Just a random thought...

[twysted73]

~ Promises ~

Taught as children, they're supposed to last forever. As if the one giving them feels as deeply and strongly as the one receiving them.
A bond is formed and you feel a kinship with them. Because they have given their word to do as they said they would. You trusted in that.

These days it's cheap currency used in PC situations to avoid telling others just what you do and don't want to do but you're too chickenshit to admit it to their face and be seen as an asshole or a bitch just for speaking your mind and voicing your desires.
As if having a choice were a bad thing. As if you're to place upon the alter of Political Correctness your right to choose and your freedom of will as socially accepted sacrifice simply because someone else wants you to do something for them/with them.
**this has no bearing on anyone I know at the moment btw**

(BiBunny, Marquis & Netz, I believe you're each exempt from this generalization)

It's strange how others admire the "Fuck If I Care" types yet judge them in the next breath for having the courage to do what they cannot.

...and here I simply wanted to have an innocent intro for the core of my question here today.
And that being....

Promises. What is the OLDEST promise you still uphold and honor?
I ask because on my way to work I found myself asking this very question.

- The Time: I was 16. Out on a date. It was our first.
- The Recipient: Rachael Happeny. Half Irish, Half Jewish, loved to smoke and adored Def Leppard..
- The Promise: To always wear my seatbelt.

Funny the things you think about when you're in traffic.

 

[BiBunny]

(BiBunny, Marquis & Netz, I believe you're each exempt from this generalization).

I adore you for that line.

Truth is, though, I'm a coward when it comes to the people I love. I could no more tell them the uncomfortable truth than I could saw my own legs off. I loved and served a man for two years, but I never told him I loved him to his face for fear of his discomfort. So I suffered with it in silence.

To answer your question, I think the oldest promise I keep was to my Granny. It was something along the lines of "To thine ownself be true." That woman was my hero.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I admit I am a little confused as you start off talking about making promises then move to a bigger chunk of text about being able to be honest about how you feel and then jump back to what is the oldest promise you ever made and kept....so I will try and address both areas. The speaking one's mind and not being afraid to is one I have always been credited with. My problem with some who do is not that they speak honestly about what they think, but more so the 'fuck you' attitude in which it is delivered without any provocation. I don't have to become aggressive and anti-social to say what I honestly feel; I don't like to feel under attack even when I know logically I am not, just because someone feels they have to say their thoughts with an attacking/confrontational mode of speech and/or attitude attached. Perhaps it is fear of other's reaction to what they think which makes them go into attack mode, but just isn't my style nor does it usually help in getting your message across and respected.

As to promises...given I don't make promises lightly and for that reason on an over regular basis, there is not pages of them to go through. Probably one of the oldest I can remember(and actually one I have kept on many occasions through out life) was to a school friend when we were about 10 to keep their secret and never tell another or even indicate I had anything to tell if pushed into a corner. Still haven't told to this day and for that they have been grateful many times.

Catalina

 

[YourCaptor]

Also confused

As for the oldest promise... umm...

Not really suitable for lit, so I will keep it short. I was about 7, a friend had a anger outbreak and asked me to promise not to tell his parents. He said if they knew he would be re medicated or something and not be allowed to leave his house for several months. I had a crush on his older sister, so I didn't tell.

 

[the captians wench]

This promise I made several times. I was really little when I first made it, maybe 7 or 8. I promised my stepfather that I would name my first son after him. He brought it up every few years, and then again on his death. I have yet to fulfil the promise as I have no children, but every serious relationship I am in I warn the guy our first child will be named after my step father.

About being honest. I have a hard time saying no, but I don't make promises I can't keep. A promise means the world to me. So insted I end up doing a lot of things that I would rather not, to keep promises. But I'm working on the saying no part.

 

[madetotakeit]

Earliest one I remember I was about 11...my Grandmother telling me about my heritage and my ancestors. She asked me to promise to never forget what she told me because family is who we are. I remember everything from that conversation, from the story of my 5th great grandmother's birth to my Grandmother's education on the boundary...right down to how many ears of corn were listed on the handwritten tax records from the early 1800's. There were many gaps in the history, but I have never forgotten.

 

[SubKekiLee]

Hmmm the oldest promise I made was to my grandparents, I adored them My grandmother has already passed but I am blessed to still have my dear old grandad... I promised them when I lived with them I would make themproud . Well I think my trip to DC right now is about to do that since in 3 days I will be sitting the nations capitol and eating breakfast and trying to convince the Senate Majority Leader that HE needs to listen to me and change things.. So we shall see.. If I accomplish that goal... Or if he chews me up and spits me out .... If I do what I think I am capable of doing I will leave him a puddle of goo and quivering at my feet with head held high and my mom and grandparents PROUD as hell of me... and SIR TOO..

 

[twysted73]

I admit I am a little confused as you start off talking about making promises then move to a bigger chunk of text about being able to be honest about how you feel and then jump back to what is the oldest promise you ever made and kept
Catalina

Also confused

It was a random tangeant. As I promised myself to never censor things I say unless it's to clarify a point, it stayed right where I had left it.
Random...mismatching with the rest of the thread...but I look up and see that most have understood the gyst of my real question. Oldest promise.

I'm "undiagnosed" so my thoughts have always been somewhat....erratic if I don't pause long enough beforehand to gather them.
This time I had a basic feeling of what I wanted to say and went on it.
And so it strayed slightly off the beaten path.

As for others respecting my words or thoughts....not overly concerned to be quite honest.
Either they do or they don't.
Sure we'd all like to be considered "read worthy" when posting.
But those who have read my thoughts and words in the past know of me well enough to stop in or avoid it altogether.

And perhaps....it's to those who understand me that I type these threads.

"Take me as I am", I say. And nary an excuse to follow.
I've witnessed so many types who conform to please those around them, never really enjoying the energy of being who they are in the company of others. Never truly comfortable in their own skins.
It's beautiful to see someone step out of that encasing.
Very post-chrysalis-esque.

[/rant & hijack]]

 

[IsabellaKing]

~ Promises ~

Promises. What is the OLDEST promise you still uphold and honor?
I ask because on my way to work I found myself asking this very question.

- The Time: I was 16. Out on a date. It was our first.
- The Recipient: Rachael Happeny. Half Irish, Half Jewish, loved to smoke and adored Def Leppard..
- The Promise: To always wear my seatbelt.

Funny the things you think about when you're in traffic.

I haven't got anything to add to your thread, Twysted - other than to say that I rather liked this bit. It has a lovely poignant feel about it.

Do you?

 

[Homburg]

No bloody clue. My memory of my childhood can be really hazy at times, and I am likely to remember events and places more than conversations. It's a consequence of moving every 2-3 years.

 

[cherokee_dove]

The one promise i first remember making was to my grandmama. She was pure Cherokee, and and asked that after my dad passed on; to make sure my half-brothers knew about their heritage; if they didn't by then.

Dad was always stuck between his moms love of our people and his dad trying to hide the fact that his son was part Cherokee. And dads first wife refused to ever tell her sons the truth.

So on the day of dads passing, i took my half brothers with me to our aunts house. i told them there. They are both older than me, and never had a clue. Our aunt verified it for them, by bringing out grandmama's pictures and journal. It took a long time for them to come to terms with it, but they eventually did.

 

[FurryFury]

I believe in saying what you think in the nicest way possible and not being blunt to the point of deliberately hurting someone or being rude.

I do not admire people who are rude but I do admire people that know themselves and speak honestly and well.

I keep my promises. I also promised someone I would always wear my seatbelt. I hated seat belts at the time, but I have kept that promise for well over thirty years.

 

[CurlyKat]

No bloody clue. My memory of my childhood can be really hazy at times, and I am likely to remember events and places more than conversations. It's a consequence of moving every 2-3 years.

Hey me too! Actually being back living in Germany again something like 15 years later has really helped me remember many of the things that happened and even some conversations that happened when I was about 7 and living here the first time. Moving seven times after that made the details a little hazy, not to mention the fact that 7-years-old is a little young to grasp the significance of being surrounded by so much history and such a different culture than your own. Comparing my experiences then to what I'm seeing and living now is doing quite a bit to solidify who I am and my beliefs and views on the world.

Anyway, promises... I have two, though I doubt the people I made them to even remember it.

1. I think I was 5, and had chickenpox. I didn't have a very bad case, but still, home from school and all that. My sister is almost 4 years younger, and thought that meant automatic play partner for her! I remember my mom sitting me down and telling me that I can't play with her right now, because she didn't want my sister to get sick, and that as the oldest it's my job to look out for her. She got them anyway, and had a really bad case of it. That really solidified in my young mind in some warped way that I HAD to look out for my sister, or really bad things would happen. I promised my mom then that I would always look out for her. I still do. She hates me sometimes for it, but that's the nature of sisters, right?

2. In 10th grade, after entering high school #3, I promised the only person who listened and talked to me at the time that I wouldn't give up. I still haven't, and don't intend on doing so anytime soon.

 

[catalina_francisco]

No bloody clue. My memory of my childhood can be really hazy at times, and I am likely to remember events and places more than conversations. It's a consequence of moving every 2-3 years.

Perhaps it is. For me, memories have been a gift when they return. My theory is they are wiped from stress...when stress lifts considerably and for more than the flicker of an eye, I find memories coming back a little at a time which have been lost for decades...sometimes they stay, sometimes they leave again when stress or problems return. I remember how stunned my mother was a few years back when I told her I could remember nothing of my children's lives with me, except through photos. I could look at a photo and remember taking it, but almost everything else was gone. Thankfully I find those memories coming back slowly and one at a time and made all the more special for being lost so long.

Catalina

 

[twysted73]

A lost memory rediscovered is such an exciting thing.

Sure it makes you feel a little absentminded, but at the time of the recollection, it doesn''t matter.
Usually...it's a scent or smell that takes me back.
Not suprising since the sense of smell is also the strongest tie to the human memory.

 

[Netzach]

I have no idea. To put the toilet paper in the downward-cascading position is one I'm working on keeping lately because it's so minor to me and so critical to my live-in love, believe it or not.

I think I made a few to myself that I may falter on but generally keep - never again to get so fucked up into someone else that I thought I wasn't good and worthwhile, that was in college.


And not to dumb it down. That's another.

And I'm good with a secret, that's one type of confidence I don't think I've screwed up more than maybe once ever and I think I felt worse about that than anything.

I don't entirely consider myself a "fuck if I care" person at all, just someone who eventually got tired of being hostage to what her family thought and moved on from that. I do care, quite a bit. If my closest and nearest indicate that I'm wrong I'm the first to admit that I may well be. I often solicit specific people's opinion on what they think I might do. I take good advice and adapt advice into my decision making.

I like to get along with people, but I'm not born to please and I don't shy away from a disagreement if I don't agree.

 

[faeriefire]

When I had just turned 3 my mom made me promise not to touch the cabinet that held her wine glasses. She tells the story from time to time because I never touched them again. It would frustrate her that my brothers didn't follow suit when they were told to do something whereas all it took for me was once and I'd remember and follow the rules from thereon out.

I recently made a personal promise to listen to myself and place value in others' assessments only where value is due.

Honesty about feeling...ding, ding, ding lol. With people I feel safe with it's much easier for me to be responsibly honest. Meaning I can say the good things and if something hurts I can say 'xyz behavior made me feel xyz. please don't hurt me in this way again.'

But the truth is some people don't want to hear the honest opinion of others if that opinion is in any way critical or negative. And that's ok. For me the challenge is in recognizing who I can speak openly with and who has established boundaries that should be respected. Because trampling over them isn't about honesty any more. It's about personal wants, and in some cases can become a selfish mantra of 'gimme' that doesn't take into account the other person's vulnerabilities and need for boundaries.

Personally I want to form relationships where both the good and bad are acknowledged, learned from and faced together. But not every relationship will be like this. Those that I choose to develop into deep friendships, the people that I form intimate attachments with, there I think being able to communicate even on hard subjects will be a must. We'll see, but at the end of the day I think some people aren't ready to accept truth even if it whacks them between the eyes. If they won't welcome it how is taking a stick to 'em gonna help?

As an aside, truth is based on perspective. My truth will be different from yours. It's that idea of 10 people seeing the same incident reporting 10 different stories...sometimes our sharing of our truth tramples the other guy's recollection

 

[graceanne]

Huh. I generally keep promises, I even did as a child. I promised my sister I'd always take care of her, and I do, so that's probably the oldest. I was maybe three or four when I promised her that.

 

[Lilith]

My promise is so ridiculous, trivial compared to the touching stories I've heard. Mine was 1/2 promise, 1/2 bet. At 13 I vowed to my mom's long term boyfriend (still a friend) that I would never, ever pee outdoors. Despite periods of intense discomfort, I have never pulled down my panties and pee'd any where outdoors. Over time it's become a contest of sorts. People try to get me in circumstances where the need will arise. I promised him for no other reason than him not believing I would/could keep my word. He could have asked me to never eat chocolate and at that moment I'd have promised anything.

 

[intothewoods]

twysted - your sig is making this whole thread hard to read! How's that for honesty?

I get what you're saying about honesty, but I'm confused by the part about using promises in a politically correct way. You mean, people make promises they can't keep? I guess so, although I think it's more common for people to just not bother to promise anything.

Actually, Mister Man promised me he'd never lie to me, and he's kept it. I don't even think he's capable of lying though - he's one of those, it is what it is, folks.

I can remember some promises I've made, but they're too private to share on lit. I am trying to think of the oldest promise I've kept, and it's hard for me to think of many. The one I'm thinking of that I'd rather not share I made at 19, and did keep. Before that? I don't know. I can't remember a lot of dramatic conversations in which my parents demanded I make promises. It just wasn't their style. And my grandparents didn't either. I think that's what happens when you're the first born in a very child-centered home. It was quite a shock to discover the world doesn't revolve around me!

I'm pretty good when I do tell someone I'm going to do something. I usually do it. I'm not a flake. I am a pleaser. The big exception was my marriage, and failing at that still makes me cringe. I found it hard to be brutally honest and tell my husband that I wasn't happy. It was much easier to escape on the internet. And I did us both a disservice. After that experience, with Mister Man, I really feel like if and when we get married, I want to understand the weight of that promise. Actually, I do understand it, and I'm not 100% ready to go there yet. About 85%. I'm at the point where I want all of the good stuff - babies, family dinners, a home, etc. - but I have to be comitted for the tough times. Those are the promises that are harder to keep - the ones that involve something tough, or something that has no glory attached to it. I can promise to go to school or make some career achievement, and if I make it, it's good for me too. Easy. But promising to do the dishes even when you're tired and you didn't make the mess but your husband is dead tired too? No one gives you a gold star for doing the dishes, or worse, the laundry. Or cleaning up vomit. Anyone's vomit.

 

[unfoundiamond]

I don't know if this is the most coherent response...

I guess I made promices to myself that I have kept, but as far as polly pinkpussy and I in the 10th grade and the promices we made to be the best of friends forever... no...

I don't remember them if I we did... I too like to smoke, and do way to much of it to remember my adolecent promices... which is sad since my adolesence is a lot more recent than twysts...

LoL

*ps- I am looking foward to the responces from this post, *

 

[twysted73]

I too like to smoke, and do way to much of it to remember my adolecent promices... which is sad since my adolesence is a lot more recent than twysts...

LoL

*

*raises an eyebrow at you..*
Geriatric am I? One foot in the grave already?
You dance in death's door far more often then I.

 

[unfoundiamond]

yeah well,

Your sig lines make me sick.

 

[intothewoods]

Your sig lines make me sick.

Clearly I'm missing something.

 

[unfoundiamond]

*waves* Hi!

Yes, far too much to mention...

But that's allright. Im just being an asshole. I tend to do it quite a lot,

remember me? Unfoundiamond...aka black sheep, aka usual suspect...

Oops there I go with the sentence paragraphs again... lmao...