I'm curious with "POLY" being the newish thing ...

[SebastianHolt]

Hello everyone! I'm kind of new here and getting ready to publish some of my stories soon. my mind is flooded with ideas and that's why I'm here. For example, "Poly" seems to be the latest 'in thing' if you will. My struggle with poly is, what's in it for women? does the idea of being in bed with two men turn women on?

Sadly, my parents put me in religious schools, so there are a lot of things that I need to get over and realign my head with...I was taught that women didn't love sex like guys do, so yeah, I'm a little messed up in the head. Thankfully, I've had some great lovers and friends which have helped set me straight. for example, how curious are women when it comes to her bisexuality? is the saying 'she's one drink away from being bi' true?

another issue i'm working my mind around is, what's in it for a woman to be in bed with two men? the male mind is telling me its the same as us guys wanting to be in bed with two women?

My mission is to publish three stories this year and hopefully ten more. I'm open to every subject except bathroom play and pain.

for a story idea, i love the idea of a wife being curious about her friends husband as he's hung. This topic really gets my mind giong (not that I'm bi or even curious but the thought of a woman taking control of her sex life and wanting things is big for me). I love the idea of one husband being big and the other being smaller. this way the wives can trade and one of the women can explore her desire for anal sex (and from what I'm told size does matter - bigger is not better in terms of anal sex). hehehe

 

[Britva415]

What’s in it for anyone? It’s not a gender specific thing.

If it were, you might as well ask what’s in it for men, with regard to monogamy.

 

[Cagivagurl]

Hello everyone! I'm kind of new here and getting ready to publish some of my stories soon. my mind is flooded with ideas and that's why I'm here. For example, "Poly" seems to be the latest 'in thing' if you will. My struggle with poly is, what's in it for women? does the idea of being in bed with two men turn women on?

Sadly, my parents put me in religious schools, so there are a lot of things that I need to get over and realign my head with...I was taught that women didn't love sex like guys do, so yeah, I'm a little messed up in the head. Thankfully, I've had some great lovers and friends which have helped set me straight. for example, how curious are women when it comes to her bisexuality? is the saying 'she's one drink away from being bi' true?

another issue i'm working my mind around is, what's in it for a woman to be in bed with two men? the male mind is telling me its the same as us guys wanting to be in bed with two women?

My mission is to publish three stories this year and hopefully ten more. I'm open to every subject except bathroom play and pain.

for a story idea, i love the idea of a wife being curious about her friends husband as he's hung. This topic really gets my mind giong (not that I'm bi or even curious but the thought of a woman taking control of her sex life and wanting things is big for me). I love the idea of one husband being big and the other being smaller. this way the wives can trade and one of the women can explore her desire for anal sex (and from what I'm told size does matter - bigger is not better in terms of anal sex). hehehe

Poly relationships are gaining some level of acceptance.
They are not a new concept. Historically, they remained hidden, because of the negative reactions...
These days they are becoming more accepted as an option...
There are a lot of benefits for polyamorous relationships. Income, shared responsibilities around the house... support, and probably many others.
The negatives of course are the human psyche, and jealousy...
The idea of it sounds great, but does it work in reality??? I've never tried, but feel it might be harder in real life than fantasy...

Cagivagurl

 

[NuclearFairy]

What's in it for women, depends on the woman. Some women, might just love multiple people for multiple reasons, other women, want to feel two or more cocks at once, and everything in between. Instead of asking, "What's in it for women?" ask instead, "What's in it for her?"

And no, being one drink away from being bi is no more true for a woman than it is for a man. Just like there are men who it doesn't matter how much you lower their inhibitions, they won't be attracted to their own gender, the same is true of women. And just like there are some women who'll go kissing and more someone of their own gender once you get them drunk enough, there are men who'll do that too.

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

Some want more variety and will switch off between partners rather than be with both.

Some have a higher drive than one partner can fulfill.

 

[Cagivagurl]

Sometimes, it's not a sexual thing....
I've been doing some research on the subject... I'm writing a story based on the subject...
It seems from my research that there are more reasons for a poly relationshiip than just sex....
I've chatted with several people and couples living in closed throuple relationships...
It's very enlightening actually.

Cagivagurl

 

[MrPixel]

what's in it for women? does the idea of being in bed with two men turn women on?

Why do you assume MFM? FMF can be fulfilling, too, and IRL I've encountered more long-term FMF situations than MFM.

I write poly stories, and the women outnumber the men, 3:1. In my particular universe, FF(FFF) interactions are normal, light MM interactions are normal, and FMFMFMF in a pile is... a helluva lot of fun.

It's almost mainstream... sort of. Browse this New York Times article from a year ago about a large polyamorous family.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Hello everyone! I'm kind of new here and getting ready to publish some of my stories soon. my mind is flooded with ideas and that's why I'm here. For example, "Poly" seems to be the latest 'in thing' if you will.

IDK what is and isn't "in", but polyamory has been around for ages.

My struggle with poly is, what's in it for women? does the idea of being in bed with two men turn women on?

...I mean, it can do, but there's no rule that says any men have to be involved...

First off, let's distinguish between polyamory and group sex. Group sex sometimes happens in polyamory, but they're not the same thing.

Polyamory is about people having multiple loving relationships. They're not always sexual relationships (though often they are!) and even when they are sexual, that doesn't necessarily mean everybody having sex all at once.

V situations are pretty common: Pat is sleeping with Jo, Jo is sleeping with Blythe, Blythe and Pat are not sleeping with one another. Maybe Jo lives with Pat, but stays over at Blythe's place every so often. Even in a triad situation, where Pat is also sleeping with Blythe, that doesn't automatically mean they're doing threesomes all the time; often it'll be two in a bed at a time. (In my experience, when you have three people in a bed, one of them often ends up feeling like a fifth wheel. Plus as one gets older, it gets harder to find a time when everybody is home and in the mood all at once. Polyamory involves an awful lot of futzing around with shared calendars.)

So, are you asking about group sex or about polyamory?

I was taught that women didn't love sex like guys do

This is a fiction created by guys who are bad at sex, to explain why women don't enjoy sex with them.

(Some women don't love sex! And some men don't either. But there are plenty of women who do.)

another issue i'm working my mind around is, what's in it for a woman to be in bed with two men? the male mind is telling me its the same as us guys wanting to be in bed with two women?

Some people like to be the centre of attention. Some people want to see two guys making out with one another. Some people want to be penetrated in more than one place at once. Some people aren't really into it but have absorbed this idea that bedding two people at once makes them cool or alpha or whatever it is they're supposed to aspire to be. Some people love more than one person and feel like expressing that physically. There are so many reasons.

For me, polyamory is just a matter of not having a good "why not?" The idea of my partner sleeping with somebody else doesn't bother me any more than if she was going out to her craft group or whatever; we do need to manage time and energy so we're still getting quality time together, but I don't need exclusivity to know that I'm loved and neither does she.

 

[Privates1stClass]

You can have more than one 'best friend.' The same applies to lovers. Several years ago, I posted a story, "Lucky Beyond Belief" that includes a poly relationship. It takes several chapters until Mike, the MMC, determines that he loves both FMC characters in the story. https://www.literotica.com/s/lucky-beyond-belief-ch-01

 

[MrPixel]

Polyamory is about people having multiple loving relationships.

Yes. Yes yes yes.

 

[lc69hunter]

If I had not read about your history growing up, I would have been far more surprised at the question. "what's in it for women? does the idea of being in bed with two men turn women on?"

As we get past our 20's, the tables turn. Women have a much higher libido than men, and the idea of two hot men taking care of her needs can be a major turn on. The problem with that scenario is that she needs to take care to spread her attentions equally, because of that dreaded term that the LW crowd love to hate, "the fragile male ago". So yes, poly can work, but it takes work and communication to make it work.

 

[Bramblethorn]

So yes, poly can work, but it takes work and communication to make it work.

IMHO, the skills required to maintain a healthy poly relationship are mostly the same as the skills required to maintain a healthy monogamous relationship - but it's easier to muddle along in an unhealthy monogamous relationship, whereas unhealthy poly relationships are likely to stop being relationships pretty quickly.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Hello everyone! I'm kind of new here and getting ready to publish some of my stories soon. my mind is flooded with ideas and that's why I'm here. For example, "Poly" seems to be the latest 'in thing' if you will. My struggle with poly is, what's in it for women? does the idea of being in bed with two men turn women on?

This might be one of those questions where the old adage, "Write what you know," might be wise. It seems to me that your fantasies are running down several paths, but your questions reveal some naivety - your upbringing being a contributor, no doubt. You're asking what seem to be very basic questions about the poly dynamics, but I'm not sure a story will be very convincing, if you don't have actual experience - like some of your respondees do.

 

[TheRedChamber]

For example, how curious are women when it comes to her bisexuality? is the saying 'she's one drink away from being bi' true?

When writing fiction, it's not really important how many of any particular type of person exists. If you want your character to be bisexual and if she needs a drink to lose some of her inhibitions, that's how you are going to write her. She needs to be believable in her self* but she doesn't need to fit in the center of any kind of bell curve**.

(*or not depending on what kind of porn you are writing)
(** I'm dropping this phrase in for other AH to riff off as I'm charitable that way)

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Some women (and men!) are bisexual. A lot more than might have historically admitted it, let alone acted upon it, but not everyone is bisexual.

Some people are happy being non-monogamous, increasing numbers want to do that ethically rather than cheating, some will end up in multiple relationships (hi!)

Some people like threesomes, others don't even if they have multiple partners. Personally they seem to involve too many knees and elbows, and while it can be fun to have two people pleasuring you, it can also be downright weird trying to relate to two people at the same time. IME it's much more common for Partner1 to wish you and Partner2 goodnight, and they push off to watch some terrible TV you don't want to see. Currently Andor, I think.

You write the story you want to read. On Lit, I guarantee someone else will have similar interests!

 

[TheLobster]

And no, being one drink away from being bi is no more true for a woman than it is for a man.

I asked in some other thread if there's reliable research on that, and like with most things about sexuality the answer seems to be no. Among the things we do have are of course Kinsey Reports which actually state the opposite to what the common stereotype is:

The results found in "Sexual Behavior in the Human Female" show a higher number of men who lean towards homosexuality than recorded for the women.[7] Kinsey addresses that the result is contrary to reports that women have more homosexual leanings than men. He posits that such reports are due to the "wishful thinking on the part of such heterosexual males."[7]

Of course, since we're talking about erotic fiction, catering to said wishful thinking is not exactly a bad thing

 

[Erozetta]

I wrote out this very long response, but ultimately, what would be in it for me is not exhausting my husband either emotionally or physically by requiring him to fulfill all emotional and physical needs from me. And also not getting exhausted by trying to be everything for him in the same way.

But he's not interested in a poly situation, so I do this wild thing where I choose to not act on any attractions, either emotionally or physically, outside of my relationship with him.

However, I do still make deeper connections with people than I probably should because I can't turn off my emotions towards others. I can only choose how I act on them.

 

[MrHereWriting]

I'm curious with "POLY" being the newish thing ...​

Poly is a new thing?

I was fantasizing about me and several women at the same time before I even knew poly was a word or could be applied to sex. (When Will Smith "revealed" he had a fantasy harem, my first thought was: Doesn't everyone?) It was a long time ago, but not before I turned 18 because sex begins at 18. Everyone on Lit knows that.

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

Wondering if anyone here is living the role instead of espousing silly fantasies.

Too many of us have never been able to keep one partner happy and interested, let alone more.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Wondering if anyone here is living the role instead of espousing silly fantasies.

Too many of us have never been able to keep one partner happy and interested, let alone more.

Yes. I know of a few others who have been on AH.

I'm married to a man, my boyfriend of over 20 years generally stays over about 3 nights a month. My girlfriend of 25 years is more complicated, a few dates a year in the last couple years, for various reasons. Haven't managed a date with anyone else for a few years, not that I've tried.

It's a lot more boring than you might think - having dinner at home, watching a bit of telly or playing a board game, going to sleep on someone's shoulder who just happens not to be my husband some nights. Or as my boyfriend's kid used to say, it just means there's another adult to tell them off.

There is a big overlap between poly people, bisexual people, and board gamers.

 

[TheLobster]

There is a big overlap between poly people, bisexual people, and board gamers.

Neeeeeeerds!

 

[Bramblethorn]

Wondering if anyone here is living the role instead of espousing silly fantasies.

Yes. It's far less glamorous than the fantasy, but it works for us.

Too many of us have never been able to keep one partner happy and interested, let alone more.

If I were expected to be wholly and solely responsible for meeting multiple partners' needs, that would be exhausting. But I'm not.

I have a...let's call it a situationship...with somebody who lives in a different continent. He's somebody who needs a lot of solitude. We text one another a couple of times a week; we say "I love you" now and then; we haven't seen one another in person in almost ten years.

If I were monogamous that would be a miserable, lonely situation for me, and I'd have told him goodbye long ago. But because I'm poly, that relationship with him doesn't prevent me from getting most of my needs met elsewhere. I can enjoy that relationship for what it is without resenting it for all the things it isn't.

 

[SimonDoom]

It's very easy for me to imagine why a woman would like to be in bed with two men. Or, for that matter, any three people regardless of gender being together in bed.

As someone with no experience in polyamory, which as B explained is about loving relationships, not just sex, poly is harder for me to understand, just because I have no experience with it and no inclination that way.

But I think the last paragraph of your opening comment suggests that you too can imagine ways how it might come about. A woman could be with two men, each of whom serves a different purpose for her physically or emotionally. Maybe one man is the main breadwinner, but he's not very romantic. The other doesn't make much money but he serves the wife's romantic needs. One can conceive of a situation where each of those men in some way benefits from the other's role as well. Maybe Man A and Woman A are attracted to each other for their intellects, and love to share thoughts about books and art, but there's no physical spark. Man B serves Woman A's physical and romantic needs, and Man B's presence in the relationship effectively keeps Man A and Woman A together. Maybe Man B is lazy, though, so he benefits from Man A's income.

There are infinite ways you can spin it with some imagination. Then you just need to work on the characters and their motivations so it has some plausibility.

Keep in mind this is from someone who knows absolutely nothing about this subject, but enjoys trying to imagine why and how people live the way they do. Imagination is a more important tool to writing than experience, IMO.

 

[SimonDoom]

There is a big overlap between poly people, bisexual people, and board gamers.

Is this true? That's interesting. Is it because board gamers are more naturally attuned to playing different roles? More imaginative? Why would this be? What sorts of board games are we talking about? I can imagine why D&D lovers might be more apt to be poly, but I can't see why Risk gamers would be.

 

[Lifestyle66]

There are differences between polyamorous relationships, trouples, group sex, threesomes, and swingers or open relationships. The differences are mainly about whether it's about the physical act of sex or is it about the emotional connection of love.

Polyamorous relationships are not necessarily about sex, but are more about the emotions and other of life's messy logistics with financials, longer-term living arrangements, etc. The sex may not even occur between any particular two or three people in a larger polyamorous group. It's more focused on caring for each other in a stronger connection than just being best friends.

The other groups relationships mentioned are more about the sex, and they tend to ignore or even avoid the emotional word "love" except with one's own spouse. There might be three or more couples who get together for sexual romps, swapping partners or grouping in MFM, FFM, FMF, MMMF, and enjoy watching each other. But those are enjoying each other as "friends with benefits" for the sexual freedom to just have some fun, then go home to your own loving spouse. There are no commitments or logistics among the group to address life's financials or longer-term bedroom arrangements after the fun night together. It's "Let's fuck, then my wife and I are heading home to sleep together, as always."

EDIT: In my experience, "trouples" are a longer-term threesome which are sexual but may or may not involve "love". It might mean just a FWB who has moved in with a married couple.