The Un-Isolated Un-Blurt Thread

[TwinkleStars]

"A woman goes to buy a parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks, 'Why is the last one so cheap?' and the shopkeeper replies, 'Because he used to live in a brothel.' The woman — loving a good bargain — hands over $15."
"When she gets home, the parrot says: 'Fuck me, a new brothel!' The woman laughs.

When her daughters get home, the parrot says: 'Fuck me, two new prozzies!' The girls laugh, too.

When the dad gets home, the parrot says: 'Fuck me, Pete. Haven't seen you for weeks!'"

I'm guessing the parrot was never seen or heard of again after that

 

[Noor]

"A woman goes to buy a parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks, 'Why is the last one so cheap?' and the shopkeeper replies, 'Because he used to live in a brothel.' The woman — loving a good bargain — hands over $15."
"When she gets home, the parrot says: 'Fuck me, a new brothel!' The woman laughs.

When her daughters get home, the parrot says: 'Fuck me, two new prozzies!' The girls laugh, too.

When the dad gets home, the parrot says: 'Fuck me, Pete. Haven't seen you for weeks!'"

I'm guessing the parrot was never seen or heard of again after that

Or Pete hasn’t been

 

[TwinkleStars]

A man asks his wife what she would do if he won the lottery. She says she'd take half, divorce him, and move to Hawaii.

He says “I won twelve bucks. Here's six. Stay in touch.”

 

[TwinkleStars]

A man and a woman who had never met before found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly.....He in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own fucking blanket."

After a moment of silence, he farted.

 

[TwinkleStars]

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[TwinkleStars]

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. the doctor gives her a pill but warns her that it’s still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner.

That night, she does just that.

About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, “Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn’t five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!”

The doctor says, “I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages.”

“Nah,” she says. “That’s okay. We’re never going back to that restaurant anyway.”

 

[TwinkleStars]

There was a young man from Bear Pass
Whose balls were made out of brass
When they tinkled together
They played “Stormy Weather,”
and lightning shot out of his ass.

 

[TwinkleStars]

A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"
"Okay, sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is put the prisoner in the prison." And they made love for the first time and the husband was smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped." Turning on his side, he smiles and says, "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time, the bride says, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!" The husband rises to the occasion and they made love again. The bride again says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again," to which the husband yelled, "Hey, it's not a life sentence!!!"

 

[TwinkleStars]

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[TwinkleStars]

A man on the train has to poop. He goes to the bathroom but someone is using it.
He goes back five minutes later, it’s still being used.
He goes back again later, it is still being use.
He can’t wait any longer so he drops his pants and sticks his fanny out the window. This happens just as the train is pulling into a station.
The conductor on the platform yells out “Will the bald man with the cigar in his mouth please pull his head back in the window.”

 

[TwinkleStars]

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, I'm so sorry, but if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
Without batting an eye, she replies, 'If your thing is as hard as your elbow, I'll be in room 221."

 

[TwinkleStars]

A new doctor arrives at the hospital and the Resident is showing him around the wards and the cases.
At one point they enter a room where a man is jerking off frantically.
The new doctor asks, “Is this man mentally ill?”
To which the Resident replies, “No. He has Deadly Semen Build-up. If he doesn’t do that constantly, he could die.”
The new doctor shakes his head in sympathy and they move to the next room where they find a beautiful nurse on her knees sucking off a delighted male patient.
The new doctor is shocked, “What’s going on here?” he asks.
The Resident replies, “Oh, this patient also has Deadly Semen Build-up. But he has better insurance.”

 

[TwinkleStars]

I just want to crawl in bed and cry my eyeballs out.

My doctor 'claims' I have diabetes and now I have to do all this stuff. All I've ever heard is horror stories about diabetes. It's not even that high but she wants me to take pills and test myself. This is depressing.

I sincerely believe that my issues are NOT diabetes but an underlying problem they haven't bothered to look for. Hopefully I can see a hematologist soon for answers.

I'm so very depressed.

 

[hawi13]

I just want to crawl in bed and cry my eyeballs out.

My doctor 'claims' I have diabetes and now I have to do all this stuff. All I've ever heard is horror stories about diabetes. It's not even that high but she wants me to take pills and test myself. This is depressing.

I sincerely believe that my issues are NOT diabetes but an underlying problem they haven't bothered to look for. Hopefully I can see a hematologist soon for answers.

I'm so very depressed.

Hang in there TS! Advocate for yourself & try & stay positive. Sending good healthy vibes your way!

 

[TwinkleStars]

Thank you

 

[TwinkleStars]

I was really hoping my big juicy tits would catch your attention but I guess not. Bummer.

Why don't you like me???

I hate my dumb brain.

 

[hawi13]

They've caught my attention several times!

 

[TwinkleStars]

I really need good quality sleep.

No means no. You don't have to act like a jackass just because you can't have your way. Take off your diapers, put on your big man pants and grow the fuck up

 

[TwinkleStars]

I think I killed the blurt thread.

 

[Plasmaball]

I really need good quality sleep.

No means no. You don't have to act like a jackass just because you can't have your way. Take off your diapers, put on your big man pants and grow the fuck up

You cant make me!

 

[TwinkleStars]

You cant make me!

Good boys get good things

 

[Plasmaball]

Good boys get good things

Good boys is one of the best terms ever

 

[TwinkleStars]

Good boys is one of the best terms ever

I know

 

[TwinkleStars]

I believe if someone ends sentences with the word 'whatever' frequently that you should pick up from that that they don't care.......at all.

 

[TwinkleStars]

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