A Beginner's Introduction to DD/lg

[FrenchLopBunny]

Hello all. I found these handy summary tables regarding some BDSM dynamics: Free Use, Blanket Consent, and Consensual Non-Consent. As you can see, they are ALL based on trust and CONSENT. All three require mutual respect, safety planning, and ongoing check-ins. I hope these can help answer some questions.

 

[Jw75766]

Question, if I may. This would be for those in a DD/lg relationship or previously. Is it your experience that such a relationship has a structured dynamic like is illustrated in the above post, or do you find that your relationship is more fluid where some aspects may be structured but others are kinda decided on the fly and vary by the day? Simply curious how different approaches work for different people. I would assume the approch would also vary depending on if the relationship was in person versus virtual.

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

Question, if I may. This would be for those in a DD/lg relationship or previously. Is it your experience that such a relationship has a structured dynamic like is illustrated in the above post, or do you find that your relationship is more fluid where some aspects may be structured but others are kinda decided on the fly and vary by the day? Simply curious how different approaches work for different people. I would assume the approch would also vary depending on if the relationship was in person versus virtual.

So, since I shared that, I'll start. By way of background, my DD and I are married, and were married for several years before beginning DD/lg. We are 24/7 and our dynamic is Blanket Consent. We went so far as to draw up an agreement. However, there are days and times that we expand the boundaries. We've had Free Use days, and CNC scenes. But we agree and discuss boundaries beforehand.

And as we say, every relationship is different. The common aspects are trust, communication, and consent

 

[barefootgirl69]

Question, if I may. This would be for those in a DD/lg relationship or previously. Is it your experience that such a relationship has a structured dynamic like is illustrated in the above post, or do you find that your relationship is more fluid where some aspects may be structured but others are kinda decided on the fly and vary by the day? Simply curious how different approaches work for different people. I would assume the approch would also vary depending on if the relationship was in person versus virtual.

One thing you'll find is that all of us have different experiences because every relationship is different. As Bunny said, the common aspects of trust, communication, and consent are imperative to any relationship, whether online or in person.

Structure is important for me and maybe many others. We need to have boundaries and know what to expect. Do things unexpectedly crop up? Sure! But, that's where trust and communication take over. If you're not talking about things, not asking questions, and simply going along with things to please your partner, are you even in a relationship?

 

[Jw75766]

So, since I shared that, I'll start. By way of background, my DD and I are married, and were married for several years before beginning DD/lg. We are 24/7 and our dynamic is Blanket Consent. We went so far as to draw up an agreement. However, there are days and times that we expand the boundaries. We've had Free Use days, and CNC scenes. But we agree and discuss boundaries beforehand.

And as we say, every relationship is different. The common aspects are trust, communication, and consent

Interesting. So you shifted later into a DD/lg. Was there just a need or feeling that wasn't being fulfilled that brought about this desire to shift your roles (for lack of a better word)? If that's too personal of a question, I understand if you prefer to not answer.

 

[barefootgirl69]

@Jw75766

Can I ask that you bring this conversation over to this thread?

https://forum.literotica.com/thread...ourth-edition.1583842/page-176#post-101259925

Just so we can keep this one flowing in the direction it's intended.

 

[Jw75766]

One thing you'll find is that all of is have different experiences because every relationship is different. As Bunny said, the common aspects of trust, communication, and consent are imperative to any relationship, whether online or in person.

Structure is important for me and maybe many others. We need to have boundaries and know what to expect. Do things unexpectedly crop up? Sure! But, that's where trust and communication take over. If you're not talking about things, not asking questions, and simply going along with things to please your partner, are you even in a relationship?

I agree completely on communication. I guess, I look at many of the couples I know and see the poor communication, lack of respect and mutual sacrifice for each other then I see this thread and have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that there are functional relationships out there.

My wife and I do have great communication, there are definitely aspects that have left me....wanting.... I'll say, that's why I'm on lit but we do talk about everything and respect each other greatly. We're not DD/lg but from what my friends all say, our cooperation and respect for each other seems to be something of an anomaly to my friends. I'm glad to see others have found that special match. It's refreshing to hear.

 

[Jw75766]

Actually I've addressed that in other threads. It's a long story, and I have written it as Sofia LaFrench. When Bunny Found Her Wolfie In short, we began our DD/lg to fill a need I had, and to improve my mental health.

I'm going to read it right now.

 

[secretindiandoll25]

I love this topic. Had a great connection with a Daddy previously and now miss the dynamic more than I care to describe. Makes day to day difficult in a way I didn’t think it would. Looking forward to what others post

 

[Jw75766]

Crap, wrong thread!!!


@FrenchLopBunny
Your story is an incredible adventure from hurt to such a happy ending. Having had a friend who was in an abusive relationship, my heart aches that you experienced that but it's wonderful to know you now have someone that would never treat you like anything less than his world. That's what a healthy relationship should be.

Reading what DD/lg means for your relationship reminds me lightly of mine with my wife although she would never refer to it as such. I'd say, we probably have a quasi DD/lg just by comparing your 15 rules to how my wife and I just treat each other, but definitely not as restrictive, for example, my wife would never allow me to punish her.

Heres the similarities between your rules and my wife and my behavior.

2, completely, minus lit posts (she knows I'm here, there are definitely some things I do she wouldn't care for, I just try to keep myself grounded)

3, 4, 6, 11, 12, agree completely

5, praise and building up, not necessarily scolding but giving my honest feedback

8, my wife completely leaves the budget to me

9, she seeks my opinion, usually won't buy something if I don't like it

14, I always take the protective posture (I'm no fighter or anything but I feel it's my responsibility)

It's great that you and your husband have found a structure that works well for you. I hope it continues to build you both up and help you grow steadily closer together!

 

[Strixaluco]

Regarding consent. I personally like to negotiate and go through that mostly beforehand, as a blanket consent. Yes, it will be ongoing review or finetuning over time, without even thinking about it much necessarily - when there is communication and partners can read each other.

But I couldn't work with "it's ok until you safeword". I known some do things like that, and the safeword must be strictly respected. However, I do freeze and then no safeword or safe gesture works. Even before freezing, I lose my ability to communicate. So, if safeword was the only guard against my limits being overstepped, I could never relax and trust.

And yes, this also means that in some situations (especially with new things) my Dom needs to watch for signs of "green light". No enthusiasm = not proceeding. That is generally a good thing with both new experiences and when the little falls into subspace (with bondage you even need to check for their nerve safety, blood still circulating everywhere etc) .

Another thing I want to point out is that DDs have their limits too. Is bratting fun or off the limits? What about if the little decides to launch a tickle attack? Etc etc.

 

[barefootgirl69]

I love that @Strixaluco brought up DDs having their own limits.

My biggest peeve is people saying "submissives hold all the power because they can stop things at any time."

No. They. Don't.

This dynamic is based on both parties consenting. No one has to be my DD just because I say. I can't be their submissive unless they consent. Those negotiations at the beginning are for both individual's needs and desires.

As much as one consents to submit, the other consents to dominate or be the caregiver. Both can pick up their ball and take their little red wagon home at any time.

 

[kyblue12]

I love that @Strixaluco brought up DDs having their own limits.

My biggest peeve is people saying "submissives hold all the power because they can stop things at any time."

No. They. Don't.

This dynamic is based on both parties consenting. No one has to be my DD just because I say. I can't be their submissive unless they consent. Those negotiations at the beginning are for both individual's needs and desires.

As much as one consents to submit, the other consents to dominate or be the caregiver. Both can pick up their ball and take their little red wagon home at any time.

Thats why to me there is more equality in power, at least with consent, in these relationships. Of course the power dynamic shifts in other areas, but for someone who couldn’t grasp any kind of Dom/sub relationship previously because of the seeming total inequality it was that realization that helped open my eyes.

 

[Jw75766]

I would suggest that verbal communication, while very important, is not the only open communication that is required. I'm sure there's a learning experience for new couples, or couples newly shifting to this dynamic but learning body language is crucial as @Strixaluco mentioned. That's a form of communication that I think gets overlooked very easily.

It's important for any Dom to be perceptive to that language, especially if the sub has a difficult time expressing discomfort either verbally or physically. That definitely adds a whole different level to the complexities of experiencing a safe and successful DD/lg, Dom/sub. As such, the Dom should also try to communicate clearly with body language too. Maybe sometimes tickle attack is welcome while others times not so much, for example. Learning each other's body language definitely helps avoid any unnecessary discomfort or upset feelings.

 

[Strixaluco]

I would suggest that verbal communication, while very important, is not the only open communication that is required. I'm sure there's a learning experience for new couples, or couples newly shifting to this dynamic but learning body language is crucial as @Strixaluco mentioned. That's a form of communication that I think gets overlooked very easily.

It's important for any Dom to be perceptive to that language, especially if the sub has a difficult time expressing discomfort either verbally or physically. That definitely adds a whole different level to the complexities of experiencing a safe and successful DD/lg, Dom/sub. As such, the Dom should also try to communicate clearly with body language too. Maybe sometimes tickle attack is welcome while others times not so much, for example. Learning each other's body language definitely helps avoid any unnecessary discomfort or upset feelings.

I learned its importance already with vanilla partners (when I still thought myself vanilla, too) . Especially with partners who really didn't get my non-verbal cues unless they were more than obvious, contrasted with one who totally did.

My experience is that if someone doesn't read my body language at least decently early on, it will not change significantly. But someone who's relatively good from the start will get even better. I don't think it's necessarily only a skill issue, there is probably some compatibility too. You understand some better than others, as if there were several body languages or at the very least dialects.

 

[Strixaluco]

This dynamic is based on both parties consenting

Which of course applies to all bdsm.

Unfortunately the ones most running into issues with this is Dommes. Too many (single) male subs acting like *their* sub instead of treating a random Domme like just a human being. (I have no idea if this issue can be seen with little boys as well. I don't think I can make an assumption in either direction as in some sense they may be just like other subs, but it is also common for littles to be more... Careful somehow. Possibly more unsure and less bold.)

 

[PleasureDaddy]

I find it’s a style difference from a woman that wants to call her man Sir VS. A woman that wants to have a Daddy. One tends to be more playful and the other more carnal or primal. Both can be fun and satisfy different interests.

 

[Strixaluco]

I find it’s a style difference from a woman that wants to call her man Sir VS. A woman that wants to have a Daddy. One tends to be more playful and the other more carnal or primal. Both can be fun and satisfy different interests.

Plenty of variation in both. But being playful is indeed a major component of being a little. That's what our inner children do.

 

[PleasureDaddy]

Plenty of variation in both. But being playful is indeed a major component of being a little. That's what our inner children do.

I’m attracted to both. The intimacy and vulnerability of the Daddy/girl relationship is amazing. And the freedom of letting go in a D/s dynamic is intoxicating.

 

[Strixaluco]

I’m attracted to both. The intimacy and vulnerability of the Daddy/girl relationship is amazing. And the freedom of letting go in a D/s dynamic is intoxicating.

It is common for DD/lg couples to also have plenty of things that could be in any D/s relationship.

In fact, the line between DD/lg and D/s is like a line drawn in water. There are those who are definitely either or, but also those who are both, and even plenty of those who are difficult to classify and sometimes it's all about how the people identify themselves.

 

[Strixaluco]

I tend to call myself "sub in the bedroom, little otherwise in the relationship".

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

I’m attracted to both. The intimacy and vulnerability of the Daddy/girl relationship is amazing. And the freedom of letting go in a D/s dynamic is intoxicating.

Are Wolfie and I D/s or DD/lg? I don't know that we clearly fit either definition. All I know is that I have never felt more free or happier. Whatever we are, I’ll keep it!

 

[PleasureDaddy]

Are Wolfie and I D/s or DD/lg? I don't know that we clearly fit either definition. All I know is that I have never felt more free or happier. Whatever we are, I’ll keep it!

I like the option as well. Plus I prefer a more natural response to a forced one.

 

[LRay66]

Now that I am feeling more like myself, I think its time to start a project I have been thinking about for a couple weeks.

I recently was helped to make a discovery about myself through a short-lived exchange here at lit. I allowed myself to let a couple bad experiences with friends who had become involved in BDSM relationships to close me off to it and become kinda hostile to it.

Through my brief exchange I allowed myself to become more open to exploring BDSM and discovering its much more than a simple monolithic lifestyle. I allowed myself to start doing a bit of research into it and discovered the variety of things that make up BDSM. While I can’t say I can wrap my head around all of it, I discovered an affinity for and interest in DD/lg relationships. I hadn’t allowed myself to discover this about myself because I was too wrapped up in the idea of “BDSM Bad”.

The addition of the focus on the care and nurturing of the little is an incredible thing to me. It’s that addition to the earned submission that lets me understand this area and makes me want to take part.



What made my first experience a short lived one was a lack of experience on my part. The purpose of this thread is going to be to allow you to join me as I work on learning more. I plan on posting a topic every 2-3 weeks, giving my thoughts and what I have learned about it. I’d also like to have an experienced little or Daddy help by giving their insight as well. I’ll also be combing Lit for links to posts and threads that are on topic as well. The topic will be open for discussion. I am hoping that my journey will allow us to build a kind of starting point and collection of information for those interested in or considering becoming involved in DD/lg.



I’ve already picked my first topic, Consent…. Its something I feel is important in any relationship, vanilla or kinky, and something that seems often overlooked here at Lit. I am still gathering information, but hope to have the post up soon, I do however need a guest commentator for this first post. If you are interested let me know and we can discuss….

Hope to see all of you here soon!!

I'm pretty much new to this ddlg concept and looking for more info on the subject myself, mainly where to meet others who share this desire.

 

[kyblue12]

Apologies for letting the thread go for so long.... As some of you know, real life reared its head on me for the past several weeks and its made my goal of keeping the thread rolling tough. For those of you who have kept things moving in a good direction in my absence, my thanks!!!!

I feel like I need to get something posted again, so this time I am not going to search out the links that I had in the last post.

This time around, I am going to see what everyone has to say on the topic of vetting potential partners. For me, this is a big topic. My first attempt with someone we spent almost no time on this (despite being told many times not to rush). I got swept up in the excitement and what I think could have maybe been a good experience went sideways. Vetting is how we find those red flags that say this person is bad news, the yellow flags that tell us the other person might be OK but just not for us, or the green flags that make us want to learn more. Its not a fast process, afterall we are essentially dating a Daddy or little at this point, trying to decide if it will go further or not. For my next topic I think I am discussing communication, but that plays a big role here as well. You have to put your wants and desires, your limits and feeling out there for the other to see. If its going smoothly you want them to be receptive to what you say, but there's the fear of rejection. If its not going smoothly, you're measuring what they say against those same things and deciding if its time to leave or not. All very emotional experiences (even before getting into the full emotions involved in a DD/lg relationship). Learning to vet is an incredibly tough thing, but so important. Its how we protect ourselves and partners as we move forward. I am learning more each day, but am curious what those with more experience think!!!