For PYLs - How do you go about deciding on compatability?

[VelvetDarkness]

This is a kind of parallel to Shy's 'pleasure through pain' thread. If you like someone enough to start playing with them, how do you go about feeling out whether they are compatible with you sexually? Do you want them to scream and squirm or smile and thank you? Or both? What facets of pyl-ness make you really horny and what pyl traits turn you off completely?

Thankyou in advance

 

[shy slave]

What a great question

I will bookmark this thread and read with interest

 

[Homburg]

This is a kind of parallel to Shy's 'pleasure through pain' thread. If you like someone enough to start playing with them, how do you go about feeling out whether they are compatible with you sexually?

I ask My Cock.

Seriously though, it is a gut feeling. With me, there's a whole lot of room for play. I'm pretty open about who I will tie up, and relatively open about who I will play with otherwise. I am nowhere near so open about whom I will have sex with.

Do you want them to scream and squirm or smile and thank you? Or both?

Both. Neither. It depends on my whim. Screaming usually irritates me, actually, but I love a nice yelp. Moans and whimpers are hot too. I doubt that I could stand a screamer for long though. It would definitely inspire gag use with a quickness, as loud noise is distracting.

I do want the squirms and smiles and thank you's though. That's good stuff.

[/quote]What facets of pyl-ness make you really horny and what pyl traits turn you off completely?[/QUOTE]

Horny:
Submission/surrender
Trust
Honest devotion to service and to my pleasure
Commitment to the scene
Acceptance
Moderate pain tolerance (too much is as bad as too little)
Pretty noises
Tears
Skin that marks properly and controllably
A good blush, and not being too terribly difficult to embarrass to get that blush.


Turn-offs:
Do-me bottoms
Non-responders
Lack of hygiene
Screaming
Over-reaction
Pain-tolerance at either extreme
ETA: Whining.

These lists are specifically geared towards bottoms, and do not include the sort of turn-ons and turn-offs inherent to soft issues and relationship skills. This is basic T/b and D/s compatibility stuff, in other words. Whether or not I like the person is more complex. This is just the sort of thing I concentrate on when I am looking at topping someone.

 

[DeservingBitch]

This is a kind of parallel to Shy's 'pleasure through pain' thread. If you like someone enough to start playing with them, how do you go about feeling out whether they are compatible with you sexually? Do you want them to scream and squirm or smile and thank you? Or both? What facets of pyl-ness make you really horny and what pyl traits turn you off completely?

Thankyou in advance

Whether we are compatible sexually is, like Homburg said, a gut feeling. But I don't often have sex with bottoms I play with.

Makes me horny:
queerness
irreverence
feistiness
pain enjoyement
pretty noises (yelps, moans, whimpers)
laugh
skin that marks
embarassment/uneasiness
gives as much as takes

Turn-offs:
Do-me attitude
non-responsive or over-reaction
too straight - as in unwilling to engage in some gender bending
too serious
lack of noise or extreme noises
passive

 

[Homburg]

Turn-offs:
lack of noise or extreme noises

I should've said lack of noise too. I categorised it under non-responders, but it is actually important enough to warrant its' own mention as you did here.

Pretty noises are a very serious thing!

 

[myinnerslut]

great, now i have another thing to worry about. do i make enough noise? do i make too much noise? sigh.

seriously though, i wonder how A feels. ill ask him next time the time is right.

 

[Homburg]

great, now i have another thing to worry about. do i make enough noise? do i make too much noise? sigh.

seriously though, i wonder how A feels. ill ask him next time the time is right.

You don't need to worry about anything other than what he likes. And if he hasn't complained or modified your noise level, you're fine.

If you ever play with DB or myself, that might be an issue based on our lists. Even then, as a bottom, let your individual Top tell you these things. We can't instill feistiness or other such things in you, but we can tell you to speak up or gag you as needed.

And I will delete my post if I see too many pyls using these lists as something to worry over. It's not a fucking check list. It's just tops expressing what they like in a bottom.

 

[DeservingBitch]

great, now i have another thing to worry about. do i make enough noise? do i make too much noise? sigh.

seriously though, i wonder how A feels. ill ask him next time the time is right.

Hehe!

I usually react to those pretty noises: either by smiling, laughing (that evil laugh), commenting on the noises, or increasing whatever it is that brought it up.

 

[DeservingBitch]

And I will delete my post if I see too many pyls using these lists as something to worry over. It's not a fucking check list. It's just tops expressing what they like in a bottom.

Yeah, what he said.

For instance, I really dig irreverence in a bottom, but I'm pretty sure that a lot of Tops don't.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

And I will delete my post if I see too many pyls using these lists as something to worry over. It's not a fucking check list. It's just tops expressing what they like in a bottom.

It's not my intention to make Lit's pyls neurotic about their service. I was just looking for an insight into what PYL's really go for as opposed to what they'll tolerate if enough other things are right.

It is a discussion about sexual compatibility and the type of sexual servitude PYLs really want. If it seems superficial because it doesn't look at the deeper, emotional side of relationships, then that's because it is.

Thankyou for your input Homburg and DB. You've given things to think about, hopefully not to get neurotic over.

 

[Homburg]

It's not my intention to make Lit's pyls neurotic about their service. I was just looking for an insight into what PYL's really go for as opposed to what they'll tolerate if enough other things are right.

It is a discussion about sexual compatibility and the type of sexual servitude PYLs really want. If it seems superficial because it doesn't look at the deeper, emotional side of relationships, then that's because it is.

Thankyou for your input Homburg and DB. You've given things to think about, hopefully not to get neurotic over.

You're welcome. I actually think that it is a useful topic. There are lessons here for pyl's all around, and some for Tops too. Let's face it, any time you come up with a list like this, you have to introspect. This is almost always a good thing.

 

[myinnerslut]

oh, god. what did i start?

im not neurotic, simply wondering what A's reaction would be to the same question.

the neurotic comments reminds me of a magazine cover i once saw at the store. i think it was cosmo. the lead article was "what does he think about your "o" face?" and i rememer thinking to myself "i wonder how many girls are going to read that and freak out about it tonight?".

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think what needs to be remembered is what one person wants, another doesn't, and that can even change at various times. Example...when F and I got together he preferred quiet, no crying....then he got to a point he enjoyed some noise response from time to time and tears definately turned him on and made him increase the tempo and everything, now it seems I don't know what he wants as tears have become a no-no again and movement is a complete trigger for his disatisfaction. So is it easy to define a one-size-fits-all list? Not IMO, not even with one partner.

Catalina

 

[Homburg]

oh, god. what did i start?

im not neurotic, simply wondering what A's reaction would be to the same question.

the neurotic comments reminds me of a magazine cover i once saw at the store. i think it was cosmo. the lead article was "what does he think about your "o" face?" and i rememer thinking to myself "i wonder how many girls are going to read that and freak out about it tonight?".

Not saying that you are, mis. Just trying to head off the neuroses at the metaphorical pass, as it were.

And Cosmo is nothing but neurosis triggers. Ugh.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

the neurotic comments reminds me of a magazine cover i once saw at the store. i think it was cosmo. the lead article was "what does he think about your "o" face?" and i rememer thinking to myself "i wonder how many girls are going to read that and freak out about it tonight?".

LOL OMG I'm sure it ran into the thousands. There are few creatures who are more neurotic than a human teenager.

 

[WriterDom]

I like smart women, nice women, virtuous women who have had maybe 4 or 5 partners in their lifetime. They tend to have little or no experience in bdsm. Who are total and complete sluts in the bedroom. Even though they are just learning that about themselves.

I don't have a grocery list of likes and dislikes. Just mainly can we get along, be friends, and share some laughter. I also like a high sex drive. But since I normally go for women between 35 and 45 that's usually not a problem.

 

[Netzach]

I think what needs to be remembered is what one person wants, another doesn't, and that can even change at various times. Example...when F and I got together he preferred quiet, no crying....then he got to a point he enjoyed some noise response from time to time and tears definately turned him on and made him increase the tempo and everything, now it seems I don't know what he wants as tears have become a no-no again and movement is a complete trigger for his disatisfaction. So is it easy to define a one-size-fits-all list? Not IMO, not even with one partner.

Catalina

I'm fickle, I'm easily bored - that so sounds like me. So for me, someone consummately flexible who likes being on their toes is about the extent of it. Smart enough to keep up and calm enough not to be thrown in a tiz by some contradiction and novelty. Creative, genuinely twisted in ways that make me sit up and go "ooo you sick fuck, I like!" those are real plusses. Someone who doesn't mind brainstorming their own pain with me even, who's more into the adventure than the obedience but just by a mere pussy hair. And then at other times the opposite.

To the original question I only have the really crap answer. I just know.
All the relationships I've had long term have been 2x4 to the head BAM just knew things. A good scene, one that's so great I'm just sweating and edgy all night just happens. I still have one or two old clients I wish hadn't been just clients - it just happens in ways that are beautiful and intuitive and impossible to forget.

 

[Life_Noir]

Oh I dunno... I think after all these years it's becoming a lot simpler..
A reciprocal appreciation of the same aspects of fetish..
A matching degree of serious lust and appreciation of sexual activity..
And a certain lack of insanity..
*shrug*
I was beginning to think that a major component of my toybag should be a tranq. gun loaded with lithium...

 

[BiBunny]

Ok, well, as non-PC as it is of me to say, if he (or she) is more than slightly less intelligent than me, it's a no-go from the start. I love to play mind games with subs and challenge myself in the process. There's no challenge in out-smarting a stupid person, so I prefer my partners to be as smart as or smarter than me. I like my males masculine and my females feminine. They must be poly-capable, and bisexual (or at least lacking a real aversion to incidental homosexual activity). They must have a pretty good idea of the kinds of things they like or would like to try--self-awareness, I guess, is the word I'm looking for, not necessarily synonymous with experience. I want a genuine desire to serve and please, flexibility, and an ability to take directions well. I also want a good sense of humor because, let's face it, on some level, this stuff we do is funny as hell, and I don't want to be with someone who has a stick up his/her ass unless I'm the one who put it there.

Those are my only real requirements. The other things are just icing on the cake. Generally, quirkiness amuses me, but there's a point where it stops being quirkiness and starts turning into PITA Syndrome. I tend to like subs who play at least in the moderate range of the pain spectrum, even better if they are kinked toward regular humiliation play.

Turnoffs: Those who take themselves too seriously, those who have to have their hands held constantly, annoying attention whores (the uncute kind), drama kings/queens, dumb people, and those who can't handle a good laugh at their own expense. That's about it.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I tend to like subs who play at least in the moderate range of the pain spectrum, even better if they are kinked toward regular humiliation play.

Is there a limit to how much humiliation you can take pleasure in dishing out? Have you ever played with a sub whose need for humiliation goes to such a degree that it changes your view of them as a person? Squicks you out maybe?

I know that sometimes I think back on scenes where Master has taken things into humiliation play and really laid it on thick. While we both enjoy the scene at the time, sometimes to look back on it gives you a sense that things have been said/done by him and tolerated/enjoyed by me that can't be taken back or erased. We've definitely shocked each other on occasion. If I repeat some of the verbal abuse Master throws at me out of scene he usually goes all bashful and even gets ashamed. We have both sat down and had moments of 'is this really healthy play?' But when the mood is right and we both get into it, our humiliation play can get pretty full on.

Am I making any sense at all? Apologies if not.

 

[BiBunny]

Is there a limit to how much humiliation you can take pleasure in dishing out? Have you ever played with a sub whose need for humiliation goes to such a degree that it changes your view of them as a person? Squicks you out maybe?

I know that sometimes I think back on scenes where Master has taken things into humiliation play and really laid it on thick. While we both enjoy the scene at the time, sometimes to look back on it gives you a sense that things have been said/done by him and tolerated/enjoyed by me that can't be taken back or erased. We've definitely shocked each other on occasion. If I repeat some of the verbal abuse Master throws at me out of scene he usually goes all bashful and even gets ashamed. We have both sat down and had moments of 'is this really healthy play?' But when the mood is right and we both get into it, our humiliation play can get pretty full on.

Am I making any sense at all? Apologies if not.

I haven't found anyone yet whose need for humiliation disturbs me. I'm often surprised, but it's a pleasant kind of surprise. That's not to say that I won't meet someone tomorrow who makes me go "Dude...what the fuck?"

 

[Netzach]

Is there a limit to how much humiliation you can take pleasure in dishing out? Have you ever played with a sub whose need for humiliation goes to such a degree that it changes your view of them as a person? Squicks you out maybe?

I know that sometimes I think back on scenes where Master has taken things into humiliation play and really laid it on thick. While we both enjoy the scene at the time, sometimes to look back on it gives you a sense that things have been said/done by him and tolerated/enjoyed by me that can't be taken back or erased. We've definitely shocked each other on occasion. If I repeat some of the verbal abuse Master throws at me out of scene he usually goes all bashful and even gets ashamed. We have both sat down and had moments of 'is this really healthy play?' But when the mood is right and we both get into it, our humiliation play can get pretty full on.

Am I making any sense at all? Apologies if not.

That's not my worry, that's my goal.

 

[Caitlynne]

And I will delete my post if I see too many pyls using these lists as something to worry over. It's not a fucking check list. It's just tops expressing what they like in a bottom.

I know this is off topic, but the above was just so Domish I had to take note. There is nothing quite like putting a stop to something before it begins. I'm going to go off now and crush a little bit on Homburg...

 

[VelvetDarkness]

That's not my worry, that's my goal.

LOL Hadn't thought of it that way.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I know this is off topic, but the above was just so Domish I had to take note. There is nothing quite like putting a stop to something before it begins. I'm going to go off now and crush a little bit on Homburg...

Ditto


*swoon*