Differences! *sniffles*

[Little_Kitten]

Yey! More personal topics.

Anyway, so I have this little problem thingy.
Me and Chris love each other more than anything on the earth, and we're doing so well together He's the one thing that makes me smile on a bad day.

So he basically dominates me and all that shit. But we're still Bf/gf too. I talk to him like I would normally talk to a friend/partner.

We have alot in common sexually-wise. But on one area, we differ.
I'm quite an exhibitionist, and he's not. He says he doesn't wanna 'share'... Not talking about sharing me, but more our personal stuff... Where I'd find it hot and satisfying to 'get out there' and reach out. Put myself on display.
I have fantasies about being watched while we do naughty stuff(teehee)... And things like expressive nude artsy pics of me out there for people to enjoy don't bother me at all. It would all satisfy me.

But he doesn't like the idea of our personal life being out there. He even wouldn't like me to keep a simple blog, about stuff.. And all that.

But these fantasies are starting to really take over. I feel a little desperate.

He did say that he'd be open about it, and try it out in the future, to see if there is something about it.

But I'd also like to hear some advice from you guys.

If it all comes down to it.. I'm willing to give up on this for him... Even though it would be difficult.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I would think carefully about how much of a deal this is for you as giving up parts of you which are essential to at least try, can mean for a very bitter and unhappy relationship in the long term. That being said, as most of us have found, what is not acceptable or desireable today may not always fall into that category. It is about growth and the journey more so than being set in one position and staying there for the duration.

Catalina

 

[Little_Kitten]

I would think carefully about how much of a deal this is for you as giving up parts of you which are essential to at least try, can mean for a very bitter and unhappy relationship in the long term. That being said, as most of us have found, what is not acceptable or desireable today may not always fall into that category. It is about growth and the journey more so than being set in one position and staying there for the duration.

Catalina

Yea.. That is what I'm hoping for. That one day, he'll open up and will want to try to bring uh.. outside factors in our relationship too lol... I'm all for experimenting. It is pretty essential for me though. or at least it is now. But maybe it's because I'm getting none of it. I'm sure that If I got to let it out a bit, it wouldn't be as bad.

 

[Byakuya]

it's unlikely that two people are never going to have differing opinions on anything.. you're fortunate that you have as many things in common as you do.. In my opinion you should focus on the things that you do have in common rather than obsessing over the one thing you don't agree on.. there are a lot of people (myself included) who wish they had as much in common sexually with their partner as you do..

 

[Little_Kitten]

it's unlikely that two people are never going to have differing opinions on anything.. you're fortunate that you have as many things in common as you do.. In my opinion you should focus on the things that you do have in common rather than obsessing over the one thing you don't agree on.. there are a lot of people (myself included) who wish they had as much in common sexually with their partner as you do..

I am very grateful that we have alot in common. Although, we do differ on more areas such as music and stuff. We.. He differs from me really. I like everything he likes.

But it still doesn't mean the problem isn't there, and even though I can cope with it. It still lies in my head, spinning around. Keep having the same thoughts and fantasies. x_x It would be such a great experience to indulge in these things with him.

 

[Byakuya]

maybe you could start by asking him if he'd like to try photographing you in the nude and see how that goes.. then the two of you could bring them up on the computer and take a look at them together.. if he's still comfortable with it, tell him you'd like to share the pictures on Lit.. you could even suggest that you blur the face out so that nobody recognizes you..

 

[Vail_Indigo]

well, if nothing else, I think you should be happy he's even willing to try!
my best suggestion is baby steps.

 

[JMohegan]

Yey! More personal topics.

Anyway, so I have this little problem thingy.
Me and Chris love each other more than anything on the earth, and we're doing so well together He's the one thing that makes me smile on a bad day.

So he basically dominates me and all that shit. But we're still Bf/gf too. I talk to him like I would normally talk to a friend/partner.

We have alot in common sexually-wise. But on one area, we differ.
I'm quite an exhibitionist, and he's not. He says he doesn't wanna 'share'... Not talking about sharing me, but more our personal stuff... Where I'd find it hot and satisfying to 'get out there' and reach out. Put myself on display.
I have fantasies about being watched while we do naughty stuff(teehee)... And things like expressive nude artsy pics of me out there for people to enjoy don't bother me at all. It would all satisfy me.

But he doesn't like the idea of our personal life being out there. He even wouldn't like me to keep a simple blog, about stuff.. And all that.

But these fantasies are starting to really take over. I feel a little desperate.

He did say that he'd be open about it, and try it out in the future, to see if there is something about it.

But I'd also like to hear some advice from you guys.

If it all comes down to it.. I'm willing to give up on this for him... Even though it would be difficult.

I'm not sure what "he basically dominates me and all that shit" means to you, but in my relationships it means (among other things) that I control what happens with regard to her body, the expression of her sexuality, and the terms of privacy relating to our interactions. She can express preferences, fantasies, desires, etc., of course. But if it turns me off or makes me uncomfortable, it's just not gonna happen.

I am, and always have been, an exceedingly private guy. Everything you describe here would be totally out of the question. Perhaps because of this perspective, I'm a bit wary of his alleged willingness to "try it out in the future". That's something I'd never say, and it makes me wonder. If he really *is* willing to try this stuff, why not now? What's he waiting for? Is he hoping this new interest will just be a passing phase, and that you'll go back to the non-exhibitionist way you were before?

 

[Little_Kitten]

I'm not sure what "he basically dominates me and all that shit" means to you, but in my relationships it means (among other things) that I control what happens with regard to her body, the expression of her sexuality, and the terms of privacy relating to our interactions. She can express preferences, fantasies, desires, etc., of course. But if it turns me off or makes me uncomfortable, it's just not gonna happen.

I am, and always have been, an exceedingly private guy. Everything you describe here would be totally out of the question. Perhaps because of this perspective, I'm a bit wary of his alleged willingness to "try it out in the future". That's something I'd never say, and it makes me wonder. If he really *is* willing to try this stuff, why not now? What's he waiting for? Is he hoping this new interest will just be a passing phase, and that you'll go back to the non-exhibitionist way you were before?

So it's totally out of the question to try something new together?

Mind you, we're both new to this. So we don't engage in too "hardcore" Dominance and submission yet, like you apparently do. Because we are new, I do believe that we shouldn't just brush something off just like that. It might surprise us.

But he's always known that I am an exhibitionist. The urge just never was this great before.

Oh and excuse me of my choice of words. I didn't mean to come off as disrespectful to the lifestyle. I'm just more laid back about choice of words. The way I express myself I guess.

Also, it makes things even more difficult since we are in an LDR... I guess we both could be hoping that the other would turn around. But truth is that he does want me to be happy, and seeing me in pain, pains him too apparently. So I appreciate that he wants to try. But since it's gonna be a few more months till I visit him. We can't do much. I already opened the discussion with him though, so I'm gonna wait a bit before I ask for anything further.

I just wanted to see if any of you guys had any advice and stuff on this matter.

 

[JMohegan]

So it's totally out of the question to try something new together?

No, that's not what I said. I have tried many new things at the prompting or suggestion of partners.

Mind you, we're both new to this. So we don't engage in too "hardcore" Dominance and submission yet, like you apparently do. Because we are new, I do believe that we shouldn't just brush something off just like that. It might surprise us.

But he's always known that I am an exhibitionist. The urge just never was this great before.

Oh and excuse me of my choice of words. I didn't mean to come off as disrespectful to the lifestyle. I'm just more laid back about choice of words. The way I express myself I guess.

I am far from hardcore.

No need to excuse your choice of words. I felt it was important to clarify my view on dominance, in order to put my comments in perspective.

Also, it makes things even more difficult since we are in an LDR... I guess we both could be hoping that the other would turn around. But truth is that he does want me to be happy, and seeing me in pain, pains him too apparently. So I appreciate that he wants to try. But since it's gonna be a few more months till I visit him. We can't do much. I already opened the discussion with him though, so I'm gonna wait a bit before I ask for anything further.

I just wanted to see if any of you guys had any advice and stuff on this matter.

Focusing on that sentence I've underlined, my advice is for both of you to be as honest as possible, as soon as possible. About what you crave & don't crave, and what you will and won't do.

 

[Lady_In_Black]

A lot of people here have had some negitive to horrible bad experiences in this lift style and this rightfully makes them weary. They understand your opinion. Pain is just hard to forget.

Now, as for my hopefully helpful suggestions, I also agree with the naked pictures idea. Take lots of them. Don't start off naked, put on something sexy and slowly take your cloths off through the picture, so maybe there are only a couple nude ones, but nothing too gratuitous. Upload em or print them off and look through them together, pointing out the good aspects of the photos you like, offhandedly mention posting a few of the clothed ones on the web.

If he goes along with this, let him choose the pictures, upload them, wait for a few good responses, show him the posts, then upload a few of the slightly more provocative photos. I would hold off on any nudes as of yet.

 

[intothewoods]

Have you ever been watched in person? Done any of the stuff in your fantasies? Because - and I'm just throwing this out there - though I still fantasize about being watched, when I had the opportunity (and still do) to act out a lot of the public stuff, I was actually a lot less into it than I'd imagined.

Just a thought. This also might be more about being accepted by him, and having your fantasies heard and accepted, than the fantasy itself. Good luck.

 

[pellso27]

come on, show us some skin!

 

[FurryFury]

I think it's great that you have a partner who likes many if not all of the things you do. Even better he is willing to try some of the things that make him uncomfortable because it means so much to you. From my perspective, it rarely gets much better than that in this life.

 

[SubKekiLee]

this is my opinion and my opinion only..... YMMV.. as for you two disagreeing to things, When my Dom and I got together..... He gave me a set of rules and I know my actions are a reflection of him. He told me as for pictures we could take pictures if I wanted but nothing would be of us engaging in sex or face pics and he doesnt allow me to post face pics of me or him, it is his rules , When I took his offer of becoming his, I understood this, it doesnt mean he wouldnt entertain an idea I brought up to him cause as most will tell you, this relationship type is based off alot of communcation, start off slow and go from there and if he wants he'll open up to you..... This is ONLY my opinion and I hope it doesnt offend anyone..

 

[Little_Kitten]

this is my opinion and my opinion only..... YMMV.. as for you two disagreeing to things, When my Dom and I got together..... He gave me a set of rules and I know my actions are a reflection of him. He told me as for pictures we could take pictures if I wanted but nothing would be of us engaging in sex or face pics and he doesnt allow me to post face pics of me or him, it is his rules , When I took his offer of becoming his, I understood this, it doesnt mean he wouldnt entertain an idea I brought up to him cause as most will tell you, this relationship type is based off alot of communcation, start off slow and go from there and if he wants he'll open up to you..... This is ONLY my opinion and I hope it doesnt offend anyone..

It doesn't offend And I understand where you're coming from. But the fact is that we both jumped into this together. So none of us had a clear picture of what things would be. We're just trying to make something out of this
He has set some rules to follow for me though... And things are slowly getting more tight. Which is ok I guess.

But we do communicate alot. I don't hesitate to say something if there is something on my heart.


And I do know that I might not enjoy it as much as I thought I would. But will I ever find out if I don't seek it out?


Thanks to all of your comments btw. It's always nice to get others perspectives.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I am an exhibitionist when it comes to SM play... I positively thrive on the energy I get from an audience watching me play someone. The more the audience gets into it, the more energy I get and put into the intensity of the play... OMG it rocks!

But that's ME. I can be an attention hog to the nth degree. It's all about me, after all. Funny thing though, I'm intensely private about some personal matters like finances and home life. But I'm all out there about my sexuality and sadism. Go figure. *shrugs*

Having an audience when you play or are put on display works very well with 2 kinds of people. The attention sluts like me, and the shy private ones who crave humiliation and feel humiliation during public play or display. Public play works for a third kind of person but it isn't so good for the audience, and that's the braggart player... the one who plays in public in order to say "Look what new toy _I_ have! Look at who _I'M_ playing with!" They give off a different energy and people watching it pick that up and loose interest in the scene.

If your Dominant partner isn't an exhibitionist/attention slut, there's not much you can do about that. If They don't feel like putting on a show with you as the center piece, there isn't a whole lot you can do about it. The best you can hope for is their willingness to engage in that once in a while to meet _your_ needs. They'll never being doing it because it turns them on.

Unless of course, after doing it a few times for their partner, the Domly one realizes "Hey! This shit is FUN! The audience is getting into it... I'm getting attention... this pyl I'm with is fucking HOT and horney now and would do me on the 50 yard line at half-time if I asked!..." Hey, who knows, your Dom might find his own inner exhibitionist. It's amazing what a little acceptance and encouragement and validation let you express.

 

[Little_Kitten]

Unless of course, after doing it a few times for their partner, the Domly one realizes "Hey! This shit is FUN! The audience is getting into it... I'm getting attention... this pyl I'm with is fucking HOT and horney now and would do me on the 50 yard line at half-time if I asked!..." Hey, who knows, your Dom might find his own inner exhibitionist. It's amazing what a little acceptance and encouragement and validation let you express.

That is what I'm hoping for Personally I love being put on display.
So yea. But if it turns out that it's really a 100% no for him. I wont push it. Because I don't like having my needs met, if he doesn't like it. That would tun me off more than the act would turn me on. So if it all comes down to it, I guess I'll have to just keep it in my fantasies.

 

[Luke's Angel]

You should give yourself and your partner more time to just grow. As people in a caring relationship. That is your foundation. Build that foundation strong enough and wide enough and it will take you to all the wonderful places you wish to go. Your sex life is only a part of your relationship. And not the most important part. Just how committed you are willing to be to Him is a question you can only answer once you've spent a significant amount of time really exploring who you want to be as individuals and as a couple.

PS

It also sounds like you're not entirely happy with the way he dominates. Using the word shit in this context is a dead giveaway that your unhappy with something pretty substantial. Perhaps you should address what you don't like about His methods? You shouldn't feel forced into submission. You should be absolutely wet at the thought of submitting voluntarily to Him because of how He makes you feel. You should feel absolutely wanton and aroused at how He is able to provide what you must have sexually.

Of course before you can actually get to the point where your juices are running down the inside of your legs at the thought of Him and what He will do to you a lot of learning about each other is necessary.

 

[Little_Kitten]

You should give yourself and your partner more time to just grow. As people in a caring relationship. That is your foundation. Build that foundation strong enough and wide enough and it will take you to all the wonderful places you wish to go. Your sex life is only a part of your relationship. And not the most important part. Just how committed you are willing to be to Him is a question you can only answer once you've spent a significant amount of time really exploring who you want to be as individuals and as a couple.

I know I know.. And I'll give it time. But there's so much that I want, and so little time to do it

PS

It also sounds like you're not entirely happy with the way he dominates. Using the word shit in this context is a dead giveaway that your unhappy with something pretty substantial.

Aaahh.. I knew it XD Should have chosen another word. But no. i wasn't showing discontent. It's just the way I address things. I don't mean "shit" as in anything bad. I guess it's just a slang of mine. I mostly use it instead of "stuff". But I honestly didn't mean anything bad with it.

Perhaps you should address what you don't like about His methods? You shouldn't feel forced into submission. You should be absolutely wet at the thought of submitting voluntarily to Him because of how He makes you feel. You should feel absolutely wanton and aroused at how He is able to provide what you must have sexually.

Of course before you can actually get to the point where your juices are running down the inside of your legs at the thought of Him and what He will do to you a lot of learning about each other is necessary.

If anything.. I'd actually like him to be MORE dominating I don't feel forced, although being forced would be hot as hell.

But I guess it will work out in the end. I do understand the part about giving it time though. I mean. i can't expect the whole world just like that.
We'll both grow together. Noobies that we are

 

[Luke's Angel]

The concept of force for a man may be very different from the concept of what a woman considers force. The same for the entire concept of dominance. I tend to instinctively assume it's all about physical behaviour. It takes some actual work and thought to arrive at the force is simply to enhance the pyschological/sexual nature of a relationship. Men don't approach the D/s relationship concept from the same place as women. Just look at how men use physical posturing and violence against other men. That is probably the understanding of dominance that the vast majority of men have to work with in our tool box.

Women should make sure to talk to their partners to make sure we don't fall into that trap. The dominance is the the main idea not the physical part for it's own sake. Otherwise the guys will tend to just miss the whole emotional framework of the D/s relationship. We get distracted by the physical part of process and end up thinking that's all it's about.

 

[Little_Kitten]

Woohoo!! I did it!

He finally agreed that he would actually find the idea of doing exhibitionist stuff like vids n pics, as long as he can make it artistic in a way Also... He agreed that he might some day let someone watch...

So happy! *squeal*

 

[00Syd]

Way to go!! Thats awesome

 

[catalina_francisco]

Woohoo!! I did it!

He finally agreed that he would actually find the idea of doing exhibitionist stuff like vids n pics, as long as he can make it artistic in a way Also... He agreed that he might some day let someone watch...

So happy! *squeal*

Nothing so happy as a sub who gets her own way.

Catalina

 

[Little_Kitten]

Nothing so happy as a sub who gets her own way.

Catalina

Well I think i got him quite curious about the idea too now ^_^ Never turn something down before you try it! *spins around*
Heehee...