Older Male Seeking Female Friends Who Can Tolerate "Dad Jokes"

[Shygentleman2]

When life gives you melons

You might be dyslexic

 

[Merryegoround]

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

How do you breathe through that little thing?

 

[Shygentleman2]

Just saw this thread now….I’ll have to tell my Dad.

My kids just groan! Although I text my youngest one every day. He says his friends love them!

 

[hugh_jarce69]

I saw an advert in a shop window yesterday.
"Second-hand television for sale. £10. Volume stuck on high"

I thought, I can't turn that down

 

[hugh_jarce69]

When life gives you melons

You might be dyslexic

did you hear about the dyslexic who walked into a bra?

 

[Lichen2CU]

This thread has made me laugh way too much!

You're welcome! Is too much laughing "a thing"????

 

[LittleMissSunshine12]

You're welcome! Is too much laughing "a thing"????

Guilty pleasure mixed with should be working - so yes

 

[EasyBrad59]

Time for a real groaner:

What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?

Beef stroking off!

 

[Shygentleman2]

Guilty pleasure mixed with should be working - so yes

That whole pesky "real life" thing!

 

[Shygentleman2]

We heard that a man aged 104yrs won a marathon race. Then I asked my dad , "what is your excuse"

And he said ,"That man had more time to train"

 

[NCneedslove_18]

I just built an ATM that only gives out coins. I don’t know why no one’s thought of it before, it just makes cents!

 

[NCneedslove_18]

Where do rainbows go when they've been bad?

To prism, so they have time to reflect on what they've done.

 

[Lichen2CU]

Where do rainbows go when they've been bad?

To prism, so they have time to reflect on what they've done.

Wow...

 

[Lichen2CU]

Great to see you again NC...

 

[TheWorldBuilder]

The hale 93 year old married a blonde 70 years his junior. They settled down to a life of bliss, but six months later the girl turned up at the vicarage in tears asking the clergyman to arrange a funeral.

"I thought your husband was as fit as a fiddle."

"Oh he was, vicar, he was. Life was idyllic and every Sunday morning we'd make slow, passionate love to the sound of your church bells. If only that bloody fire engine hadn't come past last weekend."

 

[Shygentleman2]

A joke for the older kids:

What has two butts and kills people?

An assassin

 

[Merryegoround]

Old men are like concrete.

After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.

 

[Noor]

Old men are like concrete.

After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.

And they need a lot of water?

 

[LoneMilf]

Where do rainbows go when they've been bad?

To prism, so they have time to reflect on what they've done.

Don't worry, they're only given a light sentence

 

[Shygentleman2]

And they need a lot of water?

Depends on how vigorous things were!

 

[Shygentleman2]

If you spell "Absolutely Nothing" backwards you get

"Gnihton Yletulosba", which means absolutely nothing

 

[hugh_jarce69]

I know it's a long shot but does anyone know what a trebuchet is?

 

[hugh_jarce69]

I'm out bird watching with Sinead O'Connor.

So far it's been 7 owls and 15 jays

 

[TheWorldBuilder]

Two pieces of tarmac are arguing in a bar.

"I'm hard I am; M25 junction 14, 200,000 cars a day."

"Pah! That's nothing," says the other, "M60 junction 15, 250,000 cars a day."

The door suddenly bangs open and a piece of red tarmac stride arrogantly in. The first two throw themselves across the bar and cower next to the landlord, who looks down contemptuously and says, "I thought you two were hard."

"We are," says the stretch of M60, "but he's a cycle path."

 

[Shygentleman2]

Apparently, I snore so loudly that it scares everyone,

especially when I'm driving