Ladies - do you like it when a stranger tells you that you are beautiful?

[gtnlynn]

A good rule of thumb is to only give compliments that you would feel appropriate to give someone in a church.

Good point, although she has received some of the "not appropriate for church" compliments, too. I'm not sure how she responded to those.

 

[Sgts19]

I asked a girl who worked for me...a 10+ if she realized guys were always checking her out and saying some corny lines to her and she told me she was used to it that it's been happening her whole life and it was know big deaal.
I did this with my wife also...a 9+ and she said the same thing. Guys are guys their whole life. I've given up trying to act my age

 

[BobbyBrandt]

Every guy who has ever complimented me has had ulterior motives

Those weren't men, they were boys.

And you have a great pen name, by the way. I meant to mention that when you explained how you came up with it in a different thread.

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

Well I think we're about to do man vs bear again, so there's a little bit of pre-game happening.

Any thread that's a repetition of threads we've done more times than any of us can count, where the arguments are all well trod and unsurprising. Sides can be predicted. Extra points for a threads that obviously aren't engaging with the real concept. For example, this thread in the How To forum? That's the right venue for a meaningful discussion.

Here? It's just gonna attract incels. Just a matter of time.

Is it okay if I just follow along and drink when you tell me to?

 

[Erozetta]

Those weren't men, they were boys.

And you have a great pen name, by the way. I meant to mention that when you explained how you came up with it in a different thread.

Boys will be boys well into geriatric ages, apparently.

And thank you. I labored over it for a whole ten minutes after I decided I'd go by Lizzette Monroe. Mostly because I liked the way it looked when I signed it. (Which is 100% how I picked my pen name. I signed a bunch of names before I found one I liked.)

 

[big_cane_sugar]

Back in my single days, the only "pick-up line" I ever used was, "Hi, I noticed how pretty you are so I wanted to meet you."

I don't know if that even counts as a pick-up line since it was just the most honest and direct thing I could've said. Maybe something funny would've worked a bit better, but that worked well enough.

I never got a bad reaction. Every woman I said that to seemed genuinely very happy to hear it. So happy that it surprised me. (A much smaller number of them actually gave me their number.) We can theorize that some of them weren't actually happy to hear it but they didn't flip out at me or anything. The worst reactions I got were something along the lines of, "That's so nice of you. I already have a boyfriend, but thank you."

This was a few decades ago and the world was a different place in some ways, but I've always told unhappily single men to try that line. A few months ago one of them told me women would react badly to it today. I didn't believe him, so I tried it. I told about five random women that they were pretty, and again every one of them reacted happily. I didn't go on to ask for their numbers or anything because I'm now happily married, but one of the women talked to me for a long time, dragging out the conversation as long as she could, obviously hoping I'd go on to ask her out.

TLDR - if you simply tell a woman she's pretty and she reacts badly, you must have done it in a really creepy way or something. Or maybe you just told a woman who didn't want to hear. But on the whole women obviously like to be told they're pretty.

 

[LittleGreene]

It very much depends on how and when I think.

I’ve had strangers very simply compliment me and not wanted anything beyond that - and that feels amazing.

But sometimes men are quite clearly wanting more than just passing a compliment.

 

[EmilyMiller]

a woman wants to know that she's of value

What’s the meaning of ‘value’ in this context? Value to whom? Humanity?

 

[StillStunned]

A good rule of thumb is to only give compliments that you would feel appropriate to give someone in a church.

"You must be the handsome new altar boy that Father Dooley was telling me about."

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

A good rule of thumb is to only give compliments that you would feel appropriate to give someone in a church.

I think a good starting place is to NOT say something to someone else that would make you uncomfortable.

 

[Omenainen]

I think we can all agree this is a drinking situation, yes?

I think we can’t all agree on anything at all on this forum. And apparently we can’t even agree on that.

 

[SebastianHolt]

What’s the meaning of ‘value’ in this context? Value to whom? Humanity?

I've witnessed too many women having their ideas/solutions (at work) passed over. Granted, that was many years ago ... back when I was a corporate slave

 

[StillStunned]

What’s the meaning of ‘value’ in this context? Value to whom? Humanity?

Yes, thanks for highlighting this. A weird choice of word from the OP that most of us seem to have glossed over.

I can't see how a stranger's compliment on her appearance would make a woman become aware of her value.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I've witnessed too many women having their ideas/solutions (at work) passed over. Granted, that was many years ago ... back when I was a corporate slave

What’s that undeniable fact got to do with commenting on her appearance?

 

[TheWritingGroup]

Even without a child by your side, very disrespectful. Some men have no couth when it comes to approaching a woman.

Couth isn't the point. For trained pickup artists (yes, there are trained pickup artists) the goal is to efficiently get a new sex partner with minimal effort. By driving away any woman with self-respect, they're actually accomplishing something they want: winnowing out all women who won't lower themselves to fuck a guy wearing a "horse thing". The desperate ones are much easier to get into bed.

--Annie

 

[hugh_jarce69]

It can get a bit awkward when you notice a woman has had her hair done, but her husband/partner hasn’t noticed

 

[NuclearFairy]

Couth isn't the point. For trained pickup artists (yes, there are trained pickup artists) the goal is to efficiently get a new sex partner with minimal effort. By driving away any woman with self-respect, they're actually accomplishing something they want: winnowing out all women who won't lower themselves to fuck a guy wearing a "horse thing". The desperate ones are much easier to get into bed.

--Annie

To be fair, he was an employee of the fair and the costume was part of the gig.

 

[Omenainen]

To be fair, he was an employee of the fair and the costume was part of the gig.

So he wasn’t just sleazy but also a bad employee, willing to sleaze about on the company time? How charming.

 

[BobbyBrandt]

I think a good starting place is to NOT say something to someone else that would make you uncomfortable.

I think that we're saying almost the same thing

 

[MelissaBaby]

My ex-stripper brain thinks “How big of a tip is he giving me?”

 

[big_cane_sugar]

My ex-stripper brain thinks “How big of a tip is he giving me?”

I can't speak for the gentleman in question but if I had any idea a lady was thinking that my next question would be, "How big of a tip do you want?"

 

[Kelliezgirl]

As long as it's respectful and appropriate it's fine.
"That blouse looks nice on you" is fine.
"That blouse really shows off your tits" is bad.

 

[WittyUserName]

My wife likes it when I call her beautiful, and she says I'm the strangest person she knows.

Well played, sir. Well played.

 

[Comshaw]

"I love your hair." Always hits differently when I've put effort into putting my hair up versus when I've just given it a quick brush or put it up into a quick and dirty ponytail.

But isn't it subjective? If you have a nice head of hair, some men are going to like it wild (think Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman" the first time she comes on screen with her red hair) some are going to love ponytails and still others love the fully groomed look of a half day in the hairdresser's chair. Me, I'm partial to the first two examples and find them much more attractive than the last one. But I've never been accused of being sophisticated.

Every guy who has ever complimented me has had ulterior motives. I take them with a hefty dose of side-eye and discomfort. (Most recently was a guy who said I had a nice smile then proceeded to put down women who don't smile enough by his standards.)

Compliments from women make me happy and feel more genuine. (And gives me an opportunity to compliment back. Most recent was a compliment on the dress and tights I was wearing, and I got to tell her I loved her hair. It was purple and I really loved it.)

Really how could you tell? Because they were male, huh? I hate to be the bearer of news buuuut...you're right. However, I don't think that every guy has the same expectations, the same ulterior motives. It's a sliding scale from hoping for a smile from you to a desire to get into your panties. And being a (married) guy I will bet most are going to be on the smile end of things. Not that the majority (depending on their attraction to you) won't think about the panty thing, but the vast majority will leave it at an unspoken and never pursued fleeting fantasy thought.

Men are men, but unlike how things have been framed recently (think bear vrs man), most are also good men. It doesn't mean they are flawless, only that they are at the core good people.

I've had this discussion with my son. He's a police detective in a small town. Unlike bigger departments, he isn't confined to one type of crime, but gets to investigate everything that needs it. That's all he sees every day, all day, bad people doing despicable things. After a while it begins to color and skew a person's view of the world and it appears that the world is ALL despicable people. It ain't true, but from his vantage point it appears to be true. The same can be said for assuming something about the world without proof. If you assume a thing for long enough there comes a time when your mind tells you it's true even though it might not be.

Edited to add: I would never compliment a woman I do not know. Any more a guy can get severely brow beat for doing such things, so I ain't a gunna do it for that reason. That is a shame because I've seen women I'd love to give a compliment to and maybe, if I were lucky, be the recipient of a genuine, pleased smile.


Comshaw

 

[NuclearFairy]

But isn't it subjective? If you have a nice head of hair, some men are going to like it wild (think Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman" the first time she comes on screen with her red hair) some are going to love ponytails and still others love the fully groomed look of a half day in the hairdresser's chair. Me, I'm partial to the first two examples and find them much more attractive than the last one. But I've never been accused of being sophisticated.

This is true, but one is still more, "Thanks for the compliment." While the other is more of a, "Oh! Thank you so much for noticing! I put extra effort into it today."