Does this technically make me a sub?

[Remy_James]

When it comes to sex and foreplay my mindset is quite subservient. The way I figure it, if you're in for it just for your orgasm or something then you might as well go masturbate, I focus more on my partner. So I love to please my woman and I'm not against asking and taking suggestions or even commands. Perhaps I enjoy it a bit more because the female orgasm, since I was in junior high, was always this mystery among my peers and so today when I can help a woman achieve that and give her the best pleasure I possibly can, it's like this big feeling of accomplishment for me and for some reason it just gets me off.

However, I don't like being humiliated, insulted (teasing and sarcasm is just fine though, I adore a healthy sense of humor), tying and kinky stuff can come as per her whim, but overall I don't have the slave mindset as though I'm lower than the woman, just that I'm willing to please her in any way I can so long as she returns my affection.

I've heard of dom/slave relationships which were quite affectionate (yet firm), based on trust, loyalty, as well as mutual understanding. I've also heard of dom/slave relations which are brutal, kinky, impersonal, and fun no matter what the expense.

So I've always wondered, more so as of late, so I'll ask to the dom's experienced subs, or admirers, would I qualify as a sub? Furthermore, do Dom's actually look for that sort of thing or is it just business as usual?

 

[FurryFury]

No one can tell you if you are a sub at heart or not. Anyone who pretends to is being disingenuous IMO.

That being said, one way I define sexual submissiveness is if your partner's pleasure is more important to you than your own.

 

[Chicklet]

If you consider yourself sexually submissive, then go ahead and refer to yourself that way. You don't necessarily have to indulge in the pain/humiliation/bondage/leather that a lot of people associate with D/s.

HOWEVER, in my opinion and experience, these things don't make you submissive, but, they make you a generous lover.

Being a giver in bed isn't as uncommon as a lot of people think, but that doesn't make it any less of a fantastic quality in either sex.

I think if you title yourself as a submissive male and go out looking for dominant women/men, you and they will both be disappointed in the end. But if you go out looking for a 'vanilla' sexual relationship, your 'submissive' behavior in bed is going to be appreciated by about 99% of the people I know.

 

[Ladythunder]

Well said FF

I am also not going to state an opinion if i think that behavior sepecificly makes you a sub as really only you can decide that

However, as to your question if PYL's look for that sort of thing, all I will say on the matter is that there are as many different types of dominants as there are blades of grass on my front lawn

There are some that look that look for it, some that can just as well do without. Its a matter of learning what a person likes i suppose, to know exactly what they may be looking for. I seriously couldn't point to randon Joe Shmoe across the room and tell you what they want in a mate/play partner

 

[Remy_James]

Well thanks for all your input. I was just curious really. So it's still open ended.

I dunno... I got something to think about then.

 

[LunarKitten]

Caring about such things doesn't automatically make you a submissive. A lot of tops care for there bottoms in such a way.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I think that instead of considering whether your sexual generosity is a submissive trait, you should think about whether you have desires to be dominated and controlled by a woman.

Having a girl rolling in your arms saying 'that's fantastic! faster! harder!' or whatever just means you're pleasing your woman, doesn't make either one of you a submissive party.

Do you fantasise about dominant controlling women? About being made to feel pain by one? About being used for her pleasure and treated as a submissive?

These are the questions that will help you to define yourself IMO.

 

[WriterDom]

Would you rather be the director or the actor? Do you want to be told what to do, or be the teller of what to do?

 

[Marquis]

So I've always wondered, more so as of late, so I'll ask to the dom's experienced subs, or admirers, would I qualify as a sub? Furthermore, do Dom's actually look for that sort of thing or is it just business as usual?

I think in the simplest terms, the answers you're looking for are yes and yes.

 

[twysted73]

I think that instead of considering whether your sexual generosity is a submissive trait, you should think about whether you have desires to be dominated and controlled by a woman.

Having a girl rolling in your arms saying 'that's fantastic! faster! harder!' or whatever just means you're pleasing your woman, doesn't make either one of you a submissive party.

Do you fantasise about dominant controlling women? About being made to feel pain by one? About being used for her pleasure and treated as a submissive?

These are the questions that will help you to define yourself IMO.

Good points and well put. It's how you consider yourself.
I am primarily a Dominant. I submit on rare occasion thoguh I consider myself to be a switch.

I enjoy creating scenes inwhich to place a submissive for her/our/my pleasure depending on my mood.
I like to see her suffering both in good and bad ways, depending on my mood.
I like to control. I like to steer the ship so to speak.
But I find personal gratification in makeing her shake and convulse with post-orgasmic bliss.
Why?
Because I like to. It suits me. It pleases me to do so.
I don't think you're submissive as these lovely ladies have already stated. You're just considerate of your woman. (great way to be and to keep them with you)

Until you crave to nolonger be "The Ship's Captain"....until you can't seem to stop wanting to thank Her for Her attentions, waiting almost like an eager school boy for Her touch, Her slap on the ass, Her directions to have you do as you are told, etc.....then I suppose you're just going to have to be a considerate Vanilla kind of guy for now.

Enjoy.

 

[Netzach]

You are looking for a Dominant girlfriend or spouse or honey or whatever. Which means you're submissive, but if you go out as "a sub looking for a Mistress" you are going to trigger the "slave/humiliation/service" switch in a lot of FemDom minds, and they will probably accuse you of being selfish and "a do-me sub" and stuff like that when they find out you're about the mutuality and equality.

I'd pay more attention to the relationship dynamic than the positions. I mean show up at kinky things and places, definitely, but don't present yourself as "a slave" and you shouldn't be treated as one.

Worked for my husband.