Ownership

[LightningSeed]

I know the LW crowd will mostly just spew venom for the female in my new story, so I thought I’d see if anyone else had anything constructive - positive or negative - to say.

This is completely finished but I’m sending it out in four parts. I’ll submit the story on each successive Friday but obviously don’t know exactly when it will go live.

Ownership

Thanks in advance for taking the time and if you do share any thoughts I promise I’ll respond.

 

[Gamblnluck]

Personally, I think you wasted a lot of time on a story that will be ill-received. The first chapter is 18K words and you have three more? You might have done better posting it in novels. The basic premise is not even logical from any standpoint. Fucking a man, basically becoming his sex toy in order to get a home loan.
Not only is the premise ludicrous as to who sell themselves like that (a few whores might but they'd probably have the money), but nobody would stay in business if they even proposed the idea once word got out. but it is your time...

 

[LightningSeed]

Personally, I think you wasted a lot of time on a story that will be ill-received. The first chapter is 18K words and you have three more? You might have done better posting it in novels. The basic premise is not even logical from any standpoint. Fucking a man, basically becoming his sex toy in order to get a home loan.
Not only is the premise ludicrous as to who sell themselves like that (a few whores might but they'd probably have the money), but nobody would stay in business if they even proposed the idea once word got out. but it is your time...

I appreciate your feedback. I did consider posting in Novels, but sometimes I feel like on this site stringing it out by chapter tends to get more sampling.
You are right that the choices all three major characters make are not the traditional choices. Of course, if they made the choices society approves of, there wouldn’t be a story at all - this one or thousands of others either on this site.

 

[Gamblnluck]

I appreciate your feedback. I did consider posting in Novels, but sometimes I feel like on this site stringing it out by chapter tends to get more sampling.
You are right that the choices all three major characters make are not the traditional choices. Of course, if they made the choices society approves of, there wouldn’t be a story at all - this one or thousands of others either on this site.

Posting on novels can be and often is done in chapters. I didn't address the waiting a week between chapters. That is a separate issue. Once the story is complete, get it out there. Two or three days between those large chapters. Why? People forget where the story ended after a time. They have to go back and reread to catch back up or at least skim over it. In many cases, unless they are already involved in the plot and characters, they won't do it.

Your readership will decline, which brings me back to my original statement. You wasted a lot of time on a big story that is not going to be appreciated. (I use 'appreciated' as catchall.

 

[LightningSeed]

Posting on novels can be and often is done in chapters. I didn't address the waiting a week between chapters. That is a separate issue. Once the story is complete, get it out there. Two or three days between those large chapters. Why? People forget where the story ended after a time. They have to go back and reread to catch back up or at least skim over it. In many cases, unless they are already involved in the plot and characters, they won't do it.

Your readership will decline, which brings me back to my original statement. You wasted a lot of time on a big story that is not going to be appreciated. (I use 'appreciated' as catchall.

Thanks again for the feedback. Even if it is ill-received, I’ll always be glad I wrote simply because I enjoy it.

 

[Gamblnluck]

Thanks again for the feedback. Even if it is ill-received, I’ll always be glad I wrote simply because I enjoy it.

Do what you want. I was just trying to show you 2 ways to get a better reception for your efforts. Novels and faster submission of followup chapters.

 

[darwin1859]

I have feedback in the form of a question: Why did you choose alternating first-person POV? I find it harder to read. I'm intrigued and would like to read part 1, but I'm put off by this choice.

And part of the reason I ask is that I have started a lot of stories and I find first person a very natural POV, but then it becomes limiting. I think that's what drives the alternating first-person POV. You get to write the whole story in first person without limiting the narrative to one character. But I like the results better for my writing when I use third person. I suspect that would hold true for your story also.

(BTW, if you were inclined to change existing writing, LE is all about "Fuuuuck AI!!," but SOTA AI models can reduce the effort required to revise this aspect of a story (which is really tedious to do manually). I don't know what Laurel would say about that, but the machine learning involved in changing POV is essentially the same as a grammar checker. I wouldn't see that as an "AI story." But I'm sure I'll get a lot of hate from the AI-ATE-MY-DOG!!!! crowd for even suggesting it.)

 

[LightningSeed]

Darwin, thanks for taking out the time. I’ll admit that in fiction I am generally biased towards first person story telling; I think you get a better sense of self, as well as a better look at what character flaws exist.

That said, this particular story seems - to me - to almost demand competing narratives.

I may try a third-person story soon. It would good for me. It would be good to see what’s possible from that view of the story.

Who knows after that? Maybe I can get all Jay McInerney and do second-person

 

[ElectricBlue]

(BTW, if you were inclined to change existing writing, LE is all about "Fuuuuck AI!!," but SOTA AI models can reduce the effort required to revise this aspect of a story (which is really tedious to do manually). I don't know what Laurel would say about that, but the machine learning involved in changing POV is essentially the same as a grammar checker. I wouldn't see that as an "AI story." But I'm sure I'll get a lot of hate from the AI-ATE-MY-DOG!!!! crowd for even suggesting it.)

It probably wouldn't go down well, if the conversion left AI artefacts or tell-tales in the text.

 

[Sammael Bard]

Personally, I think you wasted a lot of time on a story that will be ill-received. The first chapter is 18K words and you have three more? You might have done better posting it in novels.

IMO, if you're serious about writing fiction, your primary goal should be to get as many eyeballs (and consequent followership) on your story as possible. When you post chapters, or even different stories, you need people who actually read the previous chapter, liked it and are following you for more. If you decide to go pro - these people could be your first buyers. If you're posting in a small category with less viewership, that number will go down a lot.

Feedback from your editor and beta-reader which will help you improve matters more than snark and 1-bombs from anonymous randos.

Avoiding a popular category for the fear of receiving hate is the most spineless, lily-livered advice you can give to a fellow author. That's just a slow spiral to irrelevance and, possibly, depression.

Any author/artist/creator who shies away from viewership is simply not utilising their full potential.

 

[AlinaX]

It's worth putting your headings in bold so it's more obvious they are actually headings.

 

[LightningSeed]

It's worth putting your headings in bold so it's more obvious they are actually headings.

I 100% agree and thought I submitted it that way. Clearly I did it wrong. I want to fix it in an edit but have to figure out what I don’t do.

 

[AlinaX]

I 100% agree and thought I submitted it that way. Clearly I did it wrong. I want to fix it in an edit but have to figure out what I don’t do.

I submit through the text box and use HTML tags for formatting.

 

[LightningSeed]

Hmmm. I’m green as can be on that. Generally submit as a file.

 

[alohadave]

Avoiding a popular category for the fear of receiving hate is the most spineless, lily-livered advice you can give to a fellow author. That's just a slow spiral to irrelevance and, possibly, depression.

You do you. Not everyone wants to deal with LW, and they should not be demeaned for that choice.

 

[darwin1859]

Hmmm. I’m green as can be on that. Generally submit as a file.

As a text file? Just add tags, like:

<b>Aaron</b>

You have <i>italics</i> for thoughts. How did you add that formatting?

 

[Gamblnluck]

Feedback from your editor and beta-reader which will help you improve matters more than snark and 1-bombs from anonymous randos.

Avoiding a popular category for the fear of receiving hate is the most spineless, lily-livered advice you can give to a fellow author. That's just a slow spiral to irrelevance and, possibly, depression.

Any author/artist/creator who shies away from viewership is simply not utilising their full potential.

Writing a story that garners a 2.85 score with less than 5k reads in a category like LW is NOT going to gather much of a following. Posting long chapters a week apart where the reader has to go back and review is not going to help that either.

I suppose you'd rather get trashed as long as a few more people read your story, than post it where it might get appreciated. And in a manner that helps, rather than offsets that following you desire.

The key to successful story is resonate with the reader. Pull them in and get them hooked on your characters. Then feed them a bit to keep that interest. That does not mean steamy sex scenes but interesting characters they can identify with.
The author will get a much better reception if he posts the chapters he has already written a few days apart, not a week.

 

[Gamblnluck]

I’ll admit that in fiction I am generally biased towards first person story telling; I think you get a better sense of self, as well as a better look at what character flaws exist.

First person is the best to get emotional aspects across. This is especially true in LW where the best received stories are ones where the reader FEELS the MC's angst.

 

[Gamblnluck]

Any author/artist/creator who shies away from viewership is simply not utilising their full potential.

Viewership is is not the end all of writing a story. The author knew he was wading into a deep water. He doesn't need to put rocks in his pockets.

I read your essays on LW written some 10 years ago. The numbers have changed. Look at the stories that get the best ratings and understand why. Most of the reasons are things you mentioned in those essays. Getting and keeping a readers interest.
If you want to a fair following you need to get more than views. You need to have your body of work CONTINUE to be read. You get that with a decent rating. Same story, better results. The real nit-pick that I have with the story is the idea the husband seems resigned to let his wife whore herself.
Viewership is is not the end all of writing a story. The author knew he was wading into deep water. He doesn't need to put rocks in his pockets.

Now I will read the following chapter or two to see where the author takes it. But if he wrote three long repetitive chapters of each sexual encounter, his rating will not improve. Even the jerk off readers get tired of 'wash, rinse, and repeat'. I hope the author can pull it out.

But for your earlier comment about views, (and what you said in your essays) the comments for Ownership were lacking. A dozen right now with 3 from the author himself. Perhaps because size of this chapter or the author admitted to three more spaced a week apart. A month is a long time to wait to get to the end of a story.
That does not garner interest. Many wait until the end of a story to seriously comment.
He should have posted this one with a clear notice that part two will follow.

 

[LightningSeed]

As a text file? Just add tags, like:

<b>Aaron</b>

You have <i>italics</i> for thoughts. How did you add that formatting?

I write in Ulysses. For whatever reason the italics carried over, but the bold did not. I will go through and fix it.

 

[LightningSeed]

Part Two has now gone live!

Ownership, Part Two

 

[Andreas_Kreuz]

I don't care what the masturbating masses of readers are after.

It makes many readers cringe because they realize they are all Kevins (money for sex)

This story is very well written. It has conflict, it has high stakes, it has characters with depth, prose is strong, and dialogues are good....
In LW low rating is a badge of honour.

 

[Gamblnluck]

In LW low rating is a badge of honour.

Said by somebody who has never posted a story there. How is it an honor to have your story trashed? Now Ownership has a premise that people hate.
Ask yourself what would be YOUR gut impression if your wife wanted to do the same? Would you meekly say, 'Okay dear, we need you to whore yourself for our dream home..." Well not many men would.
Drawing the story out is not in the author's best interest if he wants a good reception for his story. (I've said that before.) And THAT is dependent on how he finishes the story. It's gonna be hard to come back from where he is, but possible.
And don't tell me a well written story is enough and should be appreciated. A good story draws the reader in. It makes him feel. It depends on where you go after that makes or breaks the story.

 

[LightningSeed]

Part 3 will be published Friday!

 

[LightningSeed]

It makes many readers cringe because they realize they are all Kevins (money for sex)

Thanks for your continued support and positive comments on the story, AK!