Custody Question

[caela]

Not sure if anyone (other than an actual lawyer) can help or not but it never hurts to ask. Does anyone out there know anything about custody/child support laws in Michigan? I'm facing single motherhood (she'll be born in September) and am trying to slog through the numerous ads for lawyers that pop up when i try to Google this topic so I thought it would help to just ask.

The sperm donor ( I can't bring myself to call him a father) wants nothing to do with the baby and all I know for certain about MI law is that if I sue him for child support he can keep me from moving more than 100 miles from where he is.

Any help or advice would be appreciated!

Just a note: Yes I know this really has nothing to do with BDSM but honestly I couldn't bear the thought of trying to post something like this on the GB!

 

[kiten69]

Not sure if anyone (other than an actual lawyer) can help or not but it never hurts to ask. Does anyone out there know anything about custody/child support laws in Michigan? I'm facing single motherhood (she'll be born in September) and am trying to slog through the numerous ads for lawyers that pop up when i try to Google this topic so I thought it would help to just ask.

The sperm donor ( I can't bring myself to call him a father) wants nothing to do with the baby and all I know for certain about MI law is that if I sue him for child support he can keep me from moving more than 100 miles from where he is.

Any help or advice would be appreciated!

Just a note: Yes I know this really has nothing to do with BDSM but honestly I couldn't bear the thought of trying to post something like this on the GB!

If you sue him for child support he has rights as a father. I'm not in MI but I am going through a similar situation with my ex. He sees the kids maybe 4 days a month (max), but most times he sees them 24 hours or less a month. Still it is mandated through the court system that I can't move any further than 50 miles away from him.

If you need a venting shoulder my PM is always open, you are in for a rough ride I wish you the best of luck.

 

[graceanne]

If you sue him for child support he has rights as a father. I'm not in MI but I am going through a similar situation with my ex. He sees the kids maybe 4 days a month (max), but most times he sees them 24 hours or less a month. Still it is mandated through the court system that I can't move any further than 50 miles away from him.

If you need a venting shoulder my PM is always open, you are in for a rough ride I wish you the best of luck.

This is one of the reasons I love oregon. My friend gets child support, and the sperm donor has no parental rights. He lost them when he refused to show up for paternity testing. I'd say that, possibly, if you want to spend a lot of money in court you could get child support AND have his parental rights removed, but . . .

 

[kiten69]

This is one of the reasons I love oregon. My friend gets child support, and the sperm donor has no parental rights. He lost them when he refused to show up for paternity testing. I'd say that, possibly, if you want to spend a lot of money in court you could get child support AND have his parental rights removed, but . . .

In Florida if the "sperm doner" signs the birth certificate than there is no need for a test unless the "sd" wants to pay for one himself. My ex didn't even show up to the final divorce hearing. . .

 

[caela]

Thanks Kiten! In a perfect world I would honestly just let him go entirely even ( o.k. most likely) seeking to just get him to sign away his rights but with the rising costs of EVERYTHING I just don't think i can afford to do that and I don't want my daughter to suffer because of my pride. My only real problem with getting him to pay is the restrictions on moving. I was planning on moving out of state this summer but that plan got put on hold when I found out I was pregnant. I wasn't about to leave a good job, hospital staff I know ( I work as a surgical tech here so I know all the surgeons and the anesthesiologists), insurance etc. for the uncertainties of being pregnant in a state I was just starting out in.

Luckily all of my mom's family is in MI so I'll have some help once the baby is born but none of them really live close enough to help with things like childcare which means I'm most likely going to end up having to move and get a new job. I'm tempted to actually move out to my dad's (he lives in CA) before I file for child support so that the no moving law won't apply.

 

[graceanne]

In Florida if the "sperm doner" signs the birth certificate than there is no need for a test unless the "sd" wants to pay for one himself. My ex didn't even show up to the final divorce hearing. . .

He wouldn't - said that he got a private paternity test and that she wasn't his. Of course he never had k's gene's to compare his to.

I know! Move to Oregon. They'll sue for child support for you, and he won't have any paternity rights. (Don't fuck with Oregon's child support division - a friend of mine fell behind six months on her child support and had to go to court to prove she hadn't been working, cause they were gonna send her to jail.)

 

[caela]

This is one of the reasons I love oregon. My friend gets child support, and the sperm donor has no parental rights. He lost them when he refused to show up for paternity testing. I'd say that, possibly, if you want to spend a lot of money in court you could get child support AND have his parental rights removed, but . . .

I don't know if you can do that in MI. Everything I've read so far seems to indicate that if they're paying they have rights. Which I guess makes some sense. I really just wish I could afford to not need him to pay. I'm planning to go back to school to get my RN and if I can manage to stay on a surgical floor that should leave me pretty well off since I'll be multi-talented and able to circulate as a nurse but also scub on cases if we're short which should leave me at least able to be independent of him so long as I budget wisely.

It's just the time I'm in school that's going to be a problem.

 

[caela]

I know! Move to Oregon.

Believe me if I had family there it would be tempting!!!

 

[graceanne]

I don't know if you can do that in MI. Everything I've read so far seems to indicate that if they're paying they have rights. Which I guess makes some sense. I really just wish I could afford to not need him to pay. I'm planning to go back to school to get my RN and if I can manage to stay on a surgical floor that should leave me pretty well off since I'll be multi-talented and able to circulate as a nurse but also scub on cases if we're short which should leave me at least able to be independent of him so long as I budget wisely.

It's just the time I'm in school that's going to be a problem.

*hugs* Would welfare help you through college?

Also, do you have Job Corp up there? Here it's a program for people under . . . 24, I think. It where they pay for your schooling as long as you follow some guidelines (like no drugs, and no skipping). It won't help much with living expenses, but will cut down your over all expenses.

 

[kiten69]

I know! Move to Oregon. They'll sue for child support for you, and he won't have any paternity rights. (Don't fuck with Oregon's child support division - a friend of mine fell behind six months on her child support and had to go to court to prove she hadn't been working, cause they were gonna send her to jail.)

He pays his child support. . .but rarely (and I mean RARELY) pays his 50% of the medical co-pays. . .and hasn't put one penny towards the day care expenses. It's been almost 2 years!!!

 

[graceanne]

Believe me if I had family there it would be tempting!!!

I'd help, if I could. *hugs*

 

[graceanne]

He pays his child support. . .but rarely (and I mean RARELY) pays his 50% of the medical co-pays. . .and hasn't put one penny towards the day care expenses. It's been almost 2 years!!!

I keep telling you, girlfriend. Move to Oregon.

 

[kiten69]

I keep telling you, girlfriend. Move to Oregon.

Florida ---> Oregon. . .yeah that's more than 50 miles.

 

[kiten69]

Thanks Kiten!

Anytime, caela.

 

[caela]

*hugs* Would welfare help you through college?

Also, do you have Job Corp up there? Here it's a program for people under . . . 24, I think. It where they pay for your schooling as long as you follow some guidelines (like no drugs, and no skipping). It won't help much with living expenses, but will cut down your over all expenses.

That's the fun catch 22 of welfare...I actually think I'd make too much to qualify. I don't make bad money as a surgical tech...just not quite enough to support myself and my kid. If it were just me I'd be able to do it easy. What may happen is I may have to rely on the charity of mom or dad for a year or two and move home (either to mom's which is here in MI or dad's out in CA) for parental help while I go to school to get my RN. Luckily in most places the pre-requisite classes for both programs are the same so (if all my credits transfered, or even most of them) I'd really only have to do one semester of classes for the few that are different and then the program itself. I wouldn't have to totally start all over again.

Could probably have it done in a year and a half if I didn't get wait-listed and the fact that I already have medical experience usually gives you a pretty chunk of points on program applications.

 

[caela]

I'd help, if I could. *hugs*

Thanks Gracie...sometimes it just helps to hear that.

 

[graceanne]

That's the fun catch 22 of welfare...I actually think I'd make too much to qualify. I don't make bad money as a surgical tech...just not quite enough to support myself and my kid. If it were just me I'd be able to do it easy. What may happen is I may have to rely on the charity of mom or dad for a year or two and move home (either to mom's which is here in MI or dad's out in CA) for parental help while I go to school to get my RN. Luckily in most places the pre-requisite classes for both programs are the same so (if all my credits transfered, or even most of them) I'd really only have to do one semester of classes for the few that are different and then the program itself. I wouldn't have to totally start all over again.

Could probably have it done in a year and a half if I didn't get wait-listed and the fact that I already have medical experience usually gives you a pretty chunk of points on program applications.

Ug. Accepting parental help. It might be for the best, but I can see why you don't want to.

 

[caela]

Ug. Accepting parental help. It might be for the best, but I can see why you don't want to.

lol...I totally agree with the !!! Part of not wanting to though is just my pride...I'm 28 damnit I should be able to do things myself!!! and just not liking to ask for help. If it were just for me I'd probably just suck it up and eat ramen for a couple of years or something but since it now involves a baby I'll suck it up and go begging to the folks if that's what it takes.

Won't stop me from hating it though! lol

Though I do like the suggestion my cousin made earlier today better ( I think she was teasing but if she turns out to be serious it might just be perfect for all of us! ). She mentioned me moving in with her and her husband (she's pregnant to and her baby is due like a week before mine) and he and I would work and she'd stay home and take care of the kids! It sounds kind of hokey but we get along great and then neither of us would have to worry about daycare costs (or what's happening to our kids while we're at work) and the costs for everything would still be shared taking some of the burden off all of us. It would also let me go to school and work and not have to worry that my little girl is being properly taken care of. We were sort of joking when she said it but if she ever makes that offer in seriousness I am so all over it!

 

[graceanne]

lol...I totally agree with the !!! Part of not wanting to though is just my pride...I'm 28 damnit I should be able to do things myself!!! and just not liking to ask for help. If it were just for me I'd probably just suck it up and eat ramen for a couple of years or something but since it now involves a baby I'll suck it up and go begging to the folks if that's what it takes.

Won't stop me from hating it though! lol

Though I do like the suggestion my cousin made earlier today better ( I think she was teasing but if she turns out to be serious it might just be perfect for all of us! ). She mentioned me moving in with her and her husband (she's pregnant to and her baby is due like a week before mine) and he and I would work and she'd stay home and take care of the kids! It sounds kind of hokey but we get along great and then neither of us would have to worry about daycare costs (or what's happening to our kids while we're at work) and the costs for everything would still be shared taking some of the burden off all of us. It would also let me go to school and work and not have to worry that my little girl is being properly taken care of. We were sort of joking when she said it but if she ever makes that offer in seriousness I am so all over it!

Warning: I've lived with family. Have the specifics ironed and WRITTEN DOWN, before moving in. Including who pays what, what your cousin is willing to do, and an escape plan for all parties (like how many days they have to give you to find another place). Cause I guarantee that it's a lot harder to watch two babies than one, and she might decide it's too much.

 

[caela]

Warning: I've lived with family. Have the specifics ironed and WRITTEN DOWN, before moving in. Including who pays what, what your cousin is willing to do, and an escape plan for all parties (like how many days they have to give you to find another place). Cause I guarantee that it's a lot harder to watch two babies than one, and she might decide it's too much.

Very good points and like I said when we were talking we were half joking so I'm not taking it seriously but it would definately be worth considering if we every discussed it in earnest. But you can bet the discussion would definately include everything from how much of the rent and bills I'd pay-since her watching both the kids would eliminate daycare costs entirely I'd be willing to foot half the rent instead of the 1/3 I'd otherwise think was fair-to how to work out work schedules so all the adults aren't fighting for the bathroom at the same time in the morning lol.

If we really went for it I'd ideally like to get 12 hour shifts at whatever hospital I hired on with so that she'd really only have both kids 3 days a week not 5 and I could give her and entire day off if she wanted or just be there to help out the rest of the week but it would all be up for discussion because with my job there would be weekend, call, and holiday shifts too.

Still it's a pretty fantasy to slip into when trying not to think about having to move in with the folks lol.

 

[cherokee_dove]

Not sure if anyone (other than an actual lawyer) can help or not but it never hurts to ask. Does anyone out there know anything about custody/child support laws in Michigan? I'm facing single motherhood (she'll be born in September) and am trying to slog through the numerous ads for lawyers that pop up when i try to Google this topic so I thought it would help to just ask.

The sperm donor ( I can't bring myself to call him a father) wants nothing to do with the baby and all I know for certain about MI law is that if I sue him for child support he can keep me from moving more than 100 miles from where he is.

Any help or advice would be appreciated!

Just a note: Yes I know this really has nothing to do with BDSM but honestly I couldn't bear the thought of trying to post something like this on the GB!

First off, think about the question of "Will he really pay on the child support?".

In Ohio, when going through a divorce that involves children, custody, and child support issues; both parties are to take parenting classes, money management classes, and if any child involved has medical problems; then both parties have to take health related training courses.

The ex never took any of his classes, but still is supposed to pay. But he doesn't. And he never visits them. And due to the beloved court system in this county ; he is over $35,000 in arrears and still roams free. Even though the courts have his address, they won't go and arrest him.

And if i even want to take my kids out of state for vacation, i have to let the judge know.

The judge did say that since he has not fulfilled any of his requirements, all i have to do is get another lawyer and file for complete custody and i could have full parental rights. And that is now in the process, but may end up losing part of the back amount because of it.

So just make sure that the biological sperm donor WILL and CAN pay the support. Otherwise, the court systems sometimes don't play fair. And it may not be worth sueing him over.

Good luck though.

 

[caela]

Cherokee...the scariest thought in my mind is that he just might pay so that he would then have the right to screw with my life and my daughters which is part of the reason I am so trepidatious about the whole idea. I much rather just not need his money at all and most likely I'll end up living with one or the other of my parents to ensure that. If I can do that and go back to school to get my RN I may just nix the whole idea of suing for support and the stress and headaches that come with it...like your situation I watched my mom having to deal with the courts all the time because my stepfather didn't want to pay up after their divorce and she was always stressed and worried about money.

I'd rather not need to sue for child support but if it comes down to it, it's more a matter of that I may need to in our lovely current economy.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Don't know about where you are, but most places now make it possible for the father to interfere with your plans to move (even if you marry someone from another city/country), what education you wish your child to have, and a lot of other areas right down to birthday parties. Sometimes you don't even have to have gone down the road of getting child support from them, just named them as the father on the birth certificate. I think it is unfair that the non-custodial parent can prevent the full time parent from moving, but there is nothing the full time parent can do to prevent them moving if they so decide...seems a little one-sided. In Oz, if you put the father's name on the birth certificate, and later need to claim welfare, they will force you to take him to court for child support before offering you welfare assistance...refuse to do it and they refuse help. Only way around it is to sign father unknown at birth. If you feel such animosity toward him now, it might be a safer option to say you do not know the father so you can prevent any problems in the future which he might think funny to put you through for his own amusement and just to be difficult and interfere with your life.

Of course he might at some point decide he wants to be involved for any number of reasons and go through DNA testing to prove his fathering rights, but that is an 'if' and also if a long way in the future could put you in the more powerful position if he decided to try and interfere simply because he had not been a part of the child's life until then. It is not easy to decide what to do, but I would seriously consider not mentioning he is the father if you truly do not want him in your or your child's life and he also has expressed no desire to be part of it.

Catalina

 

[caela]

Hey Catalina...I've been seriously considering not putting his name on the birth certificate. It's just such a hard decision to make. In the end I think that is most likely what I will do. I really don't want a man who told me I'd have all the support he could give me if I chose to abort my child but that if I chose to keep her then "your mistakes are your own", to be a part of my childs life. The only reason I'm even considering trying to get support from him is because of the way the price of things here is going out of control and Michigan's depressed economy.

In the end I keep coming back to the most likely scenario probably being me sucking up my pride and moving home with one of my folks for a year or two so I can go back to school and get my RN which would give me a high enough salary that there would be no need for him to be in my life at all.

 

[kiten69]

I think it is unfair that the non-custodial parent can prevent the full time parent from moving, but there is nothing the full time parent can do to prevent them moving if they so decide...seems a little one-sided.

Catalina

I hear ya.