Threesome question

[Mystique_Maven]

So I am in an amazing relationship with a great guy. Our sexual chemistry is off the hook and the level of honesty we have with one another about everything is unprecedented.

Lately however involving another partner in our sexual fantasies has become more common--specifically another woman because I am more bi-curious than he is. He has been urging me to think about it more seriously because he sees it as repeated desire for us both but I am really apprehensive about trying to find another partner realistically--much more than he is. I am afraid of being jealous and safety obviously, but perhaps more confused about my sexual attraction to a woman.

I have been aroused by a woman, the time that sticks out is when we went to a strip club together and each got a lap dance. I wasn't jealous then because I was enjoying myself but I don't know if the realities of sex will be different....

Would appreciate any advice I can get! I have talked with my b/f about it obviously but would like any outside opinions.

Thanks
M_M

 

[zaf1000]

This situation sounds EXACTLY like one I was in recently, only I am the guy figure in this scenario. My girlfriend (well, now ex-g/f) considered herself bi-curious but was really nervous about actually finding someone. We even developed a list of people whom we thought would be realistic, but making a list and making it happen are two totally different things. As it turned out, some unrelated problems came up (another guy), and we broke up a couple weeks ago.

But as far as the threesome, this is something we started fantasizing about last spring, and nothing had happened as of a month ago.

I think our method was decent, but we just don't know the right people. Our top choice was her best friend who is in the military and is back only so often. When just the two of them were together, she casually raised the subject in this kind of manner: "my b/f and i have been thinking about trying to get a threesome going... have you ever done it?" the friend said "yes, i didn't like it at all" - so, she was off the list obviously. Too bad, because she was hot and was an absolute sexual freak otherwise. Now she met some guy in the military and she's pregnant... but that's another story in itself.

Finding a friend seemed like a good idea because it wasn't so sketchy, but obviously you risk making a friendship awkward, either by doing it or just by asking in the first place. If you do find someone, one thing that may not make it so scary is to start off kinda slow... maybe no sex, or at least not between your b/f and the other girl. I was definitely willing to go for that...but it never happened. Now I really want to try it!

If there's anything else I might be able to offer, let me know

 

[venus_can]

I am not sure asking friends is a good idea, unless you know some who might be really interested (bi herself). Even then it may become awkward.

Why dont you try the classifieds in local newspapers?

Venus

 

[LUVDADDE]

I thought I would respond on the guy side of this discussion. My wife and I have been married over 20 years and our sex life seemed to be getting somewhat mundane. I suggested maybe looking into a threesome to spice things up. She was immediately not for it. After about 6 months of talking about it (we communicate very well) she decided to try a fmf threesome only if I would try a mfm the next time. I agreed . We have a friend that is single and apon approaching the subject with her she agreed to the threesome. We met, the girls talked about what they would and wouldn't do and we slowly got into it. After about 2 hours and alot of alcohol, my wife thought things were not as they should be and so we called it a night. We tried it once more with the same female but again things didn't pan out. To make a long story short, my wife was extremely jealous and couldn't get over the fact that another woman was enjoying me. We argued alot afterwards. After much reassurance that my wife is the only one for me, things between us have gotten better. She does not want to ever go through with a threesome again (fmf nor mfm) nor do I. It has been a difficult year since we tried this and I don't recommend anyone who is deeply and passionatly in love with their spouse or significant other to go this route. This is just my experience. Hope this helps.

 

[venus_can]

I thought I would respond on the guy side of this discussion. My wife and I have been married over 20 years and our sex life seemed to be getting somewhat mundane. I suggested maybe looking into a threesome to spice things up. She was immediately not for it. After about 6 months of talking about it (we communicate very well) she decided to try a fmf threesome only if I would try a mfm the next time. I agreed . We have a friend that is single and apon approaching the subject with her she agreed to the threesome. We met, the girls talked about what they would and wouldn't do and we slowly got into it. After about 2 hours and alot of alcohol, my wife thought things were not as they should be and so we called it a night. We tried it once more with the same female but again things didn't pan out. To make a long story short, my wife was extremely jealous and couldn't get over the fact that another woman was enjoying me. We argued alot afterwards. After much reassurance that my wife is the only one for me, things between us have gotten better. She does not want to ever go through with a threesome again (fmf nor mfm) nor do I. It has been a difficult year since we tried this and I don't recommend anyone who is deeply and passionatly in love with their spouse or significant other to go this route. This is just my experience. Hope this helps.

I think you have touched on a very sensitive matter. Thats why I think doing it with friends can sometime change the dynamics in a relationship

 

[Blase]

I think a lot depends on each partner's basic attitude toward sex and sexuality. Threesomes obviously work for some people. Then again, some find that the message they were raised with, that sex is SHARED WITH THE ONE AND ONLY PERSON YOU LOVE, took to a greater extent than they ever thought.

You need to answer the questions for yourself, of course, but please spend some time imagining the look on your BF's face when he sees another woman... and wants her. This sort of thing can shake loose issues that you never knew you had.

 

[draconus_infernus]

I am not sure asking friends is a good idea, unless you know some who might be really interested (bi herself). Even then it may become awkward.

Why dont you try the classifieds in local newspapers?

Venus

It would have to depend on the friend and the sexual attitudes of all parties involved. My wife and I had a threesome with a good friend of ours, and the relationship didn't change all that much. She flirted with us relentlessly before, and continued to do so after. The only real change was that we would now fuck from time to time.

 

[lindahotstuff]

These last posts reinforce why I always suggest, based on hubby and my previous experience, that a couple tries MMF before FFM. Guys like nothing more than 2 women at once but having 2 guys makes a woman feel very special and the realisation comes that you love your man even though you can enjoy a good shagging from someone else. When you then move on to FFM, it's easier for the woman to accept that her man is shagging another woman because he finds her hot. He isn't in love with her. He just enjoys fucking her. Having said that, thre golden rules should apply to all experimental sexual couplings. 1. never force your partner to do something they don't genuinely want to do. 2. Don't try it unless you know that your own relationship is on a very firm base. 3. You must be able to separate love from fucking. The first is about a relationship at a deep level. The second is about physical pleasure. If you can't distinguish these in your own minds, don't try it. If you pass these tests and still want to try, place an ad in the local papers, and try dressing sexily and going to a club or bar, it can be easier than you think to pick up an attractive guy or woman.

 

[coastal-boy]

why is it that only virgins on this board are the ones asking this exact same question over and over?

I will give you the abridged reply version...I am guessing 80% of the couples who say they can handle it, can't...for whatever reason. I suggest doing a search for threads on this topic and read the responses. If there is any jealousy in the relationship...any...it will leave scars at the minimum.