❓ PLP Inquires II ❓

[PrettyLilPussy19]

08.19.25

Mixing Friends and Fuckery

How important are your friends' opinion in who you date(d), hook up with, etc? Have you ever asked your friends to get to know a potential partner a little better just to vet them for you? Have you ever been asked for your thoughts on one of your friend's partners?
Has a friends' disapproval of a partner ever gotten in the way of a relationship? Were they wrong to disapprove in the long run? Have you ever asked or been asked to help make peace or advocate for a friend during a hard time?
Do you like your friends and your partner, FWB, etc to mix? Or do you like to keep them separate? Do your answers change any when comparing Lit friends and in-person friends?

 

[hotwords229_A]

Mixing Friends and Fuckery

How important are your friends' opinion in who you date(d), hook up with, etc?

Somewhat, but not a deal breaker.

Have you ever asked your friends to get to know a potential partner a little better just to vet them for you?

Nope.

Have you ever been asked for your thoughts on one of your friend's partners?

I was asked by a friend to talk him out of proposing marriage. I did a pretty good job, they got married anyway and now seem pretty happy, so what do I know!

Has a friends' disapproval of a partner ever gotten in the way of a relationship? Were they wrong to disapprove in the long run?

No.

Have you ever asked or been asked to help make peace or advocate for a friend during a hard time?

I was asked once to make out with her to make her breakup boyfriend jealous. I declined and lost respect for her (I didn’t have much to begin with ).

Do you like your friends and your partner, FWB, etc to mix?

Sure!

Or do you like to keep them separate?

I don’t know why I would. Friends are friends.

Do your answers change any when comparing Lit friends and in-person friends?

No. I like who I like regardless of other’s opinions. I’ll take those opinions into consideration, but nothing is a deal breaker.

I would add that I think some of this is different for guys. We tend not to get involved in our friends sex lives or relationships, other than to say something like ‘dude, you know what you’re doing, right?’ Something like that. Generally, I think we let each other make whatever mistakes we make and keep our friendship with them compartmentalized from their relationships with women.

 

[UsuallyPresent]

08.19.25

Mixing Friends and Fuckery

How important are your friends' opinion in who you date(d), hook up with, etc?

I'd be (and have been) curious about friends' takes. If they'd all be against, I'd reevaluate the new relationship closely as I trust them.

Have you ever asked your friends to get to know a potential partner a little better just to vet them for you?

Nope!

Have you ever been asked for your thoughts on one of your friend's partners?

Yep. Honesty FTW, but don't be cruel or 'humorous' about it.

Has a friends' disapproval of a partner ever gotten in the way of a relationship?

Yes. She was born-again ('evangelical christian' might be more common outside the US) and her friends did NOT approve. She backed out of it, and the relationship died.

Interestingly, one of the 'church leaders' who told me of their position was later thrown out of the church for infidelity with another churchgoer. Almost made me laugh.

Were they wrong to disapprove in the long run?

From their perspectives, probably not. From mine, definitely not - it's important to know what's most important to your partner, IMO.

Have you ever asked or been asked to help make peace or advocate for a friend during a hard time?

Yep. Mixed record, some success, more failures.

Do you like your friends and your partner, FWB, etc to mix?

It'd be interesting to me if they chose not to - a potential warning sign, or perhaps just people being people.

Or do you like to keep them separate? Do your answers change any when comparing Lit friends and in-person friends?

I was assuming RL for the answers above. I've had lit friends but not lit-only relationship(s), and I tend to keep lit & IRL separate - I indulge different aspects of my personality on lit than IRL. The one RL relationship I introduced to lit was quite fun for a while, but her work moved her. We remain friends online, but she's no longer active on lit.

 

[Wand3rlust]

08.19.25

Mixing Friends and Fuckery

How important are your friends' opinion in who you date(d), hook up with, etc?

It depends - I’d like to think they’d look out for me if they thought I was making a huge mistake, but maybe not at the hook up/dating stage - if things were getting more serious. More likely, which is what I’d do for them, is I’d keep my opinions to myself, and just be there for them, if they needed me in any way….

Have you ever asked your friends to get to know a potential partner a little better just to vet them for you? Have you ever been asked for your thoughts on one of your friend's partners?

I have definitely asked their opinion. But no, I wouldn’t want or ask them to vet. And giving your thoughts on someone elses’ partners is a sure fire way to make a friendship very difficult.

Has a friends' disapproval of a partner ever gotten in the way of a relationship? Were they wrong to disapprove in the long run? Have you ever asked or been asked to help make peace or advocate for a friend during a hard time?

In my experience, people are more likely to jettison their friendships than relationships. And no. That hasn’t happened to me.

Do you like your friends and your partner, FWB, etc to mix? Or do you like to keep them separate? Do your answers change any when comparing Lit friends and in-person friends?

I’d like them all to get along. My friend likes to keep us separate. Suits me just fine,

I don’t think it changes for me on here.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

08.19.25

Mixing Friends and Fuckery

How important are your friends' opinion in who you date(d), hook up with, etc? Have you ever asked your friends to get to know a potential partner a little better just to vet them for you? Have you ever been asked for your thoughts on one of your friend's partners?

My good friends' opinions are hugely valuable to me. They can usually see me more clearly than I see myself. I respect and seek out their opinions on someone I might be thinking of getting more serious with. I dont include hook ups there though. Ive never gone the "vet them" route but I do like my person and my friends to get along so I do like to introduce people. I like that anyway. I have been asked and usually keep my opinions pretty vague unless I think there's a red flag or something that concerns me. Better safe than sorry.

Has a friends' disapproval of a partner ever gotten in the way of a relationship? Were they wrong to disapprove in the long run? Have you ever asked or been asked to help make peace or advocate for a friend during a hard time?

No, I don't usually pick people that are disapproved of - i have good taste and an excellent picker. I have listened to friends when they told me that I needed to stop barking up the wrong tree. "Don't dash yourself on the rocks" - a phrase that will always stick with me. And I have been asked to make peace once!! They ended up not getting divorced, are still together, and have three more kids. Pretty proud of myself on that one

Do you like your friends and your partner, FWB, etc to mix? Or do you like to keep them separate?

Yes. I like my person to have friends and intrigues beyond just me - though Id like to the most intriguing Having a mix of friends weaving in and out of your lives makes it fun. I always encourage my partners to make friends and open up. Men, especially, have a harder time here. I don't mind wingwomaning a friendship.

Do your answers change any when comparing Lit friends and in-person friends?

LOL drastically. Im settled in-person and we share friends. Here, interpersonal relationships are more important because thats largely what Lit is and we have to rely on that network of people in a different way.

 

[Neanderthal247]

08.19.25

Mixing Friends and Fuckery

How important are your friends' opinion in who you date(d), hook up with, etc?

Not important at all

Have you ever asked your friends to get to know a potential partner a little better just to vet them for you?

Nope, I am grown ass man and can make my own decisions

Have you ever been asked for your thoughts on one of your friend's partners?

Yes, I tell them what I think and leave it for them to decide.

Has a friends' disapproval of a partner ever gotten in the way of a relationship?

No, but I did look out for what they warned me about

Were they wrong to disapprove in the long run?

Sometimes yes and other times they were correct

Have you ever asked or been asked to help make peace or advocate for a friend during a hard time?

Not during a hard time

Do you like your friends and your partner, FWB, etc to mix? Or do you like to keep them separate?

A little bit, just know how to act around each other. I don't like to mix those parts of my life very often.

Do your answers change any when comparing Lit friends and in-person friends?

Lit Friends ???? No one on lit has my phone number.


In person friends, I'll hear their thoughts, but it doesn't influence my decisions.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

08.26.25

Settling

Can you recall a time in your life when you settled for less that what you wanted or thought you deserved - regarding work, family, a relationship, a friendship? Did you adjust your expectations down or did the situation you settled for ever get better? Did you ever tell someone you were settling for them/their behavior? Has anyone ever told you that? Has there been a time when you refused to settle? Is "settling" always a bad thing or does it have a bad rep?

Last regular question for a while. We're shaking things up in September!

 

[Wand3rlust]

08.26.25

Settling

Can you recall a time in your life when you settled for less that what you wanted or thought you deserved - regarding work, family, a relationship, a friendship? Did you adjust your expectations down or did the situation you settled for ever get better? Did you ever tell someone you were settling for them/their behavior? Has anyone ever told you that? Has there been a time when you refused to settle? Is "settling" always a bad thing or does it have a bad rep?

Last regular question for a while. We're shaking things up in September!

I think it’s all about perspective. One person’s settling is another person’s compromise. I put up with a lot from my ex husband cos I thought I was compromising, and being helpful to the relationship. But I wasn’t. I was settling for the easy option.
I haven’t settled with work. I have moved jobs, because I refused to settle for less than I was worth.

The situation with my ex husband got better (note the ‘ex’). It was hard, painful, but the right decision for both of us.

No. I wouldn’t tell anyone I was settling, as I wouldn’t do that any more. I think it may leave me being alone for longer. But better that than settling for what is emptiness. In my opinion. I could only pretend to be happy for so long.

Again, I think whether it’s a bad thing is up to the person doing it. If they are truly ok with it then who is anyone to tell them any different.

 

[UsuallyPresent]

08.26.25

Settling

Can you recall a time in your life when you settled for less that what you wanted or thought you deserved - regarding work, family, a relationship, a friendship?

Many times. Taking a job where I was over skilled, medical issues, etc etc etc. Often can’t get what you want.

Did you adjust your expectations down or did the situation you settled for ever get better?

Both, and neither, depending. Some things just suck (unpleasantly) and there’s nothing to do but get thru it, hoping tomorrow there’ll be a better option.

Did you ever tell someone you were settling for them/their behavior?

Like in a romantic relationship? Oh hell no! Business, yes I’ve called out idiocy for what it is, sometimes loudly, but a relationship? Nah. While nothing is perfect (except the perfect inability to find perfection), you work to make things better for everyone.

Has anyone ever told you that? Has there been a time when you refused to settle? Is "settling" always a bad thing or does it have a bad rep?

We all settle, every day. We are in a limited economy with limited resources, limited people, limited time. Gotta pick your battles or all you’ll have is endless lost battles.

Last regular question for a while. We're shaking things up in September!

I categorically refuse to answers posed solely thru interpretive dance.

 

[Biggalute]

08.26.25

Settling

Can you recall a time in your life when you settled for less that what you wanted or thought you deserved - regarding work, family, a relationship, a friendship? Did you adjust your expectations down or did the situation you settled for ever get better? Did you ever tell someone you were settling for them/their behavior? Has anyone ever told you that? Has there been a time when you refused to settle? Is "settling" always a bad thing or does it have a bad rep?

Last regular question for a while. We're shaking things up in September!

Good questions. In my relationships with friends and loved ones I think of it more in terms of accommodation and understanding. Not so much settling as giving it time and and seeing what happens. (Once I get over my initial argumentative bullheadedness )
In work, which is the other big part of my life, then yes I've settled and tried to get a balance.
Not particularly driven, happy to be good at my job and have a good work/life balance rather than pushing myself and going for promotions/other positions. Yes there'd be more money but there'd also be more bullshit and less personal time.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

08.26.25

Settling

Can you recall a time in your life when you settled for less that what you wanted or thought you deserved - regarding work, family, a relationship, a friendship?

Absolutely. And I agree with the answerers so far that sometimes settling is a part of life. Sometimes it's temporary and sometimes you adjust your expectations. But only sometimes.
Work? I settle for being treated like absolute rubbish often. I do it with the full understanding that I make good money and have a lot of freedom that balances that out for me.
Family? I think I gave up the idea that I could have a "normal" family when I was eleven years old. Is it settling to just accept that you have the family you have? I've certainly settled into my role there.
Friendships? Harder for me to accept settling but certainly possible for a period of time. I think good friendships are a balances give and take and sometimes life happens and you have to give a lot more than you give. That's what friends do. But there are times when you realize you're being taken advantage or taken for granted and you have to decide how little you're willing to receive from someone and still call them a friend.
Relationships? Never. I'd be perfectly happy alone rather than settle for someone who didn't respect, inspire, and match me. Life friendship, I think it's natural to carry your person when times are hard and allow them to carry you when you're struggle but if you're always carrying or being carried? That would be settling for less from them or from myself.

Did you adjust your expectations down or did the situation you settled for ever get better?

Nope. I think consciously settling is giving up hope in a way.

Did you ever tell someone you were settling for them/their behavior?

No but I've been tempted.

Has anyone ever told you that?

Oh man... boys are mean.

Has there been a time when you refused to settle?

Hmm... yes. Quietly.

Is "settling" always a bad thing or does it have a bad rep?

I don't think it's always a bad thing. I think @Wand3rlust is absolutely spot on about compromise. Sometimes my expectations are completely dreamed up and unreasonable but I'm perfectly happy to reframe those when I am met with what someone else has the capability or the capacity to offer. There are times when someone else's expectations make me rise to their occasion too. I never want someone else to feel like they settled either.

It's an interesting give and take.

Last regular question for a while. We're shaking things up in September!

 

[Paul_Chance]

This pretty much sums it up for me. I often claim Warren Zevon wrote the soundtrack of my life:

I worked hard, but not for the money
I did my best to please
I used to think it was funny
'Til I realized it was all a tease
Don Quixote had his windmills
Ponce de Leon took his cruise
Took Sinbad seven voyages
To see that it was all a ruse

That's why I'm looking for the next best thing
Looking for the next best thing
I appreciate the best but I'm settling for less
So I'm looking for the next best thing
Looking for the next best thing

All alone on the road to perfection
At the inspection booth, they tried to discourage me
You can believe what you want, that'll never change it
You'll have to come around eventually
You'll be looking for the next best thing
Looking for the next best thing

I appreciate the best, I'm settling for less
I'm looking for the next best thing
Well, I'm looking for the next best thing….

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Warren Zevon / Leroy P. Marinell / Kenneth Michael Edwards
Looking for the Next Best Thing lyrics © Zevon Music, Tiny Tunes, Songs Of Universal Inc.

 

[UsuallyPresent]

This pretty much sums it up for me. I often claim Warren Zevon wrote the soundtrack of my life:

-snip-
Looking for the Next Best Thing lyrics © Zevon Music, Tiny Tunes, Songs Of Universal Inc.

Oh, good call!