Ladies - do you like it when a stranger tells you that you are beautiful?

[PennyThompson]

It's a sliding scale from hoping for a smile from you to a desire to get into your panties.

I don't mean this as a criticism of you in particular, so I hope you don't take it personally. But if you've ever gotten the old "You'd be prettier if you smiled," from a random guy on the street, you might feel differently about those particular coordinates on the axis

That being said, an older woman once told me she "loved my whole aesthetic," while I was at work and I have never gotten over it

 

[TheRedChamber]

I don't really understand guys who tell women to smile. I have enough problems reading facial cues without getting people to fake them.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Of course this is only my opinion

Mine too!

 

[Deadbed1968]

At my job I would never even consider complimenting a female colleague’s appearance, regardless of how beautiful they may be. Compliments for particularly excellent work are always fair game though, regardless of gender. I never feel self conscious giving out those kind of compliments.

I would feel very strange walking up to a random woman on the street to compliment her looks. It just seems like it would come off creepy. It also doesn’t help that I can be a bit on the imposing side anyway.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

I don't really understand guys who tell women to smile. I have enough problems reading facial cues without getting people to fake them.

It does seem like an odd societal fixation. Apparently it happens all the time, just never to anyone I know.

 

[Comshaw]

I don't mean this as a criticism of you in particular, so I hope you don't take it personally. But if you've ever gotten the old "You'd be prettier if you smiled," from a random guy on the street, you might feel differently about those particular coordinates on the axis

That being said, an older woman once told me she "loved my whole aesthetic," while I was at work and I have never gotten over it

"You'd be prettier if you smiled," Who in holy hell would say that? It damn sure ain't me.

Don't take this personally but what I've heard here is as a guy I just need to stay in my lane, not look at or speak to a woman that I don't know and never offer to help 'cause I have ulterior motives by doing so. I can do that.

In fact I usually do the second. I guess I'm going to have to turn into a dour old man and ignore any woman that needs help, huh? FFS. What a rotten frightened way to live for both sides.

Comshaw

 

[AwkwardMD]

 

[Bramblethorn]

"You'd be prettier if you smiled," Who in holy hell would say that? It damn sure ain't me.

Don't take this personally but what I've heard here is as a guy I just need to stay in my lane, not look at or speak to a woman that I don't know and never offer to help 'cause I have ulterior motives by doing so. I can do that.

In fact I usually do the second. I guess I'm going to have to turn into a dour old man and ignore any woman that needs help, huh? FFS. What a rotten frightened way to live for both sides.

That's not what she said.

 

[TheWritingGroup]

My ex-stripper brain thinks “How big of a tip is he giving me?”

Um, you only accept the tip?

Sorry, sorry.

--Annie

 

[PennyThompson]

"You'd be prettier if you smiled," Who in holy hell would say that? It damn sure ain't me.

Don't take this personally but what I've heard here is as a guy I just need to stay in my lane, not look at or speak to a woman that I don't know and never offer to help 'cause I have ulterior motives by doing so. I can do that.

In fact I usually do the second. I guess I'm going to have to turn into a dour old man and ignore any woman that needs help, huh? FFS. What a rotten frightened way to live for both sides.

Comshaw

Well, that escalated quickly

I don't think I'm very good at talking about this, so I can only ask that you assume positive intentions when possible, and I'll tell you clearly if my intentions are negative

When you say "it ain't me," that's totally fine! You've always been a perfect gentleman to me any time we've interacted. When someone says "not all men," absolutely true. Not even most men! Not even 90% of men!

But if I interact with, like, thirty or forty men in a week, in my experience one or two of them are likely to be creeps. One or two creeps a week, every week, forever. Sometimes I know which ones, because I have to work with them on a regular basis. Sometimes I don't until it happens, because they're strangers.

So that's just like a low-level background radiation to daily life.

If your reaction to that information is to say "I'll never talk to a woman again," I think that's sad. Thank me for helping you with something! Say hello and make small talk! Acknowledge my knowledge or abilities! Ask an honest question! Treat me like an adult human and I'll love you forever, I might even smile at you

 

[TheRedChamber]

 

[EmilyMiller]

But if I interact with, like, thirty or forty men in a week, in my experience one or two of them are likely to be creeps. One or two creeps a week, every week, forever. Sometimes I know which ones, because I have to work with them on a regular basis. Sometimes I don't until it happens, because they're strangers.

This reality is what I think many men deny. I don’t hate men, I love one more than life itself. I have male buddies who are good friends. But, a not insignificant subset - I’m not even going to hazard a guess like @PennyThompson did - a subset are real douches. And they don’t have a glowing red ‘D’ on their foreheads, so you have to be careful. That sucks for the majority of perfectly OK and even sweet guys, but it’s not the fault of women, it’s the fault of the minority of guys who are bad.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

A good rule of thumb is to only give compliments that you would feel appropriate to give someone in a church.

That’s an amazing way to put it!

 

[Kelliezgirl]

That’s an amazing way to put it!

Is that like a church kiss?

 

[JordynRose]

The real question is if they will buy you jewelry, a Lexus, and give you credit cards. Lots of credit cards.
Then it matters. Sorry.

 

[EmilyMiller]

That’s an amazing way to put it!

Can it be a satanic church?

 

[AlexBailey]

I complimented a grocery store checker today. She was cute, friendly, and very engaging. I thanked her for being fun and she gave me a beaming smile.

Drink?

 

[JordynRose]

The real question is if they will buy you jewelry, a Lexus, and give you credit cards. Lots of credit cards.
Then it matters. Sorry.

Not sorry.

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

Some of the responses here epitomize 'it's only skin deep' and clearly demonstrate why I stopped talking to most people.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

I complimented a grocery store checker today. She was cute, friendly, and very engaging. I thanked her for being fun and she gave me a beaming smile.

Drink?

How dare you! Inflicting that emotional labor on her, you should be ashamed!

 

[TheRedChamber]

Some of the responses here epitomize 'it's only skin deep' and clearly demonstrate why I stopped talking to most people.

Yes, but if you open with 'You're a bit of an uggo but I'd like your phone number anyway' then that's negging apparently and you're still an arsehole. Women, the only winning move is not to play! Or just, quote-unquote 'be normal' whatever that's supposed to mean...

(Sarcasm obviously)

 

[Nynah]

what I've heard here is as a guy I just need to stay in my lane, not look at or speak to a woman that I don't know and never offer to help 'cause I have ulterior motives by doing so.

I guess I'm going to have to turn into a dour old man and ignore any woman that needs help, huh?

Tone is incredibly difficult to read over text so please know that my questions come from a place of genuine curiosity and desire for clarity and aren't meant to incite any sort of argument or be pointed and caustic.

Do you view paying women compliments on their looks as helping them in some way? Or is this a separate point you are trying to make? If the answer to the first question is 'yes', may I ask why you think so?

 

[big_cane_sugar]

Hmmmm....

My experience of the world does not match what Comshaw has described. I'm sure women have sometimes (and not always incorrectly) suspected me of having ulterior motives when I complimented them or offered to help them, but as far as I recall they've never expressed any kind of annoyance or resentment or anything like that. And if they did, I hope I just apologized and moved on with my life.

Sometime in my early- to mid-twenties I learned to present myself as a confident but decent guy. I think if a guy does that, most women don't even mind the idea of him having ulterior motives. By that age, none of us are naive children anymore. Granted that some women don't want anything like that going on (perhaps, for example, they've had something horrible in their past, or perhaps they're just not in the mood for it that day, or any number of things), you have to be a bit careful, but generally compliments and kindness are appreciated.

Caveat that of course this is only my experience.

 

[Cagivagurl]

I complimented a grocery store checker today. She was cute, friendly, and very engaging. I thanked her for being fun and she gave me a beaming smile.

Drink?

why is the fact she was cute important???
If you said the check out girl was friendly and very engaging. I'd have brought it. The fact she had to be cute...
Not important....

Cagivagurl

 

[1DarkNightOwl]

I don't really understand guys who tell women to smile. I have enough problems reading facial cues without getting people to fake them.

I also appear to have missed this life lesson and as such interacting with women who are strangers outside of work is not easy.

I have never told a stranger she is preity or beautiful etc as this would likely be mistaken, but I have once told the cashier at the grocery shop 'I though I would talk to the preity women rather than the machines' referencing the self serve. It was greeted positively with a smile and reply along the lines of 'And I'm far more interesting as well'.

I normally compliment her hair, outfit, shoes or simular.