How Do You Get Comfortable Sharing Your Writing?

[ChloeTzang]

I write completely fictional characters but if I write them in first person I get guys messaging me that think that the main character is actually me. There is nothing that I can do about that, so there's also nothing I can do about anyone who judges me personally (positively or negatively) by my fictional ideas. If I feel the need to avoid that, then the only thing to do is not ever publish. Well, that's not happening, so it's a good thing that I don't care what anyone thinks of me.

I get that a lot. I freaked out a few times when I first started writing here bit now it doesn't bother me at all. All part of the feedback and honestly, if I wrote it to the extent that someone thinks that's really me, that's actually a compliment in its own way when you think about it - it means they really connected with what you wrote and they see that character as a real person and they are so absorbed in the story that it's really reached them.

 

[yowser]

The other wrinkle here, as opposed to most other places that folks read stories, is that an alarming percentage of readers here have difficulty discerning fact from fiction (I am looking at LW in particular.) Possibly a feature of the compelling nature of sexual story-telling.

So all manner of stories can receive some, ah, interesting reactions from readers, I've been called a vile, cheating whore of a wife (in the portrayal of one of my MCs), which is amusing on multiple levels. Lit is an entirely different realm from your local bookstore, when folks know when they're in the fiction section. You would think everyone would know this here, but not the case. But as Chloe says, if they think the character is 'you' in your little sexual drama, you've done a decent job as a writer.

 

[Dreamerman77]

Isn't it hard to worry about what others might think about you? I'm not saying this to be mean... But if we are truly honest. Nobody cares. It's all in your head. Go for it.

 

[SkyBubble]

I can be whoever I need to be to get a specific task/job done.

You're a politician?

 

[SkyBubble]

My wife knew. She always encouraged me to write, no matter what is was, despite some of the subject matters I wrote about in my stories. She was my muse. She's also the inspiration behind my 750 word story.

With her recent passing a couple of weeks ago,

Sorry for your loss. I understand how it feels, being a widower myself. (It will be four years this coming Tuesday.) If you'd like to talk about it, I'm available. Message me.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

You're a politician?

??? Politicians don't get anything done. In fact it's important that politicians do not solve anything, or at least as little as possible. If they solve stuff they put themselves out of work. So they create more problems than they solve just for job security.

 

[AG31]

??? Politicians don't get anything done. In fact it's important that politicians do not solve anything, or at least as little as possible. If they solve stuff they put themselves out of work. So they create more problems than they solve just for job security.

All of them? Pretty depressingly cynical, I'd say. But doesn't this go in the PB?

 

[TiberiusPrime]

Sorry to hear about your wife. My condolences to you and your family.

Thank you. Her dementia finally won. She was in the hospital for 12 says, the final 6 she slept. She went into hospice on Wednesday and passed on a Sunday. I was there. I had arrived only about 10-15 minutes before she breathed her last. While I had started mourning her for the final few months of her (she had forgotten who I was at that point), my heart was still utterly crushed. I just got her ashes back yesterday, so she's home again.

I know life will go on, but for now it's more of a struggle.

 

[TiberiusPrime]

If you don't tear up reading that story, you are a heartless soul and I don't want to know you.

I wrote it and I tear up on it! I teared up on it as I wrote it!

 

[Actingup]

My wife knew. She always encouraged me to write, no matter what is was, despite some of the subject matters I wrote about in my stories. She was my muse. She's also the inspiration behind my 750 word story.

With her recent passing a couple of weeks ago, I've opened up to some friends about my writing because I really needed to share that particular story. I didn't post the link to it, but I posted that story text on Facebook. It's non-erotic so there is absolutely no issues in doing so. To date, those who did have the link, they haven't said anything good or bad. But now they know I wrote erotica and I'm ok with it. For now, unfortunately, my desire for writing has diminished a bit, even though I've had a few ideas that I've saved down to get back to. But when I get back to it, I certainly won't change what I write, even with friends knowing and possibly reading. This is who I am and I know my friends are accepting of it.

Sometimes, a post here hits like a gut punch. Tiberius, I'm so sorry for your loss. Reading your perfect, beautiful story when it came out was hard enough, but I think I will need to fortify myself before reading it again. Thank you for sharing your world and your inner soul so openly with us.

 

[SkyBubble]

Thank you. Her dementia finally won. She was in the hospital doe 12 says, the final 6 she slept. She went into hospice on Wednesday and passed on a Sunday. I was there. I had arrived only about 10-15 minutes before she breathed her last. While I had started mourning her for the final few months of her (she had forgotten who I was at that point), my heart was still utterly crushed. I just got her ashes back yesterday, so she's home again.

I know life will go on, but for now it's more of a struggle.

Yes, it will, and those early stages are rough. I understand.

 

[DeMont]

I have remained active as a writer despite not publishing on this site for a year and a half. I’m still unsure about whether I will return to publishing here. Nothing I would like to publish here is even finished and ready yet.

Something always feels risqué about writing for me. There are intimate fantasies of intricate detail that I can sketch out and flesh out and bring to life, but do I really want that stuff out there? How do you get to a point where you feel comfortable enough to put what you’ve written out into the world? Do you even think about the fact that you may be unfurling the most intimate parts of your own mind out there to the public, or is that even what you do as a writer? For me, it is, and I don’t know how to get to a point where I’m comfortable with that. I am looking for advice and insight into other peoples’ mindsets around this topic.

@madelinemasoch,
Good morning my dear colleague. The very nature of the writing that we do here is "risqué", sometimes just but mostly outwardly so. I have been writing for decades, I have written for publication, for competition, for anthologies and sometimes even just for the heck of it. There is always a thought, in the back of the writer's mind, is this "good enough" for what venue I am writing it for and I think that, even if secretly, that is the nature of the beast.

I can't speak for anyone else but as for myself I am my own worst enemy, and critic. Having said that however I always put it into perspective given who and what I am writing for. I write because I want to, I write because I enjoy it and, most of all, I write to bring something entertaining to others. I am of a mindset that says, "There is someone out there, somewhere, who will enjoy reading this."

Will I reach them? I don't know. How will I feel if I don't make the attempt? Will my tale fall flat on its face? These are all parts of the mindset whenever I write anything but they are parts that can't be answered before you publish for others to read.

I suggest that you write your stories the way you want, about what you want, when and how you want and when YOU like what you've got publish it. One of the greater things about writing for Lit is that you are "anonymous". Except if someone here knows you personally and folks don't share personals around here.

Go for it I say!
Respectfully, always,
D.

 

[AG31]

I have remained active as a writer despite not publishing on this site for a year and a half. I’m still unsure about whether I will return to publishing here. Nothing I would like to publish here is even finished and ready yet.

Something always feels risqué about writing for me. There are intimate fantasies of intricate detail that I can sketch out and flesh out and bring to life, but do I really want that stuff out there? How do you get to a point where you feel comfortable enough to put what you’ve written out into the world? Do you even think about the fact that you may be unfurling the most intimate parts of your own mind out there to the public, or is that even what you do as a writer? For me, it is, and I don’t know how to get to a point where I’m comfortable with that. I am looking for advice and insight into other peoples’ mindsets around this topic.

Hey, Madeline, I've been waiting to see your reaction to these responses. Any insights?

 

[Cly_Anders]

I have remained active as a writer despite not publishing on this site for a year and a half. I’m still unsure about whether I will return to publishing here. Nothing I would like to publish here is even finished and ready yet.

Something always feels risqué about writing for me. There are intimate fantasies of intricate detail that I can sketch out and flesh out and bring to life, but do I really want that stuff out there? How do you get to a point where you feel comfortable enough to put what you’ve written out into the world? Do you even think about the fact that you may be unfurling the most intimate parts of your own mind out there to the public, or is that even what you do as a writer? For me, it is, and I don’t know how to get to a point where I’m comfortable with that. I am looking for advice and insight into other peoples’ mindsets around this topic.

Personally, I've traveled the world my entire life. My childhood was spent on planes, trains and busses. I got to the point that... what does it matter what anyone thinks of you? They'll be gone soon. But that gave me major attachment trauma so my way of thinking is very rare. I have no family to care about what I write, and my in laws literally ignore the fact that I'm a smut writer. I've been posting online on various sites for nearly 25 years. I'm deeply inconsistent, which is why I have never had a large following.

But, I've also had my share of bad responses. I've had "this sucks" and other variations. You know how I view those? The exact same way I view "this is good." It means nothing. It's an emotional reaction without thought. ignore it. if you asked your friend "hey, how was the movie?" And they said "it sucked" you'd expect an explanation, wouldn't you? And if they couldn't even articulate a reason, would you take their opinion seriously? Same with "it was good." Well, why? No answer means no thought, only emotion. Sure, that's nice and all, but just hit the rating button if there's not gonna be thought behind the emotional reaction. As for when people have gotten really mean... I've had a few people tell me they rated my story as a one because I use elven words in my stories and even though I give a list of meanings AND they are used in clear context, they are offended by the fact that I'm "expecting them to learn a new language for my book." Instantly blocked. Fine, then you won't even see my story when it updates!

I do sometimes worry how well people perceive my stories, especially because I'm a very niche writer. Non-con love stories are not as popular as they seem, or people are just so much more vocal to tell you how much they don't like non-con EVEN WHEN YOU COVER YOUR STORY WITH WARNINGS! That's just part of the reader landscape. That's fine if people say they don't like it, but I sure get tired of hearing it when I've got trigger warnings all over. I don't mind when someone says "this doesn't feel like it fits the personality" or something. Then there's a reason, something for me to focus on. Okay, are they right? Is this more just my fantasy rather than the story/character? I've got no shame admitting that I have rape fantasies and I love them. They stay as fantasies and I know the difference personally. I have a friend trying with more effort than anyone should put into another person's story to have the non-con removed from my most current tale. At least toned down to "dubious."

That's part of putting yourself out there. You'll find mega fans, mega hate, and mostly just silence.

I don't know how to just GIVE my nonchalance to other people. All I can tell you is go for it. What is really truly the worst that could happen? Would it ruin your marriage? Lose all your friends? If your relationships are that fragile, are they worth holding on to? Is it simply knowing that people might attach what you've written with stuff you personally enjoy? Get over that. I wrote a bestiality story with incest, pornagraphy, cops, and several other tropes I don't enjoy, and I wrote it for others to fap to (namely furries, as I'm mostly a furry writer branching out). I've also written a slavery love story. That doesn't mean I like the idea of slavery. If people think I'm into all that, well, who are those people to me? I write under a pen name, how would my boss find out? I don't use my real name for social media, either. Yes, my head is dark and twisted, that's why I write so they aren't in there anymore. As a person, I'm quiet, deeply compassionate, and even cry when I'm torturing my characters. You wouldn't know that reading what I write.

So my advice? . .. JUST DO IT! You are your own worse enemy and biggest citric. You'll get thousands upon thousands of views. Out of every 50-100 readers, you'll get a rating. Out of every thousand or more readers, you may get a comment. So what exactly ARE you afraid of? Silence?

 

[madelinemasoch]

Hey, Madeline, I've been waiting to see your reaction to these responses. Any insights?

It seems like a lot of people have gotten past this or simply don’t have any issues with it as I do. I’m still not sure how to get myself comfortable with sharing my writing on here…

 

[ElectricBlue]

It seems like a lot of people have gotten past this or simply don’t have any issues with it as I do. I’m still not sure how to get myself comfortable with sharing my writing on here…

Maybe ask yourself, "Why do I write?"

Is it to get the demons out of your head, self therapy? In which case, maybe writing's a diary, and you're the primary or only reader and you burn it before you die.

Or is it because you want to contribute some little thing to the artistic world? In which case, you'd need to get past your reluctance, or find another creative outlet, because you're stifling yourself.

I suspect, from your threads here and having read some of your work (before you took it down) that your writing is mostly therapy, that you're working through a lot of things in your life.

That by definition would make your writing very intimate, very personal in its content; and under those circumstances, I'd ask, does the writing work? Does it make your mental well-being better, more steady? Or does it make it worse? If better, does it matter if there's another audience if you're healing? If worse, I'd be the first to say, stop, don't do that, don't do yourself harm.

You've been agonising over this question for a while now - are you being kind to yourself, or hurting more? Is there someone else you can talk to? Seeking advice from a bunch of smut writers probably isn't the best advice you're ever going to get, mental-health wise.

Down here in Oz we have a high focus on mental health these days, for people of all ages, and many workplaces have the posters: RUOK? Are you okay, Madeline?

 

[AwkwardMD]

Speaking as someone whose writing is also therapeutic, I share my writing to help me move on to the next one. It helps me keep momentum, and not settle into the rut of infinite editing.

 

[madelinemasoch]

Maybe ask yourself, "Why do I write?"

Is it to get the demons out of your head, self therapy? In which case, maybe writing's a diary, and you're the primary or only reader and you burn it before you die.

Or is it because you want to contribute some little thing to the artistic world? In which case, you'd need to get past your reluctance, or find another creative outlet, because you're stifling yourself.

I suspect, from your threads here and having read some of your work (before you took it down) that your writing is mostly therapy, that you're working through a lot of things in your life.

That by definition would make your writing very intimate, very personal in its content; and under those circumstances, I'd ask, does the writing work? Does it make your mental well-being better, more steady? Or does it make it worse? If better, does it matter if there's another audience if you're healing? If worse, I'd be the first to say, stop, don't do that, don't do yourself harm.

You've been agonising over this question for a while now - are you being kind to yourself, or hurting more? Is there someone else you can talk to? Seeking advice from a bunch of smut writers probably isn't the best advice you're ever going to get, mental-health wise.

Down here in Oz we have a high focus on mental health these days, for people of all ages, and many workplaces have the posters: RUOK? Are you okay, Madeline?

Thank you for this, I appreciate it.

I sometimes don’t know why I’m writing certain things, but I think it used to be a lot easier for me due to personal crises that have happened. I think I both want to contribute something of creative merit and also to send a message. A lot of what I was doing (and still do today without publishing here yet) was actually thematic and conceptual, or at least tried to be. My characters represented different archetypes for lack of a better word.

What I was missing was some kind of ethical standpoint, and I think having experienced real darkness and negativity now, I’ve developed that ethical standpoint that was missing in my prior work. But yeah… my “why” in terms of writing is to communicate a message and hopefully change someone’s life, or even stimulate thought. It’s funny that I still think erotica is a valid vehicle for that, but I do.

Edit: also, I think I need a place to express my own authentic voice. Creativity is usually very healing for me because it gives me a chance to be heard and to set the narrative framework on my own.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Edit: also, I think I need a place to express my own authentic voice. Creativity is usually very healing for me because it gives me a chance to be heard and to set the narrative framework on my own.

Your voice is unfailingly your own. It might not be to everyone's taste, and I think in some of the work you took down, and from earlier posts, you got frustrated by that. It was as if you wanted to write manifestos, whereas writing from the heart would have been more persuasive.

I think it's the intimacy in writing that many people see, especially in erotica, that draws them to a writer; but you don't need a placard or to beat them over the head with whatever it is you want to say.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Speaking as someone whose writing is also therapeutic, I share my writing to help me move on to the next one. It helps me keep momentum, and not settle into the rut of infinite editing.

Let's agree, though, you do like an edit .

 

[AwkwardMD]

Let's agree, though, you do like an edit .

I have gone to *drastic* measures to try and break my habits of over-and perpetual-editing.

 

[madelinemasoch]

Your voice is unfailingly your own. It might not be to everyone's taste, and I think in some of the work you took down, and from earlier posts, you got frustrated by that. It was as if you wanted to write manifestos, whereas writing from the heart would have been more persuasive.

I think it's the intimacy in writing that many people see, especially in erotica, that draws them to a writer; but you don't need a placard or to beat them over the head with whatever it is you want to say.

Writing from the heart feels the most risky/risque to me, even when my intuition tells me it's right. There is a lot of emotion I could express in the form of stories and sometimes that emotion is buried, repressed. I've felt very stultified for a long time, and I'm afraid of somehow getting in trouble for sharing my feelings and my perspective.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I have gone to *drastic* measures to try and break my habits of over-and perpetual-editing.

How do you write with no hands?

 

[AwkwardMD]

Writing from the heart feels the most risky/risque to me, even when my intuition tells me it's right. There is a lot of emotion I could express in the form of stories and sometimes that emotion is buried, repressed. I've felt very stultified for a long time, and I'm afraid of somehow getting in trouble for sharing my feelings and my perspective.

Writing saved my life. I've felt the same way you describe here.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Writing from the heart feels the most risky/risque to me, even when my intuition tells me it's right. There is a lot of emotion I could express in the form of stories and sometimes that emotion is buried, repressed. I've felt very stultified for a long time, and I'm afraid of somehow getting in trouble for sharing my feelings and my perspective.

Get in trouble from whom?

Surely you're anonymous here? If you fear anyone in your real life drawing a connection to who you are, create the most innocuous alt, deliberately place him, her or they in some place you've never been to, give them a completely fictional history, deliberately point in the opposite direction. Don't thread here in the AH. Who will ever know?

In erotica, isn't risky/risque part of the point?