The Un-Isolated Un-Blurt Thread

[TwinkleStars]

There was a young man from Bear Pass
Whose balls were made out of brass
When they tinkled together
They played “Stormy Weather,”
and lightning shot out of his ass.

 

[TwinkleStars]

A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"
"Okay, sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is put the prisoner in the prison." And they made love for the first time and the husband was smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped." Turning on his side, he smiles and says, "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time, the bride says, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!" The husband rises to the occasion and they made love again. The bride again says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again," to which the husband yelled, "Hey, it's not a life sentence!!!"

 

[TwinkleStars]

​

 

[TwinkleStars]

A man on the train has to poop. He goes to the bathroom but someone is using it.
He goes back five minutes later, it’s still being used.
He goes back again later, it is still being use.
He can’t wait any longer so he drops his pants and sticks his fanny out the window. This happens just as the train is pulling into a station.
The conductor on the platform yells out “Will the bald man with the cigar in his mouth please pull his head back in the window.”

 

[TwinkleStars]

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, I'm so sorry, but if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
Without batting an eye, she replies, 'If your thing is as hard as your elbow, I'll be in room 221."

 

[TwinkleStars]

A new doctor arrives at the hospital and the Resident is showing him around the wards and the cases.
At one point they enter a room where a man is jerking off frantically.
The new doctor asks, “Is this man mentally ill?”
To which the Resident replies, “No. He has Deadly Semen Build-up. If he doesn’t do that constantly, he could die.”
The new doctor shakes his head in sympathy and they move to the next room where they find a beautiful nurse on her knees sucking off a delighted male patient.
The new doctor is shocked, “What’s going on here?” he asks.
The Resident replies, “Oh, this patient also has Deadly Semen Build-up. But he has better insurance.”

 

[TwinkleStars]

I just want to crawl in bed and cry my eyeballs out.

My doctor 'claims' I have diabetes and now I have to do all this stuff. All I've ever heard is horror stories about diabetes. It's not even that high but she wants me to take pills and test myself. This is depressing.

I sincerely believe that my issues are NOT diabetes but an underlying problem they haven't bothered to look for. Hopefully I can see a hematologist soon for answers.

I'm so very depressed.

 

[hawi13]

I just want to crawl in bed and cry my eyeballs out.

My doctor 'claims' I have diabetes and now I have to do all this stuff. All I've ever heard is horror stories about diabetes. It's not even that high but she wants me to take pills and test myself. This is depressing.

I sincerely believe that my issues are NOT diabetes but an underlying problem they haven't bothered to look for. Hopefully I can see a hematologist soon for answers.

I'm so very depressed.

Hang in there TS! Advocate for yourself & try & stay positive. Sending good healthy vibes your way!

 

[TwinkleStars]

Thank you

 

[TwinkleStars]

I was really hoping my big juicy tits would catch your attention but I guess not. Bummer.

Why don't you like me???

I hate my dumb brain.

 

[hawi13]

They've caught my attention several times!

 

[TwinkleStars]

I really need good quality sleep.

No means no. You don't have to act like a jackass just because you can't have your way. Take off your diapers, put on your big man pants and grow the fuck up

 

[TwinkleStars]

I think I killed the blurt thread.

 

[Plasmaball]

I really need good quality sleep.

No means no. You don't have to act like a jackass just because you can't have your way. Take off your diapers, put on your big man pants and grow the fuck up

You cant make me!

 

[TwinkleStars]

You cant make me!

Good boys get good things

 

[Plasmaball]

Good boys get good things

Good boys is one of the best terms ever

 

[TwinkleStars]

Good boys is one of the best terms ever

I know

 

[TwinkleStars]

I believe if someone ends sentences with the word 'whatever' frequently that you should pick up from that that they don't care.......at all.

 

[TwinkleStars]

​

 

[TwinkleStars]

I said 'no' to sex with a strange man and he said I was a fucking idiot. I know HE won't be fucking so now, who's the idiot?

People really need to shut up. No one cares so why say anything? I guess we're all a bunch of babies crying in our diapers.

 

[TwinkleStars]

"A Mormon family is on a road trip. They pull up to the only motel with vacancy. Unfortunately for them, the motel sign is advertising 'FREE PORN ON THE TV' in big neon letters. When the dad is checking in, he leans over to the clerk and says in a hushed tone, 'Can we get a room where the porn is disabled?' The clerk says, 'All we have is regular porn, you sicko!'"

 

[TwinkleStars]

"An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?'"
"'Of course, child,' the priest says. 'What may I do for you?'

'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?'

'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.'

'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you,' she replied.

When they got to customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'

'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.'

The official thought this answer strange, so he asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'

Father replied, 'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, which is, to date, unused.'

Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next please!'"

 

[TwinkleStars]

Magic Penis:

A businessman was preparing to go on a long business trip, so he thought he'd buy his wife something to keep her occupied. He went to a sex shop and explained his situation. The man there said, ' Well, I don't know that I have anything that will keep her occupied for so many weeks, except... The Magic Penis!'

The husband said, 'The what'?

The man repeated, 'The Magic Penis,' and pulled out what seemed to be an ordinary dildo.

The husband laughed, and said, 'It looks like a dildo!'

The man then pointed to the door and said, ' Magic Penis, door!'

The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started pounding away at the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with vibrations, so much so, that a crack began to form down the middle. Then the man said, 'Magic Penis, return to box!' and the penis stopped and returned to the box.

The husband bought it and took it home to his wife.

After the husband had been gone a few days, the wife remembered the Magic Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said 'Magic Penis, my vagina.'

The penis shot to her crotch. It was absolutely incredible. After three mind shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck. Her husband had neglected to tell her how to turn it off so she put her clothes on, got in her car and started for the closest hospital.

On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road. A Police Officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.

Gasping and twitching, the woman said, 'I haven't had anything to drink officer. You see, I've got this Magic Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me.'

The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and replied, 'Yeah right... Magic Penis, my ass...!!!!!!!!!!'

The rest, as they say, is history...

 

[TwinkleStars]

Did you hear about the woman who dressed up as a police officer for Halloween?
She told her boyfriend he was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed, but after two minutes the charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.

 

[TwinkleStars]