How to ease the pain of breaking up....

[OrgasmicleBunny]

My relationship has ended, and as painful as it is right now. I do now deep down it is the best thing for both of us. Right now, the only reason I'm NOT crying is I have been crying nearly continuously for 24 hours and my head is KILLING me. I also am holding on to some shred of hope it's not really over. That shred of hope is keeping me going at the moment, so I'm going to go with it.

There are so many things about us that are so wrong, he needs to make changes in order for this relationship to work and for whatever reason he's not ready.

I am devastated, and it's so difficult because we live together and he has nowhere to go until he saves up enough money to buy a plane ticket back to his home town.

He may be able to get the money sooner, but in the meantime just having to look at him is hard. He slept on the couch last night and tonight, and I want so bad just to go get him and hold him and touch him. I had to resist the urge last night. We talked some more tonight.

I have noone to turn to, I feel so alone and so sad.

 

[PertPerth]

Firstly, you're not alone.

Is there a REAL (ie not in fairy-land) chance of fixing things? I'm guessing not - so it's probably better for you to let go of that tiny bit of hope that you might work things out. Why? Because it means you can heal and 'get over him'. I know several people who have broken up with their partners who held onto this hope years after the relationship has ended - even though their ex's got married.

It is okay that it didn't work. You've not "failed" (I hear one of my friends say that each time she breaks up with someone") because you've not found the right person.

I think it's better to focus on the personal positives which you have gained. Every dark cloud has a silver lining. And in those moment when you want to touch him, try to remember the reasons why you broke up.

I hope you're feeling better (and he moves out!) soon

Pert

 

[OrgasmicleBunny]

Firstly, you're not alone.

Is there a REAL (ie not in fairy-land) chance of fixing things? I'm guessing not - so it's probably better for you to let go of that tiny bit of hope that you might work things out. Why? Because it means you can heal and 'get over him'. I know several people who have broken up with their partners who held onto this hope years after the relationship has ended - even though their ex's got married.

It is okay that it didn't work. You've not "failed" (I hear one of my friends say that each time she breaks up with someone") because you've not found the right person.

I think it's better to focus on the personal positives which you have gained. Every dark cloud has a silver lining. And in those moment when you want to touch him, try to remember the reasons why you broke up.

I hope you're feeling better (and he moves out!) soon

Pert

thanks for your support, I really appreciate it. It helps to write about it. I am healing, slowly but surely. I think if we did continue the relationship it would be a mistake, as much as I wish it didn't have to end, it's the right thing to do. We're just not compatible. We tried our hardest to really make it work, we've BEEN trying for quite some time. He's not the best person for me and I'm not the best person for him. It's just so sad, because I am going to miss him so much. He's been such an intense part of my life for over a year now. How do you just let go. I keep imagining my life without him and it's so hard. I'm not crying as much. But my heart is broken.

I keep thinking if he had done this, or if he had done that, if it was this way, etc. but what i'm asking for is for him to be NOT who he is and that's not fair to him. He's worked on things to the best of his ability at this time and it's not satisfactory. I still feel hurt and used. He says he'll do this, he says he'll do that, but he's all talk and no action.

He's not a horrible person, he's just not mature enough or ready to be in a serious committed relationship. He wants things from me that aren't possible, he wants things from himself that aren't possible.

I feel stronger than I've felt in the past, I've had feelings of needing to break up with him before and have, and I always cave, because being with him with the faults, is better than being without him, but I don't believe that anymore. I know it's just not working out and I have to keep reminding myself of that.

I wish it didnt' have to be this way.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Hi Orgasmiclebunny, I'm really sorry to hear about your relationship.

It sounds like you know that you made the right decision. The important thing to remember at the moment is that you did have a life before you met this man. Contact your close family and your girly mates and allow them to be there for you. It's always embarrassing to admit to others that a relationship hasn't worked out and you are going beck to the drawing board. They will be upset if they find out that you are trying to cope with this alone.

It will be a while before you feel up to going out and socializing but you do have a life to look forward to. It sounds like you have given your bf more than enough time to make changes and he has not done so. You deserve someone who can be your true life-partner and that someone is still out there for you to find.

I really hope that you get through all this. It's a lousy time of year to be calling it a day.

 

[subwannabe]

It would be a mistake to "cave in" again. I know it's not easy to do but you need to listen to your brain and not to your heart. Your deep down feelings are correct that you are not right for each other and never will be. You say he is not the right one for you and you are not the right one for him. This means that both of you can look forward to finding the one who is right for you. I know it is easier said than done but it is the truth and somewhere down the road you will both be much happier.

 

[Nightbird]

Well this is a tough one for sure. Especially because he's still there.

For me the hardest part in ending relationships was always the loss of familiarity.. What I mean is that when you spend time with someone you develop a routine and you get used to that routine. When that ends, you miss it alot and I found myself being lost not knowing what to do.

A good cure for that is to get busy, make changes and try to find new interests. Get out of the house and go do things.
For example I went out to small carnivals and antique car shows, and pretty much whatever event was being offered locally to me. I was lucky as mine was in the summer so there was alot going on.

Another thing that might help is volunteering, anyhow the point is the new things that keep you busy will replace the old habits and eventually the hurt will become less.

Remember your not alone and it's ok to grieve. Good luck, I think we've all been there.

 

[PublicAffection]

Hello, I am sorry to hear that you are going through this right now. I know that it is difficult, but it is very important that you stick to your guns and not cave in (as said above). Every time that you cave in, you are condoning whatever behaviors/actions/problems that caused you to want to end the relationship. Basically, when you cave you are saying, "It's ok that you X-Y-Z. I know that I told you I couldn't live with it, but I was just tooting my horn. Go ahead and keep on doing X-Y-Z, because it really isn't a deal-breaker and I'll still be here tomorrow."

I know how hard it is to be in this situation with him still living there. I went through a similar issue (although mine wasn't living with me full time - he was living with his other g/f also... long story) and I know how torn you must be feeling. Hold your chin up, and know that you are doing the right thing and it will pay off in the end. One day you will look back at this time and be glad that you went through temporary heartache to receive permanent relief.

 

[mlkym]

Easing the pain

OrgasmicleBunny,

I understand how you feel after a break up...it can be hard sometimes to not let all the pain you feel overhelm you. As some who was kicked to the curb over a year ago and still felling like it happened yesterday.....please don't forget to take care of your emotional health. Sometimes things happen for a reason and just because it feels bad now, does not mean something good is not coming your way as long as you don't close yourself off and let the pain take over.

I let the pain I felt after being dumped take over my life and have spent the last year being depressed and not opening myself up to finding happiness, which I am kicking myself for all that time wasted.

Good luck with everything.

MM

 

[SesameStreet]

I would make two points on this::

1. Don't let his rejection damage your self esteem. Hold your head up and be proud. One man's opinion is not really all that much in the grand scheme of things.

2. Don't ever, ever weaken and go back to him. You can do better. Always believe that.

 

[Tranquility62]

It may sound obvious, but keep yourself busy.

If he is at home, find something else to do and go out.

My marriage recently broke up, I had tried to make it work for the last three years, but if the other person wont work at it, in the end you have to resign yourself to the fact that is over. The day I left I felt incredibly sad, but also relieved. I should have done it ages ago.

 

[OrgasmicleBunny]

I appreciate all the support and advice but we are really going to try to work on things, I'm not ready to give up, and I only really gave up, because it seemed as if he did.

We both can be pretty stubborn, and hard-headed, and a huge part of our problems stem from my jealousy and insecurity issues, so I become needy/clingy, boring and irrational, so I'm going to work on that, he's supportive.

He tends to be flakey, and unmotivated but he's working on changing that, too.

TOgether we're going to try to get through these battles, because we both know we do love each other and want to make this relationship work.

 

[dynamics]

well, when 'that someone' broke up with me, I listened to "F*** you" by the Headstones about a thousand times... it made me feel better, id check that song out!

 

[OrgasmicleBunny]

It's ironic reading this thread now.....it took us 5 more months for it to really end....

 

[unforgivn]

Well this is a tough one for sure. Especially because he's still there.

For me the hardest part in ending relationships was always the loss of familiarity.. What I mean is that when you spend time with someone you develop a routine and you get used to that routine. When that ends, you miss it alot and I found myself being lost not knowing what to do.

A good cure for that is to get busy, make changes and try to find new interests. Get out of the house and go do things.
For example I went out to small carnivals and antique car shows, and pretty much whatever event was being offered locally to me. I was lucky as mine was in the summer so there was alot going on.

Another thing that might help is volunteering, anyhow the point is the new things that keep you busy will replace the old habits and eventually the hurt will become less.

Remember your not alone and it's ok to grieve. Good luck, I think we've all been there.

This is exaclty what you need to do. I just got divorced not even a month ago after 7 years of marriage. The hardest thing ive found was the loneliness and lack of routine. The companionship. Getting out and staying busy is what has made the transistion a lil less painful to handle. I keep crossing my fingers in hopes that some day my princess will arrive and i can whisk her off her feet. What happend to chivalry and love. Are there ANY good women left.

 

[PowerLifter84]

I never knew how shitty break ups could be until about five-years-ago when I had my first 'real' relationship end. I couldn't eat for a while and it sucked a big testi. The best thing to do is to find something to keep your mind off of it. Hang out with some friends, go to the gym (worked wonders for me and had some killer training), just do as you do before you two were together.

Always keep your head up and things will improve - just take it one day at a time.

Good luck.

 

[smotherman]

My relationship has ended, and as painful as it is right now. I do now deep down it is the best thing for both of us. Right now, the only reason I'm NOT crying is I have been crying nearly continuously for 24 hours and my head is KILLING me. I also am holding on to some shred of hope it's not really over. That shred of hope is keeping me going at the moment, so I'm going to go with it.

There are so many things about us that are so wrong, he needs to make changes in order for this relationship to work and for whatever reason he's not ready.

I am devastated, and it's so difficult because we live together and he has nowhere to go until he saves up enough money to buy a plane ticket back to his home town.

He may be able to get the money sooner, but in the meantime just having to look at him is hard. He slept on the couch last night and tonight, and I want so bad just to go get him and hold him and touch him. I had to resist the urge last night. We talked some more tonight.

I have noone to turn to, I feel so alone and so sad.

I just glanced at the thread! I'm so sorry, break-ups are horrible. I've learned though it's never too late to make amends and say sorry to each other.

Anyway, hope your next relationship brings you joy!

 

[OrgasmicleBunny]

I just glanced at the thread! I'm so sorry, break-ups are horrible. I've learned though it's never too late to make amends and say sorry to each other.

Anyway, hope your next relationship brings you joy!

I did say I was sorry to him. I realized I did take him for granted and didn't appreciate a lot of the things he did do. We both made mistakes in the relationship, and we needed to go our separate ways as difficult as it was. I didn't want it to end with negative feelings, so I'm glad it didn't.

I still have pretty deep feelings of jealousy, so I'm doing my best to deal with that.

That's not on him, it's me.

 

[AgonySceneGirl]

didnt you ask this same exact questions 3 times?
All you are doing is getting the same exact answers just from different people.
Not meanin to sound rude or anything but come on - dont need to ask a million times. You got the answers the first time, why not listen to them?

 

[OrgasmicleBunny]

didnt you ask this same exact questions 3 times?
All you are doing is getting the same exact answers just from different people.
Not meanin to sound rude or anything but come on - dont need to ask a million times. You got the answers the first time, why not listen to them?

I am listening.......

 

[bashfull]

So what has been the outcome?