lable me this, batman:

[the captians wench]

As I've been experiencing the dating world bdsm style, I've noticed that no mater how much you avoid it, we pretty much talk in lables. So I'm curious as to how you define the different lables I have encountered.

Slave
Submissive
pet
lil girl/baby girl
bottom

top
Dom
Master
Daddy dom

Feel free to add some, these are just the most common to me.

The reason this question has come up, truely, is based on two conversations I've had recently. One guy discribed himself as a daddy dom to me, but in my encounters with him he didn't seem to fit that profile and admited that it was a lable he used because some one else put it on him. I tend to use the term "pet" to discribe myself lately, but it seems that term has some negitive (well it's negitive to me maybe not others) assosiations with it.

I'll give my deffinitions in a bit. I'm off on another date. *giggles*

 

[rakess]

As I'm new as well, this is a good thread. I've come across the labels and I often don't know what to put because I haven't had enough experiences. Especially, having spoken with people in the forums there are a lot of dimensions and levels, if you will, of all the labels. The terms, submissive, and slave, and top, are all so general and they all mean different things to different people.

Personally, I hate labels and try to stay away from them. People always hear what they would like to hear, so even if you try to define said labels, who's going to truly listen?
Wow. that sounded cynical.
That's my two-cents worth and I'll be following this thread closely. Thanks for posting this thread CW. It's going to get a lot of interesting responses and discussions.

 

[Primalex]

I remember very well the last thread, where the topic was "definition of words". So let me be the brave one, who starts and takes the fire. It's time for CARNAGE!

Submissive - a woman with a submissive nature.
Slave - A submissive with no or very limited rights, more likely to be found in a TPE relationship
pet - A submissive which is more a play partner than a relationship partner. A submissive which is not the primary girl in a poly-relationship. A submissive with more rights than a slave but less than a submissive.
lil girl/baby girl - A submissive similiar to a slave or a pet, except her "rights" are trimmed due to the nature of her being not an "adult girl"
bottom - A general term with no inherent meaning.

 

[Lord_Michael]

I think I'd have to disagree that "bottom" has no significant meaning. To me, a bottom is a person who is acted upon by a top. The bottom need not be a true submissive (although s/he would be "submissive" in the particular situation), nor need the top be a dom/me (although s/he could be said to be dominating in the situation). Tops and bottoms are, to me, at least, terms best used in play situations where the people involved may not know each other well, or even at all.

 

[Safra]

I am also new to the realms of BDSM and I would like to add some terms which I stumbles across and don't understand:

boy vs. boi

girl vs. grrl

Primalex, I read several times, "bottom" is the submissive play partner who gives away control in a scene between people who are not in any sort of relationship. The "top" would be the dominant play partner in such a case...
Do I remember that wrong?

 

[nh23]

I use the term bottom to describe the receiving partner in a S&M situation. The Top being the one inflicting the pain. The bottom the one receiving.

 

[Netzach]

Top - I like to beat people and may or may not like to boss them around
Bottom I like to be beaten and may or may not like to be bossed around

slave - I do everything my Owner tells me to do
Master/Mistress - I have total control over one or more slaves

Dominant/submissive - "I need to come up with some theory of my innate nature to feel ok about what I need sexually" and I like to boss people around or be bossed around, but I'm not entirely OK with the beating part

Switch - like everyone else, but more honest

Leather - if you think terminology other than Top bottom and slave and MAAAYbe Master is superfluous you may be this.

 

[nh23]

Top - I like to beat people and may or may not like to boss them around
Bottom I like to be beaten and may or may not like to be bossed around

slave - I do everything my Owner tells me to do
Master/Mistress - I have total control over one or more slaves

Dominant/submissive - "I need to come up with some theory of my innate nature to feel ok about what I need sexually" and I like to boss people around or be bossed around, but I'm not entirely OK with the beating part

Switch - like everyone else, but more honest

Leather - if you think terminology other than Top bottom and slave and MAAAYbe Master is superfluous you may be this.

Hmm..I'm wondering what this would make me. A submissive/bottom..and D a Dominant/Top. I like to be bossed around..and I love the S&M part just as much. Or maybe I'm just a masochist who likes to be bossed, and he's a sadist who likes to boss..

 

[BiBunny]

Switch - like everyone else, but more honest

Perfect. Just fucking perfect.

FWIW, I tend to identify as "pet" or "Owner" when it's a relationship that's more than Top and bottom, depending on which side of EG's proverbial flogger I happen to be on.

 

[Netzach]

I am also new to the realms of BDSM and I would like to add some terms which I stumbles across and don't understand:

boy vs. boi

girl vs. grrl

Primalex, I read several times, "bottom" is the submissive play partner who gives away control in a scene between people who are not in any sort of relationship. The "top" would be the dominant play partner in such a case...
Do I remember that wrong?

boy is a biological boy, a male submissive/bottom sort, boi is a female bodied person who submits in a male role, who's butch identified or trans. Usually but not always in same-sex rels.

girl versus grrl I honestly don't know. A girl and a badass girl stuck in 1993?

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Hmmm...

Submissive - Someone who enjoys being controlled but not necessarily a painslut.
Masochist - Someone who enjoys pain who is not necessarily submissive.
Slave - Owned partner in a TPE relationship with no rights other than a pre-agreed contract.
Pet - Cherished sub/slave or play partner in a top's good graces.
Bottom - Receiving play partner in any given situation.
Lil girl - Female sub who enjoys being treated like a loved and well disciplined child.

Switch - Someone who enjoys both sides of the whip.

Master - Owner of a TPE slave.
Dominant - Someone who enjoys being controlling, not necessarily a sadist.
Sadist - Someone who enjoys inflicting pain.
Top - Giving play partner in any given situation.
Daddy Dom - Dominant man who enjoys treating his sub/slave as though she were a child and he a loving parent. (I'm not trying to infer paedophilic tendencies, that's the best description I have)

 

[Homburg]

Leather - if you think terminology other than Top bottom and slave and MAAAYbe Master is superfluous you may be this.

Um, yeah, this is right where I am. I looked at that list and did a lot of mental "Whatever" responses.

Slave - I am not allowed to say No.
Submissive - a term used by people who are somewhere between bottom and slave. Very many of these are actually more bottom or slave and don't realise it, or won't admit it for whatever reason.
pet - a term of endearment with no other inherent consistent meaning
lil girl/baby girl - see "pet"
bottom - a person who receives the attentions of a Top, frequently meaning beatings etc and possibly taking orders/direction

top - one who beats etc, and possibly orders/directs, bottoms
Dom - a top that worries about romantic stuff
Master - person what owns slave/s
Daddy dom - fuck if I know. I've seen about a thousand different definitions of this. It's too complex for my brain, and there would be a horde of lg's screaming for my blood if I tried to go into it.

In my world, I really only care about top, bottom, and slave. I'm pretty happy with submissive, but it isn't really all that core to my needs, as I a most likely to want to deal with bottoms and slaves on any sort of meaningful level. And by that I don't exclude submissives, just that I'm really only going to top, so the submissive portion is of less importance. And by slaves, I mean one slave in particular, mine.

I need to read more about Leather...


NOTE: I use a lot of these terms, including ones I don't really give a toss about. Pet is an example of one of those. But use does not connote worth or personal importance. It's just a word I use. I have called people "baby girl" before, and meant it as a term of endearment, but there was no sort of D/lg relationship there. It just struck me as the best phrase to use for that person at that time.

ETA: Editted to add a few more.

Switch: Netzach nailed this one.
Masochist: How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.... Masos translate pain into pleasure, which means they are willing to take more of a beating for their partners. I masos.
Sadist: Someone what finds great emotional/sexual satisfaction in the giving of pain.
Play partner: Someone who goes back to their own house/apt/whatever, sleeps in their own bed, after play and doesn't expect you to take care of them.

 

[Netzach]

I like "pet" for any bottom I love enough to not care if they manipulate or disobey me once in a while. I will get rid of a slave who fucks up - actually if they're a slave I don't have to, they don't fuck up without my being at fault to some degree, they WANT to get it right ---

but I would not get rid of a dog who has an overexcited piddle when I come home at night at the front door, nor my husband for being an asshole on early wakeup.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Hmmmm even though I can my PYL Daddy and he often calls me Baby our relationship and the definitions being given for Daddy Dom do not fit us...

 

[Netzach]

Daddy - a really hot desireable butch gay Top of a certain age.

It really does depend where you hang out.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

boy is a biological boy, a male submissive/bottom sort, boi is a female bodied person who submits in a male role, who's butch identified or trans. Usually but not always in same-sex rels.

girl versus grrl I honestly don't know. A girl and a badass girl stuck in 1993?

The only part of the label list I would have considered defining. Glad you did however Netz,I would have messed up some of the intricacy of boi.

Neon has the habit of using grrl. I picked it up from her. Too many 'girls' over 30 in the BDSM camp for me to ever define myself that way. I use it as a soft hearted humor with a twist. The grrl in me.

 

[h_i_s]

As I've been experiencing the dating world bdsm style, I've noticed that no mater how much you avoid it, we pretty much talk in lables. So I'm curious as to how you define the different lables I have encountered.

Slave
Submissive
pet
lil girl/baby girl
bottom

top
Dom
Master
Daddy dom ..............[etc]...................

I added a label [Owner] in order to show and best provide an example of how I interpret these labels
(Disclaimer: The following is an example of how I have worked it all out in my mind, in a way that suits me and my Owner, and our relationship very well. We expect that the mileage of most may --and most likely WILL-- vary) :


bottom = Person who serves and/or follows the lead of another person in a limited or an absolute sense

slave = Person who has consented to serve another person in the absolute [unlimited] sense. Assumes no rights, nor limitations other than what may be afforded to them as privilege allowed by that other person they are serving, and who has forfeited the option of negotiation between themselves and that other person.

submissive = Person who has consented to serve another person within limits arrived at by negotiation agreed to between the two, and who maintains the right to renegotiation between themselves and the other person.

pet, lil girl, baby girl = personal nicknames used as terms of endearment and/or objectification for the person who serves (slaves, submissives, bottoms) by the person they serve.


Top = Person who is served and/or who acts as leader to another person who serves them in a limited or an absolute sense.

Dominant = Person who is served by a submissive who has consented to do so, in either an absolute sense or in a limited sense (which has been defined through negotiation between the two)

Owner = Person who is served by a slave who has consented to do so, in an absolute sense (which has been defined by that Owner)

Master, Daddy Dom = personal nicknames or titles used as terms of endearment and/or respect for a person who is being served (Dominants, Owners, tops) by the slave or submissive who is serving them.

 

[DeservingBitch]

boy is a biological boy, a male submissive/bottom sort, boi is a female bodied person who submits in a male role, who's butch identified or trans. Usually but not always in same-sex rels.

girl versus grrl I honestly don't know. A girl and a badass girl stuck in 1993?

I thought that grrl was for woman-identified male bodied person, CDs, or transgirl. The female equivalent of boi basically.

 

[Primalex]

Sadist: Someone what finds great emotional/sexual satisfaction in the giving of pain.

Here we are again

As "Sadist" wasn't in the original post, I'll add my definition here:

Sadist: Someone who finds satisfaction in letting someone suffer.


(Explanation: The difference I see is that in my definition, the satisfaction comes from the reaction to the pain, not the delivering of pain itself. If you beat someone with a whip, knowing that it hurts, but there is no reaction or not a strong enough reaction which indicates that the person suffers (or worse that the person enjoys it), the sadist would not get satisfaction from it. Also pain is just one medium of letting someone suffer, other possibilities exist.)

 

[intothewoods]

I thought that grrl was for woman-identified male bodied person, CDs, or transgirl. The female equivalent of boi basically.

I know two gender queer boys who call themselves bois. Color me confused!

 

[EmpressFi]

I added a label [Owner] in order to show and best provide an example of how I interpret these labels
(Disclaimer: The following is an example of how I have worked it all out in my mind, in a way that suits me and my Owner, and our relationship very well. We expect that the mileage of most may --and most likely WILL-- vary) :


bottom = Person who serves and/or follows the lead of another person in a limited or an absolute sense

slave = Person who has consented to serve another person in the absolute [unlimited] sense. Assumes no rights, nor limitations other than what may be afforded to them as privilege allowed by that other person they are serving, and who has forfeited the option of negotiation between themselves and that other person.

submissive = Person who has consented to serve another person within limits arrived at by negotiation agreed to between the two, and who maintains the right to renegotiation between themselves and the other person.

pet, lil girl, baby girl = personal nicknames used as terms of endearment and/or objectification for the person who serves (slaves, submissives, bottoms) by the person they serve.


Top = Person who is served and/or who acts as leader to another person who serves them in a limited or an absolute sense.

Dominant = Person who is served by a submissive who has consented to do so, in either an absolute sense or in a limited sense (which has been defined through negotiation between the two)

Owner = Person who is served by a slave who has consented to do so, in an absolute sense (which has been defined by that PYL)

Master, Daddy Dom = personal nicknames or titles used as terms of endearment and/or respect for a person who is being served (Dominants, Owners, tops) by the slave or submissive who is serving them.

These match the closest to what I'd say those words mean

 

[Primalex]

Primalex, I read several times, "bottom" is the submissive play partner who gives away control in a scene between people who are not in any sort of relationship. The "top" would be the dominant play partner in such a case...
Do I remember that wrong?

I don't know much about your memory.

You restrict "bottom" though to a submissive play partner. Is the Dom who is receiving a blowjob a bottom in the scene already? When does he start to become a bottom? When he didn't decide what is happening in the scene? He allowed the sub to make the decision in the first place, so is he a top or a bottom now? Ha, let's make it more complicated, we can also throw in the term "service top".

Yes, I can apply the most accepted definition of "active" and "passive" role to "top" and "bottom", but then I would have to expect that the other person thinks so, too. And these terms are in my opinion too generic to do this. When two people talk about "slaves", I might not hit the nail on the spot, but I'm very close to what they are talking about, no matter if they are "BDSM noobs or pros" because the word "slave" has a much stronger inherent meaning than "top".

So I decided to not use a definition, but to take the meaning purely from the context. Most often it doesn't matter at all anyway what is meant.

 

[Safra]

I don't know much about your memory.

You restrict "bottom" though to a submissive play partner. Is the Dom who is receiving a blowjob a bottom in the scene already? When does he start to become a bottom? When he didn't decide what is happening in the scene? He allowed the sub to make the decision in the first place, so is he a top or a bottom now? Ha, let's make it more complicated, we can also throw in the term "service top".

That's why I didn't call it "receiving"partner and "giving" partner... as some of the others above do...
But, and I know you can understand German, I could also throw in the term "Korinthenkacker".... *ducks and covers*

Yes, I can apply the most accepted definition of "active" and "passive" role to "top" and "bottom", but then I would have to expect that the other person thinks so, too. And these terms are in my opinion too generic to do this. When two people talk about "slaves", I might not hit the nail on the spot, but I'm very close to what they are talking about, no matter if they are "BDSM noobs or pros" because the word "slave" has a much stronger inherent meaning than "top".

So I decided to not use a definition, but to take the meaning purely from the context. Most often it doesn't matter at all anyway what is meant.

My opinion is, "bottom" and "top" may be not very coherent in itself but they seem to work for many people to differentiate persons who play with each other without being in any personal relationship beyond that scene...

 

[DeservingBitch]

I know two gender queer boys who call themselves bois. Color me confused!

Yeah... the gender bending terminology can get confusing at times. I just go with whatever people choose to self-identify as. I'll even refer to the obnoxious straight Domly dude as Lord Master of Great Douchebagery if that's what he wants me to call him. I just add sarcasm to my tone whenever it's needed.

 

[Primalex]

Yeah... the gender bending terminology can get confusing at times. I just go with whatever people choose to self-identify as. I'll even refer to the obnoxious straight Domly dude as Lord Master of Great Douchebagery if that's what he wants me to call him. I just add sarcasm to my tone whenever it's needed.

Hm, this sounds interesting online.

"Dear <sarcasm>Lord Master</sarcasm>,

as you've requested, I didn't wear any underwear today. ..."