How to start?

[rayvenne]

So, this may be one of those questions that has been answered... but I haven't seen it... Bu how would one get 'started' in Bsdm?

I know I enjoy parts of it, and think I would like to try more, but how do I go about it without 'wasting' anyone's time? Not to mention the fact that I'm not sure where to find a dom whose time I may end up wasting, haha.

How do you go about discovering what you do and do not wish to try when first starting out?


...does that make any sense?

 

[twysted73]

So, this may be one of those questions that has been answered... but I haven't seen it... Bu how would one get 'started' in Bsdm?

I know I enjoy parts of it, and think I would like to try more, but how do I go about it without 'wasting' anyone's time? Not to mention the fact that I'm not sure where to find a dom whose time I may end up wasting, haha.

How do you go about discovering what you do and do not wish to try when first starting out?


...does that make any sense?

Sounds like you're ahead of the game. Submissive is your choice I see.

Now to find material to do research on.
BDSM 101 by Jay Weissman. Good start.
Search online for local events. Perhaps you're close enough to a place to support a local group. They have monthly meetings called "munches".

http://www.darkheart.com/usalist.html#Florida

Check into that.

Start with what you know.
Do you like pain? Do you like the feel of lingering stings and the warmth of a slapped portion of your skin?
Perhaps you enjoy the breakout of sweat along your spine and neck when you're embarrassed? Humiliation would be your rout.
Maybe it's serving another selflessly? Having their guiding hand and protective presence coddle or cuddle you into a realm of safety and caring so long as ou give of yourself to His whim and desire for your services, whatever they may be?
Your journey of self-discovery starts where it should.
Within you.

Good luck.

 

[graceanne]

So, this may be one of those questions that has been answered... but I haven't seen it... Bu how would one get 'started' in Bsdm?

I know I enjoy parts of it, and think I would like to try more, but how do I go about it without 'wasting' anyone's time? Not to mention the fact that I'm not sure where to find a dom whose time I may end up wasting, haha.

How do you go about discovering what you do and do not wish to try when first starting out?


...does that make any sense?

Research. And a checklist. You can find both in the BDSM Library which is stickied at the top of this forum. Good luck.

 

[rayvenne]

ah!

Fabulous, thanks so much for the jumping off point!

 

[trisquel_astur]

Fabulous, thanks so much for the jumping off point!

And of course you can ask ALL that you want!

Welcome to the nicest dungeon!

 

[IsabellaKing]

Start with what you know.
Do you like pain? Do you like the feel of lingering stings and the warmth of a slapped portion of your skin?
Perhaps you enjoy the breakout of sweat along your spine and neck when you're embarrassed? Humiliation would be your rout.
Maybe it's serving another selflessly? Having their guiding hand and protective presence coddle or cuddle you into a realm of safety and caring so long as ou give of yourself to His whim and desire for your services, whatever they may be?
Your journey of self-discovery starts where it should.
Within you.

Good luck.

Nicely put
And just when I was beginning to feel a bit jaded.

 

[trisquel_astur]

Nicely put
And just when I was beginning to feel a bit jaded.

Needing the touch of the silk and a firm and tender hand, Bella?

 

[IsabellaKing]

Needing the touch of the silk and a firm and tender hand, Bella?

That sounds good.

 

[trisquel_astur]

That sounds good.

Yes, I like this sound too!

 

[ManWithFire]

As has already been stated you are on the right track in looking towards what you dream of. There are many sites on the web that also give you things to look at and see in which direction you wish to go in the life style.

The area group meetings is also a great way to get your feet on the ground and moving forward.I know that there is at least one group that meets in centeral NJ and I am sure of more up farther towards NYC.

Wishing you both luck in your quest and and that all Dom's are not so lucky in finding that special sub that takes the time you are.

So, this may be one of those questions that has been answered... but I haven't seen it... Bu how would one get 'started' in Bsdm?

I know I enjoy parts of it, and think I would like to try more, but how do I go about it without 'wasting' anyone's time? Not to mention the fact that I'm not sure where to find a dom whose time I may end up wasting, haha.

How do you go about discovering what you do and do not wish to try when first starting out?


...does that make any sense?

 

[Primalex]

How do you go about discovering what you do and do not wish to try when first starting out?


...does that make any sense?

Not really.

 

[graceanne]

... nicest dungeon!

Isn't that a bit of an oxymoron?

 

[twysted73]

Isn't that a bit of an oxymoron?

Shh..I think he's on a roll. *gives you reassuring head nod and a hand waver*

 

[SweetErika]

Good advice about munches and checklists and such so far.

You might look into local clubs and events, too. A lot of people go to try new things, even on the spur of the moment, meet new people and play in a safer environment. It's often an easy way to learn, get recommendations and references for potential partners (play or otherwise) as well (if, for instance, you say you're interested in XYZ, someone might say, "Oh, ____ over there is a really experienced XYZ Top. You should talk to him. I'll introduce you, if you want.").

It depends on the club or event, but that's how it is at my local club, and a lot of others, too, from what I understand.

 

[Feelfreetotouch]

It found me. I should say, she found me.

 

[trisquel_astur]

Isn't that a bit of an oxymoron?

yep, it is!

but it's true, or don't you enjoy the time spent here?

 

[Pure]

note

i think that it's worth noting that "BDSM" is not any one thing, nor a list of things, even that found in the best of books on recommended lists.

nor a list of likes, such as "the sting of a slap";

it's rather like someone saying "i think i'm a lesbian; what should i read about lesbian sex? i've heard of the types of strap-ons. should i become familiar with them? where's a catalog?"

i'd say there are themes and motifs, e.g. power, hurt; two (or more) people decide on what symphony they will write, incorporating these themes.

being a 'sub' is not any one thing. it's some form of subjection to someone on terms they decide on and you acqiesce to. there cannot be a handbook on 'subbing' or training course in it; just as there cannot be a handbook on, say, 'being butch' or a training course in that.

 

[twysted73]

i think that it's worth noting that "BDSM" is not any one thing, nor a list of things, even that found in the best of books on recommended lists.

nor a list of likes, such as "the sting of a slap";

being a 'sub' is not any one thing. it's some form of subjection to someone on terms they decide on and you acqiesce to. there cannot be a handbook on 'subbing' or training course in it; just as there cannot be a handbook on, say, 'being butch' or a training course in that.

That's why I suggested a few things, gave an all-enclusive book title and suggested she start from within herself for discovery.

Silly girl.

 

[Pure]

interesting article on masochism

http://www.bestslavetraining.com/BDSMaltint.htm

MASOCHISM: An Alternative Intimacy
by Roy F. Baumeister, Ph.D.

--
emphasizes what a masochist might be after, rather than specific acts he or she undergoes.

 

[Pure]

note to twysted

pure //being a 'sub' is not any one thing. it's some form of subjection to someone on terms they decide on and you acqiesce to. there cannot be a handbook on 'subbing' or training course in it; just as there cannot be a handbook on, say, 'being butch' or a training course in that. //

That's why I suggested a few things, gave an all-enclusive book title and suggested she start from within herself for discovery.

Silly girl.

i agreed with the self discovery part of your recommendation.

 

[satindesire]

It found me. I should say, she found me.

*teasing* What are you doing here? Get back to the GB!

 

[Bachlum Chaam]

There is really only one way to get started, read up talk to people DO NOT commit until sure ask other subs, you can't ask enough talk try to get to know the D
But when all is said and done you will never learn about a D without time