Explain the allure of domination or being dominated?

[Caringless]

A couple of days ago, I tried my hand at being a sub to an experienced dom. She gave me a couple of orders, spanked me for a while, had me wank it for her, and then things progressed into normal bedroom intimacy.

Overall, I was not impressed.

She remains unaware that I am not actually submissive (normally), so I guess I did a pretty good job at playing the role.

I guess I'm kind of lost after that. I had a similar experience with dominating someone else; fun for a while, but not as fun as some people seem to make it out to be.

Am I just not cut out for these kinks, or am I just doing it wrong?

 

[00Syd]

Sounds to me like its just not your kink. Why try and force something your not into, you know?

 

[sexycaz22]

Sounds to me like its just not your kink. Why try and force something your not into, you know?

Yeah I agree with OOSyd, it looks like that it's not really your thing. Perhaps you might need to explore other things?

 

[Caringless]

Yeah. Just having a second opinion (and third) opinion without bias helps.

I guess initial interest and curiosity aren't enough to carry out a lifestyle change on their own.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Explaing the allure, attraction or taste I have in something is like trying to explain why I like banana cream pie over apple pie.

You either like or it you don't. But why I like it will have no effect on your taste whatsoever. And trying to explain it will have the same effect on you, too.

 

[Chicklet]

Yeah. Just having a second opinion (and third) opinion without bias helps.

I guess initial interest and curiosity aren't enough to carry out a lifestyle change on their own.

A complete lifestyle change is never something I'd say someone should take lightly. Some experimentation is never a problem, you just need to recognize, as you obviously do, when something just isn't right for you. If it's not fun, don't worry about doing it. Even if you're doing something purely for the enjoyment of the other person, there needs to be an element of enjoyment in it for yourself. If it's just dull and unexciting, don't force yourself. That builds up resentment and discomfort.

I'd say that if this person is intent on playing D/s or S/m with you, maybe you could experiment with some other sensual toys, and see if anything happens there. Maybe instead of giving and receiving orders, you could try some blindfolds, some light restraints, some of the more typical 'vanilla' bedroom bondage stuff. A lot of people who don't want D/s still enjoy the sensation play like that.

Be honest with yourself and your partner. Don't feel like you have to act a certain way just because someone else wants you to.

 

[subtleone]

For me it was an inherent thing, I had a feeling I needed to be dominated and the second I was it was like everything suddenly fitted into place.

I guess if you don't have this feeling now you've given it a try it's just not your thing.

Allure...well it's the same as trying to explain why you are attracted to petite blonde females when your identical twin prefers hirsute dark males...just personal preference really no easy answer as to why.

 

[intothewoods]

A couple of days ago, I tried my hand at being a sub to an experienced dom. She gave me a couple of orders, spanked me for a while, had me wank it for her, and then things progressed into normal bedroom intimacy.

Overall, I was not impressed.

She remains unaware that I am not actually submissive (normally), so I guess I did a pretty good job at playing the role.

I guess I'm kind of lost after that. I had a similar experience with dominating someone else; fun for a while, but not as fun as some people seem to make it out to be.

Am I just not cut out for these kinks, or am I just doing it wrong?

I'm curious. What led you to try this in the first place?

 

[Caringless]

Roaming interest. I had always thought of it in the back of my mind as something I wanted to try. So when I randomly hooked up with a woman who expressed the interest, I just made myself seem fit for the role.

Besides, I'm getting kind of burned out on sex. I haven't really been interested in anything vanilla in the last year. That's a really strange sign for me, considering the fact that I've been heavily sexually active since I entered puberty. I kind of hoped this would jumpstart something.

I'm not even 21. I don't want to be sexless quite yet.

 

[intothewoods]

Roaming interest. I had always thought of it in the back of my mind as something I wanted to try. So when I randomly hooked up with a woman who expressed the interest, I just made myself seem fit for the role.

Besides, I'm getting kind of burned out on sex. I haven't really been interested in anything vanilla in the last year. That's a really strange sign for me, considering the fact that I've been heavily sexually active since I entered puberty. I kind of hoped this would jumpstart something.

I'm not even 21. I don't want to be sexless quite yet.

You're not even 21 and you're burned out on sex? It's ok to take a break, you know. That's not sexless. That's reevaluating things. Taking a break. Taking up knitting for a while.

You've been heavily sexually active since puberty?

I have a headache. You don't want a lecture, I'm guessing. Just take a break.

 

[Homburg]

Someone said to me that 80% of the people here are involved in BDSM because they think it makes them look cool. The other 20% are involved in it because they need it.

Sounds like you were leaning towards the 80% but discovered it wasn't for you. It ain't that big a loss, friend.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

wow..asking us how to explain the "allure" is really not that cut and dry. it's not an easy answer and not anyone will have the same answer. also our reasons for it will do nothing for making it easier for you to understand or 'accept' in yourself. either you like it or you don't. i was born this way, or atleast i truly believe that i was. it's just too hard to explain why i like it so much. sounds like you tried it, didn't like it and now you can move on to other things. *shrugs*

 

[Chicklet]

Besides, I'm getting kind of burned out on sex. I haven't really been interested in anything vanilla in the last year. That's a really strange sign for me, considering the fact that I've been heavily sexually active since I entered puberty. I kind of hoped this would jumpstart something.

I'm not even 21. I don't want to be sexless quite yet.

I think this is pretty normal. It's not the end of the world to slow down a little bit, to wait and see what different kinks are going to get your gears pumping again. For a while, 'vanilla' stuff is great, but if you're looking for something else, it's perfectly normal to sort of lose interest in the normal every-day sex until you figure out what that is.

This is when a lot of my friends start looking at lots of different types of porn, trying to see what new things get them pumping again.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Explaing the allure, attraction or taste I have in something is like trying to explain why I like banana cream pie over apple pie.

You either like or it you don't. But why I like it will have no effect on your taste whatsoever. And trying to explain it will have the same effect on you, too.

Very well said, ADR... you took the words out of my mouth...








now give them back... they were mine...

 

[FurryFury]

Can you explain the allure of different flavors of ice cream over others?

*just a thought*

 

[greeneyed_Lady]

Here's a thought... if you are just randomly hooking up with a dominant to try out being a sub and having a less then stellar experience... either you aren't into D/s, not into this person you've picked, or just need MORE of something else perhaps.

From what I have experienced, it's possible because this was a random dominant that your reaction was not as intense as it could have been if you'd been with YOUR dominant. Meaning, it's a good possibility that you need more of an emotional connection to get the experience you were seeking. I had a lovely subbie last year, and emotionally we were as connected as we could be, the D/s was intense and exhiliarating for both of us. Perhaps you need the relationship. I played with a random sub last December and I walked away confused and numb from the encounter and determined that I am not cut out to play with casual or random partners. I need the security of a relationship, and the intimacy that develops with time with a single partner to get out of the play what I want.

 

[LMs_ds]

For me it's innate - no other reason. It's the way i was born.

 

[WriterDom]

You are or you aren't. I don't need to suck a dick to know I'm not gay.

 

[FungiUg]

Am I just not cut out for these kinks, or am I just doing it wrong?

Well done on giving it a go. And yes, anyone can "play the role". But you either get a thrill out of it, or you don't. If you don't, then move on and do the stuff you do get a thrill out of. BDSM isn't the entirety of human sexuality, that's for sure!

 

[IsabellaKing]

.....

 

[ditas_muse]

xxxxx

 

[SubKekiLee]

IMO, YMMV.. I enjoy being Dominated cause Ive always been a giving person... Ive been submissive I am guessing my entire llife... Ive always enjoyed making people smile and the reward that came with it... Now before you go all crazy I didnt know what Submissive meant when I was little but I did enjoy making people smile now that Ive read up and know what it means I know I am submissive.. I enjoy seeing my Sir smile.. I enjoying hearing the response in his voice when I make him proud... and I even enjoy hearing him telling me when he is correcting me for I know he is correcting me for the right reason I belive you are either into it or not.. If it isnt your thing I commend you for trying it but dont force yourself to be in this lifestyle youll end up resenting it...

 

[satindesire]

You are or you aren't. I don't need to suck a dick to know I'm not gay.

*chuckles* He's got a point there. I'd say from what I've known about a lot of people involved in BDSM, they sort of knew they were pyl/PYL before they even started having sex.

 

[Homburg]

*chuckles* He's got a point there. I'd say from what I've known about a lot of people involved in BDSM, they sort of knew they were pyl/PYL before they even started having sex.

I had a reply to this, but your av has eaten my brain.

 

[satindesire]

I had a reply to this, but your av has eaten my brain.

Uhm...sorry? *meekly*