Vengence is Mine.....

[SweetGigi]

.... so saith the Lord, I know. But sometimes a catalyst is required, no?

So my crazy-bum neighbors, across the street from where I live, have been punks about me parking in front of their house the whole time I've lived here. And I don't mean just being passive aggressive, I mean making life (and parking) impossible for me on a regular basis.

They called the cops on me once for being two and a half feet from the curb- which they claimed 'impeded their ability to park in their driveway'. Luckily I knew the officer called and he only 'warned' my truck with one of those nasty orange tags. Ever since, they have parked their two vehicles on the street, rather than in their driveway, so that I have no where to park and will call the cops on me if I don't follow the letter of the law (their law).

Normally I would just suck it up and find another place to park.... however they repeatedly abuse the law, themselves, and park facing the wrong direction and block other driveways all the time... the exact thing I was falsely accused of. They think that just because they are 'morgage holders' and I'm a 'renter' they have more power and rights than I do. Uhhh, wrong-o

So today I finally called the cops on them. Both trucks turned the wrong way and blocking not only their own drive- but the other neighbor's as well. I hope not only do they get BOTH trucks ticketed, but that they get something for blocking the drives. They deserve nothing less.

Is it wrong for me to feel so good about this?

 

[DVS]

Not at all. I'd feel the same way. Sure, if you did park incorrectly once, you should have been ticketed. But, for them to continuously park on the street, when they have a drive, that's worse, because it hinders traffic flow.

Sure, if their drive was already full of cars, they should park on the street...that's OK. But to just park out there so you can't? That's getting aggressive and possessive of something that's actually public domain.

Nobody owns the street space in front of their house. That's city property. And the fact that you are just a renter has nothing to do with it, either. You have as many rights to the street as they do. No more, no less. You are the rightful tenant of that property, as long as you are in good standing with your landlord.

And even though they have a mortgage and buying the house...maybe their neighbors would prefer your way of parking over theirs. Have you ever thought of talking to their neighbors to see if they have been just letting things go for fear of retaliation from these people? You could get more people on your side and shut these troublemakers down.

 

[Velvet Bubbles]

Good luck. On everything, not just this.

 

[graceanne]

ROFL You go, girl. I don't call that vengeance, I call it justice.

 

[snowy ciara]

Yeah, vengeance is when you sneak out there at night and put a bb inside the cap of one of the valve stems on one of the tires of their car to give them a slow leak. And when that tire gets fixed, replacing it the bb, or putting it in a different tire this time. Or when you put a bb in the opposite corner tires (like the driver's side front and the passenger side back) at the same time.

Or when you take a spray bottle, fill it with soapy water, TP their cars, and then spray where the windows are to cement the paper to the windows.

Or when you stick a few teaspoons of tuna fish in their exhaust pipes. Stinky cat food works too.

Or when you sprinkle bird seed on the roof so that the pigeons and such can poop wax the car. Be sure to place a LOT right over the driver's side windshield.

What? WHAT!?! Why are you all lookin' at me like that for?

 

[the_pet]

....i'd enjoy the moment (snicker)


pet

 

[The_Fractal_King]

There's nothing wrong with enjoying poetic justice.

 

[graceanne]

Yeah, vengeance is when you sneak out there at night and put a bb inside the cap of one of the valve stems on one of the tires of their car to give them a slow leak. And when that tire gets fixed, replacing it the bb, or putting it in a different tire this time. Or when you put a bb in the opposite corner tires (like the driver's side front and the passenger side back) at the same time.

Or when you take a spray bottle, fill it with soapy water, TP their cars, and then spray where the windows are to cement the paper to the windows.

Or when you stick a few teaspoons of tuna fish in their exhaust pipes. Stinky cat food works too.

Or when you sprinkle bird seed on the roof so that the pigeons and such can poop wax the car. Be sure to place a LOT right over the driver's side windshield.

What? WHAT!?! Why are you all lookin' at me like that for?

Who've you been doing all this to?

 

[snowy ciara]

Who've you been doing all this to?

"My name is Inigio Montoya... I am looking for a man with 7 fingers on his hand."

No-one, actually! I was just giving some examples.

 

[twysted73]

Justified, vindicated...those words fit better I think.

You've put up with more then you should have. I think you've been a decent person up to this point despite their behavior.

 

[graceanne]

"My name is Inigio Montoya... I am looking for a man with 7 fingers on his hand."

No-one, actually! I was just giving some examples.

Su-ure. We believe you, really we do.Stay away from my car, girlfriend.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Yeah, vengeance is when ... yata yata yata...

What? WHAT!?! Why are you all lookin' at me like that for?

I like the way you think, girlie!

 

[DVS]

Yeah, vengeance is when you sneak out there at night and put a bb inside the cap of one of the valve stems on one of the tires of their car to give them a slow leak. And when that tire gets fixed, replacing it the bb, or putting it in a different tire this time. Or when you put a bb in the opposite corner tires (like the driver's side front and the passenger side back) at the same time.

Or when you take a spray bottle, fill it with soapy water, TP their cars, and then spray where the windows are to cement the paper to the windows.

Or when you stick a few teaspoons of tuna fish in their exhaust pipes. Stinky cat food works too.

Or when you sprinkle bird seed on the roof so that the pigeons and such can poop wax the car. Be sure to place a LOT right over the driver's side windshield.

What? WHAT!?! Why are you all lookin' at me like that for?

You forgot a good one...actually, a couple. A potato shoved up the tail pipe, far enough that you can't tell it's there. A broom stick works well for the final shove. This will cause the car to have no get up and go, because the exhaust can't exit the tail pipe. Push it up far enough, and they have to cut the exhaust pipe to get it out.

Super glue their windshield wiper blades to the windshield. That's always fun. They will have to remove the glue, but it's possible. They'll need to buy new windshieled wiper blades, though. But, what's a little money, when you're having fun?

Something like a dead mouse or another nasty smelling item in the intake vents in front of the windshield. That's where the air intake for the venting system is. It will smell really nice for a while.

A little more expensive thing would be to Super glue the insides of the locks on the doors. Be sure you stick it into the lock, so glue coats the insides of the lock. This won't ruin the lock, but it will take a locksmith and lots of cash to get the glue off. And, if they don't realize it's super glue, they might just say the thing is ruined. Actually, cured super glue desolves in acetone.

Sugar in the gas tank will damage the engine. Save that for when they've really pissed you off.

I'm Inigio Montoya's brother...just in case anybody wants to know.

 

[The_Fractal_King]

You forgot a good one...actually, a couple. A potato shoved up the tail pipe, far enough that you can't tell it's there. A broom stick works well for the final shove. This will cause the car to have no get up and go, because the exhaust can't exit the tail pipe. Push it up far enough, and they have to cut the exhaust pipe to get it out.

Super glue their windshield wiper blades to the windshield. That's always fun. They will have to remove the glue, but it's possible. They'll need to buy new windshieled wiper blades, though. But, what's a little money, when you're having fun?

Something like a dead mouse or another nasty smelling item in the intake vents in front of the windshield. That's where the air intake for the venting system is. It will smell really nice for a while.

A little more expensive thing would be to Super glue the insides of the locks on the doors. Be sure you stick it into the lock, so glue coats the insides of the lock. This won't ruin the lock, but it will take a locksmith and lots of cash to get the glue off. And, if they don't realize it's super glue, they might just say the thing is ruined. Actually, cured super glue desolves in acetone.

Sugar in the gas tank will damage the engine. Save that for when they've really pissed you off.

I'm Inigio Montoya's brother...just in case anybody wants to know.

I'm pretty sure the potato one doesn't work . . . not that I've tried it.

The others sound like fun *goes to see if they work*

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I'm pretty sure the potato one doesn't work . . . not that I've tried it.

The others sound like fun *goes to see if they work*

"The Straight Dope" says it works:

Dear Cecil:

Recently I was watching the season premiere of Against the Law (Fox TV) when a character mentioned that he had almost blown up his dad by sticking a potato up his car's tailpipe. Naturally I thought back to Beverly Hills Cop, where Eddie Murphy foiled the bumbling cops by putting a banana up their tailpipe. Does this really work? If so, why is it not more of a problem, especially in big cities where roving packs of thugs beat the tar out of people for fun? Seems like blowing up a car would have more comic value. Must the potato be cooked? Will any sizable fruit or vegetable (say, eggplant) do? I'd test on my own car, but it already dances on the thin line between minimal functioning and moribundity. --Patrick O., Alexandria, Virginia

Dear Patrick:

How many times do I have to tell you? Don't believe anything you see in the movies or on TV. Movies and TV shows are written by Hollywood scriptwriters. For scriptwriters, reality is basically a plot device. Stuffing a potato or anything short of a hand grenade up a car's tailpipe won't make it blow up. But it will keep the car from running. If exhaust gases can't escape, the engine can't "breathe," so it dies.

Think about it. When a car's cylinders move up and down, they pull fuel and air in and push exhaust gases out. If the tailpipe is blocked, the exhaust can't go anywhere and stays put in the cylinders, preventing fresh stuff from entering. No fresh stuff = no combustion = no transportation.

It also means no unintended explosions, which maybe is why street gangs haven't picked up on it. Thank God.

BLOWING IT OUT YOUR TAILPIPE

Dear Cecil:

Your reply to Patrick O'Malley regarding the potato-in-the-tailpipe trick was, at best, only partially correct. When I was a mere sprat, my older brother and I heard rumors concerning the effects of a potato lodged in the tailpipe. Being good little experimentalists, we naturally had to determine the truth. So a choice spud from Mom's stash went into our retired neighbor's tailpipe (that is to say, his car's tailpipe), to await his next trip to the store.

The car neither exploded nor became immobilized. (Perhaps one of those wimpy imports people drive today would've conked, but this was the Fifties, when men were men and American cars kicked butt.) Instead, enough pressure was built up to eject the potato at high speed. Fortunately, our neighbor's driveway sloped up from the street, so the potato impacted asphalt within a few feet. Judging by the mashed potatoes left on the pavement, that tuber was traveling fast enough to take somebody's head off.

Pleased to be of service, keep up the good work. --G. Hall, Alameda, California

Cecil replies:

It is all very well to talk about potato theory, G. But it's only through the efforts of bold pioneers such as you and your brother that real advances in potato science are made. Thanks.

BLOWING IT OUT YOUR TAILPIPE, PART TWO

Dear Cecil:

Many years ago, when I was young and lived in a city far, far away, I was tempted to retaliate against my neighbor's Miata. Casting about for an innocuous form of annoyance, I chanced upon the old potato-in-the-tailpipe trick. Finding, like G. Hall, that one potato tended to be expelled from the tailpipe, I didn't quit. Rather, I just mashed four of the suckers in there. Success! Four was too much even for a Miata. Just trying to help those of a vengeful bent amongst your readers. Sign me ... --"Spuds" McKenzie, Washington, D.C.

Cecil replies:

Just proves the old saying, Spuds. If at first you don't succeed, get a bigger hammer.

--CECIL ADAMS​

 

[SweetGigi]

You all are great. I love you guys.

While I am most definately a prankster, pranks are reserved (in my opinion) for people you like and would be willing to waste time on. The most destructive things- sprite in the gas tank, etc- are the simplest and easiest and are pranks that not only don't take too much time, but are reserved for those whom you wouldn't waste more time than needed on.

I never saw the cops last night.... pisser, really. I'll most definately call again though.... but only when they are blatantly breaking the law. These people are complete ass holes. Things have only gotten worse in the past few days. Its like all of a sudden they have decided to step up their childish antics for a more annoying effect. I'll be moving, though, soon enough. And when I do- I'll make sure a two liter of sprite finds a new home in each of their tanks. Till then I'll endure this and suffer on to earn enough karmic retribution points to balance my account when I leave.