I'm curious with "POLY" being the newish thing ...

[TonyF862]

Sometimes, it's not a sexual thing....
I've been doing some research on the subject... I'm writing a story based on the subject...
It seems from my research that there are more reasons for a poly relationshiip than just sex....
I've chatted with several people and couples living in closed throuple relationships...
It's very enlightening actually.

Cagivagurl

Like so much of life, I tend to believe the “truth” usually lies somewhere in the middle - and is rarely what we believe at first glance

 

[Husky_Embrace]

Sure, I'll pile on my ideas.

Poly is like everything a trend. It is popular and then abhorred. It moves with the time, never truly gone. If we look at the old Greeks we find that they had crazy sex parties in both their stories and their estates. Sex woth the same gender was in certain relationships not just accepted, but expected. A mentor and a student could easily have a sexual relationship.

This also shows how made up our current masculine culture is. Sparta and right of the strongest? And yet so few of these masculine men take each other in the ass. Like every culture we pick and chose what is acceptable, and this evolves over time.

As for the women in bed with two men, it can be a litany of things. It can be that a single man can't fulfil her sexually in a sex session. Being taken from two sides at once is another. The increased visual and physical stimulation of two men can help as well. It can be she likes the increased emotional connection you can get from both or alternating men. Just like normal she can "shut down" if some things aren't met and she exits the mood.

As from my own experience, bigger isn't always better for the vagina as well. Some women absolutely adore big, but most do not seem to get an increased amount of pleasure from a big one. From a certain point it's big enough, and any bigger simply requires a more careful approach. You'll be able to do less from a certain size.

The size of the vagina seems to be a poor indicator as well. Some are incredibly tight to the point it barely goes in, and it's all great fun. Some you slip in near effortlessly, yet they ask to go slow to get accustomed, with some even wanting to skip vaginal sex to try other forms.

All depends on the interaction of person A and B. This is also what makes sex and sex stories continuously engaging. It is different every time. We don't get it right all the time, but we try. That is why your story can very much work. Trying out different sizes and different women can keep it fresh. You try new things.

Out of curiosity, why no bathroom stuff?

 

[SebastianHolt]

Why do you assume MFM? FMF can be fulfilling, too, and IRL I've encountered more long-term FMF situations than MFM.

I write poly stories, and the women outnumber the men, 3:1. In my particular universe, FF(FFF) interactions are normal, light MM interactions are normal, and FMFMFMF in a pile is... a helluva lot of fun.

It's almost mainstream... sort of. Browse this New York Times article from a year ago about a large polyamorous family.

when I was a published author, my MFM books outsold nearly 10 to 1 the FMF ... just a thought. At one point, we had some twenty anthologies published. oh the fun times

 

[SebastianHolt]

Poly relationships are gaining some level of acceptance.
They are not a new concept. Historically, they remained hidden, because of the negative reactions...
These days they are becoming more accepted as an option...
There are a lot of benefits for polyamorous relationships. Income, shared responsibilities around the house... support, and probably many others.
The negatives of course are the human psyche, and jealousy...
The idea of it sounds great, but does it work in reality??? I've never tried, but feel it might be harder in real life than fantasy...

Cagivagurl

I can see poly working in places like San Francisco or New York, where there is a high cost of living, and pooling resources makes sense.

 

[lovecraft68]

Its far from new, just discussed a lot more.

In fact. most everything has been around but when people hear of it for the first time they act like they're Columbus discovering new territory.

 

[SebastianHolt]

Its far from new, just discussed a lot more.

In fact. most everything has been around but when people hear of it for the first time they act like they're Columbus discovering new territory.

is there really anything new to report in the bedroom? Like Poly, society is becoming more open to various things. From what I've read in books, I can't imagine a family having dinner in 1950 talking about poly, trans, bi ... this or that

 

[NuclearFairy]

I asked in some other thread if there's reliable research on that, and like with most things about sexuality the answer seems to be no. Among the things we do have are of course Kinsey Reports which actually state the opposite to what the common stereotype is:

Of course, since we're talking about erotic fiction, catering to said wishful thinking is not exactly a bad thing

Well my wishful thinking is that all men are bi and all women are straight. But that'd just be silly, so I don't write that way. I just simply don't write my characters lesbian encounters.

 

[TheLobster]

In fact. most everything has been around but when people hear of it for the first time they act like they're Columbus discovering new territory.

Interesting, because I think it actually seems to be the opposite.

Whenever a new cultural phenomenon is discussed, people who advocate for it, or at least for tolerance for it, absolutely love to bring up how it was already a thing on a proverbial Polynesian island in 7th century BC or something like that. You can always find those examples, and they have one thing in common: no relevance to the contemporary culture at large.

It always strikes me as rather cowardly. If you're advocating for cultural change, in perception or otherwise, why not own up to the fact that what you're proposing is novel? Isn't this what progress is about?

Why not just be honest, rather than hide behind trumped-up historical examples that do not translate to the present day? You'll gain more trust when people don't feel like you're trying to cherry-pick your arguments.

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

Interesting, because I think it actually seems to be the opposite.

Whenever a new cultural phenomenon is discussed,

The point is, new isn't new.

As I pointed out on another thread, the construct of marriage and one-for-one is far more recent, only 700 years or so old. People lived fine without it for far longer than it has existed.

 

[alohadave]

is there really anything new to report in the bedroom? Like Poly, society is becoming more open to various things. From what I've read in books, I can't imagine a family having dinner in 1950 talking about poly, trans, bi ... this or that

Contrary to what you may think, society is never homogenous. They may not have been open about it, but there were people living 'alternative' lifestyles then.

The confirmed bachelor that lived with his roommate for 30 years, gay man with his partner.

The Boston marriage is named for two women who lived together while unmarried.

These kinds of situations were known, but not necessarily spoken of or using euphemisms.

 

[TheLobster]

The point is, new isn't new.

I've yet to see any examples being cited here that would describe actual polyamory in the form that is currently practiced in some of the more progressive areas in the West.

All that has been brought up so far were either just plain ol' group sex w/o the manifold webs of emotional relationships; or polygamous harems, usually without much of a consent from the women. As far as I understand, these are all quite different things to contemporary polyamory.

 

[alohadave]

It always strikes me as rather cowardly. If you're advocating for cultural change, in perception or otherwise, why not own up to the fact that what you're proposing is novel? Isn't this what progress is about?

Not everyone can be on the vanguard. People lost their lives were murdered when they were open, and that's not something to shame people over.

It takes decades of work to change the cultural landscape and no one person is able to do it alone.

Maybe give people grace for living their lives as best as they are able.

 

[TheLobster]

Not everyone can be on the vanguard. People lost their lives were murdered when they were open, and that's not something to shame people over.

I'm talking about people who are already open, though. I have nothing but sympathy for those who don't feel safe to be; this isn't about them, and I hope they are able to live they want to.

But part of achieving that goal is using the most effective tactics to effect societal change. I'm saying that honesty is probably one such tactic, and probably better than alternative.

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

I've yet to see any examples being cited here that would describe actual polyamory in the form that is currently practiced in some of the more progressive areas in the West.

All that has been brought up so far were either just plain ol' group sex w/o the manifold webs of emotional relationships; or polygamous harems, usually without much of a consent from the women. As far as I understand, these are all quite different things to contemporary polyamory.

You likely won't see specific examples. People just lived their lives before 'marriage' became a thing around 1300 and set down rules about who you could call your partner.

America is full of such examples and even among some of the most deeply religious. Mormons are almost known for it. Before the European invaders 'settled' the American west and brought in those rules, Tribal culture existed and one-man-one-woman wasn't always the normal way of life.

 

[SebastianHolt]

Well my wishful thinking is that all men are bi and all women are straight. But that'd just be silly, so I don't write that way. I just simply don't write my characters lesbian encounters.

here is a bizarre question ... does a husband have to be bi to share his wife? what about if husband and best friend are making love with the wife at the same time oh so many bad pun's of play off of here .....

 

[NuclearFairy]

here is a bizarre question ... does a husband have to be bi to share his wife? what about if husband and best friend are making love with the wife at the same time oh so many bad pun's of play off of here .....

Why would he need to be bi to share his wife? Maybe he's ace and he simply married her cause he loves her. There doesn't have to be anything sexual about wanting to spend your whole life with someone. That's just silly talk.

Although if they're both making love to her at the same time, they still don't have to be bi, just caught up in the moment enough not to notice each other.

Although, if they're going for a DP a little bi-ness doesn't hurt, but I've also heard that it's not necessary.

 

[djrip]

Is this true? That's interesting. Is it because board gamers are more naturally attuned to playing different roles? More imaginative? Why would this be? What sorts of board games are we talking about? I can imagine why D&D lovers might be more apt to be poly, but I can't see why Risk gamers would be.

More people around.

 

[Comshaw]

Wondering if anyone here is living the role instead of espousing silly fantasies.

Too many of us have never been able to keep one partner happy and interested, let alone more.

Not now, but 25 years ago my wife and got into a poly relationship with another couple that lasted for 15 years. Lots of fun, lots of sex in lots of different ways, but also, as Bramblethorn said lots of work. Think of it this way, a couple has only one line of communication to work with, between the two partners. With a quad you increase that from one to 7: one from each participant to each of the others, and one more for the group as a whole. It can get intense and very aggravating at times. We had some great times: Saturday mornings in a naked pile on the bed watching TV, drinking coffee and playing grab ass. We also had some very rough times: hurt feelings, jealousy, and egos. Would I do it again? With the right couple, in a heartbeat.

So what happened you ask? The other couple got a divorce and the male member went on to another partner. We tried to make a triad work. It did for a while but the dynamics had changed and after a couple of years we all three mutually decided to give it up.

To the OP, you ask what's in it for the woman. That question feels like it was asked because you believe all women want the same thing. It's been alluded to earlier in this thread but women (and men) are people first, then gender specific second. Because things work that way, all women will make decisions based on their personal preferences.

Comshaw

 

[Britva415]

I can see poly working in places like San Francisco or New York, where there is a high cost of living, and pooling resources makes sense.

Are marriage or unmarried cohabitation more common in those places?

 

[Britva415]

here is a bizarre question ... does a husband have to be bi to share his wife? what about if husband and best friend are making love with the wife at the same time oh so many bad pun's of play off of here .....

Again, it seems like you’re talking less about polyamory and more about group sex.

 

[MrPixel]

Are marriage or unmarried cohabitation more common in those places?

I suggest they'd be more accepted. Poly relationships definitely exist in less-dense locales in the US, but local community pressures - i.e., dominance of religion-based social structure - would encourage less visibility. Refer to the NYT article I cited earlier.

 

[alohadave]

I suggest they'd be more accepted. Poly relationships definitely exist in less-dense locales in the US, but local community pressures - i.e., dominance of religion-based social structure - would encourage less visibility. Refer to the NYT article I cited earlier.

I don't know if it's necessarily more accepted in big cities, or if it's that the mass of people allows for subcultures to form more easily. The percentage of people with a particular lifestyle is likely similar in big cities and rural areas, there's just more proximity in big cities, so finding partners is a little easier.

More populous areas have more of everything.

 

[Britva415]

It would certainly be easier to find people who do accept it in big cities. There would still be plenty of people around who wouldn’t.

But I thought we were talking about whether the expense of a big city would make it more common. I just don’t really think that that’s what motivates this kind of stuff.

 

[MrPixel]

I don't know if it's necessarily more accepted in big cities, or if it's that the mass of people allows for subcultures to form more easily. The percentage of people with a particular lifestyle is likely similar in big cities and rural areas, there's just more proximity in big cities, so finding partners is a little easier.

More opportunity is a valid point. However, I live in a small rural community that is Deep South adjacent. Don't underestimate the influence of religious interests on social structures and even governance, and the outspoken condemnation of anything that deviates from their doctrine.

 

[Nynah]

But I thought we were talking about whether the expense of a big city would make it more common. I just don’t really think that that’s what motivates this kind of stuff.

As someone who has had roommates while living in New York, let me assure you that I have had to share space with more than a few people I would never get into a monogamous relationship with, let alone a polyamorous one.