Humorous attempt.

[mjl2010]

Well my first attempt at humor has finally posted after years (ok a few days) of waiting.

Do Virgins Taste Different was inspired by a question on the How To board and it just had to be put on the page.

I didn't bother my editor with this one. Your feedback and comments are welcome as usual. Since I don't normally think of myself as being very funny, I'd really like the feedback this time.

Thanks for reading.

MJL

 

[cabin_fever]

Song

I thought the story would have to do with that old filk song about dragons and virgins.
http://www.thebards.net/music/lyrics/Do_Virgins_Taste_Better.shtml

Do virgins taste better than those who are not?
Are they salty, or sweeter, more juicy or what?
Do you savor them slowly? Gulp them down on the spot?
Do virgins taste better than those who are not?

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Niceeeeeeeeeeee...

As you can see, Humor doesn't need to be believable. In fact, it works better when it's not. You did a good job of over/under statement with lines like:

In a loud voice, I offered twenty bucks to any virgin willing to spend the night with me in the luxurious Motel Six down the road.

Luxurious? LMAO...

Then in the end,

The next morning she thanked me profusely for taking her virginity and declined the twenty dollars I had offered for the night. I dropped her back at the bar and she drove off in her Lincoln Town Car.

Yeah, right! Twenty buck is rediculous and if she's driving a Lincoln Town Car, like she really needed the cash. And thanking you for her first fuck?

Humor is about breaking the rules and looking at life from a different and perverse perspective.

Good job, MJ

 

[mjl2010]

Why thank you Jenny. The trolls are having a field day, but it was fun to write. I'm sure the score will languish in the low 0.0-1.0 range, but then again, I write for everyone else, not myself.




MJL

 

[mjl2010]

I thought the story would have to do with that old filk song about dragons and virgins.
http://www.thebards.net/music/lyrics/Do_Virgins_Taste_Better.shtml

Do virgins taste better than those who are not?
Are they salty, or sweeter, more juicy or what?
Do you savor them slowly? Gulp them down on the spot?
Do virgins taste better than those who are not?

But it does have to do with that! And I answered the question too! They are certainly "juicier" afterwards.



MJL

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Why thank you Jenny. The trolls are having a field day, but it was fun to write. I'm sure the score will languish in the low 0.0-1.0 range, but then again, I write for everyone else, not myself.




MJL

Yeah. There's something about the Humor Cat. They shit on me too

 

[GratefulFred]

Don't let this be your solo shot at humor my friend. To make somebody laugh is the best emotional transference you could ever wish to achieve as a writer. There are too many uptight adults in this world and they need a bit more than South Park (man what I could do writting for that show) in their lives.

 

[mjl2010]

Don't let this be your solo shot at humor my friend. To make somebody laugh is the best emotional transference you could ever wish to achieve as a writer. There are too many uptight adults in this world and they need a bit more than South Park (man what I could do writting for that show) in their lives.

As someone who's never watched South Fart, I can't really assess if you'd be a good writer for that show or not. But I'm willing to bet you would be. I'd write a script if I were you and send it in.

Or maybe the Gimpsons. I'm betting that would be hilarious. What's that kids name in that show? Fart? Art? Or how about having Bart visit South Fart?

Yeah yeah....

MJL

 

[Varian P]

Hey there, MJL,

I offer my opinion with the caveat that, while I love humor, I can't write it.

With written permission from my wife, mistress and four girlfriends, I went down to the local watering hole that night about ten...

From this point on, your story is damn funny. Just the way I like it, dry as the driest of martinis, as opposed to slapstick. You play delightfully on the tropes of porn, from the narrator's array of partners to the ease with which he finds himself surrounded by willing buxom virgins, and my personal favorite, the play on the portrayal of gallons on bodily fluids tasting like the sweetest nectar. Kudos.

The preamble did not do so much for me, and to be honest, had I just happened upon this as a story by an unknown writer, I probably wouldn't have made it past the opening and gotten to the good stuff. I think you either need to do a similar parody of what the boards are like to make the same opening funnier, or change the opening, perhaps to a conversation between a few guys sitting at a bar, or what have you, but make that interaction as funny as the scene that ensues.

Hope that's helpful. And again, my compliments on the core of the story, and especially taking the humor plunge.

-V

 

[mjl2010]

Thanks Varian,

I actually wrote this and posted it in how to on the thread I mentioned. It pretty much started with the line you highlighted. Sweet Erika suggested I post it. A quick C&P into Word and then click Tools-Word Count. "Uh Oh. I need words." So I went about setting up the story. There's actually a few lines in every paragraph except the first two that are meant to be funny, but mostly it's a setup for what was coming. This one barely made it in at, I think, 763 words.

Anyway, thanks for reading and next time I try humor, I'll go for the "grab em by the balls" approach.

MJL

 

[voluptuary_manque]

I liked it a lot! One gets so tired of reading the same completely unbelievable sexual prowess from those who post here that sending them up is a great way to start the morning. Well done, that man!