Women after menopause

[flameinsidesoul]

Any post-menopausal women care to share how it has impacted their sex drive? My wife has lost nearly all her sex drive.

The post-menopausal body isn’t broken...it’s rewired. Most men make the mistake of treating their wife’s body like it’s malfunctioning… instead of realizing it’s evolving.

Sex after menopause can be deep, slow, intensely emotional or raw and primal. But it won’t respond to pressure. It responds to presence. If her drive has changed, maybe the question isn’t “how do I get her to want sex again?” Maybe it’s “How do I create the kind of emotional safety and slow seduction that her body now craves?”

Touch her like she’s still becoming. Listen like she’s saying something new because if she feels seen again…

she might start wanting to be touched again.

 

[JessiQueVix]

i believe it does vary person to person. For me, I am nearing my age to menopause but after 35 i believe my drive increased and i thought its just a temporary shift but it increased with time and feel like i am at my peak now.

 

[Strixaluco]

I'm just perimenopausal at this point, and what it has done is to make my desire fluctuate more than before, depending on my hormone levels in each cycle.

But thinking forward my libido isn't exactly small, and I wish to keep it. So, when a friend recently told me that these days they even do testosterone replacement therapy, in addition the better known hrt for menopause, I was rather relieved, and will consider it in the future, because sex is quite essential for my mental health even (best way to actually reboot and calm my nervous system). Adding testosterone won't give a big libido for a woman who never wanted much sex to begin with, but it may restore It to those who have lost it due to menopause.

I don't know if all doctors know this yet, however. They haven't all even learned yet that the estrogen dose to keep hit flashes away is not yet sufficient dose to keep mental health and sleeping in check, or that some women may need much bigger doses than others. I expect to have to go to private sector specialist, though public is the norm here.

 

[LeeKee]

My wife's theory: "I'm just not in the mood for it any longer so you should just accept it."

Think we are there now. Such bullshit.

 

[Dw_069]

My wife is 54. She has no interest in sex. None. She informed me sex was over as she did not want it anymore.

After two years of this, I told her if and when someone miraculously wants to fuck me, do not be surprised if I do it. She made a choice without thinking of me. Cared not even a bit for my wants/needs. So if it happens, it is on her head.

What did you wife say to this?

 

[30bandits]

when the fuck does it end ????

 

[RedDevilCock]

For the females that are still active and wanting it that's lovely.

For the Males who have been shutdown by it! I'm with you, I've tired talking, discussing and begging to see doctors about it.

It's been within the last year that everything has completely shut down! I still want and crave her and it's like a switch that was turned off and broken.

 

[LMWM321]

So, when a friend recently told me that these days they even do testosterone replacement therapy, in addition the better known hrt for menopause, I was rather relieved, and will consider it in the future, because sex is quite essential for my mental health even (best way to actually reboot and calm my nervous system). Adding testosterone won't give a big libido for a woman who never wanted much sex to begin with, but it may restore It to those who have lost it due to menopause.

What's quite surprising is that in Australia restoring a woman's testosterone to pre-menopausal levels is considered normal standard of care and is endorsed by their version of the FDA. And it's done because the evidence is clear that it helps menopausal women maintain their pre-menopausal interest in sex and sexual function (ie., ability to orgasm and lubricate). AND there is a strong suspicion that it helps menopausal women maintain healthy bone density and cognitive functioning. Remember, testosterone is not merely a sex hormone - it's hormone with other functions as well. But in the states, TRT for women is not endorsed by the FDA.

I find it curious that in the United States when a mans T falls below normal levels, every Urologist, Endocrinologist, and Primary Care physician is quite prepared to prescribe TRT. ..It's seen as a problem that needs to be fixed. But when a woman's T falls below normal levels (considered to be around 1/10th of a mans), the approach is, "Well, declining testosterone is normal for an aging woman, you'll just have to get used to what comes with it including wanting less sex and enjoying it less.."

I will say that knowing what a woman's pre-menopausal level is impossible unless it's been measured throughout her adult life. ..And even if it was measured, it fluctuates (more than men's) because of menstruation. Still, a menopausal woman's level can be tested and if it's vanishingly low, it can be concluded it's NOT what it was before menopause. and TRT could be commenced with titration up to the point that unpleasant side effects appear - ie., deepening voice, enlarged clitoris, etc.. The good news for woman is that because they don't have a prostrate, they don't have the risks that men have with respect to accelerating a nascent prostate cancer.

 

[BDA73]

On the rare occasion that my wife allows me to go down on her or play with toys, she has a difficult time reaching orgasm. And she doesn't get nearly as wet as she did before menopause.
I understand the body changes. I'm just saddened that she seemingly has zero interest in trying to change it. I don't fool myself by thinking I'm god's gift to women but I do feel like my wife has just given up on our sex life. Does that make me a selfish man? I don't know!?!?

I had to do a double take to see if this was something I posted as its very similar

 

[MaturemanAJ]

We have had many conversations about the interest. She has been seeing a counselor for years, sees a psychiatrist and has talked to her GP about it. The GP has done the standard blood tests and claims there are no tests for sex-related hormones. I call bullshit on that one. A google search I did found several suggested tests. I gave my wife the list but she has not yet asked her go about them.
Honestly, she seems perfectly content with how things are. Unless I practically beg, nothing happens. She has not initiated anything in years. My "hints" go nowhere. If I'm lucky I might get a hand job every few months. Maybe a blowjob if I ask. She used to live it when I went down on her, would even ask me to some times. Most of the time she doesn't even react when I touch her down below, doesn't open her thighs to "invite " me in.
I haven't been inside her in years.

Obviously everyone is different how things effect their bodies and minds and I can only post my experience in my marriage.
Menopause hit my wife like many with hot flashes, weight gain, vaginal dryness and hormone changes that appeared to cause mood swings.

She went to her GP and he gave her a cream prescription and after reading the side effects she said that she wasn't going to use it.
I totally get it so we decided daily walks to try and help with the weight gain might change her moods a bit and we also during those walks discussed our almost nonexistent sexlife.
Well let's say this I talked and talked and talked and it went in one ear and out the other like water through a garden hose no thought process at all.
I started to do things by myself and meet new people. Really long story short once she realized I was not going to just sit around and have no sexlife at home low and behold things started to change. The sexlife came back, no complaints of vaginal dryness and her attention to me improved dramatically.
Either her body worked through it or it was an attitude change.
Don't whine about the lack of sexlife only to her talk about it and your relationship. Tell her how it is effecting that and see what changes.

 

[Strixaluco]

What's quite surprising is that in Australia restoring a woman's testosterone to pre-menopausal levels is considered normal standard of care and is endorsed by their version of the FDA. And it's done because the evidence is clear that it helps menopausal women maintain their pre-menopausal interest in sex and sexual function (ie., ability to orgasm and lubricate). AND there is a strong suspicion that it helps menopausal women maintain healthy bone density, and perhaps helps with cognitive functioning. Bear in mind that testosterone is a hormone that is responsible for more than just sex drive. But in the states, TRT for women is not endorsed by the FDA.

I find it curious that in the United States when a mans T falls below normal levels, every Urologist, Endocrinologist, and Primary Care physician is quite prepared to prescribe TRT. ..It's seen as a problem that needs to be fixed. But when a woman's T falls below normal levels (considered to be around 1/10th of a mans), the approach is, "Well, declining testosterone is normal for an aging woman, you'll just have to get used to what comes with it including wanting less sex and enjoying it less.."

I will say that knowing what a woman's pre-menopausal level is impossible unless it's been measured throughout her adult life. ..And even if it was measured, it fluctuates (more than men's) because of menstruation. Still, a menopausal woman's level can be tested and if it's vanishingly low, it can be concluded it's NOT what it was before menopause. and TRT could be commenced with titration up to the point that unpleasant side effects appear - ie., deepening voice, enlarged clitoris, etc.. The good news for woman is that because they don't have a prostrate, they don't have the risks that men have with respect to accelerating a nascent prostate cancer.

We don't have any recommendations or normality practise about testosterone replacement for women here in Finland either. It's in early phases still, and likely mostly in private sector (most people here go to public sector.)

Frankly, women's sexuality, especially that of older women, is still looked down upon in many countries. They don't necessarily treat even other things like sleeping issues by tackling the root cause (hormone levels) but rather give sleeping pills, if any. Hot flashes are the easiest symptom to endure and to treat, and some doctors still only treat those, not giving doses big enough to treat mental health, sleep, even work ability . So I guess it's not a surprise they don't treat the lack of libido either.

And this of course starts at the research level. So many women's issues are underresearched. Even worse when it means they should actually do a long follow-up to take into account varying hormonal levels... That's exactly what medicine hasn't ever wanted to do!

 

[LMWM321]

We don't have any recommendations or normality practise about testosterone replacement for women here in Finland either. It's in early phases still, and likely mostly in private sector (most people here go to public sector.)

The concern that is often expressed is related to it's safety - ie., will taking testosterone raise a woman's risk of cancer, cardiac events, etc.. ..My understanding is that there is no known association, but here in the States the claim is "it needs to be studied.."

What may help is the growing number of cis-females who transition to men and take high levels of testosterone for years, maybe even the remainder of their lives. That can help with assessing safety, especially considering they take amounts that far exceed what would be needed for a 60 year old woman who just wants to raise her level back to 30-70 ng/dl (or whatever it is)

 

[Uncut1969]

My wife's theory: "I'm just not in the mood for it any longer so you should just accept it."

Mine also very frustrating

 

[Strixaluco]

The concern that is often expressed is related to it's safety - ie., will taking testosterone raise a woman's risk of cancer, cardiac events, etc.. ..My understanding is that there is no known association, but here in the States the claim is "it needs to be studied.."

What may help is the growing number of cis-females who transition to men and take high levels of testosterone for years, maybe even the remainder of their lives. That can help with assessing safety, especially considering they take amounts that far exceed what would be needed for a 60 year old woman who just wants to raise her level back to 30-70 ng/dl (or whatever it is)

At least estrogen replacement therapy also decreases many risks significantly.

And while it's percentually perhaps smaller improvement than those which grow, that is not the case in absolute numbers.

 

[MaturemanAJ]

The concern that is often expressed is related to it's safety - ie., will taking testosterone raise a woman's risk of cancer, cardiac events, etc.. ..My understanding is that there is no known association, but here in the States the claim is "it needs to be studied.."

What may help is the growing number of cis-females who transition to men and take high levels of testosterone for years, maybe even the remainder of their lives. That can help with assessing safety, especially considering they take amounts that far exceed what would be needed for a 60 year old woman who just wants to raise her level back to 30-70 ng/dl (or whatever it is)

Funny though they will prescribe a weight loss drug that you have to take the rest of your life for $500 a month without a second consideration

 

[LMTPA]

My wife was always nervous about having sex with the kids in the house, even a floor away and behind a locked door. Couldn't get into it while they were at school because of too much light. Not into it when we got away for an evening to a strange hotel where the mattress was too firm or not firm enough. Now the kids are basically gone, and biology is apparently putting an end to things.

I can get myself really depressed if I start thinking about it too hard. I have definitely blamed myself for physical failings or failings of ability, but who knows. Sigh. What a life.

 

[MaturemanAJ]

My wife was always nervous about having sex with the kids in the house, even a floor away and behind a locked door. Couldn't get into it while they were at school because of too much light. Not into it when we got away for an evening to a strange hotel where the mattress was too firm or not firm enough. Now the kids are basically gone, and biology is apparently putting an end to things.

I can get myself really depressed if I start thinking about it too hard. I have definitely blamed myself for physical failings or failings of ability, but who knows. Sigh. What a life.

I have heard the same lines but once I said it's no problem if you are no longer interested in sex just give me the green light to go elsewhere her attention span changed.
Guys you need to quit being afraid of your own shadow and stand up for yourselves.

 

[LMTPA]

I have heard the same lines but once I said it's no problem if you are no longer interested in sex just give me the green light to go elsewhere her attention span changed.
Guys you need to quit being afraid of your own shadow and stand up for yourselves.

Fuck off. I'm not afraid of my own shadow. Jesus this alpha male toxic masculinity shit is getting out of hand.

 

[Strixaluco]

Funny though they will prescribe a weight loss drug that you have to take the rest of your life for $500 a month without a second consideration

And antidepressant and sleeping pills and whatnot.

 

[MaturemanAJ]

Fuck off. I'm not afraid of my own shadow. Jesus this alpha male toxic masculinity shit is getting out of hand.

Yup, just let her just keep dictating your life and be a good boy.

 

[Strixaluco]

.

Yup, just let her just keep dictating your life and be a good boy.

That you're OK with having another relationship beside your marriage, doesn't mean that everybody finds it an option in any situation. Some are actually monogamous, naturally.

And I say this as someone who has been looking into a future that could have been 20 years without sex. Also was once offered free pass to take a lover, but couldn't even think about it.

 

[MaturemanAJ]

.

That you're OK with having another relationship beside your marriage, doesn't mean that everybody finds it an option in any situation. Some are actually monogamous, naturally.

And I say this as someone who has been looking into a future that could have been 20 years without sex. Also was once offered free pass to take a lover, but couldn't even think about it.

Ok, you made the decision to not go elsewhere even when she said it was ok.
That's great you are 100% monogamous
" Taking a lover" It sounds like you two do love each other is that correct?

 

[Strixaluco]

Ok, you made the decision to not go elsewhere even when she said it was ok.
That's great you are 100% monogamous
" Taking a lover" It sounds like you two do love each other is that correct?

Why on earth would have I stayed if I didn't love him? (Or them, it was 2 separate cases.)

In one case we ended up splitting for other reasons (I was 25) and in one case I became a young widow way before the 20 years passed.

It's OK to be consensually polyamoric, but you saying LMTPA is afraid of his own shadow and belittling him just because he doesn't want to do like you do is a screwed way of thinking. Toxic indeed.

 

[MaturemanAJ]

Ok, you made the decision to not go elsewhere even when she said it was ok.
That's great you are 100% monogamous
" Taking a lover" It sounds like you two do love each other is that correct?

Did you ever consider she told you that because either she does love you emotionally but can't physically?
Or

Why on earth would have I stayed if I didn't love him? (Or them, it was 2 separate cases.)

In one case we ended up splitting for other reasons (I was 25) and in one case I became a young widow way before the 20 years passed.

It's OK to be consensually polyamoric, but you saying LMTPA is afraid of his own shadow and belittling him just because he doesn't want to do like you do is a screwed way of thinking. Toxic indeed.

Read all these comments about people with no sex life because someone else has forced that upon them.
Male or Female the toxicity comes from the dictator in their relationship making that decision without consideration for their partner and many times it seems even without consulting their partner.

 

[Strixaluco]

Did you ever consider she told you that because either she does love you emotionally but can't physically?
Or

You don't even read properly. They are not a she, I'm not a lesbian.

I don't need to wonder why he told me I could have a lover, because it was actually discussed. Doesn't change it one bit - it's not an option for me, period. Not even if my partner really loved me to have someone else. If

Read all these comments about people with no sex life because someone else has forced that upon them.
Male or Female the toxicity comes from the dictator in their relationship making that decision without consideration for their partner and many times it seems even without consulting their partner.

I've read plenty of them, on this and other threads. Some of them are such that I wonder why they even stay together.

But it still doesn't mean that refusing the option of another relationship is a single bit about fear. For some it's about moral, for some it's that they don't want anyone else. That's what you seem to be missing.