Frustrated . . .

[Carmina24]

First things first - nope, you’re not a “f***ing idiot.” You’re a writer with a big, excited heart who cared a little too much about one reader’s reply. That just means you’re human.

Here’s the truth: once you publish a story, it goes out to dance with the world. And oh boy, your story danced - 8,000 reads and a 4.8 rating? That’s the universe giving you a standing ovation, whether or not that one person clapped.

About her silence - don’t let it steal your joy. Influencers live in a whirlwind of DMs, notifications, and chaos. Her quiet probably has nothing to do with you or your story. Silence doesn’t mean disapproval; it just means life got in the way of a reply.

Here’s what I hope you do:

• Put that story back up where it belongs.
• Start your next one, because the world clearly wants more of your words.
• And most importantly, write because it lights you up, not because you’re waiting for a ding in your inbox.

You’re not in a quandary - you’re standing at the door of your next story. Open it. Step through. Let your words run wild again.

We’re cheering you on from the sidelines, pom-poms and all. And if your muse ever ghosts you again, just imagine us chanting: “Republish it, TedHikes52! Republish it!”

With warmth and sparkle,
Carmina

 

[Bazzle]

I have written several factual and fictional stories based on real OF/Reddit/Twitter models.

I tend to engage them at the beginning of the process and then get their approval to publish BEFORE I publish.

They then happily repost/share my story with their followers...because I have engaged them with it.

I am not quite sure why you published the story in the first place? As its seemed you actually only wanted one reader? Her?

I guess its like the advertisers on FOX news, they dont care for the millions of viewers...they want 1. The president.

 

[MelissaBaby]

I used to be a stripper. I would imagine that there are similarities in the relationship between the performer and the audience in the two fields.

Of all the men who came to watch us dance, the loud drunks, the rowdy frat boys, the furtive guy with his hand inside his coat, the ones who made us the most nervous were those who lavished the most attention on us. A guy who watches you on stage or gets a lap dance, and responds in a friendly manner that stays within the parameters of the situation is welcome, but when it crosses the line into something that feels like adoration, the red flags fly.

The guy who brings you presents is the guy who might follow you home. What might the guy who is so infatuated with you that he writes and publishes a story about his "relationship" with you do?

Of course, not every guy who crushes on a sex worker is Travis Bickle, but guys like that are out there. If I was the woman in question, I might very well have responded with a "Sure, go ahead" when you mentioned the story, figuring it was an idle fantasy. But when I learned that you actually did it, I'd do as she did, and get distance from you fast. I might have just blocked you.

You've gotten some very wise advice on this thread, I hope you will take it to heart.

 

[TedHikes52]

First things first - nope, you’re not a “f***ing idiot.” You’re a writer with a big, excited heart who cared a little too much about one reader’s reply. That just means you’re human.

Here’s the truth: once you publish a story, it goes out to dance with the world. And oh boy, your story danced - 8,000 reads and a 4.8 rating? That’s the universe giving you a standing ovation, whether or not that one person clapped.

About her silence - don’t let it steal your joy. Influencers live in a whirlwind of DMs, notifications, and chaos. Her quiet probably has nothing to do with you or your story. Silence doesn’t mean disapproval; it just means life got in the way of a reply.

Here’s what I hope you do:

• Put that story back up where it belongs.
• Start your next one, because the world clearly wants more of your words.
• And most importantly, write because it lights you up, not because you’re waiting for a ding in your inbox.

You’re not in a quandary - you’re standing at the door of your next story. Open it. Step through. Let your words run wild again.

We’re cheering you on from the sidelines, pom-poms and all. And if your muse ever ghosts you again, just imagine us chanting: “Republish it, TedHikes52! Republish it!”

With warmth and sparkle,
Carmina

Very kind words. Truth is, I let a few DMs go to my head. Then I felt butt-hurt when I did not get a response. The replies to this post have been very helpful. And I really appreciate your suggestions. The first story got me excited and I have three more ready to go, all about ‘celebrities’. I plan to re-write them with fictional characters and submit them for publication. When I can keep my head out of my ass, it truly is the writing that I enjoy. Cheers!

 

[TedHikes52]

I used to be a stripper. I would imagine that there are similarities in the relationship between the performer and the audience in the two fields.

Of all the men who came to watch us dance, the loud drunks, the rowdy frat boys, the furtive guy with his hand inside his coat, the ones who made us the most nervous were those who lavished the most attention on us. A guy who watches you on stage or gets a lap dance, and responds in a friendly manner that stays within the parameters of the situation is welcome, but when it crosses the line into something that feels like adoration, the red flags fly.

The guy who brings you presents is the guy who might follow you home. What might the guy who is so infatuated with you that he writes and publishes a story about his "relationship" with you do?

Of course, not every guy who crushes on a sex worker is Travis Bickle, but guys like that are out there. If I was the woman in question, I might very well have responded with a "Sure, go ahead" when you mentioned the story, figuring it was an idle fantasy. But when I learned that you actually did it, I'd do as she did, and get distance from you fast. I might have just blocked you.

You've gotten some very wise advice on this thread, I hope you will take it to heart.

The very consistent nature of the comments has opened my eyes. I am concerned that I was doing exactly what you suggested. And it doesn’t matter that my intent was benign, it’s how comments land that is important. I am taking the advice to heart. Thank you.

 

[TedHikes52]

I have written several factual and fictional stories based on real OF/Reddit/Twitter models.

I tend to engage them at the beginning of the process and then get their approval to publish BEFORE I publish.

They then happily repost/share my story with their followers...because I have engaged them with it.

I am not quite sure why you published the story in the first place? As its seemed you actually only wanted one reader? Her?

I guess its like the advertisers on FOX news, they dont care for the millions of viewers...they want 1. The president.

I made contact first and got approval. Turned out that she is a fan of the site. After a detailed description and an offer to let her read the story before submitting it for publication, I got “Go ahead. Let me know when it posts. I’ll read it on the site.” Even so, your analogy seems apt, which stings a little because very few people despise that narcissistic, orange pos more than I do. Cheers!

 

[Omenainen]

I have to say, OP, your attitude about this incident and people advising you is very good.

Welcome to Lit. Writing smut is a nice hobby! Some of us here doing it are nice and some not so much, but it is a community for a pastime that is otherwise pretty solitary.

 

[TedHikes52]

I have to say, OP, your attitude about this incident and people advising you is very good.

Welcome to Lit. Writing smut is a nice hobby! Some of us here doing it are nice and some not so much, but it is a community for a pastime that is otherwise pretty solitary.

All the comments have been helpful. Several sting pretty hard but all helped me get my head out of my ass. I appreciate the welcome. Good writing to you. Cheers!

 

[Voyeurkenneth]

All the comments have been helpful. Several sting pretty hard but all helped me get my head out of my ass. I appreciate the welcome. Good writing to you. Cheers!

Cool to see you take it all in stride. Do you plan on republishing the story? Now I'm curious to read it

 

[gunhilltrain]

I’m sorry to say, but this is more about your need for her attention than the quality of your writing or her personal wants.

I'd be cautious about writing about a real person in that context. You got permission but you never met her in person, it seems. Anything on-line is going to vanish into the digital ether.

 

[TedHikes52]

Cool to see you take it all in stride. Do you plan on republishing the story? Now I'm curious to read it

I really enjoy writing so I have submitted it for publishing. I did edit the story to replacer any references to a real person with a fictional character. I am actually curious to how this new version is received by readers.

 

[TedHikes52]

I'd be cautious about writing about a real person in that context. You got permission but you never met her in person, it seems. Anything on-line is going to vanish into the digital ether.

Good advice. I have replaced the muse with a fictional character and re-submitted the story for publication. Serious;y, thank you for your comments.

 

[MillieDynamite]

My story, The Reluctant Representative, published elsewhere as The Remembrance of the Reluctant Representative, was written by request from a fan. She gave me the particulars, I wrote as fiction the way it had happened to her. It's a cheating wife story. It was poorly received by the INCEls here, but she loved what I did to her story. It sold well before I put it here. I think it would have been loved and hated in equal amounts wherever I posted it for free. Because when it's free, it costs you nothing to be offended and send hateful comments about the writers.

What's that got to do with you? Once you have permission to write about something from someone, you have been given permission. Don't second guess the consent. If she wanted it taken down, she'd tell you.

 

[TedHikes52]

My story, The Reluctant Representative, published elsewhere as The Remembrance of the Reluctant Representative, was written by request from a fan. She gave me the particulars, I wrote as fiction the way it had happened to her. It's a cheating wife story. It was poorly received by the INCEls here, but she loved what I did to her story. It sold well before I put it here. I think it would have been loved and hated in equal amounts wherever I posted it for free. Because when it's free, it costs you nothing to be offended and send hateful comments about the writers.

What's that got to do with you? Once you have permission to write about something from someone, you have been given permission. Don't second guess the consent. If she wanted it taken down, she'd tell you.

I agree with you at heart. But the comments received made me realize that, in addition to behaving childishly, I have been relying on someone else's celebrity to make a story interesting rather than working on my character development skills. I' will keep working on my skills. Thanks for your comment.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Just about anybody who does sex work (which includes OF) has to deal with a ton of guys trying to get stuff for free. "Stuff" could be actual sex, explicit pics, or just time talking with a hot woman.

My guess is that you came across as wanting more of her time than she was willing to give away. Going silent is a common way of dealing with that situation.

 

[TedHikes52]

Just about anybody who does sex work (which includes OF) has to deal with a ton of guys trying to get stuff for free. "Stuff" could be actual sex, explicit pics, or just time talking with a hot woman.

My guess is that you came across as wanting more of her time than she was willing to give away. Going silent is a common way of dealing with that situation.

I think you are right. ‘Communicating with fans’ has its limits.

 

[gunhilltrain]

I think you are right. ‘Communicating with fans’ has its limits.

I think what we're trying to say is for your benefit, not hers. I'm old enough to remember dating "sites,' not apps. Text messaging was called instant messaging then. People didn't have smartphones yet. This was in the first three years of this century. But even then, meeting people online was so arbitrary. Before that, like back in the 1970s (geezer alert!) you had time to get to know somebody before even asking for a date. By the time of the Internet, it was boom - that lady in New Jersey, she's got a profile, but who the hell is she? Now it's totally insane, with millions of people swiping constantly. In other words, anything online is completely unreal until proven otherwise.

I know, it's hard to imagine. It's like my grandfather telling me about gas lighting (the real gas kind, not the metaphor) in 1910.

 

[TedHikes52]

I think what we're trying to say is for your benefit, not hers. I'm old enough to remember dating "sites,' not apps. Text messaging was called instant messaging then. People didn't have smartphones yet. This was in the first three years of this century. But even then, meeting people online was so arbitrary. Before that, like back in the 1970s (geezer alert!) you had time to get to know somebody before even asking for a date. By the time of the Internet, it was boom - that lady in New Jersey, she's got a profile, but who the hell is she? Now it's totally insane, with millions of people swiping constantly. In other words, anything online is completely unreal until proven otherwise.

I know, it's hard to imagine. It's like my grandfather telling me about gas lighting (the real gas kind, not the metaphor) in 1910.

I agree with you. All these comments resonate with me at a very basic level. I am usually a realist. But I let my emotions control me on this one. I am getting them back in check. Thanks for your feedback.

 

[Djmac1031]

Late to this thread so not gonna harp on anything to much except to say that sex workers dont owe us anything beyond whatever the paid subscription includes.

Theyre not there to be your virtual BFF. Unless of course you pay them to be.

I sent interview questions to a couple OF women as research for a story (that I ultimately abandoned).

I paid them for their time and when the conversation was done, I left them alone.

 

[EmmAgain]

Late to this thread so not gonna harp on anything to much except to say that sex workers dont owe us anything beyond whatever the paid subscription includes.

Theyre not there to be your virtual BFF. Unless of course you pay them to be.

I sent interview questions to a couple OF women as research for a story (that I ultimately abandoned).

I paid them for their time and when the conversation was done, I left them alone.

And that’s the truth. (Speaking as an ex-OF girl.)

 

[MelissaBaby]

Late to this thread so not gonna harp on anything to much except to say that sex workers dont owe us anything beyond whatever the paid subscription includes.

Theyre not there to be your virtual BFF. Unless of course you pay them to be.

I sent interview questions to a couple OF women as research for a story (that I ultimately abandoned).

I paid them for their time and when the conversation was done, I left them alone.

"No, your Honor, I was just doing it for research."

Uh huh.

 

[TheLobster]

"No, your Honor, I was just doing it for research."

Uh huh.

"I subscribe to OF for research" is the new "I read Playboy for the articles."

 

[Djmac1031]

"No, your Honor, I was just doing it for research."

Uh huh.

Hey, I never said I didn't enjoy my "research," did I...?

 

[SimonDoom]

"No, your Honor, I was just doing it for research."

Uh huh.

Now, now. Djmac is an honorable man.

So are they all, all honorable men.

 

[Djmac1031]

Now, now. Djmac is an honorable man.

So are they all, all honorable men.

I think you misspelled "horny."