Daddy vs simp

[Lifestyle66]

No matter what you call him, if the core of the dynamic is him bending to her desires, prioritizing her feelings, then he's the doormat. Maybe a well-dressed, confident, leather-clad doormat -- but a doormat nonetheless.

The “daddy” fantasy might dress it up with dominance or control, but if the woman sets the tone, gets the attention, and holds the emotional leverage -- it’s the same type of submission.

I began a story call "Abuse Addict", with a prologue beginning:
*******************
"My brother, ... he sat me right down and he talked to me.
He told me, ... That I ought not to let you just walk on me.
And I'm sure he meant well, ... but when our talk was through,
I said, ... 'Brother, ...
if you only knew, you'd wish that you were in my shoes.'
Yeah, I wanna spread the news ... That if it feels this good gettin' used,
Oh, you just keep on usin' me ... Until you use me up."

Lyrics from the song "Use Me" by Bill Withers, 1972.
********************

In any long-term relationship, there's a give and take with each getting what they want or need from the other. Otherwise, the one getting the short end would eventually leave. And that often happens, when one finally gets fed up and leaves or finds a mistress.

There are also many cases where, to an outsider it may look like one is getting shortchanged or being verbally abuse. But the outsider doesn't necessarily know "the rest of the story" or what goes on behind closed doors.

To a clueless outsider, my wife might point out all of the work I do by trimming trees, and landscaping for her view and benefit (I don't really care about the view, and splitting wood for her fireplace in the winter, repairing and maintaining her hot tub, driving her everywhere, working at re-roofing her son's house and garage. She'll even point out to strangers that I get up every morning an hour before her to reset the heat or A/C to a comfortable level for her, clean the kitchen from the previous evening's dinner, and make the coffee for her. It doesn't bother me at all that she tells people all of the things she tasks me to do.

If I'm nearby when I hear her telling anyone these things, I'll point out; "I do it all for her blowjobs!" But she won't deny it! We've gotten some weird looks and reactions from people over the years.

What does my wife want in our relationship: pampering and giving her whatever she wants (Including me staying in shape as her "arm candy".
What do I get from her that I want: An unbelievable and incredible sex life!

Just yesterday, SHE told me to bring out the cuffs and tethers, it was time for me to tie her up and have my way with her!

I'm not her doormat. She ensures I WANT to stay with her!

 

[barefootgirl69]

As a Daddy in the kink world myself... I can assure you, you are so far off base on this that you may as well be talking about chess and playing go fish.

The role of a Daddy Dom is has nothing to do with "bending to her desires" at all. In fact quite the opposite.

She sets her limits when it comes to Hard/soft limits in sex. As do I. And we both respect those limits.

This ^^^^^
As a submissive and a little, it is a pet peeve of mine to hear "the submissive holds all the power". No, we don't. We both walk into this agreement after long talks about our limits. BOTH have limits, and wants, needs, and desires.

I enjoyed reading your post and thinking - he knows.

 

[GrantBricksly]

This ^^^^^
As a submissive and a little, it is a pet peeve of mine to hear "the submissive holds all the power". No, we don't. We both walk into this agreement after long talks about our limits. BOTH have limits, and wants, needs, and desires.

I enjoyed reading your post and thinking - he knows.

It's a bit of a pet peeve of mine as well. I've known A LOT of subs/littles that have been hurt by bad/fake Doms/Bigs/Daddy's. And I've known quite a few fake Doms/Bigs/Daddys.

And it only spreads bad information, and a bad reputation.

And then we get crap like "Fifty Shades" that glorifies an abusive relationship, and calls it BDSM...

I appreciate that things like Fifty Shades brought more spotlight to the kink world...but I wish it had been done correctly...and with better writing...lol

 

[SimonDoom]

I don't pretend to be an expert on dom-sub relationships, but what I chafe against is the insistence, by anyone on any side, that there is one correct way that things are for all people. Human experience is almost infinite in its variety, and it's especially true of sexual and erotic experience. Any attempts at universal generalizations are flawed.

I don't agree with the OP, but I also don't agree with those who criticize 50 Shades because it didn't conform to the correct BDSM playbook. It had no obligation to do so. James had no interest in doing so. She wanted to sell pseudo-BDSM books to a large audience, and she succeeded in doing that. That audience had no interest whatsoever in the correct rules of a BDSM relationship. They wanted gothic romance with some subversiveness and whips and cuffs. That's what James gave them. And that's perfectly OK!

There's no "one" model for dominants and submissives. The reality is as varied and flexible as anything else relating to sex. And the fantasy space is even more varied than that.

 

[lovecraft68]

I don't pretend to be an expert on dom-sub relationships, but what I chafe against is the insistence, by anyone on any side, that there is one correct way that things are for all people. Human experience is almost infinite in its variety, and it's especially true of sexual and erotic experience. Any attempts at universal generalizations are flawed.

I don't agree with the OP, but I also don't agree with those who criticize 50 Shades because it didn't conform to the correct BDSM playbook. It had no obligation to do so. James had no interest in doing so. She wanted to sell pseudo-BDSM books to a large audience, and she succeeded in doing that. That audience had no interest whatsoever in the correct rules of a BDSM relationship. They wanted gothic romance with some subversiveness and whips and cuffs. That's what James gave them. And that's perfectly OK!

There's no "one" model for dominants and submissives. The reality is as varied and flexible as anything else relating to sex. And the fantasy space is even more varied than that.

Just stop, Simon, seriously.

 

[Lifestyle66]

Wrong. [@SimonDoom]

"What I like is the only right and acceptable way!!!"

[Sarc]
Okay. I'll MOSTLY have to agree with you on this one on a theoretical level. Whatever two adults agree to should be acceptable and beneficial to both.

HOWEVER, there are often cases of a power imbalance in real life. There are MANY cases where one [Dom} controls another [sub] by exploiting a need in a way which spirals downward to abuse. Drug addictions, money needs, etc lead to ways in which one person abuses another. That's what the OP was alluding to in the "Daddy vs simp" title. The Daddy thinks he's in control, but he may be a simp (per the OP) if the woman controls the dynamic.

So, it's not always about "consenting" adults. Sometimes it's about implicit force based on who has the power.

EDIT: In my own case described above, my wife has the power of her pussy and blowjobs over me! But I can walk away at any time, and she knows I'll do it! We're in balance!

 

[GrantBricksly]

I don't pretend to be an expert on dom-sub relationships, but what I chafe against is the insistence, by anyone on any side, that there is one correct way that things are for all people. Human experience is almost infinite in its variety, and it's especially true of sexual and erotic experience. Any attempts at universal generalizations are flawed.

I don't agree with the OP, but I also don't agree with those who criticize 50 Shades because it didn't conform to the correct BDSM playbook. It had no obligation to do so. James had no interest in doing so. She wanted to sell pseudo-BDSM books to a large audience, and she succeeded in doing that. That audience had no interest whatsoever in the correct rules of a BDSM relationship. They wanted gothic romance with some subversiveness and whips and cuffs. That's what James gave them. And that's perfectly OK!

There's no "one" model for dominants and submissives. The reality is as varied and flexible as anything else relating to sex. And the fantasy space is even more varied than that.

You are absolutely correct. There is NOT only one right way. And one of the biggest tenants of the BDSM community is: "Don't yuck someone else's Yum."

But... Abuse is still abuse. And Fifty Shades was an abusive relationship.
And a poorly written one at that.

I'm not saying my way is the only way. But I AM saying that the OP has the wrong idea of how these kinds of relationships work in the real world.