Would you turn your child in?

[kiten69]

Yesterday while watching the news I overheard a story about a young man who ordered ammonium nitrate and apparently had plans to use the bomb on his school. One news station said it would've been like Columbine x3. He even had the tape made out that was to be played after the incident. . ..

Long story short the parents opened the box and discovered what their son was up to then turned him over to the proper authorities. This sparked a pretty big discussion at work. It was equally split between those who would and those who would not turn their child in. . .

So my question is if you discovered your child was breaking the law would you turn him/her in?

 

[minx1]

Yesterday while watching the news I overheard a story about a young man who ordered ammonium nitrate and apparently had plans to use the bomb on his school. One news station said it would've been like Columbine x3. He even had the tape made out that was to be played after the incident. . ..

Long story short the parents opened the box and discovered what their son was up to then turned him over to the proper authorities. This sparked a pretty big discussion at work. It was equally split between those who would and those who would not turn their child in. . .

So my question is if you discovered your child was breaking the law would you turn him/her in?

For me it would depend on the severity. If they had stolen a chocolate bar from a shop...no, I doubt it. I would hope to be able to deal with that myself.
If they had done something such as rape or the example you gave...absolutely.

 

[LittleJade]

For me it would depend on the severity. If they had stolen a chocolate bar from a shop...no, I doubt it. I would hope to be able to deal with that myself.
If they had done something such as rape or the example you gave...absolutely.

I agree.

There's a difference between stealing, and threatening the lives of others.

I could properly discipline my child for smaller incidents, but something like this would be out of my hands- not only because of the major threat to human life, but also because of the psychiatric assessment required of the child. Kids who want to blow people up or shoot down their peers have something WRONG with them... something that needs to be worked through, in order to make them well.

I couldn't do that on my own.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'm with minx...minor things can be dealt with if not habitual....serious things which threaten the property and/or life of others requires more than I could do as a parent who is emotionally involved. I would not disown them or turn my back on them, actually think I would continue to love and support them in whatever way I could, but that support could not endanger others.

Catalina

 

[TerragonSix]

Interesting topic.

As stated before, it all depends on the severity. Such a thing like petty theft (shoplifting a candy bar for example), the mother or father could probably discipline their kid much better than the juvenile justice system. In terms of something serious like stealing a car, or murdering someone, yes I would turn them in.

Here is something with more of a shade of gray...

Say your child, 16-17, came home drunk from a party in your car? Would you turn them in to the police? Most, I think, would say probably not. Though I would like to know who is supplying my underage kid with alcohol, and deal with that appropriately by turning those involved to the police.

Personally, I would look forward the next day hangover, whereas I would dump ice cold water on them at 7am, already stripping them of their driving privileges for months to come, and making them go outside for a full day of yard work.

The reason I would look forward to it is that I know, they would probably not EVER try to drive home drunk again.

 

[intothewoods]

Anything of that magnitude, you better believe I would turn my kid in. Good lord, for his own safety and mental health, as well as the safety of others. That would be my obligation as a parent and member of the community.

As far as the other things mentioned go, I would be really pissed if my kid ever stole anything. I would almost certainly make him return it, and have him make restitution. On the other hand, if he were a teenager and I found alcohol or marijuana, I probably (although I haven't given this a ton of thought) would be inclined to deal with it on my own (if it were a first offense kind of thing), since I think the laws on those issues are kind of out of whack. Then again, it depends on other details. If his grades and behavior are good, then I'd be less freaked out than if he were acting weird or entitled to break the law in some way. If it were the latter especially, I might just turn him in, or at the least dole out some pretty damn tough punishment.

Anyway, I don't think those other things even begin to compare to an act of brutal violence. I'm shocked people would say they wouldn't turn their kid in!

 

[minx1]

Anyway, I don't think those other things even begin to compare to an act of brutal violence. I'm shocked people would say they wouldn't turn their kid in!

*nods* personally I think its a misguided sense of loyalty....protecting them above everything else. As Cat said just because you act, doesn't mean you love them any less.

 

[TeachMeSir]

When I was little my Mothers sent me to the corner store to pick her up some milk or something. I came home with the item, the correct change & a chocolate bar that she deduced I stole. She made me return it & apologise to everyone down there. She would't turn me into the "authorities" for something considered minor unless it was for the scare factor. I think I like this approach. The scolding, the public huiliation of the apology & the sacre were quite effective.

I'd liek to think that if I caught my child planning on doing something illegal that I would take appropiate action. It would depend on their behaviour leading up to / their age / what they planned etc etc. If no crime had actually been committed, and I could get the appropiate psychological services without involving the authorities then I would like that.

I'd just hate to think that I was so helpless, blind, or unaware that it owuld get to this stage, but I understand that teenagers can be hard to understand and you don't always know what they are thinking / feeling.

 

[Netzach]

Your child has the MEANS and INTENT to kill a whole bunch of people and you're not going to turn them in?

WTF is wrong with the reproducing people these days?

 

[TeachMeSir]

The reson for not "turning them in" is not because they donlt deserve it, or because I want to protect them. It's a lack of faith in the system....

 

[intothewoods]

*nods* personally I think its a misguided sense of loyalty....protecting them above everything else. As Cat said just because you act, doesn't mean you love them any less.

Right. I'm sure it would be insanely difficult to accept that your child is capable of planning that kind of thing. But that's what you sign up for when you become a parent. You can't just stick your head in the sand.

The reson for not "turning them in" is not because they donlt deserve it, or because I want to protect them. It's a lack of faith in the system....

Understood, but unfortunately you don't have much choice, aside from doing nothing, and would you really want to do nothing at all? If you involved any sort of counselor, and the counselor becomes aware there is a threat of violence, that counselor has a duty to inform the police.

 

[DVS]

Yesterday while watching the news I overheard a story about a young man who ordered ammonium nitrate and apparently had plans to use the bomb on his school. One news station said it would've been like Columbine x3. He even had the tape made out that was to be played after the incident. . ..

Long story short the parents opened the box and discovered what their son was up to then turned him over to the proper authorities. This sparked a pretty big discussion at work. It was equally split between those who would and those who would not turn their child in. . .

So my question is if you discovered your child was breaking the law would you turn him/her in?

In a case like this, I think he needs counseling more than jail. He hasn't gone through with the act yet, although he seems like he would have, given the chance.

I don't know for sure, but I think just buying a certain amount of ammonium nitrate is now illegal. You have to have a good reason and prove it, or the FBI comes to visit you.

But, obviously, the kid is troubled and needs to talk. Also obviously, the route he was taking was not the correct one. Thank God he was stopped before anything happened.

I'm more of an easy going kind of guy. I look at things in a certain way. Like can I deal with this on my own, or should I take the next step and let those more qualified handle it? Sometimes, taking the next step is necessary. But, it can also make things more difficult within the family, too. That's why I wonder if I can deal with something on my own, first.

But, if it was something serious that was out of my league, of course I'd turn my kid in. He has no right to harm someone else. He has no right to drive drunk, just because he doesn't get caught. He has no right to steal traffic signs for his room. They were put there for a reason. The lack of that sign could cause an accident and hurt somebody.

With some things, kids just don't think it through. If they did, I don't think they'd do what they do. Hopefully, we teach them well enough that they begin to think their actions through before they get too far out into the world where their inaction can get someone hurt.

 

[faeriefire]

It makes me mad when I hear stories about parents validating illegal behavior. There was a girl in the town I grew up in who was gifted with a brand new beamer when she turned 16. She promptly went out a broke about 5 laws and killed someone while drunk, late at night, going 90mph, with friends in the car. She and her friends walked away. The other driver did not. Her parents response was to send her on vacation to europe while it 'blew over' and then bought her another car when she got back. The criminal charges were dropped because the family was politically influential in the community and the family of the dead boy didn't want to ruin a young life by sending her through the judicial system at 16. My problem with this is it teaches that girl that it is ok to do something illegal. That she is above the law. I think parents have a responsibility to set a good example and to enforce their beliefs of right and wrong. I can understand being leniant about something like pot or dealing with smaller issues on a one-on-one level. But I also firmly believe that parents have a responsibility to teach their children what is right and what is wrong. Some kids won't get it, but respect for the law is what keeps chaos from breaking out too often. And respect starts at home.

 

[kiten69]

For me it would depend on the severity. If they had stolen a chocolate bar from a shop...no, I doubt it. I would hope to be able to deal with that myself.

When I was younger my best friend and I decided to take a candy bar from the store down the street. . .later that night I told my mom because I felt bad (I still had the candy bar). . .she made me return it to the store and apologize to the manager. . .I've never done it again!

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

So my question is if you discovered your child was breaking the law would you turn him/her in?

I have turned my children in for stealing, I have turned my children in for fighting. I am not raising ghetto hood rats and I refuse to have them in my house hold. If they break the law...I will turn them in, period.

(luckily for me..their few visits with the law enforcement seems to have done what i wanted it to do..ie make them think before behaving in a reckless, illegal manner)

 

[SpecialKay62]

Interesting Question

Yes, yes, yes...I'd have to turn them in. Heartbreaking, but at this point the kid needs help. Serious, professional help. Way more help than Mom or Dad have access to. Sad they didn't see it coming. As a parent, or maybe just someone who is extra intuitive, I know when something is wrong with my kids. Thank the gods so far, its been minor (girl troubles and acne) but when you are someone's parent, you're responsible for them and to some degree, their behavior. I hope this kid gets the psychological counseling he needs, but sadly, he'll end up back in his community, a ticking clock, until something bad happens and he's imprisoned. How do we fix this problem in our society?

 

[Breaker_Morant]

Whatever happened to spanking?

I'm not talking about beating the kid to within an inch of its life but just some attention grabbing, butt blistering corporal punishment.

I honestly think that when that stopped being a socially acceptable form of punishment, the kids began to take over. I think that without some sort of "fear of God" in a kid, they just will run wild while the parents try to do damage control.

As for the OP, absolutely! Turn them in - if not for the sake of doing what's right but for the fact that should something "go wrong" and the kids are minors as an adult you are legally responsible for their actions. Didn't the families of the boys from Columbine get their asses sued?

 

[YourCaptor]

If my kid intended to hurt and kill people, yea I would turn them in.

Other then that, a little explosive never hurt anyone... umm... well...

Other then that, a little explosive is an important part of growing up.

 

[graceanne]

Holy Cow. I think I'd turn my child in. But I REALLY think this is one of the situations you don't know what you'd do until you're in it.

On the other hand, bravo for the parents. As hard as I'm sure this was for them, they totally did the right thing, for their child AND for the school. If he'd managed to bomb that school he'd have probably ended up with the death penalty, and that's something you can't come back from. lol Now he'll get the help he needs, and no one had to die in the bargain.

 

[Breaker_Morant]

Other then that, a little explosive is an important part of growing up.

/begin mini jack

Yeah, what would life had been without a couple of M80s and blackcats tossed into a empty barrel.

/end mini jack

 

[WriterDom]

Yeah we used to have bottle rocket fights.

 

[Homburg]

Depends on how much explosives we're talking about. I come from a long line of crazy-ass rednecks. Dynamite is an acceptable fishing tool, and, well, I'll shut up about the rest of the stupid things my family has done with things that go boom.

That said, if junior is planning on blowing up the school, you can bet your ass that I'm going to wrap his nihilist ass up while momma calls the cops.

 

[intothewoods]

I'm not talking about beating the kid to within an inch of its life but just some attention grabbing, butt blistering corporal punishment.

I honestly think that when that stopped being a socially acceptable form of punishment, the kids began to take over. I think that without some sort of "fear of God" in a kid, they just will run wild while the parents try to do damage control.

As for the OP, absolutely! Turn them in - if not for the sake of doing what's right but for the fact that should something "go wrong" and the kids are minors as an adult you are legally responsible for their actions. Didn't the families of the boys from Columbine get their asses sued?

I've read a lot about discipline, and I feel confident in saying that it's not the spanking that's missing - it's the respect. According to the research, it's possible to spank your kids and have it be effective, but it's also just as possible they'll say, mommy hits me, why can't I hit someone? Or just mimic the behavior, if you do it before they can verbalize and understand the difference between punishment and violence. One of the keys would be that you do it completely calmly. Frankly, when I get pissed off, the last thing I need to be doing is spanking a kid. I'm scary enough without using corporal punishment. Discipline begins from the beginning with kids. I can't sum it up in one paragraph, and since this is a porn board, I doubt anyone wants me to. My general point is, wouldn't it be nice if spanking were the easy answer? It's not.

 

[graceanne]

nevermind, too much of a vent for a porn board.

 

[FurryFury]

When I was a child, I got pleasure from playing with shaving cream at the grocery store. One day my Mom caught me. She made me go to the office, confess I'd been stealing and vandalizing and ask what I could do to make it up.
It was horrible and humiliating. It taught me a valuable lesson I've never forgotten.

Ironically, everyone in my family stole at one time or another. I later was pressured to steal over and over again by my Dad particularly during a time when beef prices sky rocketed. (I'm a life long veggie btw.)

One day I stood up to him and said I wouldn't do it ever again. It was a big deal. This was a man who had nearly killed me quite a few times. He backed down though.

So, yes, I would turn my child in or do whatever it took to get my child the type of lesson and/or help they needed as well as keep society safe!

Sadly, so many parents never let kids face consequences these days, then are surprised at the often heinous situations the kids get into. Some of the worst people I've known have had some of the nicest parents. If the parents had said no or let the kids face consequences those people would have turned out MUCH better.

This particular case, I suspect finding all this information out about the child was the very LAST STRAW in an ongoing challenge to properly parent this child. Thank goodness they did turn the child in! I'd never be able to live with myself if I had this happen and didn't. They likely saved many lives including the child's!