How to get out into a world

[big_little_me]

Hi I'm a 22 year old male fresh out of university. By trade I am an artist/illustrator just starting out in my career, and I've moved to a new city.
Since the lovely days of my first year at uni, I haven't had much spare time even if it was an art and design course and in that knuckle down and study time I did not have any relationships and or a single sexual experience.

So now I am in a city containing few people I know, spending many a day sitting in a room drawing and painting away, or out in the bitter cold British weather sketching, and only really expanding my social network within the art community of customers and art rivals.

I have had a few night out with a cousin who lives in the city but the British night out is more of a 101 on how to be sick and 'screw' someone than anything else.

So I'm hoping people can help with this dillema of social isolation, or even better a fellow artist who has some nice heart felt stories of how it all worked out?

 

[SweetErika]

What are your other interests, besides art? Is there something you want to learn about or try? Do you like a sport, or have the goal of getting in better shape? Do you have time to volunteer for a cause you believe in?

I'd suggest starting there. Expand your horizons by taking (non art-related) classes, doing a hobby that involves others, joining a sports team or gym, volunteering your time, or similar.

You can use the internet to meet people who are interested in the same things, whether that's finding those who enjoy the same hobby or just want to expand their social network. Google 'social networking sites UK' and similar. Place personal ads looking for friendship or activity partners.

If you're willing to put in some time and effort, I'm sure you can expand your social network.

 

[done_got_old]

Hi I'm a 22 year old male fresh out of university. By trade I am an artist/illustrator just starting out in my career, and I've moved to a new city.
Since the lovely days of my first year at uni, I haven't had much spare time even if it was an art and design course and in that knuckle down and study time I did not have any relationships and or a single sexual experience.

So now I am in a city containing few people I know, spending many a day sitting in a room drawing and painting away, or out in the bitter cold British weather sketching, and only really expanding my social network within the art community of customers and art rivals.

I have had a few night out with a cousin who lives in the city but the British night out is more of a 101 on how to be sick and 'screw' someone than anything else.

So I'm hoping people can help with this dillema of social isolation, or even better a fellow artist who has some nice heart felt stories of how it all worked out?

SweetErika gave you lots of good ideas. Another activity is simply walking in your neighborhood. You'd be surprised at how many people you'll meet.

Remember that you're not going to meet many people if you stay home alone.

 

[big_little_me]

Sports wise I do often go to play a range of sports and I run every other day, sadly though the UK is not a healthy bunch

I will definitely take your advice SweetErika and look into some vocations of some kind I tried life drawing thinking I could brush up some skills and meet some people that are in some way like minded but the city offers nothing like it sadly.

Thanks for the idea done_got_old but the roads of England are not kind to a young male waking around the streets, we are mainly seen as a threat that causes people to cross the road just in case we may have a knife or a gun or whatever else the absurd newspapers have said to get a quick front page story. Although in the summer everyone does become a little better natured

Sorry if that all sounded like I was just putting up barriers to your response

 

[Cathleen]

Congratulations on your accomplishment of finishing school, that's terrific.

Moving to a new city is difficult but you can take advantage of the coming spring and get out there. Look in your local newspaper for community events, volunteers needed, groups etc. Hang out at a café maybe, bring your sketch pad, you might draw some attention, especially if you do a few sketches of the café (the owners might enjoy showing some local talent on the walls).

Just heading out for some window shopping type of things, it helps feel more a part of your home. Help some older people with packages if you notice they have more than a few, they'll love it and might tell their grand daughter about the nice young man they met.

I hope this helps.

 

[emap]

What they said. Plus a question, is there a park or open city center where people tend to congregate?

I know totally off the wall thought here, but since your an artist, set up a little stand, with a permit if they are required of course and do caricatures of people. I am sure you have seen people doing that, doesn't have to look much like the person, doesn't have to be expensive, enough to cover the cost of the permit say after doing 4-5. It is something you enjoy doing and it does broaden your horizon of people you know, doesn't matter who your drawing they all have friends, parents, kids, sisters, brothers if you happen to go that way or want to explore.

All you gotta do is set up the stand sit there drawing something and have an empty seat, a sign may help. Smile and be friendly, ask about them, show interest in them, doesn't really matter who it is, she could be 124, 6, or a he. All that matters is you be nice, and talk to them. You also do not have to wait for people to sit down, talk to cute ladies who are walking by, ask if you could sketch them, then of course talk to them while you are sketching.

 

[SweetErika]

Sports wise I do often go to play a range of sports and I run every other day, sadly though the UK is not a healthy bunch

I will definitely take your advice SweetErika and look into some vocations of some kind I tried life drawing thinking I could brush up some skills and meet some people that are in some way like minded but the city offers nothing like it sadly.

Thanks for the idea done_got_old but the roads of England are not kind to a young male waking around the streets, we are mainly seen as a threat that causes people to cross the road just in case we may have a knife or a gun or whatever else the absurd newspapers have said to get a quick front page story. Although in the summer everyone does become a little better natured

Sorry if that all sounded like I was just putting up barriers to your response

How about joining a Leicester running group?

Have you looked into local groups on Facebook and similar sites?

Are there any art events (e.g. gallery walks, museum groups) in your area?

What about professional organizations for artists or anything that you have skills or an interest in? Here we have chambers of commerce and organizations for local business people to get together socially, network and work for the good of the business and general community. They usually have meetings like once a month and extra events, such as volunteering for the community and fundraising events for charities.

Are you interested in politics at all? Even if you're not really into them now, perhaps you'd meet some interesting people and practice your social skills by checking out some local party meetings. Along these lines, you might consider a social action group that fights for a cause you believe, or are interested in, be it health care, the environment, preserving the history of your town, human rights, etc.

I don't know many artists, so forgive me if this sounds bad, but are they generally very social, or do they tend to be more reserved/introverted/shy? I know it's hard to generalize, but maybe you got an overall feeling on this while you were in school or something. I wonder because, while your best bet for meeting others is doing something you (and they) are passionate about, some interests draw people who are more outgoing than others. If artists are generally more reserved, you may want to branch out and look for groups that are more likely to be outgoing, or where you're learning a lot so you're likely to ask for opinions or help. Maybe something you're not immediately so comfortable with, but still interested in. I don't know what that would be or if it's solid advice, but it's a thought.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Hi big_little_me

Well, say what you really think about old blighty won't you. You're painting quite a picture of our green and pleasant land.

I agree that bars and clubs are generally full of sluts and assholes - Friday till Sunday. If you try going out midweek you'll find a different kind of patron, unless you're determined to hang out in Wetherspoon's. Look also for places that are over 21s only. That's at least half the assholes excluded before you start.

Moving after uni is always hard. I've been there myself. When you first go to uni you're dumped in halls and classes with people as lost and bemused as yourself and so you make alliances based mostly on that. Once you leave, if you go to a new town, you land there without a ready made network of peers from which to pick a few like minded buddies.

I'm surprised that you made it through uni without dating or sleeping with anyone. You sound like quite a shy person generally and that's probably your biggest obstacle right now.

I do know a guy who used to hand out business cards to hot girls asking for 'life models.' Some of them would call him back and then they got chatted up for a couple of hours while they sat nude in his apartment getting immortalized. For some reason people respond more favourably to people who act like they've got a reason for talking to them. It's a cheap psychological trick.

Also, shy people can give off a 'don't talk to me' vibe without realising it. Because they don't join into conversations or make eye contact easily, people can misinterpret it as self sufficiency or aloofness. Make a point of exchanging a look and a smile with people who make eye contact with or interact with you. Think about how approachable you appear to others and maybe work on any 'uptight' body language you may have developed over the years.

At this stage, in a new town with few friends you really have nothing to lose. Practice talking to random girls. If they storm off or cut you down with some quick humour, so what? You don't have to go back to that bar or chat to that girl again.

If you want to chat to a fellow Brit about anything, my pm box is open.

 

[big_little_me]

Hi sorry I didn't reply sooner I've been snowed under in work.

So I'm getting myself a good few outings soon...all so far are into some range of art communities though, I'll get on the other interest later.

Emap I will do more outings to draw in social areas, especially when the sun starts to show it's face.



SweetErika I find most artist that I know are more of a 'snob' than shy, we tend to not need social interactions as much as most people and they're very particular with the type of person they socialise with, but when out with people we (and I) are very much out going people.

VelvetDarkness I actually worked at a whetherspoons it was in the kitchen but I still got to see the depressing little worlds they are.
I did have many a sexual experience in the first year and a handful of quite short relationships, it was the last two years where things slowed down and even then I did have many interactions of varying kinds.


Sorry if I portrait myself as a shy introvert kind of guy, personality traits that make my life a little hard social life wise is more my obsessive drive with my career.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

VelvetDarkness I actually worked at a whetherspoons it was in the kitchen but I still got to see the depressing little worlds they are.

They are indeed. Social Darwinism at its finest.

I did have many a sexual experience in the first year and a handful of quite short relationships, it was the last two years where things slowed down and even then I did have many interactions of varying kinds.

Ah, in that case I misunderstood what you said a few posts back, apologies.

Sorry if I portrait myself as a shy introvert kind of guy, personality traits that make my life a little hard social life wise is more my obsessive drive with my career.

One thing I would say (in my humble, layman's opinion anyway) is that some of the very best artists are those who have had colourful lives and rich experiences. I would consider this to be a significant part of your development as an artist. The more you get out there, take risks and mature, the more depth your art will have to it as a result.

Not a bad excuse to drop the paintbrush on occasion and go live a little is it?

I guess it's about finding balance. Some people feel that nothing they produce artistically is perfect, so they keep endlessly changing it until the original essence of the piece has been lost and they are suicidal with frustration. I'm not saying that this is the case with you at all but it is possible to be too driven, too focused and too hard on yourself.

Outdoor painting is a great idea, though the weather has been pretty dismal of late. Perhaps you could make time to visit galleries and exhibitions, get to know the local network of professional artists in your area?

 

[Colton_White]

how about say...

how about if you create a myspace profile with scan & paste all art work you did until now.
same thing do with Y!360 , MSN webpage, etc

Social networking doesn't help, like some one said here.. shyness doesn't help.
esp. for males, unless you keep flooding messege boxes of lady profiles around your locality.

Spray [your messeges around] and Pray [that some lady cares to respond]

My Good wishes be with you.

just my 2 cent opinion.

but I'm the last guy on merit of "Good Advisors of Lit."

# how about posting an advertizment on personals thread.