Women after menopause

Hi!
For me, I think it’s in overdrive…I seem to want it all the time!
What is she doing to improve things? What are you doing? I know hormonal imbalances can cause chaos with her moods, anxiety, disrupt sleep patterns etc just generally fuck us up!
I’m on a couple of meds to counteract those symptoms & they really help!
My husband has a lower drive than me & he’s gone for work for 4 months at a time so I have a lot of pent up energy…we are working on changing that!
She definitely needs to talk to her doc about it & patience from you. But so many marriages suffer doing this time & for me I was determined not to let it come between us so I researched, talked to my doc etc.
I wish you guys all the best!
 
My wife's comment: I think my sex drive started decreasing in my 40's, but it didn't go down much with menopause. I still enjoy sex. I think my problem now is understanding why my husband still finds me so desirable and sexy. We reduced the frequency to about twice a month to keep it from getting "old."
 
Hi!
For me, I think it’s in overdrive…I seem to want it all the time!
What is she doing to improve things? What are you doing? I know hormonal imbalances can cause chaos with her moods, anxiety, disrupt sleep patterns etc just generally fuck us up!
I’m on a couple of meds to counteract those symptoms & they really help!
My husband has a lower drive than me & he’s gone for work for 4 months at a time so I have a lot of pent up energy…we are working on changing that!
She definitely needs to talk to her doc about it & patience from you. But so many marriages suffer doing this time & for me I was determined not to let it come between us so I researched, talked to my doc etc.
I wish you guys all the best!
We have had many conversations about the interest. She has been seeing a counselor for years, sees a psychiatrist and has talked to her GP about it. The GP has done the standard blood tests and claims there are no tests for sex-related hormones. I call bullshit on that one. A google search I did found several suggested tests. I gave my wife the list but she has not yet asked her go about them.
Honestly, she seems perfectly content with how things are. Unless I practically beg, nothing happens. She has not initiated anything in years. My "hints" go nowhere. If I'm lucky I might get a hand job every few months. Maybe a blowjob if I ask. She used to live it when I went down on her, would even ask me to some times. Most of the time she doesn't even react when I touch her down below, doesn't open her thighs to "invite " me in.
I haven't been inside her in years.
 
I'm 51, and past premenopause, probably full menopause now...

My sex drive isn't what it was in my 30s, that's for sure.. I still am wet when he excites me, and I still have great orgasms ...
But, I am not in the mood to masturbate daily any more.. Maybe twice a week.
 
I'm 51, and past premenopause, probably full menopause now...

My sex drive isn't what it was in my 30s, that's for sure.. I still am wet when he excites me, and I still have great orgasms ...
But, I am not in the mood to masturbate daily any more.. Maybe twice a week.
On the rare occasion that my wife allows me to go down on her or play with toys, she has a difficult time reaching orgasm. And she doesn't get nearly as wet as she did before menopause.
I understand the body changes. I'm just saddened that she seemingly has zero interest in trying to change it. I don't fool myself by thinking I'm god's gift to women but I do feel like my wife has just given up on our sex life. Does that make me a selfish man? I don't know!?!?
 
On the rare occasion that my wife allows me to go down on her or play with toys, she has a difficult time reaching orgasm. And she doesn't get nearly as wet as she did before menopause.
I understand the body changes. I'm just saddened that she seemingly has zero interest in trying to change it. I don't fool myself by thinking I'm god's gift to women but I do feel like my wife has just given up on our sex life.
Does that make me a selfish man? I don't know!?!?


**Not at all...
 
On the rare occasion that my wife allows me to go down on her or play with toys, she has a difficult time reaching orgasm. And she doesn't get nearly as wet as she did before menopause.
I understand the body changes. I'm just saddened that she seemingly has zero interest in trying to change it. I don't fool myself by thinking I'm god's gift to women but I do feel like my wife has just given up on our sex life. Does that make me a selfish man? I don't know!?!?
It doesn’t make you selfish at all! It makes you human with wants & needs…everyone wants to feel loved, wanted, desired by their partner. I’m sorry that you’ve going thru this for a while. I’m not sure what you can do. Especially if there’s no other avenue she’s interested in. Is opening up your marriage a possibility?
 
Sadly, I think this is probably more common than we think. I am also in a very similar situation to Playblues and share the same sentiments.
Even with the communication, any initiation toward sex is shut down so after a period of time, self-doubt sets in. I have never thought it was selfish to want to enjoy each other and up until about 5 years ago, we did.
It has been a gradual decline. I mean after nearly 30 years of marriage, I would not be expecting daily fireworks. However, along with the decline in sex, the decline in attention and affection has also happened. So much that we now at the point of this aspect of a relationship being nonexistent.
Could this be solely a menopausal effect..? Possibly. But I also think that for many couples, life just gets in the way of their relationship and it can just be easier not to find the energy and the time required to make the effort.
 
My wife is 54. She has no interest in sex. None. She informed me sex was over as she did not want it anymore.

After two years of this, I told her if and when someone miraculously wants to fuck me, do not be surprised if I do it. She made a choice without thinking of me. Cared not even a bit for my wants/needs. So if it happens, it is on her head.
 
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I've posted countless times about this subject. Do a search using "menopause" as a keyword and my name 'LMWM321' and you'll see dozens. Below is copy/paste of one such post.

.........

My wife's menopause came at a relatively young age and with a vengence. Along with its other not-so-fun symptoms, it left my wife struggling to have an orgasm. Sadly, she felt so much implied pressure from me to climax that she ended up preferring NOT having sex to doing it but failing to reach the Big "O". She didn't talk about it and I, being the oft-insensitive clod I am, didn't really pick up on it. After much frustration and heartache spanning several years, we agreed to see a sex-therapist. On her recommendation, we both read Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex. I must admit that I fucking HATE self help books and regard them with considerable skepticism.

Well, skepticism aside, the book and the therapy were awesome as they prompted lots of honest and uncomfortable conversation about our own needs and wants. But most importantly, it helped us realize that the goal of sex is NOT necessarily having an orgasm but rather to simply enjoy being intimate with each other. ..Amazingly, once we stopped making orgasm the goal, my wife started having them again - only occasionally and much smaller than before, but that didn't matter. What mattered, is we were enjoying sex again, with all of the credit going to better communication, more liberal use of toys, and a crap-ton of high-quality lube.

As for the pain my wife was starting to experience w/ PIV sex, her Primary Care Physician prescribed Estradiol (estrogen) cream. ..It took many weeks to start working but once it did it greatly reduced discomfort which also helped to restore her desire. Next, we bought a dildo which is MUCH thinner than my extremely girthy dick (6 1/4" around).
When prompted, I LOVE my new role of inserting it, with lots of lube, and slowly and rhythmically pushing it in and out with strokes of just 1 or 2" long as she uses a suction toy on her clitoris. ..Nowadays, her best orgasms come from this. ..After she's done w/ the dildo and suction toy she either invites me to go in (add more lube!) or maybe titty-fuck her if she's a bit sore already. And if I am invited in, I stop the moment I sense any discomfort on her part.. ..I'd much rather not cum in her than let the sex become uncomfortable for her. Sometimes I'll finish on her breasts, her very pretty feet, or lay on my back and finish on myself as she watches and caresses (kinky and fun), or if I'm tired I'll do it in the shower the next morning - usually to mental images from the night before.

Sex for us these days is different but awesome - for me, I can honestly say it's better than ever. We're doing things we didn't do before therapy like using butt-plugs, her pegging me with her dildo (f'ing awesome!), lots of eating her ass and lots foot stuff (I'm absolutely nuts for my wife's feet). ..All of these things were in the back of mind for years, but therapy and the book helped me be honest about wanting them, and helped my wife understand I'm not a weirdo for wanting them - just a guy with a high sex drive who adore's his wife. Our "orgasm" success rate is about 20%, but our "enjoyed we had sex" success rate is 100%

So don't give up, people. ..Just make sure you don't put "O" pressure on your partner - it's totally counterproductive. And make sure your partner knows she's beautiful, sexy and appreciated. Say it, and fucking mean it!!!! Don't say it just b/c you expect sex in return, do it to brighten her day and because you love her.
 
I did not see any significant change to my sex drive. I have always liked sex and liked to have orgasms and still do. I do find that I have more intense orgasms if I have at least a day of rest between them. Age does require some adjustments like making sure I am in a comfortable position and making sure I am ready to be penetrated. Make sure you have some lube around in case it is needed. I suspect one of the things that has helped me is that we got into swinging after we retired. The planning and anticipation keep the mind interested in sex and makes it easier to get aroused and keeps the desire at a higher level..
 
I’m 70 and wife 66. Our sex life ended almost 10 years ago.
The menopause was not kind to her. She refuses to try any hormone
Replacement therapy. So it’s pretty much dead in the bedroom.
It’s kind of sad when you think about it
Both retired, our children grown and moved out.
Shoukd be our time to enjoy the time we lost when we were young and working.
 
I’m 70 and wife 66. Our sex life ended almost 10 years ago.
The menopause was not kind to her. She refuses to try any hormone
Replacement therapy. So it’s pretty much dead in the bedroom.
It’s kind of sad when you think about it
Both retired, our children grown and moved out.
Shoukd be our time to enjoy the time we lost when we were young and working.
So sorry to hear
 
As I understand it (bear in mind, I'm a guy) a woman's interest in sex after menopause is highly correlated to her self-image and there's a lot of things going on during menopause that can negatively impact this. For starters, a woman loses the ability to conceive and even if her interest in having children is decades in the past, or even if she never wanted children, it's still a weighty matter to know this amazing ability can no longer happen. Plus, because of hormone changes, there is a tendency to gain weight and lose muscle tone. ..All of which can negatively affect her self-image, especially as it relates to sex. Add to this vaginal dryness, which can make sex uncomfortable, it's not hard understanding why many chose to end it. That is... unless they have a VERY loving, supportive and patient partner who understands that sex needs to be approached differently.

One thing that helped for us, as directed by a sex therapist, was to go several weeks without attempting any form of penetration or genital contact - of limiting our sexual activity to just being naked lying beside each other and caressing each other. I was told to not even touch her breasts. Basically, no overtly sexual contact whatsoever, just caressing and closeness. It was unexpectedly wonderful - for both of us.
 
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Hitting 60 next month. HRT was a lifesaver for me. But it has made my cravings for the non-vanilla much stronger.

Nevertheless, I'm happy to have a husband still attracted to me and a few friends who indulge my fantasy life, at least in this virtual realm.

So, BIG proponent of hormone replacement for men and women. ❤️
 
Hitting 60 next month. HRT was a lifesaver for me. But it has made my cravings for the non-vanilla much stronger.

Nevertheless, I'm happy to have a husband still attracted to me and a few friends who indulge my fantasy life, at least in this virtual realm.

So, BIG proponent of hormone replacement for men and women. ❤️
Kudos and Hat-Tip to you!
 
We have had many conversations about the interest. She has been seeing a counselor for years, sees a psychiatrist and has talked to her GP about it. The GP has done the standard blood tests and claims there are no tests for sex-related hormones. I call bullshit on that one. A google search I did found several suggested tests. I gave my wife the list but she has not yet asked her go about them.
Honestly, she seems perfectly content with how things are. Unless I practically beg, nothing happens. She has not initiated anything in years. My "hints" go nowhere. If I'm lucky I might get a hand job every few months. Maybe a blowjob if I ask. She used to live it when I went down on her, would even ask me to some times. Most of the time she doesn't even react when I touch her down below, doesn't open her thighs to "invite " me in.
I haven't been inside her in years.
A loss of desire is pretty common, and if a woman's had40-50 years of sex, she just might not care enough about it to want to reinstate the desire. Not every woman can take HRT: for example, high blood pressure meds would make it dangerous (cancer-related) and a doc won't prescribe. This can mean not only an almost entire absence of desire but pain and discomfort making both penetrative sex and masturbation uncomfortable and not worth the effort.
She seems to have done some of the work with you through the steps of counseling, GP visits, psychiatric discussions etc... maybe she feels she's done enough. The notion that you think googling some shit on the internet makes you more knowledgeable than your wife's GP says something about you.

What's really sad is the lack of intimacy now in your relationship; any relationship will struggle without that, and it doesn't just have to be about sex. At the end of the day, if she is determined (for whatever reason) that sex is over, not even masturbation or blow jobs, and you still think them vital to your relationship, you have to make a decision: is everything else about your relationship worth keeping, or does your desire to have sex still with another person top all you have shared over the years? If your life without sex with her isn't enough, then it would be better to go your separate ways. Is she's not open to you paying for sex with a sex-worker, I'd not recommend cheating: it's never a good option, belittling to you both.

Personally, at 66 with my menopause at 50, I have almost zero sex-drive now but can still get some pleasure from infrequent penetrative sex (which leaves me sore even with lube and takes time to recover) and my giving him bj's, touching him etc..., not as often as I once did, but still generally no longer than a week apart. I still enjoy these intimacies but really I do it more because I know he enjoys sex; I enjoy the closeness of it but also fid it in other fashions, too. I know he'd enjoy sex more often, but never pushes me and that leaves me feeling unpressured and open to initiating.

On the rare occasion that my wife allows me to go down on her or play with toys, she has a difficult time reaching orgasm. And she doesn't get nearly as wet as she did before menopause.
I understand the body changes. I'm just saddened that she seemingly has zero interest in trying to change it. I don't fool myself by thinking I'm god's gift to women but I do feel like my wife has just given up on our sex life. Does that make me a selfish man? I don't know!?!?
There's nothing wrong with still wanting sex, just as there's nothing wrong with her accepting the changes in her life, her body. The problem is, again, with one partner wanting something different to the other, and you feeling devalued in your relationship because she doesn't put as much importance on sex-drive as you do. Believe it or not, there are some people (men as well as women) who happily accept the new phases of their lives, putting sex behind them and discovering (often together) new, shared pursuits and pleasures!

Again: what is more important to you, your life with the woman you (supposedly) love despite a lack of sex, or sex with anyone at all in a new life? It's a conversation that involves you both and absolute honesty matters.
 
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one other consideration, if you would: put the shoe on the other foot for a minute... say you were ill, or on vital medications for conditions that precluded you taking viagra or getting an erection, meds (or illness/permanent condition) that, in fact, totally wiped out your desire for sexual intimacy with your wife. How would you feel in this scenario if she was debating whether or not to cheat on you or leave you for a guy who would still fuck her, go down on her, masturbate her? What if she was insisting you talk to a psychiatrist or kept insisting you got more blood tests because of something you saw on google even though your doc told you there was nothing to be done?

there's no right or wrong answer. Just the need for communication. Honest, thoughtful communication.
 
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