Looking for some help with a story.

[SavannahMann]

I wrote a story that is very dark. It is non con, mind manipulation, kidnapping, and all the darkest parts of our society. It's called the Vassal Group, and is posted on another site. Another post about the story is here
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=566133 which explains it a bit more.

I'm interested in hearing suggestions about how the story could, or should, be changed to be acceptable here. I'll be honest, I'm not too sure I'll take those changes, and run with them. I wrote the story with the intent of being reasonable honest with the process of mental manipulation. The brutality is about as soft as I can imagine making it, without watering it down to something like "After six weeks in the cells with her time spent alternatively in the chair being brainwashed, beaten, and showered, she was ready for the next phase of training."

I can shoot the book to you in it's entirety, or you can check my postings on the other big site where stories online are kept.

Thanks in advance for your consideration.

 

[snooper]

... I'm interested in hearing suggestions about how the story could, or should, be changed to be acceptable here. ...

You could try submitting it as Erotic Horror, assuming you went for Novels before.

I agree with Lady C (having spent a whole day reading your 59K words) that I do not understand why it was rejected. Having said that, I also agree with Cloudy that changing Lit's rules isn't the answer. There are just some events which were not meant to be.

 

[LadyCibelle]

As I told someone on your other thread yesterday, your brainwashing techniques are no worst than what anyone could read in a spy novel, or even reading some reports on what happens in prison camps.

I agree with Snooper, maybe you should try posting it in 'Erotic horror'. One thing though, get someone to go through your story beforehand. While I was reading it yesterday I've noticed a whole lot of instances where you have missing punctuations, character names changes (Jeannette Sessions instead of Simmons), grammar and spelling goofs etc....

Get someone who knows what he or she is talking about (Beg Snooper he's damn good!!!) and let them have a go at correcting all your mishaps.

 

[snooper]

... (Beg Snooper he's damn good!!!) ...

Not really, just old, nasty, and pedantic.

 

[LadyCibelle]

Not really, just old, nasty, and pedantic.

That too.

 

[Pure]

?

What became of this issue? WAS the story rejected at Lit? What were the reasons? Was is revised? Resubmitted? etc.

 

[snoopercharmbrights]

What became of this issue? WAS the story rejected at Lit? What were the reasons? Was is revised? Resubmitted? etc.

Click on SavannahMann's signature and you will see that three chapters have been posted.

 

[Pure]

thanks, snooper, for the reference. so the story is going ahead at lit.
good.