's being forced to do something that you really, really want to do.

There's nothing necessarily "sub" or BDSM about it.

 

[shereads]

In Endless Rapture Ms. Hazen states that a fantasy rape is having Robert Redford refuse to accept "no" for an answer.

That's as good an explanation as any.

Remember the movie, "Indecent Proposal"? In which a couple are offered one million dollars if the wife will spend one night in Robert Redford's bed? Like that would have been a tough call when Redford was in his prime. And when a million dollars was worth...a million dollars.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

That's as good an explanation as any.

Remember the movie, "Indecent Proposal"? In which a couple are offered one million dollars if the wife will spend one night in Robert Redford's bed? Like that would have been a tough call when Redford was in his prime. And when a million dollars was worth...a million dollars.

I'd have kissed her good night at the bedroom door!

 

[TE999]

That's as good an explanation as any.

Remember the movie, "Indecent Proposal"? In which a couple are offered one million dollars if the wife will spend one night in Robert Redford's bed? Like that would have been a tough call when Redford was in his prime. And when a million dollars was worth...a million dollars.

Hah! For a million bucks a lot of husbands would do ol' Rob.

 

[kimbalee]

Hah! For a million bucks a lot of husbands would do ol' Rob.

hahahaha! funny you should mention that... they asked that question at hubby's work, and most said hell yeah they'd do it. lol Now they might do it for free gass for a month. LOL

 

[TheeGoatPig]

hahahaha! funny you should mention that... they asked that question at hubby's work, and most said hell yeah they'd do it. lol Now they might do it for free gass for a month. LOL

Wow, the price of sex for one night sure has gone up since that movie was made

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Lotsa people claim rapists hate women, but I dont think hate has anything to do with it.

From what I've experienced the rapist is usally a sadist or sociopathic. That is, they feel nothing for the victim; it's the commission of the deed that gives them psychological release. I've met a few rapists who think rape is pretty goddamned funny, that is..rape to them is a practical joke.

 

[keeblercrumb]

Wow, the price of sex for one night sure has gone up since that movie was made

Heard on the BBC oh so many years ago...

Woman: "For a hundred quid, I will do anything you want!"
Man on the Street: "Madam? Pardon me? What was that you said?"
Woman: "For a hundred quid, I will do ANYthing you want!"
Man on the Street: "Accepted! Paint my house!"

On the other hand.... there is, as Randy Newman relates, the other side of things in his classic "It's Money That I Love"

They say that money can't buy love in this world
But it'll get you a half-pound of cocaine
And a sixteen-year old girl
And a great big long limousine on a hot September night
Now that may not be love
But it's all right!
It's Money That I Love

Just not sure what this fuck all this as to do with fantasy rape....

Oh no! the dreaded THREADJACK!

-KC

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

I can really only share why I have rape fantasies.
I wrote about it:
From Ravishment to Fantasy

I'd be happy to try to answer any questions after you read it.

-Sheila

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

Lotsa people claim rapists hate women, but I dont think hate has anything to do with it.

From what I've experienced the rapist is usally a sadist or sociopathic. That is, they feel nothing for the victim; it's the commission of the deed that gives them psychological release. I've met a few rapists who think rape is pretty goddamned funny, that is..rape to them is a practical joke.

I recently was contacted by the man who raped me last year. He explained that he was drunk and angry. He was incredibly angry, but not at me. I was just something for him to take his anger out on.

I also worked with juvenile sex offenders. Many of them did not take their offenses seriously. In the case of a juvenile rapist or child molester, almost all of them had been sexually abused themselves.

-Sheila

 

[Stella_Omega]

In Endless Rapture Ms. Hazen states that a fantasy rape is having Robert Redford refuse to accept "no" for an answer. It's being forced to do something that you really, really want to do.

There's nothing necessarily "sub" or BDSM about it.

Well, her fantasy is certainly one of the fantasies that feature rape, but not the only one. Ms Hazen is talking about the forever-after bodice-ripper fantasy.

A lot of us have rape fantasies that are darker than that, and definitely BDSM.

On the other hand, there is a certain amount of the same truth in her idea; since the woman controls her own fantasy, the objectification serves her purpose. The fantasy, I think, is often that she becomes the center of his -or their-- attentions; all of the action is totally focussed on her.

One recurring theme I've heard is that, although her attackers think they are hurting or humiliating her, they don't understand that she's getting off on it all. There are variants on this of course...

 

[CharleyH]

I can't speak for your friend, but I suspect that a lot of us worry that rape fantasies mean there's something wrong with us - until we find out how common such fantasies are.

In our fantasies, it's the man's sexual desire that has him out of control, so in a sense he is powerless to stop what's happening. The rape fantasy is about passion gone wild. Real rapists are motivated by hatred for women - not passion or desire for one particular woman. My take on the rape fantasy is that the "victim" isn't really powerless at all - just unaware of, or uncomfortable with the power of her own sexual allure. She's forced to accept what she secretly desires, and both parties understand that dynamic. It's a contest that both contestants win.

I'm going to agree with you on this because ... when I was 14, 15 and having lesbian thoughts, the only way I was able to articulate it was in a fantasy scenario where a woman raped me. I think in this way, my fantasy articulated my desire (as a child not knowing what I wanted) and, as you sort of said, not particularly comfortable being attracted to women. However, I must add that when I matured and actually had sex with a woman, those rape fantasies went away.

 

[shereads]

I'm going to agree with you on this because ... when I was 14, 15 and having lesbian thoughts, the only way I was able to articulate it was in a fantasy scenario where a woman raped me. I think in this way, my fantasy articulated my desire (as a child not knowing what I wanted) and, as you sort of said, not particularly comfortable being attracted to women. However, I must add that when I matured and actually had sex with a woman, those rape fantasies went away.

Growing up Southern Baptist, I wasn't particularly comfortable having any sexual urges at all. I wonder how many women (and men?) can trace their fantasies of rape and/or sexual submission to adolescent guilt.

Edited to add: My fantasies haven't gone away. I have too much fun acting them out.

 

[Tricialen]

Like many other women I have had fantasies of being taken against my will.

But I know that real rape is about control. Having total control over another person, the rapist taking anything that they want because the victim can't stop them.

The fantasy and the reality are very different. In reality...you have not only physical wounds but emotional wounds.

I reality rape is not a fantasy but a nightmare.

 

[Katyusha]

Well now that the whole board knows I have a rape fantasy, I'll explain what mine is like.

I get turned on by the thought of being completely out of control over what a man is doing to me, and it isn't the dom/sub type of control loss. I think about being forcibly taken against my will; held down or tied up, having my clothes torn off or cut off of me, begging for mercy, begging him to stop, while he's having his way with me.

I like rough sex too but this is very different from that. Rough sex, to me, is going at it hard and fast, digging nails in, biting, and throwing each other against the wall or down on the bed or floor, but completely consensual. The fantasy literally involves my being taken against my will.

I hope I don't offend anybody who actually has been raped with this, and if I do, I apologize in advance. I know it's a touchy subject and I know that those who've been raped suffered emotional scarring that is very tough to get over. I can't explain WHY I have this fantasy, but I do.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

The thing to remember about the rape fantasy is that it's a rape fantasy. It has about as much to do with real rape as fantasy football has to do with real football.

In a rape fantasy, the victim always desires it, even though her desire is masked. It's actually a fantasy of female sexual power, of being so incredibly desirable that the man is helpless to control himself and takes the woman in an emotional storm of pure, savage, desire. That's the point of it: passion that breaks down all barriers. Needless to say, this has nothing whatsoever to do with the real crime of rape.

Rape fantasies are rather common for a number of reasons. For one, women have always been discouraged from having aggressive sexual feelings, so it's natural that they'd project them onto men. For another, women feel their sexuality in terms of their desire, their ability to arouse a man, and what's the highest point to which you can arouse a man? Furthermore, the rape fantasy exonerates the woman from all guilt for the fantasy -- she's obviously forced to do all these wickedly delicious things so she can't be blamed for them.

Once again, though, never mistake this for actual rape, which is about as unsexy as you can get.

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

The thing to remember about the rape fantasy is that it's a rape fantasy. It has about as much to do with real rape as fantasy football has to do with real football.

In a rape fantasy, the victim always desires it, even though her desire is masked. It's actually a fantasy of female sexual power, of being so incredibly desirable that the man is helpless to control himself and takes the woman in an emotional storm of pure, savage, desire. That's the point of it: passion that breaks down all barriers. Needless to say, this has nothing whatsoever to do with the real crime of rape.

Rape fantasies are rather common for a number of reasons. For one, women have always been discouraged from having aggressive sexual feelings, so it's natural that they'd project them onto men. For another, women feel their sexuality in terms of their desire, their ability to arouse a man, and what's the highest point to which you can arouse a man? Furthermore, the rape fantasy exonerates the woman from all guilt for the fantasy -- she's obviously forced to do all these wickedly delicious things so she can't be blamed for them.

Once again, though, never mistake this for actual rape, which is about as unsexy as you can get.

I thought your answer was a very good one and almost complete.

I realize my rape fantasies are probably a little different than most since it stems from an actual rape when I was 19. I had my first orgasm during the rape, which may have messed with me as far as solidifying it as a turn on. (Not that I did not have negative emotional consequences and the need for therapy to overcome it.)

I do enjoy acting out my rape fantasy. There's just something uncontrollable and raw about it.

-Sheila

 

[fieryjen]

It's actually a fantasy of female sexual power, of being so incredibly desirable that the man is helpless to control himself and takes the woman in an emotional storm of pure, savage, desire. That's the point of it: passion that breaks down all barriers. Needless to say, this has nothing whatsoever to do with the real crime of rape.

In many of my rape fantasies that's actually not quite the case. They focus on humiliation, and on being raped simply because the situation presented itself and I was "available", not because of some hidden desires the rapist might have. My fantasy rapist is usually also an emotional sadist.