I am hoping for some feed back on this, I have been in a number of relationships both vanilla and D/S but recently I have come up with this question. A friend of mine is a sub female that has never experienced a kind master... only the brutal ones. How can someone have punishment without reward and has anyone else had this problem? The second question I have had about this style of relationship ... is I have noticed that some subs are selfish, it is all about the attention they get... not a giving and receiving relationshin, is this common?
This question has been on my mind....
- Thread starter Enygma55
- Start date
TeachMeSir
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jan 27, 2008
- Posts
- 349
.....
Last edited:
SubKekiLee
DrkSwords pet
- Joined
- Jun 21, 2007
- Posts
- 2,593
I wouldnt completely say I am service oriented either. but I will tell you. That my FIRST responsiblity as his sub/pet, is to make him smile... MY signature line says it all..
Obidence is doing something because you have to do when someone told you to do it, "true" obidence is doing cause you want to see the other person smile...
Obidence is doing something because you have to do when someone told you to do it, "true" obidence is doing cause you want to see the other person smile...
A Desert Rose
Simply Charming Elsewhere
- Joined
- Aug 16, 2002
- Posts
- 13,997
It's a subjective question. What you would define as a "kind Master" isn't the same as how someone else might. Kind might mean someone who appears abusive to the outside world. But to the submissive who defines that and who apparently needs it, it might be all together different.
And perhaps to some, punishment is the reward.
As far as the second question... People define themselves. If someone is a taker and never a giver and still says he/she is a submissive, who am I to argue? It doesn't fit my definition of submission but then who cares what I think? I'm not part of the relationship.
Submission is whatever the individual defines it as, I guess.
Punishment without reward sounds less like D/s and more like abuse to me.
Subs who make it all about them, don't really sound like subs at all, to me.
*shrug*
Yeah! to what she said.
And *chuckle* at the 'brutal' Dom's. That exist???
D) 
Pardon me, i am maso. I just love it. :blush:
Thank all so far for your imput. I have to say that if it is all one sided I don't consider it a relationship. I believe in a exchange of power not one that rests solely in one persons hands. As to brutal doms , yes they exist and all I am using is her term for it... one that did not reward her for being good but only punished. She didn't know any other kind existed. She likes the severe and strict but was surprised by kind and nice.
thedarkplaying
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Apr 26, 2008
- Posts
- 438
I've run across prospective subs that only expect a brutal Master/Dom/Top and/or abuse for one of two reasons. The first is that it is what they expect, be it from fantasy, stuff they have read or what their particular interest in being dominated is, omewhere they have identified being dominated with being hurt. They have not intellectualized the idea enough to realize the difference between hurt and harm, nor have they thought through the fantasy enough to be honest with themselves and realize what they really want. BDSM is very much mental and many new submissives, and some experienced ones, have not really thought about it to the point to being it beyond the physical and if it doesn't go past there they need that brutality to feel anything. They offer themselves to their Master/Dom/Top as a punching bag only.
The second, and more sad reason I have found , is that there are many people out there attracted to BDSM that don't have any self worth or value. This can manifest itself into both directions, the Master/Dom/Top side and the slave/sub/bottom side with different results. In the case of the question posed here those without self worth or value subject themselves to brutality for the simple reaosn they don't think they deserve any better. There are also plenty of Master/Dom/Tops out there that will take advantage of that and really brutalize someone.
Both, especially the later, can lead to bad bad things.
Before I take one as my submissive I screen that person by talking with them to make sure they have themselves, have intellectualized their desires and understand their own limits (or at least that they have them, though maybe not know them beforehand). For ever one slave/sub/bottom I've taken over the years I've turned down maybe five to ten at each starting point because of these very issues.
submissives need to be of strong mind, values, self-worth and physicalness. Weakness has no place in BDSM.
It can be if that person doesn't really understand their desires. Again, if they have no self-worth then they crave the abuse and therefore attention from their Master/Dom/Top... for lack of anything better than they feel somehow that gives them worth... or they like the attention and no matter what the person harming them is doing to them attention is attention. Too many Master/Dom/Tops don't see this (in my experience in various NYC, Toronto and LA scenes and talking with people from both sides) and therefore take advantage of these types of slaves/subs/bottoms. SOme are aware of it and don't care, which is disgusting, and others don't see it and don't know any better.
